This Love Can't Be Explained

I agree. I’ve had the fortunate opportunity to experience this type of love once in my life, and there were times when words couldn’t begin to describe what I was feeling. During those moments, I found myself holding her, and not wanting to let go. I was so enamored that if it were within the realm of possibility, I would have consumed her spirit, because holding her..and making love to her..didn’t seem to be enough.

@Moe
FG’s timing on some of articles are crazy. I was having a conversation with this lady I’ve been dating this morning about the true meaning of love. I like how she connects a lot of values spiritually. She said love conquers all and is above all (over respecy, trust, faighfullness)..spiritually yes. But my issues is that Love is fickle..people are fickle..We spent all morning trying to define what is love?

@ Everyone
How do you define true love? Not the “I have love for that person but “not in love with that person” type of defintiion.

I was so enamored that if it were within the realm of possibility, I would have consumed her spirit, because holding her..and making love to her..didn’t seem to be enough.
^^^^^^^WELL DAMN…..

@Blaze
I don’t know if I agree that love is fickle. Now people are definitely fickle. lol I think that once you truly fall in love with someone, you can’t stop loving them at the drop of a dime. But prior to falling in love…we’ll cut someone off for the simplest of things.

I was so enamored that if it were within the realm of possibility, I would have consumed her spirit, because holding her..and making love to her..didn’t seem to be enough.
^^^^^^^WELL DAMN…..

^^Someone actually left u speechless miss snow??? LMAO

anyway love like that must be a nice feeling

@Bahama
It was..but unfortunately..it doesn’t come along often.

@Moe
I agree. I think the problem is that people throw that word around so carelessly..I do believe love is more of a feeling that cant be described. People always yearn for love but forget that love is a double edged sword…its feels good but it also stings.

Morning Fly Ppl,

Preach T-Moe!!!

“I don’t know if I agree that love is fickle. Now people are definitely fickle. lol I think that once you truly fall in love with someone, you can’t stop loving them at the drop of a dime. But prior to falling in love…we’ll cut someone off for the simplest of things.”

AND

“I was so enamored that if it were within the realm of possibility, I would have consumed her spirit, because holding her..and making love to her..didn’t seem to be enough.”

Still in awe over your words!

^^Someone actually left u speechless miss snow??? LMAO

^^^^YUP, he moved me with that, lol i was sitting here like what, this man said that being inside her wasn’t even enough for him, what else is there…..deep..

@Blaze
That’s a word I definitely don’t use lightly. If I’m not in love with a woman, I’m not going to tell her I do..even if she tells me she’s in love with me. I’ve been in that situation before. She didn’t take it well, but I was being honest. I wasn’t there yet.

@Moe

That first statement got me as well.

@Blaze

It is so hard to define love into words. The first time I fell in love I didn’t realize it until I had the most random reaction to a situation we were all touched by–again as random as that sounds. I couldn’t explain it but it was just how I knew.

Yeah Moe I had to cut and paste that one and added it to an email…lol.

@Chrissy & Luving
Thanks

@Blaze
LOL No problem..you can have it.

@Moe
The response…” Wow and speechless”….good lookin out bruh

@Blaze
Be careful..you can’t be saying that to just anybody. lol

@moe

*swoons* at your words. That was so nice.

I also have a knack for words and no matter how many freewrites, love letters and so on it is never enough. When you truly are in love, words are not enough. You can not sum it up with a haiku, or dozens of flowers.

@ Moe

Well, hell Moe. Must you attempt to bring forth that genteel spirit of mine that’s hidden beneath my angry witch exterior? Those words are amazing, and I don’t doubt your sincerity at all. That’s the kind of love that makes me jealous.

@reina

I second that.

@Nisha & Reina
Thanks

**tears up** I’m sorry…let me collect myself. That is was BRUTIFUL!

Is Baldilocks actually one hell of a man that has experienced true love and isnt just after the drawz?

**passes out**

ok, Moe *bowing* Now that is love *tears* Uve made my morning, sir and possibly my weekend
What was the question again?
oh yea…imma have to come back. Moe rendered me scrabble-brained lol

I cannot for the life of me put how much i love someone into words, i always end up being kinda scattered n the person doesnt get a feel of how i really feel about them but I think i got better at this.
The 1st time a guy told me to my face that he loved me, I just laughed. I was so happy that i just kept laughing and couldnt say the words back to him (cuz i couldnt at the time; i had never told any guy that out loud). Even tho i reassured him that i wasnt laughing at him, i dont think he believed me or at least he always remembered the laughing part.

@moe
Well said.

@fab
You. Laughed? sigh…check please.

@Moe that was amazing,moving,and inspirational.I have never known to express feelings that way through words. I’M RENTING LOVE JONES TONITE TOO !!! lol

Moe you might want to trademark that and be ready to recite that one in Love Jones II?

And1,
I didnt laugh in a mocking way. It was a deliriously happy laugh!

@Blaze
I think I forfeited my rights when I put it on the web. lol

@and1, LL, Chels, & Blue
Thanks

I love PJ Morton…his Emotions albums is fantastic.

@fab

The first time I was told…I said oh ok, and had this weird look on my face (i remember that lol), my reaction later became an arguement.

@ Moe:

2 snaps, a handclap, and a good hot damn!

@ blaze:

People are fickle, but love is not. Love will endure the most heated emotional reaction to pain, and make you restrain yourself when you sorely want to punch yourself in it’s face.

I used a negative to show the positive because when you really do love someone, there are no words, they all fall short. It’s much easier to describe it’s contrast, because most adults have loved someone who ripped their heart out and stomped it into a bleeding pulp in front of them. Their heinous act does not denigrate your love for them, even after you’ve extricated them from your life.

I remember the first time the ex-fiancee told me I love you…it was in a text while we were both at work and my jaw dropped…I thought he had sent the wrong message so I didnt say anything…

then I came home and he came and held me and looked me in the eye and said “Why the hell you aint answer my text Ms. Clinton?”…I was speechless…then he yelled “I Love you Chelsea (middle name) (last name) (hyphen) (his last name)!” and I melted…

ahh…memories. It felt so good…floated for DAYS after that…

^^ punch someone in their face.

@Moe I really hate that you lost that grand feeling with that person, hopefully one day you can experience that again.

@LL
Me too. I was young and in the military, so the odds were against us at the time.

@Baldilocks

why is military love so damn intense?

ugh…the ex was in the Navy for 10 years and I feel for him hook line and sinker…it was scary. I lived with him, I was going to marry him…and it all happened quickly…I dont know what it is they do to you, but either you become a whore or somebody’s spouse….lol

@Chels
I don’t know. The military seems to force you to make a decision sooner than normal because you can get orders to another base at almost any time. The threat of being separated plays a huge factor. And the military can send you to some lonely places. The thought of having someone..regardless of where you are in the world..is comforting I guess.

Moe that was beautiful.

Thanks Miss

@Baldilocks

I guess…ho hum (sighs)…lol.

Not that i’m promoting sending off men to fight…cuz im not. But maybe they should have somethin like what you’ve experienced for a couple of men I kno so they too can tap into those feelings. Seems like men my age are so wrapped up into themselves, they dont think about things like that.

FWD: Just a lil get loose friday humor!

A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex,

She spent the next hour just stroking his p*nis,

Something she seemed to love to do.

Enjoying it,

He turned and asked her,

‘Why do you love doing that?’

She replied, ‘Because I really miss mine.’

**THE MORAL OF THIS STORY: DO U RESEARCH PEOPLE!**

@ luvin:

I feel you on that. But, I must admit I, like a lot of women, have looked at someone who clearly stated that they weren’t ready for what I was ready for, and i thought I could change that. never again. I know better. Shoot, if a dude says he doesn’t like spinach, I quietly excuse myself from the table and exit stage left. No sense in wasting my time…

J/K, sorta.

@ Luvin #43:
ROTFL! You’re wrong

@ nisha
well, in my defense, he did say “i think i love you”. Doesnt make a difference huh? I thought so
yea, my reactions were usually topics of arguments *bad memories*. Reactions are the 1st thing ppl look for and I usually dont react the way ppl expect me to so…strike against me

@Moe Thats enough Moeski, lol I believe you succeeded in rising sentimental feelings with some of us in terms of being in love with the mere thought of falling in love again.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Luving, thanks for that public announcement. lol

@LL

Moeski?

HYSTERICAL…thats his new name..MOESKI!

we finally found a nickname for Moe yay!! I like it!

@Fab

so Baldilocks wasnt cool enough for you losers, is that it?

baldilocks? i didnt see that b4 *looking around*

@Fab

check #37 and #41

@chelsea lmao !!!! Moe bka baldilocks aka Moeski

chelz, i musta put my contacts on the wrong way *innocently*

@fab

lol…I guess so cuz I been callin him that for the past few days…lol

@LL

I like Moeski tho! The blogger formerly known as T-Moe is now MOESKI! BEHOLD!!!!!

lol chelz, i didnt really get the name, thats why i didnt say anything….i think i kinda get it tho: has to do with him being bald, right? n making that comment?
yes?

