5 Keys To Maintaining A Long Distance Relationship
Nov 17th, 2008 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: The Chronicles
Comments (233)
I can still remember her name…Nikki Miller. In my eyes, she was the definition of a real woman. She was my soulmate; my everything. Sadly circumstance tore us apart, as a better opportunity forced me to move away. At that point in my life, I had no idea how to maturely handle a long-distance relationship. So we broke up. Of course, I was only 7 at the time, but my mother could have at least let me call her from time to time right?
Listen; there are times when our career or our general pursuit of happiness forces us to change locations. If you’re involved with someone when this happens, then you’ll likely need a few Fly Guy tools to ensure your relationship’s survival. That’s why I’ve decided to equip you with 5 Essential Keys to Maintaining a Successful Long-Distance Relationship. If you apply these to your situation, you’ll never have to lose out on the Nikki Miller of your life.
#1: Make contact every day- This doesn’t necessarily have to be a 4-hour phone call. But still take the time to at least send an email or text message letting them know how important they are. Failing to constantly check in with your mate will leave them feeling abandoned, which undermines the whole point of even trying the relationship in the first place.
#2: Plan to see each other regularly- There’s a certain psychology behind having something to look forward to. So plan regular trips to see each other during your time apart. Those special moments will energize the relationship, giving you more resolve than the time I had to convince my grandmother that Michael and Letoya Jackson were two different people.
#3: Make the relationship a priority- I know you’ve been waiting for months to audition for the stageplay version of “Who’s the Boss” at your community theater — and I wish you luck on that. But you can’t place trivial matters before your relationship. When you’re hundreds or even thousands of mile apart, it becomes increasingly important for you to make your significant other feel as if they’re still a major part of your life. So don’t cancel a planned phone call or scheduled visit for things that you could honestly do without.
#4: Trust your partner- Nothing spells failure faster than going into a long-distance relationship with no sense of trust. If you can’t trust your mate’s ability to remain faithful while in another city, then why bother? You know, this whole notion reminds me of the time I refused to let Condoleezza Rice borrow my comb. I knew up front that I couldn’t trust her to do the right thing, so I told her no. And if you can’t commit to trusting them (or yourself) then don’t waste your time or theirs.
#5: Make plans for the future- There’s nothing worse than engaging in a long-distance relationship with no true game plan established for when you’ll actually be together again. That’s like working a job without your boss giving you a clear cut answer on when you’ll get paid. (”You’ll get your check one of these days buddy…just hang on in there.”) If it’s a year, then say it. If it’s going to be two years apart, then make that known. That way both sides will know what they’re committing to up front.
The Fly Guy Moral: As you’ve sifted through the information I’ve provided today, understand that there’s no clear cut method to approaching such an enormous commitment. No matter how the two of you plan to approach it, just know that it’s going to take a lot of work, as well as a lot of patience and flexibility. But if you really want to keep the relationship alive, then you’ll figure out a way to make it work. Good luck.
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My opinion long distance relationships rarely work period, unless the realtionship is an open one until one them agrees to move closer to the other depending on how serious the relationship is.
yeah…no. no LDR’s for me. I pass. They suck.
That is all.
and cosign with LL as well
Morning LL!
How have you been?
LDR…I’m not sure if I really believe those kinda relationships would work with/for me but you never know. I think FG touched up what would need to be addressed/done. The most important to me would be #5: you have to know what you’re in for!
My other thing would be: who would move where? How do you decide that? Somebody has to give up something
I third that and I’m tring it right now. Wish me luck.
On the flip-side I think a LDR could be exciting and depending on where you are in your life, just what the doctor ordered. A long distance relationship can really work if you are mature enough to see past the distance and see the advantages. Look at Barack and Michelle, they have been doing the long distance thing for years now but they still have that fire.
Morning all!
I have been in a LDR and I think it can work if you rememeber to do #’s 1-5 lmao. if not then you are headed for splitsville.
Hey chelz/fab/LL
Morning all!
I think #5 is very important to tne success of a relationship because if looks like it is going to be LDR for what seems like forever it is hard to want to move forward with the relationship.
@polyestaplaya
Good luck with that. It’s definitely not an easy undertaking.
Morning errbody…
for all the ‘new’ ppl who have come out of lurking….KEEP POSTING!
I’m sick of talkin to the same losers day in and day out! I kid i kid…
good points LaLa and esheblue
I hope everyone had a nice weekend
I think there should be a #6. Don’t. Personally, I think distance is poison to a relationship. The best description I’ve heard is that a LDR is like a relationship with an “off” switch.
@fg
have you ever been in a LDR?
nishaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! lol Hey lady!
Hey chelz, how was your weekend?
