Fly Perspectives
Sometimes Rejection Is A Good Thing
I was just two months into my journey as the Fly Guy, and the buzz surrounding my love advice brand was already building. As a result of my increased visibility around the city, a local radio station invited me down to do a guest spot as a love expert. While relaxing in the staff lounge, a young lady walked in, and was easily one of the most beautiful women that I had ever seen in my life.
“Hey, how are you,” I politely asked.
“I’m good,” she responded in a less than inviting tone.
“Would you happen to know how things work around here,” I inquired. “I was asked to do a guest spot on the show this afternoon, but I haven’t been given much direction.”
This piqued her interest.
“Oh, you’re going to be on the air today,” she replied, now visibly invested in the conversation. “So what is it that you do?”
“Oh, they invited me to be today’s love expert,” I responded. “I write a love advice column called The Fly Guy Chronicles. It’s been making the rounds in national newspapers and magazines. You may have seen it.”
Love expert? National newspapers and magazines? You could literally see the wheels spinning in her head. Now my usual policy with such an obvious opportunist is to simply walk away. But I was admittedly intrigued, so I decided to capitalize on the moment.
“Hey, why don’t we catch up for dinner,” I offered. “I’ve spent all this time talking about me, and I’d love the opportunity to find out more about you.”
She blushed. As she began to answer, the door flung open, and her girlfriend rushed in to share some good news with her. “Tonya, guess what,” she frantically blurted out. “________’s road manager just called me, and he wants you to come to the studio tonight!!!” (Sorry, I had to block his name out.)
“I knew he was feeling me,” she boasted. “Well, shit, let’s go now. I’m not doing anything around here. See you later Fly Guy.”
And off she went. At first I was a bit dejected that I was blown off. I mean sure, I’m no superstar recording artist, but I do think that I possess the qualities that most women find appealing. It actually messed with my head for a while.
It wasn’t until a few week’s later that my rejection was placed in its proper perspective. It happened when my business manager, who was also there at the station, called with a bit of shocking news.
“Yo Fly Guy,” he barked into the phone. “You remember that chick who shot you down at the radio station a few weeks back? Well I know I was clowning you at the time, but I just found out that she is HIV positive. That’s crazy right? I got this email from Dre, and the whole industry has been put on alert to stay away from her. Apparently she’s been out there infecting people. They even posted her picture in the email. You really dodged a bullet on that one.”
He was right. As I hung up the phone, I was reminded of a life lesson taught to me long ago: Sometimes rejection is God’s protection.
Boy, is it ever.
Fly Question: Has there ever been a time when rejection turned out to be a blessing in disguise? (relationship related instances only please)
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Denise
WOW! You better thank God for that one. There was a guy I dated in college I wanted more and he wasn’t prepared to give that so I parted ways only to find out later he had gotten married! Ouch! Well he ended up cheating on her with multiple women while simultaneously shoving kids in his wife belly. There divorced, she has three kids.
Brown Suga
Hey FG i am new to this site. i found out about you through Nicole Bitchie. Anyways you dodged a 45 caliber bullet!
To your question,I try to put myself in a situation where i do not embarass myself. I can honestly say i do not liked to be rejected, but do not have a problem rejecting someone else
exaviergirl
OMG!!! Yea good thing she wasn’t interested…I know that God causes things like that to happen and at the time u just be so mad cause you wanted things to go ur way…its hard to see al of that when you are actually in the moment…but looking back HE did save me from alot!!!
JaneanAriel
That is beyond crazy! In high school a group of people who were either HIV positive or had AIDS came to our school once in a while to give their testimonies and basically try to keep us in the know. After that, I’d see them on the bus or out and about and I knew they were infected, but everyone else around was oblivious. It amazed me how many people have this disease and you would never know it by their appearance.
Anyway, I’ve never been rejected before, never been dumped, so I can’t come up with an instance.
I’m usually the rejector or the dumper. That’s mean, but it’s my reality.
T-Moe
God does save us from ourselves…if we allow him to. I don’t have a story remotely as crazy as FG’s…but God has definitely put up some roadblocks in the past. I met this chic once when I was in Vegas for a conference. She started talking about how she was into S&M…a bisexual…and made it known that she planned to add me to her list of conquests. We made plans to get together before I left. She gave me her number…I put it in my phone…pressed save…my phone showed “contact saved”…got back to my hotel room and checked my phone. The number was gone.
fabielicious
Welcome, BrownSuga!