Ughh I am just thinking about all the times I have tried to explain the love I felt for someone, the words are really just not enough. Close but no cigar lol.

if an emotion is real, raw, heartfelt, deep and all consuming then there SHOULDN’T be enough words in the English language to describe how you feel. But that love SHOULD radiate from your every being…everything you do and say should be a clear statement that says “I EFFIN LOVE YOU!”

My man/husband whatever may not ever be able to describe exactly how much he loves me, but I should never have to ask because all he does on a daily basis is dedicated to us and what we share so there is never any question.

Thats just how I feel

What you doing this weekend, chelz (and anybody else lurking)?

@Fab

Umm..going to this spa thing that one of the girls at the job is having…make-overs, discounts at Nordstroms, schmoozing…so I think it’ll be fun…a girly day

and apartment hunting…thats bout it for me…

u?

@chelz

True but when you are speaking you are trying to give words a feeling. Of course you show it also.

@fab

Hitting Ibiza with some of my girlfriends, going to love to see common (my friend is his dj) and my little brother has fb game

@fab

I am sleeping, may hit of this coffee house event in Silver Spring and NOT thinking about the millions of inauguration ticket calls I am getting today.

@ chelz
Sounds nice! How is condo/apt hunting going?
@ nisha
Ure gonna c common? cool! u can rub his bald head for me, thats all lol
@ blue
lol yea, we dont want u to think about that either. Im sure its no fun.
Me? Not much, probably having dinner with one of my friends tonight or tomorrow. Unfortunately, Sunday is homework day…well supposedly lol

@fab

its going good…the one I’m going to today is probably the one i’m going to pick…I just want to make sure the apartment they todl me about is big enough and all that and then I’m going to be in it (hopefully) by mid-december!

http://www.rent.com/rentals/florida/palm-beach-boca-raton-and-vicinity/lantana/runaway-bay-lantana-fl/431713/1/?sp=1&searchrank=2

here’s a link to the place…tell me if it works

MOE!

I’ve a question.

Yes Reina.

Chels
U holla at my boy DJ Self Born yet?

@blaze

naw…I havent been to miami yet unfortunately…not to club anyway

Whats up with your new dude?

@ Moe

The female you’re referencing, is she the only female you’ve ever felt like that toward?

@Reina
Yep

@ Moe

And how long ago was this?

@Reina
This was well over 10 yrs ago.

@ Moe

And why is that?

@Reina
Why is what?

@Blaze

are you talking to me inference to a ‘new dude’?

@ Moe

In 10 years, why have you never felt that way about another female?

@Reina
I haven’t met anyone who had the ability to make me feel that way again.

Yeah Chelz…who else been talking about new ish up in this piece but you

@ Moe

Do you think you compare everyone to her?

@blaze

oh…there’s no one else. My former FWB stood me up for dinner last nite, so I have yet again decided that men are not to be trusted or valued. I was making progress, but now I’m just frustrated again.

**cracks open Iyanla book**

@Reina
Nope, not at all. That was a moment in time. The woman she turned out to be…I wouldn’t be interested in now. I was blinded by love during that time. It took a long time to realize who she really was.

He stood you up all ready? That celibacy talk must have scared hom away. Next time keep that to yourself. We still have to keep working on you….lol

@blaze

not the 20yo guy with the smooth lines…this is a guy that’s 29 that I’ve known since I was like 16…he keeps begging me to committ to him but this fool couldn’t even show up last nite to take me to dinner like he promised

I thought you only date one dude at a time? All or nothing?

@Reina
Why are you asking?

@ Moe

Random thoughts. With a guy waxing poetic like you did earlier, ten years seems like a mighty long time for you to have not encountered it again.

@blaze

Im not dating the 29yo…we’re friends. But HE’S the one pushing for us to be in a relationship…not me. I’m content with being friends. Platonic friends. He doesnt want to do that, but yet he can stand me up by texting me 3 hrs after I called him to say “lemme get a raincheck”…boy please

Friends can do that Chelsea..nothing more and nothing less. Where’s the 6’9 mandigo brother at?

@Reina
I’m open to it…but I can’t open myself up like that to just anyone. I don’t trust as easily as I did back then. I have to know who you really are before I even allow myself to go there. But I know I could feel that way again with the right woman.

@ Moe

If you were the person you are now back then, do you think you would’ve felt the same way toward her?

@Blaze

I was STARVING last night…this foold PROMISED to take me to my fave soul food restaurant. I dont care that he had a penis…he denied me DINNER! thats what I’m pissed about.

and I dont know where the ‘mandingo’ as you call him is…I aint worried about it either. You only get once chance to play me before you cease to exist in my conciousness. Thank you very much.

Dude prolly knew you were playing him for a meal….game recognizes game youngin’. Im out have a good weekend.

WHATEVER…LATER PPL!

@Reina
I don’t know. I do know I would have taken things a lot slower. She had me open within the first 2-3 months. And it wasn’t the sex. To be honest, I wasn’t even tripping on that. It used to take me forever to “finish” because it really didn’t do anything for me. I was strictly into her. The “now me” would have picked on a lot more in the beginning than the “then me”…the signs that she wasn’t a keeper were there..I just didn’t recognize them.

Be safe Chelz and good luck with that new crib. DMV will be down to visit soon.

@ Moe

Yea. I wonder if it’s harder for us to feel that way as we grow older because we become more cynical and skeptical. If I knew then what I now know, a few of my relationships would not have happened. BUT if I didn’t have those relationships, then I wouldn’t have my current level of knowledge.

@Reina
I used to wonder the same thing. But I haven’t had a lot of bad experiences in my relationships, so I’m not tainted in that aspect. I don’t regret any of my experiences. I learned from all of them, so I never considered them a waste of time. I know I can feel that way because there have been situations where I had to contain myself because it was too soon to open up like that. I’m looking forward to the day I meet a woman who’s worthy of everything I have to offer.

And how will you know when you’ve met her?

@Reina
It’s hard to explain…but I just will. But it’s going to take time to know for sure. Best believe I will do my research. And I will know what I’m getting myself into…flaws and all. There won’t be any surprises. That little voice (God) will let me know. I want to feel that way again, so I have to proceed with caution. Most people are so tainted, they create reasons not to feel that way. That means I have to slow my roll to allow her time to catch up.

@ Moe

Topic change. What do you have against curves?

@Reina
LOL Nothing at all. Why?

@ Moe

Because all your women are like size 6 and below. What do you have against some extra hips?

@Reina
That’s not true at all. The women I’ve dealt with have been all over the board. Even in my relatiohships..I’ve dated everything from 4’11 90lbs to 5’8 155. But they were all athletic. As for the women in the non-relationship category..I’ve dealt with petite women all the way up to the honey with the booty so big you would think someone drew it…she did have a small waste though. lol She was a freak of nature. I love curves.

@ Moe

Oh. My bad. I was just checking. But um…155 ain’t that big.

@Reina
Nope..not on her. She was built like a Greek goddess..for no reason. She didn’t even work out…six pack..athletic legs…the whole nine.

to 5′8 155

*side eye* since when is that big?

@ Moe

So once again, what is wrong with some extra curves?

@Reina
Like I said..nothing at all. Again..I’m all over the board. My ex was curvy. I love it all. It just so happens the curvier women I’ve come across were not relationship material for non-physical reasons.

@ Moe

90lbs to 155lbs is not over the board, playa. It’s the same body type in different heights.

@moe
“She was built like a Greek goddess..for no reason. She didn’t even work out…six pack..athletic legs…the whole nine.”

Dont take this the wrong way but I like you a little bit less right now.

@and1
My bad bruh. LOL

@Reina
I told you about the one with the astronomical booty. I just couldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her. But she was the poster child for curves!

@ Moe

Define Jennifer Hudson’s body in one word.

@Reina
Thick

@ Moe

Strictly based on physical, would you date her?

@Reina
Based on the pictures I just googled..I don’t know. Her weight fluctuations would give Luther (RIP) a run for his money.

@ Moe

She’s like a Size 12. I would bet her cardio is in better than the Greek goddess that never worked out. Give me an example of curvy then.

@Reina
Give me a second to think. Hollywood doesn’t exactly give curvy women a lot of burn.

@Reina
Sanaa Lathan in Disappearing Act. She gained weight for that role. That’s my definition of curvy.

@ Moe

Okay. So a Size 8 is curvy and acceptable. Size 12 is thick and requires consideration.

@Reina
Yes.

@ Moe

At what size does the consideration stop?

@Reina
I don’t know what size is what. As I’ve stated before..it all comes down to how she looks naked.

@ Moe

Hmm. Okay. This ends my interrogation.

@Reina
Personality also plays a major part as well. I knew someone a long time ago back in AL who was Jennifer Hudson’s size with a beautiful face…and more importantly..a gorgeous personality. I would have dated her. She was about as “country sweet” as you could ask for.

@Reina
And what was the purpose of this interrogation?

@ Moe

Because…I’ll be gaining a few pounds over the holidays. And I’m just trying to see how much I can gain before my personality becomes inconsequential.