Polyestaplaya,
Good luck. Do you think you have all the criteria covered?
@and 1
whoa! lol.
@polyestaplaya
How long have you been in your LDR?
@fab
you too funny lol.
@nisha
Yeah. I was in one for two years. We were working it out too. Doing everything that I laid out. But then she realized that she didn’t want to live her life in the spotlight. So we parted ways. That’s when I realized that fame and fortune is cool, but it’s not appealing to everyone.
dmv…
did you guys meet up?
@Blue
I was at Jin with a few poeple but not sure if anyone else showed up. Did you make it out?
oh yeah…how’d the DMV meet-up go?
Details, details, details!
@blue
I had a fam emergency so I had to go to nyc, this wknd.
@fg
I’m sorry about that. So what type of things did you do to show her you cared being that you were so far away? I am interested in how a man is really supposed to carry on in a ldr
@blaze
No, I didn’t make it back into d.c. after leaving work.
@Nisha
everyone/thing okay?
My weekend was pretty good. I was able to hiphop’s funny man, Devin the Dude last saturday.
@Nisha
We’ve been doing for about 4months now.
I hope everything is ok or on their way to being there Nisha…
@Nisha,
There’s nothing to be sorry about. Just another interesting chapter in my life, that taught me a lot. I did all sorts of things. Make surprise trips, send cards, notes, gifts…basically any and everything to show that I was dedicated to her, even though we were apart, and I was always traveling.
I also used to write a journal just to her (hey, I’m a writer). That way she could get a daily understanding of how I felt about her, what we were trying to accomplish, and how I saw her fitting into my life.
That was just some of it.
@FG
thats so amazing…that you felt so strongly about her to do those kinds of things for her…realy amazing
@chelz,
you do what you have to do. There’s no sense in talking a good game, if you aren’t willing to put in the work to back it up.
@FG
i agree…kudos to you for that
@ polyplaya:
Good luck. LDRs are worth it if you’re with the right person.
Personally, the only LDR I had was back in undergrad, and it didn’t work out because the nig…uh, dude, never got off the sticks to talk to me. I will fall back if it’s God, your mama, something really important for work/school, but I’ll be durned if I have to play second fiddle to a video game ALL the time.
An ex tried to get back at me long distance, but he was on the rebound and that is worst than a regular LDR.
@chelz/blue
Thank you ladies, my gramps was in the hospital so I had to scurry out to nyc, he is doing better then thursday so I am happy about that.
@fg
See those are the types of things that make a ldr work, knowing your SO thinks about you and does #’s 1-5 lol.
@Nisha
all…poor Gramps! (am I the only one who calls my grandparents by their first names?) Glad he’s doing better!
and I cosign with you about FG…I would love for someone to care about me that much romantically…
@ Chelz:
I’m with you on wanting someone that does romantic things to let me know that they care. However, I am more about someone that is willing to inquire about what I like personally and tailors those expressions to what I like. I’ve very appreciative of the romantic gestures that men put forth, because that is not something that they are particularly good at, but it is like icing on cake when they show that they did their homework first.
@JAT
doing homework first is great…but i think i would give my guy a pass if he just did something romantic that wasn’t necessarily my style. At least I know he has a romantic mind…I could work with him on tailoring it just for Chelsea.
@chelz
lol thank you.
I have a nana, gramps, grandpa, and nana lol.
Yeah I want a man who does stuff like that.
@Nisha
I have Vehonice (or Vee as everyone calls her) and Nate (rip)…lol
reina,
We miss you! We hope you’re not working too hard!
Truer words have never been spoken: “There’s no sense in talking a good game, if you aren’t willing to put in the work to back it up.” N that applies to everything in life! I hate when men say “imma do everything to make you happy” blah blah blah but when it’s time to step up and do what’s necessary, they have already checked out emotionally/romantically! ugh
@fab
oh yeah! you are right with that one. FG hit it on the nail
Reina is working hard! awww.
chelz,
I didnt even know my grandparents’ first name until I was grown LOL. In haiti, we usually add suffixes to grandfathers’ last name. Everybody calls them by that name.
oopsie, i messed the previous post all up..sorry, blame it on being Monday. I didnt know their “real” first names. We add the suffix to the 1st name.
@fg
What state did she live in? We know you in the atl.
@nisha,
She lived in Nashville, so I used to drive up there all the time.
@fg
I am very interested in how a man carries a LDR, so I have a few questions lol.
Where there even any trust issues?
also what type of thigns did she do?
Wheeew I think I am done fg lol.