I was “let go” a few months ago and i’m still tying to figure out if it’s a blessing in disguise or God made a mistake (Does he even do that? lol). I’m trying to think of the experience as letting me know that im ready for love/relationship but uhhh yea…blah
exaviergirl
@ fabielicious , only time will tell and no God doesn’t make mistakes…I have the same sentiments…Blah, lol
fabielicious
@ Moe
maybe the phone malfunctioned and save it somewhere else lol
@ exaviergirl
Hi! lol it bears thinking about. But I guess HE knows best so here i am!
Reina
Oh, wow. Yeah, FG, that was definitely a blessing. As for me, I was once dating this guy, and he just suddenly stopped calling. We hadn’t progressed to the relationship stage, so though I was feeling him, I didn’t overly stress about his disappearance. About a month later, I picked up the paper and found out he’d gone to jail for kidnapping and possessing a firearm.
@ Moe
But you knew all this about her before getting her number?
T-Moe
@Reina
I was thinking with the wrong head. She started talking about a menage a trois…at that point…all common sense escaped me.
Reina
@ Moe
Then God didn’t save you by rejection. He saved you from your narrow-minded libido.
T-Moe
@Reina
You’re right..he didn’t save me from rejection. He put up a roadblock to save me from something else. A disease..getting robbed…or simply keeping me from the debauchery that would have ensued.
fabielicious
lol @ Reina’s response
exaviergirl
Good topic FG!!!
kriscole83
I have been rejected (very subtle) by this guy at my job but now I’m soooo glad that it didn’t go anywhere. I found out from him telling me (not is so many words) that he has dating ADD (like some, not all, guys in ATL). And he has been stringing this woman around for the past six months.
TaurusLady
See what happens when you’re under God’s protection? He saves you from situations that could compromise the plans He has for you. I don’t have any rejection/hidden blessing story to share with you guys, sorry! I guess my sixth sense lets me know that certain dudes could potentially be a source of problems, so I politely decline their invitation or try not to get too close to them. I guess that’s God’s way of protecting me.
Untouched Jewel
Like my sister always said to me: “God looks after fools and babies”. Not to say that you are a fool FG, but he definitely was looking out for you and your well-being. Last thing you need to be is another AIDS statistic.
Chelsea...Not the Girl Next Door
I was rejected fairly recently by this guy that I thought things were going pretty damn good with. We talked all the time, had the same exact interests in movies and tv shows, were the same sign (bday two days apart), could quote full episodes of the Boondocks at will, and just meshed beyond well together. I put my feelings on the table and he squashed them. Told me it was NOT happening, but that he *might* change his mind in the future. I was woman enough to exit stage left but inside I was reeling. Well…a few weeks later I found out he was still somewhat talking to his ex, had recently been confronted with a girl who said she’d given birth to his child 2 years earlier, and he decided he was going into the military.
I was floored…dodged 3 bullets and thanked God that He was on my side!
Ms. Miss
I will keep this is mind next time I face rejection.
Just a Thought
Hmmm, been rejected, enough time has passed nor have opportune circumstances come around for me to see the silver lining yet.
Just a Thought
#20: not enough time
Denise121
About 15 years ago I went with this guy who was really good looking. A little hoodish but ok, our date was so bad I felt reject and started questioning myself (you know, my looks, breath, conversation, etc…). Needless to say I never heard from him again but a month later, he was on the news being arrested for PimPing. God loves fools and babies.
Maya
FG,
Wow! That was really a blessing in disguise. When I read the headline on Eviplist I instantly knew for some reason you were going to say this person who rejected you had a disease. I have been in similar situations where my conscious would tell me to stay away from a certain guy, and I found out later there was a good reason for it. Sometimes loneliness and hormones can get in the way of our judgment. That’s why I always pray for direction. Situations like this make me want to stay abstinent until I get married, and even then there is no guarantee. All you can do is use protection and good judgment, and of course pray.
G~Bless
NinaG
“You remember that chick who shot you down at the radio station a few weeks back? Well I know I was clowning you at the time, but I just found out that she is HIV positive. That’s crazy right? I got this email from Dre, and the whole industry has been put on alert to stay away from her. Apparently she’s been out there infecting people. They even posted her picture in the email.”
Wow, that’s some really stigmatizing behavior. Maybe the “whole industry” should have been put on alert about safer sex methods