@Reina
LOL Shouldn’t you be asking your SO these questions? Or have you finally come to your senses and kicked him to the curb for me?

*I know I’m setting myself up with this question..but what the hell..it’s Friday LOL*

@ Moe

You can’t tell a guy that you plan on gaining weight! You have to do it in increments.

And no, I am still in my relationship.

@Reina
LOL Have you asked him what his cutoff is? I know women have a way of obtaining info without revealing your reasons. He might not mind a little extra cushion for the pushing.

@ Moe

Cushion for the pushing? How can you possibly be the same guy that was so eloquent in the first post? Nonetheless, why should it matter if I gain or not? Personality is what’s most important, right?

Are you still at work?

@Reina
I versa-tile! I can be eloquent and ignorant all in one sentence. Personality is important to me…he might say the hell with that if you show up 2 Twinkies over the limit after Christmas. lol

Nope..I’ve been at home for a while.

@ Moe

Dammit. I’m still at work. This is SO unfair. Are you implying that if he does dump me, you’ll accept my being two twinkies over the limit?

@Reina
I’ve been home since 4:10 pm.

I don’t deal in hypotheticals. Holla at me when he dumps you…and IF I’m available…I’ll give it some consideration. lol

LMAO!

He’s not going to dump me. I don’t even eat Twinkies

Twinkies…half a turkey…it all goes to the same place.

Do you want me to get dumped?

You said you eat a lot of comfort food in the winter. Gain too much weight…and you might need more comfort than usual to get over getting dumped. lol

I wouldn’t date a guy whom I believed would end a relationship because of a few pounds. That’s kinda shallow.

@Reina
Of course not! I wish you the best…really. I’m not a hater…plus I know my blessing is right around the corner. Too many things are falling into place right now.

lol @ more cushion for the pushin’…havent heard that one in a while.

@and1
I had to reach back in the archives for that one. lol

@ Moe

I know.

I want to go home! It’s almose 8 o’clock! This is ridiculous.

@Reina
When are you leaving?

I’m thinking…when Al Sharpton shaves off his perm. I was only supposed to stay an extra hour.

If you’re waiting on Al…I hope you have plenty of chocolate in your desk.

Any plans for the weekend?

@Reina
We did just elect a black president so you never know about Al. Change is in the air.

Yes. I will be buried under paperwork. My messenger bag weighs about 10 lbs right now.

That sounds like fun. No drinks with the peeps this weekend?

@ Moe

It is SO fun. The bestest! And there shall be no drinking this weekend.

@Reina
I’m sure your SO will be happy to come by and watch you do paperwork. lol

Claro! I look so entertaining surrounded by dead tree bark. What are your plans for the weekend?

I’m meeting up with some folks in DC at 11p..and I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow…besides running errands and watching football.

I think the slave master is finally about to give me my freedom papers.

Cool…have a good weekend!

Morning Fly PPl! I’m first on here just wanted to say Happy 23rd Birthday to Miss! Enjoy your day!

good moring folks…

Happy BIRFDAY to Ms. Miss!!!

Good Morning

Happy Birthday Ms. Miss!!

Morning all!

Happy Birthday, Ms. Miss!

Morning all!!

Haaaaaaapppppy Biiiiirrrrthhhhday MISS!!!

I have a question for the XY Alliance…something I am thinking about writing about…you guys around?

What’s up Blue?

XY Alliance

When do you think is an appropriate time for a female that you are talking to/dating to tell you she doesn’t have sex–not celibacy but true not having sex until marriage? Should she be straightforward–should she wait to see if it is worth it?

@Blue
I think she should be straightforward. If sex is the only thing he’s interested, she will avoid wasting her time as well as his.

*interested in*

Morning everybody!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Fab!

@Moe

You don’t think straightforwardness would scare men off?

It would scare off a man who had no plans to wait until marriage for sex. But at least you’ll know up front.

@Eshe
As a man I would appreciate knowing up front.

@XY

didnt u guys advise us NOT to reveal our sexual ideas upfront?

@Chels
I didn’t.

@Moe

oh and some debauchery went down this weekend. that is all

the guys wanna be politically correct but lets be real, how many guys out there are gonna stick around when a woman tells them that upfront? Or even when she reveals that 2-3 months into dating?
The only guys who would do that would also have taken that vow…very rare

@Chels
Hot azz couldn’t wait huh? LOL

thanks everyone!

oh no chels…

@Moe

it was with an ex..not A Pimp Named Slick Back from last week…I was at a party at his house and I was drinking…and you already know how I get on the Goose. Well the gin is even worse!

It was great tho…embarrasing and very sovering, but great.

**sighs**

Miss…cross me off the celibacy list.

and SHUT UR MOUTH Blaze!

**very sobering**

cant type

so i’m in this alone eh? traitors.

@Miss

I swear I’m trying…and I knew better than to be ANYWHERE around this particular ex because our sexual attraction is off the charts. Its always been that way. Plus with the drinking, and him looking really really really good at the party, it was just a uphill battle against resisting. And we were at HIS HOUSE…a place I’m very familiar with…

but the pain when it was over was still there. I know better, but dammit, I was fiending. Idk what to do now…I feel crappy. ugh…

@Chels
I knew you were going to cave soon! LOL

chelz
well, well! no more gin for you, missy lol

Chelsea, why were you choosing celibacy? Was it an actual vow of celibacy or are you waiting on a relationship with a man that is deserving of a sexual relationship with you?

@Moe

thanks for the vote of confidence, Baldy!

@fab
yeah…I need to stop drinking…stay sober and stay celibate…lol. New motto. And yeah…the gin? That ish is a MONSTER!

Blaze must not be anywhere around cuz he hasnt commented yet.

Where’s Reina? I’m sure she’ll be proud that I got some

@Chelsea
***shaking my head***

Im disappointed in you since we spent an entire afternoon posting about the meaning of celibacy and what it meant to you. Who am I to judge though…you’re a grown woman..

@Hot Azz
Don’t start insulting me because you couldn’t hold your liquor. lol

@Hot Azz
Couldn’t hold your panties up either huh? lmao

@Miss

I was actually planning to not talk to any men, getting into any relationships and certainly not be sleeping with anyone. I was trying to eliminate sex and force myself to focus on other aspects of myself BESIDES my sexuality.

But I think I have to accept that I am a very sexual person. I’d rather not be having sex outside of a committed relationship, but I’m finding it very easy to find excuses and cave.

but i end up with the same empty feelings of being used for what I have between my legs with guys who have no interest in being monogamous. I’m just really in limbo here because the FWB thing doesn’t work, boyfriends dont work and ‘dating’ is becoming more and more ridculous. I have no idea what to do at this point. Honestly, I dont

@blaze

It does mean a lot to me, but I think I’m finally accepting that I’m more vulnerable than I thought. I can admit that. I did good for a while. I’m proud of myself for that. Just because I went back on my word once doesn’t make me a complete failure. It does show me that my will power needs work tho.

@Chels
Don’t beat yourself up over it…you’re human. Ish happens.

@ miss:

You’re not alone. But I will admit that it takes a lot of planning to avoid jumping off the wagon. Dating makes it a lot harder, especially when there is a lot of physical chemistry (I for one thinks not doing it adds to the chemistry, but that’s my opinion)

@Moe

we were drinking and he was in my ear the entire time talking bout the way things used to be between us and blah blah blah. We were innocently reminiscing and then things just heated up. I should have recognized it for drunk horny rumblings, but no…I did the grown-up, and now I’m back at square one…frustrating but enlightening

well, chelz you continue to work on you, thats all. nobody is perfect. Take it one day at a time. You set goals for yourself and try to achieve them.

@Chelsea
I want to let you off the hook but you know my role on this site is to play devils advocate. “frustrating but enlightening”…So what was so enlightening? Just be real with all us just say you have to have it like all of us (sans Ms Miss).

@ chels:

Cheer up, and chill out. Take it from someone who’s been there, right now in your life you should look at men like you would a really cute pair of earrings. They complement your outfit (i.e. your life) but are by no means the main attraction. You could date now while you are healing, doing you, figuring out what you really want, if you viewed dating as strictly a way to spend a few hours (preferably before 10 pm) with someone doing something you would have done by yourself anyway. This is my current plan, and it seems to be a lot better than the other crap that I tried.

@Chels
It happens to the best of us. There have been times throughout my life when I hooked up with a chic that I was really trying not to go there with. But opportunity & alcohol will make you do some dumb ish.

@Blaze

i dont have to have it, but I dont necessarily like going without. Like I said…I’m a sexual person and I appreciate a good back blowing. But I NEED to have someone who’s going to VALUE the sex as much as I do. Sex is too casual for me now. That’s my issue. And it never changes. That’s what frustrates me.

Chelsea i’ve recently told some people about my celibacy and all but one person believed me. I am an extremely sexual person and when my friend told me he was taking a vow of celibacy it seemed like the dumbest thing ever. He tried to encourage me to do the same and I told him I imagined myself last two weeks tops.

The last time I had sex I was in such an intoxicated state that I was literally being a lazy bitch. Once I reflected on that and the fact that he was really trying to have something special with me and I threw him out of my house had me taking a good look at myself. I decided I would go 1 year without any sexual interaction with the opposite sex. I went in fully aware that this is what I wanted.

If you want to wait for a monogamous relationship then don’t put the pressure of the ‘C’ word on it. Just tell yourself you are waiting for the right guy. And you need to avoid situations that will allow you to have sex all together. Sure, I could go on a date, but no you are not invited inside my house and i’m surely not coming over to yours. And just to be safe lets drive seperate cars and I will meet you at our destination. I’m not taking any chances. But don’t beat yourself up. Let this just confirm that you have made the right decision for you.

@JAT

i’m not upset…disappointed and a lil put off, but not upset. The boy is sexy which is why he got my attention all those years ago in the first place. But ur dating idea is a good one…but I have a long way to go at this point. I see that now.

@Moe
‘But opportunity & alcohol will make you do some dumb ish.’

true true

@Miss

I see what you’re saying, but I’m not trying to force a man to committ to me by withholding the booty. That’s the LAST thing I want. A guy that wants to be with me so he can get the Heisman. Not cool.

I orignally left my engagement with the idea that I will use this time to get my life on track (school, work, moving, new car, etc) and establish myself. Work on Chelsea…have some fun…reconnect with my girls…take some out of the ordinary classes…all that good stuff and leave the men where they’re at. Hence the reason I was trying to scare them off.

Then I said, well let me stop being a bitch and be friendly and just sit back and watch and listen to these men that are trying to put themselves in my life. Keep the sex out of it and just really find out who ppl are and what the REALLY want from me. And we all know how THAT’s been going.

So now what? Where do I go from here? I feel like all my options are exhausted.

When i took my vow more than 2 years ago, i didnt hang out with any guy (i also used that time to be totally alone) so it made it so easier. I even barely talked to any male friends that i had. I was also mighty bitter so i didnt feel the need to have interactions with men at all. All this to say that that worked for me. Im not that social anyway so it was kinda easy.

Chels that is why I haven’t even attempted dating. I think for every 10 men that just want to get in my panties there is 1 that is truly interested in getting to know me. I know that after meeting 4 guys that just want to jump my bones i’m exhausted and not even going to go through the trouble of dating 6 more to get to that 1. That type of frustration is just going to be harmful to my optimism in love and possibly lead me to question why I took my vow of celibacy in the first place.

I can’t expect to date a great guy and then 3 months in he is wondering why we have done nothing and I say ‘Yea, i’m celibate. So if you want to wait 7 months then I will rock your world’ he isn’t going to stick around. I know that I can’t have it both ways unless i’m dating a celibate man. So I just don’t date.

@Miss

but I slept with my ex this weekend…not anyone new.

@fabie

that’s really good. I attempted that at first (remember the whole ‘show me your paystub’ thing…yeah) but just recently I tried to be a little less bitter and just a little nicer.

@ Chels:

It’s natural to be a little disappointed. Like I’ve said, I’ve been there.

Your options are not exhausted. But you do have to first change your thinking before you change your gameplan. I’m a sappy romantic (don’t tell anybody) who gets attached very easily, so I know how dangerous that can be. But, you don’t have to scare men off to do you – that only attracts the worst kind of men anyway (blaze, moe, the XY coalition: why is that?). What you do have to do is, as I tell my sister, guard your weaknesses and play to your strengths. The best thing I can say is keep yourself as busy as you can (learning how to go out to dinner alone is a very informative exercise) and learn the power of not picking up the phone. Let them initiate, and only accept outings that won’t leave you in a vulnerable position. Get a good group of friends (girls and guys) and have group outings. And know what type of guys spell trouble for you. If you learn what is your forbidden fruit, you can at least train yourself to stay away from that tree…

@JAT

I can easily size up new guys. Like Moe said I’m a true skeptic. I over analyze everything a new guy is trying to say to me so they aren’t the problem.

However its the old exes and such that DO pose a problem. I have done very good by deleting a lot of phone numbers and all that. But this one time I bump into him and its like time never passed…idk.

I agree with Just, spend time with platonic guy friends. Thats the best, you can talk about anything and ure sure they’re not interested in bedding you. I have a group of male friends and they’re all married. We havent hung out in a while but when we do, its fun cuz they tell me who to watch out for and give great advice!

Chels does him being an ex make it any different? My last was an ex too.

Chelsea I think I understand. I had an ex like that. I did a lot of stupid stuff for him too just being young and in love. No matter what we always ended up together. I thought it was a sign that he was the one and blah blah blah. He had finally did something to me that I could never forgive and that was it. I dumped him and never looked back. He called me out of the blue one time and gave me that whole cheesy commercial about being more mature and over all that other crap and missing me and knowing that i’m a good woman. So I crushed his dreams letting him know that he is my ex for the following reasons and not to call me ever again.

@ Chels:

I had an ex that was like that. I finally had to realize that he was just interested in one thing, period. I just make it my business not to be around him anywhere we could potentially throwdown (yeah, it was like that). And I don’t contact him, nor do I engage in long conversations with him. After the hellos are exchanged, I make an hasty exit.

@Miss/JAT

you both are right. He’s my weakness. I used to resist him for a long time, but I’m not always that successful. Maybe the reason is because the sex is so good, but I always feel crappy the morning after.

Well now that you know he is your weakness avoid him like Amy Winehouse avoids rehab.

@Miss

lmao…yeah I plan too…you have no idea how many times I’ve erased his number…but we know each other’s cell #’s by heart by now, so it doesnt make a difference. I am going to stop communicating with him tho cuz he pissed me off something serious on Saturday (after the sweat dried of course)

oh wow, i see we all have THAT ex. Like Just said, the best way to deal with them is to avoid any situation where something might take place. For me, the attraction is still there even though there is no need/want to get back with him. We basically know whats gonna happen if we spend anytime together. If both want an F***buddy type of thing, then i guess its ok.
lol @ Ms’ analogy

lol…when we first broke up, the one thought that ran through my mind the most was “does this mean I can’t sleep with him anymore?”

the man is good at what he does…very very good. Has me spoiled actually…oh well. My piece of mind is a lot more important that my satisfied cooch…blah!

satisfied cooch lasts 1 day or 2 but you cant play with piece of mind. That will keep you up at night, believe me..been there, done that.

Ooh, Chels! I’m telling Preston.

blaze,
where are you? Ure responsible for the DMV meeting, right? Can i make a suggestion?
I think Friday would be best. What do yall think?

@Reina

tattle-tale (sticks tongue out)

make sure you tell him it was the bomb-diggity too!

hehehe!

@ reina:

oooh, are chels and preston cyber SOs? (look at me instigating)

@ XY Coalition:

I had posed a question as to why the worst kind of dudes are attracted to women who are trying to repel all men? I just want a guys take on this…

@JAT

if we are then I was NOT informed…I have been trying to lay my seducation game on Preston but he’s all hung up with this ‘we live on opposite coasts’ thang…ugh. Men will say ANYTHING to avoid committing…lol

He’s probably mad cuz I haven’t hit him up to write on his site

**researches topic ideas**

@ Just

No, they’re not. Chelsea and he just got into a defensive debate about her celibacy.

@ Chels

Well, if it was good…*offers a pound*

@Fabie
Friday is good..Just let me know where and when, I ‘ll be there.

@J Thought
I think some men like the challenge of getting something we never had…they like the chase…
I said this before..and to be candid but the best piece of a*$ is a new piece of A*$..

**pounds Reina back**

Official professional back blower he is…he gets two thumbs up (on sexual prowess only…not personality, behavior or relationship skills, please note)

“official professional back blower” well, damn thats a hefty title!! lol
blaze,
i meant on any Friday, whenever everybody can make it. when n where?! sir, you’re the one setting this up, remember?

@JAT
As Blaze said..it’s the challenge. The thrill of the chase. Wanting what they can’t have. They’re intrigued with the thought of seducing a woman into doing something she really didn’t want to do.

@Fabie

its that serious. He deserves a title…honestly. I can’t even front. He is rivaled only by the ex-fiancee…**reminisces momentarily**

what were we talkin about again?

@Fabie
Im always out on a Friday so once we get a consensus I’m down. In fact I was at Jin Sat night.

were you, blaze? How was it?
@ chelz
well, memories should tidy u over for a lil bit!

@ Chels/Fab

Professional Back Blower? There should be a website devoted to this upper echelon of men.

@Fab

yeah…now that I know what my problem is I should be able to fix it.

@Everyone – what’s good?! Dropped by today cause I felt my ears burning like hell!

@Chels – Hey. What’s new…?

BOOO! (at blaze and Moe’s responses) But, I can’t get mad because I asked.

And no we should not have a site for professional back blowers. That designation is highly subjective. Unless we developed some standardized rubric that got VERY specific…

@ Just

I’m okay with developing such a Rubric. It would give the mens something to strive toward.

@J Thought
lol…Why would want something easy, something we didnt have to work for? U seem like a challenge..

@Reina – Your dreaming. Women’s likes and dislikes sexually are far too diverse. Women often complain about men thinking that what they did with/to their last girlfriend is cool to do with you. Rubric = impossibility. Sorry…

@Chels – what’s good baby…lol…holla at me. How was your weekend?

@EC

website for back blowers? hmmm…definitley a good idea in my book. I have a few I can submit to the forum…

I’m suer you ladies have had some peen that left you feeling spoiled and shined down upon from the heavens…dont be stingy! lol…

@Preston
Cosign

@ Reina:

But you know how sensitive dudes get about their skills. Everyone and their daddy thinks they are a certified title holder in the bedroom. Who lies to these men for them to believe such foolishness? But, I have understood the urge to perputuate the fallacy because dudes get all touchy when you tell them that no, gnawing on me like that does not, in fact, work for me. And that move may have worked for the last chick, but not me buddy.

@ Preston

So what you’re saying is that you wouldn’t qualify for the site? Gotcha.

@Preston

my weekend was…interesting as I’m sure you already know

what about you?

@Chelsea
See what I’m sayin..one week your talking celebacy, the next you talking about a site for back blowers

@JAT
The fallacy goes both ways. All women have this unrealistic belief that their coochies are laced with gold…something for the heavens to behold.

Sorry…..no dice.

@blaze

boy dont start with me…i have never said I dont like sex…never. I just said I was doing my best not to have it…

damn…just cuz ur not PLAYING football doesn’t mean you have to never ACKNOWLEDGE the game

@T-Moe – Co-Sign

@Reina – you’re a funny kid. I turn to humor when in an indefensible position as well. we have so much in common.

@Chels – so you’ve been thrown out the celibacy club. who’s still in there. would you like to revise your comments on my celibacy article?? =)

@Preston

No i would not…I meant everything I ever said about celibacy. I just fell off the wagon. Damn…I didn’t commit murder. Its not like I can’t reevaluate and get my ish together so I can be successful the next time around.

@ blaze:

I’m just guarded. I’m too much of a softy to let people get close quick, and most dudes give up easily.

And, I know guys want a challenge, but IMO total dogs/whores/aholes specifically seek out women that have a brand spanking new “I HATE ALL MEN” membership card.

@ Preston and Moe:

I think a rubric could be developed, it would just have to be one of those things where there are different categories of back blowers (and cunnilingualists). That way women can evaluate a dude on multiple levels in order to accurately guage his skills.

@ Moe:

You didn’t know my isht is platinum? HAHAHAHAHAH J/K

Cooch will never keep a man, but it will keep him thinking….

@ Chelsea:

Of course i’ve had some terrific adventures but the person usually was a dog. so that website would end up another dontdatehimgirl.com

@JAT

what if he’s a master at both? should we crown him? give him a scepter and a terriotory to reign over?

@JAT
What you consider a back blower…Chelsea might be like “Eh…it was alright.”

@Chelsea – It’s all love. I’m not questioning your actions…I continue to question the goal tho. If what you were trying to achieve through celibacy can still be achieved after a weekend of lust…then why the celibacy in the first place. It’s like a good basketball player taking himself out of a game to “focus”. Chelsea…you look like you can “play”…lol…why not just stay on the court instead of hopping on and off it?

@miss

it shouldnt have anything to do with their behavior outside of bed (unless it was directly related to activities IN bed)

no talking about why you two didnt work out, how many baby mamas he has, how he makes 6 figures but wont spring for a dinner at the Melting Pot…

strictly sexual-related info only…how long is tongue is…his signature stroke and does he suck toes? <——a crucial category

@ Preston

Damn you, you ungrateful Californian. I’m reserving days of the week where you MUST agree with me. If I pull you outta obscurity, you must remain loyal.

@ Preston:

I’m still in the club (I don’t know you’re site so I can’t comment on your argument).

It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be. I’d never had a problem controlling myself until this past year or so. I think my mother is trying to cast a spell on me so I can get married and have babies. If it wasn’t for an occaisional dirty thought I would have no reason to even look at a man…

@Preston

‘Chelsea…you look like you can “play”…lol…why not just stay on the court instead of hopping on and off it?’

explain this immediately boy!

‘I think my mother is trying to cast a spell on me so I can get married and have babies.’

**dead**

but giving publicity to who are probably dogs!!!!! giving a jerk props! no!

@J Thought
The guarded type is the best type. As men we’ve grown to be able to adjust our approaches, strategies..ok..our game…to all different types of women by now. Your type is good because I could slow roll you, act indifferent. As a man we cant act too pressed so your type would still get broken down eventually. But the moment you slip up….add me to that site you all talkin about

@ Moe:

That’s why we would have different categories. That way the site can be like burger king…have it your way.

@ chels:

if he’s a master at both, he’s in the VIP section of the site. Slap a surcharge to view this section

@Preston

how can I explain this once and for all?

I’m not looking for a man. Not looking for love. I dont expect some loser to commit to me just cuz he thinks allowing himself the ‘boyfriend’ title means he gets the Heisman.

I chose celibacy because although sex feels great to my loins, my heart and mind don’t always feel the same. I KNOW how my loins work…now I’m trying to figure out my heart/mind.

Sleeping with people clouds my judgement, my peace and messes with my heart. I dont like feeling like that. I dont like being used, played with, toyed with or disregarded. Men value the cooch and will do anything to get it…I can’t control men, but I can control what I give them.

If I’m sleeping with someone, then I personally don’t have the capability of viewinf them objectively. So therefore I did my best to not sleep with anyone and get my mind right. I slipped up, but all is not lost.

Capeshe?

@ blaze:

you talking isht and aint saying oooh…

I’m very picky, and I’m on lockdown right now, so you my friend, are out of gas.

@ Miss:

Why the umbrage at giving dogs publicity? The majority of dogs that I met, I knew it off bat. I didn’t deal with them, but don’t think that I never considered one of those late night calls to get into some trouble. I had sense enough not to do it, but I still thought about it.

@JAT

great idea!

@Miss

we just givin the man props for laying the pipe right. We aint say nothing about what kind of MAN he is!

People may hate my guts, but they can’t deny that I can cook! Big up me where I deserve it! Thats the idea

@Chels — LOL…all I’m saying is, If I were a betting man (and I am). I’d place a fair wager that you don’t disappoint in the bedroom. That’s all. You can correct me if I’m lying to these good people though.

@The Celibacy Crew — I just think it’s a misnomer. You’re not a bunch of nuns. You’re just waiting to meet the right guy. The guy who deserves you….all of you. And while that’s a great thing…it’s not EXACTLY celibacy…

@ J Thought
Nothing personal..I was just just “generally” speaking of dealing with your type.

I just don’t agree with giving a dog congratulations and an ego boost just because they are good at sex. Sure this man may be packing and have a stroke that will put you in a orgasmic coma. But he also has 4 children that he doesn’t take care of and likes to hit women.

lol im all for a site! We can have charts and everything. The criteria would be diverse but i think we could come to a consensus. All in the name of research, of course

@ blaze:

My bad. but i gotcha. You still talking isht… LOL

@ Preston:

I have never EVER said I wanted to be celibate for the rest of my life, even in conversations with my Christian friends. But my choice initially had nothing to do with dating, it was to focus on my relationship with God. Now, although I have spiritual reasons to remain celibate, it is more about not getting blinded by the physical as I seek out not only who I want to be with, but who I want to be.

@Miss

but what about the ones that are good guys that have the stroke game on lock? He wasnt a dog or a cheater, but he just didnt have enough education to keep you interested long term? Do we deny him regonition as well?

Preston I have taken a vow of celibacy. I intend to go 12 months with no sex with any man. I’m not being a nun. If I meet the right guy along the way if he wants to remain friends and wait for me, fantastic. If not, well too bad. This is something I am doing for myself.

I am not for the site. Not at all.

@ miss:

every dog is not a woman beater or deadbeat dad. My nominee has no children, doesn’t even raise his voice to women, let alone get physical. Now, good luck trying to get him to commit to a relationship, but if all you’re looking for is a good time then he fits the bill.

and I don’t think i’ve ever had amazing sex with a good guy…

**side eyes Preston**

hmmm…I’m still trying to decide how to respond to that last comment.

How does one LOOK like they dont disappoint in the sheets? (that was to the XY alliance)

‘ Now, although I have spiritual reasons to remain celibate, it is more about not getting blinded by the physical as I seek out not only who I want to be with, but who I want to be.’

PREACH!

@ miss:

most good guys are just average. you get good by experience, hence why dogs usually are better at it. But, a solid B good guy can become an A+ if you care about him.

Ms Miss
WHat are trying to accomplish by waiting 12 months? Do you have spiritual objectives? How will you measure that your year of celibacy is sucessful and you’ll be abale to move forward? Also, what if a guy meets you after month 11, will he get the goods in a month?

@Reina – I got you. let me know the days and you’ll have my agreement. Also, I lived in Jersey for 18 years and Cali for around 5. I prefer Jersey Boy to “Californian” if it’s all the same to you.

Sidenote and completely unrelated…I was writing yesterday and totally put the “side eye” in the story.

@Chelsea
Consider it a female swagger. It’s not so much the words that come out of her mouth, but her vibe as a whole. Sometimes you just know it’s gonna be good.

@eshe

LURKER! the side eye describes EXACTLY what you be doing to ppl tho…dont know where it started from, but dammit if I dont use it in my everyday language! lol…im mad you put in the story tho! lol…

@Moe

really? hmmm….

Good guys and back-blowers are not mutually exclusive. I’ve experience the mutualness.

@chels

Yes, I am so lurking. I asked a question earlier of the XY Alliance…now I am just reading.

lol eshe, i love side eyes! Even though before i didnt really know how to describe it, its a much used word nowadays
Preston said that we shouldnt describe what we’re doing (Except Ms) as being celibate. What is the word then?
@ Moe
Woman have swagger too? hmmm interesting. What constitutes as swagger to a woman? (question to the guys)

@ Reina:

True, but there is a strong correlation between the being a bad boy and being a back blower.

@ Moe:

What exactly, would be considered part of this feminine swagger?

Reina
Your dead wrong…plenty of good dudes handling business that would blow your back out. Thats like saying profesional women cant handle the d*^&? Is that true?

Preston I believe a year is long enough to get to the place I feel that I should be in regards to becoming a stronger person and unlearning a lot of things. I was letting sex destroy my relationships, allowing it to effect my emotions incorrectly, and then I got to a point where sex was less intimate to me than kissing a person. I started looking at the men I was choosing to date and how desperate I had become to find love that it was definitely clouding my judgment. I have never seen a woman in my family be in a relationship with a man that didn’t hurt her. Every woman around me had relationships with dogs. No matter what they did they would forgive them and let them back in. That is particularly what I need to unlearn. I have a daughter that I need to set an example for and I just don’t want to fail out loud in front of her. This process is making me a stronger person and I’m getting to know myself.

At the end of 12 months if I still feel as if I’m not ready to get out there and haven’t prepared myself then I will continue for as long as it takes. If I meet a guy I am going to be honest with him and let him know the importance. If he chooses to stay then that is great, if he decides the leave then I can’t blame him.

Just,
Get out of my head!! lol

@ Blaze

Read what I said again.

@ fabie and preston:

according to Merriam Webster, being celibate is abstaining from sex, taking a to abstain from marriage (and by deduction sex), or not being married (because only married people are suppose to have sex. So by that definition I am celibate.

Preston you can shut your pie hole

Ok my bad…

@ Just

I do agree with that. Bad boys haven’t ever been a big attraction for me, though. So in that realm, my experience isn’t too profound.

@ blaze:

I said that most good guys are average. Not all, but most. That is not to preclude him from improving after a few lessons.

@Just A Thought — touche

I love my EC ladies…ya’ll always know exactly what I be thinkin!

**cyber hugs**

**side eyes XY**

Anything else you all would like to say?

And answer the damn questions. Blaze and Preston…

@Fab & JAT
She exudes a natural confidence. You can see the swagger in the way she walks…and hear it in the way she talks. She has a subtle sex appeal. Both sexy and classy at the same time. She’s not loud and boisterous…she doesn’t have to be. She knows her sh*t is tight.

the hell is Fema?

@ Reina:

Unfortunately, I was a magnet for bad dudes. Apparently, because I usually had “eff off” tattoed on my forehead, only the extremely doggish were brave enough to try. now I just act like I don’t speak English when unsavory characters come my way.

# 295: taking a vow

‘now I just act like I don’t speak English when unsavory characters come my way.’

lol!

@Chelsea
Its something about a women with quiet confidence. The rah rah type women who do a lot of talking do nothing for me. Its a lady that can pull that stare and then a sudden look off that gets me.

hahahaha@ Just! That ish doesnt work. Then they try to speak whateva language you said you speak…hilarious!!

@Chelsea — sorry i got lost for a minute. are you talking about how i know you’re a tiger in the sack?? lol…

It’s a mildly educated guess. The same way you look at a guy and he just has a sex appeal about him. Same thing. Moe put it best. some women’s swagger has a nice sexual element to it…

@ all the ladies

How do you exude your personal sexuality (mentally and physically) to a man you just met or would like to meet?

@Preston

this is the internet. you’ve never seen me and therefore cannot verify my swag. ‘tiger in the sack’…really?

Nice way to put it. Thank you, moe!

@Fab
You’e Welcome

@Fab

*You’re Welcome*

And oh, concerning handling the phallic instrument…Most times, it isn’t our inability to handle it. Moreover, it’s your inability to administer it. Attempting to make contact with my cervix by pile-driving in an uniform motion is your inadequacy, not ours.

@ fabie:

Girl, I am in Florida, so as long as I don’t try spanish, I’m good. I know enough French to fool most people, and I have never met anyone else (black or latin) that speaks it well enough to blow my cover.

Why didn’t my other message go through?

@ JustA

The stereotypical bad guys never came after me. It’s always the wolves in sheep’s clothing meaning the corporate guys with the gorgeous smile.

@Reina – and what about your on top?

*when you’re on top?

**Attempting to make contact with my cervix by pile-driving in an uniform motion is your inadequacy, not ours.**
(spit my Aquafina on my screen)

@ blaze:

I try the whole catch his eye thing, sometimes I smile. But I am an intovert, and I do best on one on one conversations. I usually just start a conversation with him and flirt, and hope that my witty banter is more interesting that some chick with a skin tight dress barely covering her badunkadunk.

One time I sent a drink to a guy’s table at a sports bar. Too bad he was as dumb as a rock.

@Chelsea – I thought “tiger in the sack was hilarious”…*looks around*…no? OK.

Well I don’t know about the other guys, but you got into a little back in forth on my site where you broke down just how on point your bedroom game was. So at the end of the day, I’m just taking your word for it…

@J Thought
What is your best feature?

blaze I honestly don’t know how.

@ Preston

You’ll be giving God a pound and bowing in gratitude.

@Preston

I was waiting for you to mention that. My sex game is tight (I have written verification ppl…I am the ISH!)

but me thinks you can’t look at someone and tell…in your case I broke it down for you and let you know how I get down. It was my wordplay, not my swag.

Thanks for the vote of confidence tho…hit me up if you visting the Miami area…

@Ms Miss
I refuse to believe that. U have too much personality…

@ blaze:

Smile, legs. If you like natural (black) hair, then hair.

Blaze I do but I suck at trying to be sexy and mysterious. I’m too clumsy.

@Reina – *raises eyebrows*. OK, I’m for anything that has me speaking with my maker…

Ms Miss
I dont think you give youself enough credit…you come off mad confident, you know what you want and your have a mean convo…very mature for your age. Any special plans for your birthday?

Reina! LOL my boss was right there, very close to my screen when i saw that! HAHAHAHAHA
blaze
lots of eye contact and smile. Really paying attention to what he is saying and asking questions. Plenty of laughing also.

Ms,
Even clumsiness can be cute (to a certain point, i know). Right guys?

@Chelsea – Cooooooooool

@Fabie
Nah…..that ish aint cute

@ blaze:

A woman can be very confident in some areas and still suck at attracting/keeping the kind of man that she wants.

@ reina:

You are too funny!

@Blaze:

Meh, not really. Sure my family will take me out for dinner. I will pop a bottle tonight and watch a movie. Don’t have anyone in my life to really go out and celebrate with.

@blaze

I smile both with my eyes and my mouth.

You know the smiling with your eyes that Tyra has tried to make famous on America’s Top Model…but I did it before. lol

blaaaaze! yes, it is! a lil bit?

@ fabie

Me trying to sashay across the room with my drink and then spilling it all over my toes isn’t exactly cute. It’s wasteful.

@ J Thought
In what areas do you feel that women mess up the most trying to keep the man she wants?

eshe,
everybody’s trying to do that! smile with ur eyes indeed! U need to teach me!! LOL

I missed a lot of convo…let me catch up

women give too much, expect/demand too little, love too early, settle too early, get desperate, feel like they have to have somebody, let people/circumstances make them bitter, bring family/ex relationship baggage into their current relationships, devalue themselves when a dude is putting them down because he’s insecure, let other peoples standards of beauty define them, go after men in relationships thinking they have to compete…

My biggest problem was definitely giving too much. Typical type-a performance-based personality defect

@fab

We will work on it if blaze ever gets this DMV happy hour together! lol

@JAT

OK deacon…lol nah you are so right on.

@ Just, I couldnt agree more!
lol eshe, blaze was trying to set everything up before but today he was just like “lemme know when n where”!!! *side eyes blaze*

nisha lady, where you been??

@ fab/Just

LOL Don’t get in trouble now reading my foolishness.

@ Blaze

Regarding #310, are we supposed to exude? Like how do you not do too much that could be seen as “throwing yourself” or do too little and seem disinterested? I can’t think of anything extra I do. I lie. Eyes and body language.

@J Thought
IMO opinion a lot women overlook these factors and they’re so quick to blame the black men. We take a beating..dealing with women who hold on to their past baggage is the biggest problem I often see.

@DMV ppl
On the real I’ll take control and make it happen because I do want to meet all of you. Each of you Send me a few dates (upcoming Fridays) and a suggestion of an establishment (we have Jin so far) and we’ll start there.

@ Just

you nailed it

“women give too much, expect/demand too little, love too early, settle too early, get desperate, feel like they have to have somebody, let people/circumstances make them bitter, bring family/ex relationship baggage into their current relationships, devalue themselves when a dude is putting them down because he’s insecure, let other peoples standards of beauty define them, go after men in relationships thinking they have to compete…”

hey yall, ive been lurking cuz its been to busy here. hope everybody is well

@ so whats good for this friday? Are we meeting up?

ummm…i’m not understanding…

so let me ask the guys…

If a woman you were interested in was severly hurt in the relationship before you, how would you prefer she act so as to not be bringing ‘baggage’ into the new relationship?

@ fab

Keeping busy, working a bit today, I am still waiting on my thought of the day…lol

nisha
oh yea, that one…i just sent off an email lol
Hey Luving!
this Friday sounds good! nisha, you’re in? Moe?

ight kool! 8 pm Jin? How we find each other?

8 might be too early for Jin..my bad ..8 PM Busboy then take it over to Jin..

How that sound to everrybody?

Luving
Dont you have a birthday tomorrow?

@fab

Yeah I am coming. I just need to know where.

@ Luving
Busboy n then Jin sounds great!

@Fab
Yeah, I’m in.

Yea @ blaze

Ight so Busboy on 14th n V @ 8 PM ( meet up on the V side)

How we gonna recongnize each other is beyond me…any ideas?

Should we get a head count..how many of us is in…

@Chelsea
To answer your question, I would prefer for her to take time out for herself before jumping in a relationship with me.

@Blaze

she’s already done that

@Chelz
Then she may need to date another dude before me..I dont play the rebound cat…he never wins. After that cat though, its on.

@blaze

nevermind….i dont know how to explain it. oh well

@Chels
Don’t make me pay for his mistakes. I didn’t hurt you…so I should be given the opportunity to start off with a clean slate.

@Chelz
Its impossible for a women to act as if she’s not over her most recent relationship. Guys will see right through all that. Women wear there feelings all on their sleeves. How do you act since your not over the engagement dude?

@ Moe

No, you aren’t to blame for the hurt. But should we behave as if we’ve never been hurt?

I am siding with the XY on this one for the most part.

@ Moe

Scratch that. I withdraw my question.

@Reina
No, and I don’t expect you to. I just want you to be cognizant of the fact that I’m not the enemy.

@Blaze

skeptical…unwavering…surly.

that’s now…when he first left I felt damaged and desperate and I clung to the first guy that showed me attention and made me smile. And then he left too…so then I was a man hater…now I’m being nice but finding that I was more accurate with being a man hater cuz the pickings are BEYOND slim

@Reina
How would that benefit the new guy you’re dating if you’re still acting like you’re hurt from your most recent relatonship? That shouldn’t be factored in. Only thing that should be included from past relationships are positive behavior changes moving forward.

@ Moe/Blaze

Thanks for replying, but today isn’t one those days that I can be objective. I’ll exclude myself from this discussion.

@Reina
Its only a discussion…Plus you asked the question

anybody on facebook? just wondering..

@Reina

do you guys get the Steve Harvey morning show in ur area? We do here and even though he’s a comedian and all that, he gives really really good and crucial advise to women who write into his show about the male psyche and their view on relationships, cheating etc…sometimes its hard to stomach the way men think (according to him) but its really a learning expreience.

men and women are so damn different…like completely opposite. its a wonder why we even ATTMEPT relationships with each other when we are so vastly seperated…

**advice**

ive heard steve’s show, men and women are so different its true but somehow I know wat Steve going to say. Its like people deep down already know what they should do but actually doing it is so much harder. So many of them are stuck in denial

@Chelz
I agree….there’s so much of a disconnection between men and women and its getting worse.

@DMV ppl

Soooo when is this meet ‘N’ greet going down? awww I will just get info from fab lol.

@ Chelsea

I’m usually running too late to listen to morning radio, but I do agree that men and women are inherently different in their approaches to a relationship. It’s just frustrating.

ladies…

what do we want in a relationship?

Men

What do you want?>

I think both are trying so hard to prove a point that neither party is listening to the other. At least in some cases.

@ Nisha

ladies…

what do we want in a relationship?

I want it all lol. the bestfriend, the fighter (man who will fight for us,) the lover, the stability.

@Nisha & Chelsea
As evident as to this site, I think there’s a major communication problem. Some people give up too quikly on relationships or even discussions when its time to discuss these matters. I learn the most from listen to a womans perspective.

What do I want in a relationship? I’m not sure yet of all the details. As long as I have these three core values then we are on the road to a better together: Honesty, Understanding, Patience.

@blaze

see there are some men who won’t listen. It’s like Fg said that is why the divorce rate is so high, at the first sign of a problem ppl bail. No one wants to work in a relationship.

im outta here ppl! later

@miss/Luv

me too.

I’m outtie too!

@Nisha
Would you go to counseling if you and your man were having problems? My last ex of 3 years asked me to do that but I was to proud to say yes. But looking back I wish I would’ve gone. I think we suppress things too often and we need those outlets to communicate what we feel. Doing it through a 3rd party would be benefial rather than having 2 people talking at each other.

sorry i missed everything
Luving,
Maybe we should have code names? hold signs that say “FG”? LOL. Sorry, I dont have facebook.
blaze,
I would definitely go to couseling. But at the same time, both parties have to understand that everything will be on the table..everything so no holding back allowed.

@blaze

Yes I would sooooo go!
#1 so I could really listen to my So (there are times where you are trying to state your hurt/point that you dont listen real good)
#2 so my SO can hear an objective view on his actions.

I am very open to that.

I dont have facebook.

For Fab

I just got this in an email, and I thought it may be helpful to you. So GO! And tell me all about it on Wednesday.

“Zane’s Singles in the City”

Every Tuesday beginning November 11, 2008

Happy Hour from 4-7 PM featuring half-price drinks and $3 appetizers

Singles Networking from 7-11:30

Come out and meet the most intriguing singles in the Metropolitan Area

Booksignings, Door Prizes, Great Conversation, Scrumptious Food

The Carolina Kitchen Bar and Grill is located at

6501 America Blvd, Hyattsville, MD in the University Town Center

For directions, please call 301-927-2929

Gracias, senorita reina!

Oh snap, thats right near me! Thanks Reina! Carolina has the best cornbread, greens and yams! THink I might be too busy enjoyin the food to pay attention to any single men…even tho i think the only single men who will be there will be 35 and up!

FLY PPL,

when you read anybody want to go?

Aww what a beautiful post… When reading it I felt a weird feeling surge through my stomach… It felt weird but kind of nice like it does when that special guy is around… Thanks for this wonderful post.. What seeps out of u on a daily basis on this blog is amazing keep it up. I digg it.

fantasyaction.blogspot.com

my people my people…whats really good?!

and why is it that FG doesnt want us ladies (except Luving) to have visible pics?

Me thinks he has a crush on Luving and the rest of us faithfuls get treated like stepchildren….and the XY suspiciously have their avis posted…hmmmm….

Wats up Chels?! lol @ the crush thing ha! Try uploading a new pic thats how what i did

lol…cant do it at work so i’ll do it at home maybe…

Morning ppls!!
chelz,
you might me right! Now that i think about it, Luving is displaying some tatas so thats probably why her pic is up.
FG, you are not slick!!
Luving,
over 35 you said? ahhh maybe ill sit this one out. California catered our family night here at work/school and it was HEAVEN!

@ fabie

the twins are not in display lmao

I’m not sure if it will be 35 and over, but its worth a try to find out..never know who you will meet.

Luving
sure they’re not. Trying to peek out *said with much envy*
I havent been to the actual restaurant. is it where the Magic Johnson theater is?

Morning chicas!

@ Fab

Stop making excuses and go.

Morning Reina

@ fabie

its by PG plaza mall, next to the movie theatre..if thats the magic johnson theatre i wouldnt kno, never looked at the name

Reina
*mumbles* I wasnt…

@Luving

I definitely see some boobage in ur avi…dont try to play dumb!

Luving
ohhhhhhhhh i def know where that is. I didnt know california kitchen had a location there. Id be a regular by now!!

lol thats chest muscle lmao

well, lemme check cuz i just wrote california instead of carolina *confused*

@ fabie

i kno what you mean, im a sucka for their ribs n side items..real reason i want to go tonite..don’t think i eat like that all the time..but once in awhile we all deserve a treat!

mmm…we have california pizza kitchen here. i never ate there tho…maybe I’ll make a date with my friends to hit it up this weekend…

great now I’m starving. Thanks guys…

Luving, Feliz cumpleanos! Happy Birthday, chica. (I’m not early, am I?)

Nah right on time

Thanks Reina!!

darn, almost forgot about that *ashamed*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, luving!!

WHOOPS

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YA…HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YA…HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (sang in my best Stevie Wonder voice)

Thanks ladies

@ Luving

How are you celebrating?

I got all the celebrating out of my system this past weekend. Went to Love (club) on Friday night and Layla (lounge) on Saturday night. So today I’m just taking it easy, planning on checking out that Zane singles event at Carolina’s. Thanks again for that event info.

@ Luving

No prob. Make sure you drag Fab. It has become my mission to get her out of her home more than once a week.

nisha,
where are you? I know ure at work today lol
Luving,
no partying?

Happy Birthday Luving! Be sure to pop a bottle!

Reina,
Im doing better! yesterday i didnt rush straight home, stopped at a lil El Salvadoran restaurant on the way. N on Wed, ill be going to class. Thats 2 outings so far

@ Fab

Class and work do not count. Neither does picking up a meal to go.

Thanks Miss! How did you celebrate yesterday?

@ Fab

That does NOT count. agree with Reina

Good Morning people.

Happy Birthday Luving and Happy Belated Birthday Ms!!

Ahh the 20s…I look back on them fondly.

lol And1, that wasnt too long ago for u

@Fab

that was 10 years ago for him…a decade ago! 10 years is a very long time. do not try to make that dinosaur feel better…

lmao…I tried my hardest to resist And1…I just cant! lmao…

@chelsea
Resisting doesnt seem to be your strong point. Oh snap!!

LOL @ oh snap. Havent heard that in a while.

@luv

Happy bornday mamas!!!

@fab
here I is…lol

LOL @ and1

@And1

you are right…so i aint even gon fake the funk anymore…whenever i feel like talkin ish imma just go ahead and do so…

lmao@oh snap…haven’t heard that since high top fades and adidas with no laces were in

@chelsea
As far as I’m concerned, high top fades were NEVER in.

@fab
I definitely try to mix in some 70s, 80s, & 90s into my conversation. Dig?

@and1

arent you bald?

@chelsea
Shaved. Why? You trying to grow a high top fade? I dont recommend it.

@And1

no not trying to grow one…just thought i felt a hint of sarcasm and disdain and felt that maybe you were a lil salty cuz u COULDNT grow a high-top fade perhaps? maybe thats the reason you never deemed them ‘in’…lol

@chelsea
Nah. I couldnt in good conscience do my head that kind of injustice. I did consider growing a fro earlier this year but then I ran across someone with an unkept fro and it was RIdiculous. I’ll pass, yo. So I keeps it “real smooth, like Gary Coleman.”

lmao@and1

I popped a bottle and watched movies all night.

where is everyone?

is anyone else gettin sick? My throat hurts and my body is achin sumthin serious…damn weather changes…**grumbles**

Happy Birthday Luving!

What’s up peeps?

THANKS @ Nisha,and1, & Moe for the bday wishes!

question for the ladies: has a guy you used to talk to text u happy birthday instead of calling? Did it bother you or is just me?

And guys on here: why the hell do yall do that sh*t?!

@Luving
I don’t think I’ve ever done that. But I would imagine he did it to acknowledge your day without having to hold a conversation.

@Luving

i think i’d rather him text (at te very least email/myspace/facebook me) then not acknowledge it at all and then bump into 1-2 wks later and he’s all ‘didnt you just have a birthday?’

b*tch ni**a you already KNEW that…why u aint just wish me a good one n keep it moving?

idk i find it hurtful, it was just last month we were “close”. Im just different i guess, I expected a call the least, and hoped for a card or more..f’in a**hole. I ignored his “Happy Birthday…” bs text

Happy Birthday Luving!

@Luving

yeah it does suck that after being close for a while, they can so easily revert to being kind of uncaring and all that, but he’s the least of ur worries at the moment. Today is ur Birfday (yes…BIRFday) so enjoy it and forget about that

thanks eshe!

@ chels
true! need to celebrate. Def stopping @ the store and buyin a bottle or Riesling!

of*

@Luving

I said enjoy it…not turn into a lush…sheesh!

Carajo! i’m bored.

@Reina
Slow day at work?

So…..I have a question

where are u bums? pretending to work?

@Chels
What’s up Chels?

actually its a two part question, but I wont bombard you

do you honestly and truthfully believe that you can love and be in love with one person, but continue to have emotional/physical/sexually relationships with someone else?

and yes, you and the person you claim to love are in a relationship

@ Moe

Yeah…it’s like the calm before the storm.

@Chels
I couldn’t do it. My conscience couldn’t handle it. I would literally get sick from the stress. And karma is MF.

@Reina
When will the storm kick in?

@ Chelsea

No. If you truly loved/were in love, you wouldn’t disrespect someone in such a manner. True love means putting someone before yourself. Selfish desires must be ignored.

@ Moe

Tomorrow at 8am

@Reina
Do you like it busy? You don’t sound like you care much for the slow periods.

@Reina/Moe

Ok so now I want you to think about what your most recent partner/ex would say if you told them that you loved them but were willing to sleep with other ppl but would not give up the relationship. In other words, I guess an open relationship?

@ Chels

I’m pretty certain he’d look at me like a third eye appeared in my forehead and dump me.

@ Moe

I do, but I’m BORED

@Chels
She wouldn’t go for it. The only reason she wouldn’t have stabbed me is because she would’ve been in shock over the fact that I even brought it up.

lmao@Reina

does anyone here believe in open relationships or ever been in one?

@Reina
Maybe you’ll get to go home at a decent hour today.

@Chels
I never been in one…and don’t believe in them. We may as well be FWBs and drop the relationship crap.

Luving
*raises hand* somebody did that to me! Im actually glad he txted vs call cuz it woulda been awakward. I wouldnt have picked up anyway. *mumbles* He did dump me after all.
Miss Reina, you’re cursing again!! lol

@chels

I feel you set yourself up for grief and drama when you say yes to an open relationship…someone is always less into it than the other person and therefore gets hurt.

open relationship? i dont believe in those. I dont see the point of having a relationship if you’re bringing other ppl into it – sexually, emotionally, however.

@ fab

It was in Spanish!

@ Reina
*raises left eyebrow* does that mean it doesnt count, chica?

Thaks guys

i ask because a guy told me this a few months ago:

‘sex is the most natural thing ppl can do…I don’t have sex with women cuz I love them, I have sex with them because I’m horny…in a perfect world, I could have the girl I love and take care of, and still have sex without people without consequence and still be able to come home to her’

So I asked him if it went both ways and if she could do the same..he had the GALL to tell me ‘but why would she have to? I would be satisfying her in every way. What the hell would she need to be f**king with another dude for?”

**crickets**

i know he’s just selfish and rude and all that, but it raised a huge question for me

@Chels
Where do you find these dudes?

@ Chels

That is why I’m becoming a lesbian. Male logic — 8th wonder of the world.

@ Moe

Yes, I will, but I’ll be practicing my presentation for tomorrow.

Wow, ok…maybe a new post tomorrow??? FG you must be xtra busy right now!

@Reina
How long is the presentation and how big is the audience? I HATE public speaking. Had to get up in front of over 200 people earlier this year…thought my heart was gonna jump out my chest.

@Moe

they find me…I promise you!

and to add to that, I was getting dressed yesterday morning and Judge Hatchett was on (I STANS for J.H.!) and this guy was trying to determine paternity of some chick he was ‘kicking it with’ baby…

but he had 2 OTHER chicks with whom he had children with that he was also in RELATIONSHIPS with and they were both ok with it.

The girl he’d been with the longest and mother of his first child said ‘i could be mad at thest other two young ladies, but our kids are brother and sister and we need to work together to raise them’ I felt her on THAT tip…but to allow ur man to be living in two other household with two other families seperate from yours? RI-DAMN-DICULOUS!

@ Moe

I’m fine with public speaking. The bigger the audience, the more calm I am. It’ll be a pretty hostile environment tomorrow based on the information I’m giving. I have to make sure all my info is spot on.

@Reina
I gotcha. I’ve witnessed some of those. You’ll do well… no doubts there.

@Chels
Do you plan to stay in S. FL after you graduate?

@Moe

hell no! I’m moving back to Chicago asap…hopefully with a hospital job offer already in hand…

@ Moe

Thank you. We have a new post.

@Chels
Why Chicago?

@Moe

I was stationed there while I was in the Navy (well abot 40 mins outside of the city) and I absolutely loved it! No clue why I moved back to S. FL, but I been dying to get back to the Chi ever since. Its a great place to live IMO

@moe
“@Chels
Where do you find these dudes?”

I’M SAYIN

@and1

I swear THEY find ME…that particular gem was the cousin of my close friend’s boyfriend who had been eyeing for the longest…but he was just…ugh

@chelsea
How developed is your “b*tchface”? You know, that face you give a guy that says “STFU”…cuz I’m thinking you may need to deploy yours more often…”tiger.” ;-p