LDR’s are tough, no question. And they’re not for everyone. I was talking to a guy a while back who lived in DC (I’m in NJ) and it was exciting – whirlwind trips to see each other, getaway weekends… I knew I wasn’t going to see him every weekend, but thought that as long as we kept up on communication I’m cool with it (I need my space anyway!). Maybe he wasn’t cool with it, or maybe he just wasn’t into me enough to want to put forth the effort. Either way, it fizzled about as quickly as it sparked initially.
And FG, you do realize that you’re totally raising the bar for any dude that tries to kick it to us ladies now, right? A journal? My heart is melting.
@song
I agree. relationships are hard in general and require work, ldr’s require hard work and a lot of overtime lol.
SONGBIRD!
WHERE DA HELL YOU BEEN???????????
Hey Chelsea! I’ve been working like a dog lately :’(
I know, I know, I’ve had Reina on me too… but I’m here now!
How you been? Holding down the fort, I hope :)
@ Chelz:
LOL, lord knows men need to be tailored. But I did say that I was appreciative of any gesture a guy did. I do know their limitations :-)
I don’t have problem with LDRs, as long as I can make the drive in less than 5 hrs. That would make #2 & #5 a whole lot easier. I’m already aware of the things I need to do to maintain the relationship. As FG mentioned…cards, letters, & gifts. Trust and frequent communication are definitely a must.
Songbird! we’ve missed you around here. How have you been?
I do agree with what you said about FG raising the bar…It’s rare to find a man that is so thoughful
nisha,
you are pestering the man!! LOL j/k
@moe
What about 6 hrs lol? I know for me I felt like i was always talking with my SO about cards. letters, emails, and etc . That irked the heck out of me because I did all those things.
@fab
lol I know but you know this intrigues me lol. Like you said FG raised the bar so I had to ask. lol
@ Nisha:
Gestures only mean something if there is something behind it. I do all that up until the point when I get the faintest idea that a dude’s not feeling me. Why waste time and money is bruh is on his way out anyway?
@Songbird
yes I am holding it down! I’ve missed you tho..was ready to put and APB out on you and a few others! glad u back!
@Moe
you always down for the cause, aren’t you? grr….
@JAT
I know you did…I was just saying I would be grinning like a fool at anything romantic that was done just out of pure affection for ME
@Fabie – howdy! Glad to be back…
@Nisha
I would have to be head over heels in love to deal with too much distance. I prefer less than 5 because that’s an easy weekend trip. I can leave after work on a Friday..get there the same night..and head back home Sunday afternoon. But once you step outside of the 5 hour window, it gets hard.
You have to really want things to work to put in that type of effort (cards, letters, etc). If you’re not into it, it’s easy to get distracted. You know how it is..as soon as you’re in a relationship…you start getting all kind of offers from other people.
@Moe – Ain’t that the truth. Minute you start something, all kinds of people come out the woodworks throwing attention your way. SMH.
@Chelz
I have to be. I never know what opportunities life is going to bring my way. So I make it a point to keep an open mind.
Ladies,
How come men (except for Moe and FG) dont realize how happy the lil things like cards, letters, emails, ecards would make us? as long as they’re sincere, of course *sigh*
@ Moe
Hello! How are you doing today? You’re ready to tell everybody what happened on Friday nite? I was waiting for us to start the festivities.
@Songbird
It never fails. It’s almost like you got a facelift. All of a sudden…everyone wants to get with you.
@Fab
What’s going on? Aside from you and I…everybody else flaked out…as I predicted.
@Fabie — OMG, I saw on Oprah once this couple who were married for like ever, and they wrote a letter to each other EVERY DAY. They both had notebooks and each would write something to each other, no matter how simple or trivial, but they made it a point that they had to share with each other each day. Some days the letter would only say, “I’m using all the strength God gave me to not scream and bite your head off” and other days they’d be oozing with love. And they kept all the notebooks… great idea I thought.
@Moe/Songbird
its a known fact that ppl want what they cant have. Also, i think once ppl get into a relationship, they naturally exude confidence, content-ness (?) and just overall sexuality because now you have someone to direct it to and you aren’t on the prowl anymore. That type of attitude is sexy as attractive. You DID have that facelift because now all of a sudden you look better than you did when you were single.
Moe – I know. Well, I guess it’s the glow of happiness that looks so attractive. I’m trying to find a way to fake it with these creams and lotions from the department store.
@JAt
Yes a person can tell when I have had enough, I don;t do anything. All those sweet things…gone.
@Songbird
LMAO How’s that working out for ya?!
just in for a sec before I have to run. I do not believe in LDR. At all. Never. I can understand not wanting to let go of that connection with a person but if you are moving that far away well, the relationship ends.
@Moe
What time were you all at Jin? I got there about 10..I had to go to the UMD hoop game first.
@Blaze
Fab and I chilled out at Busboy and grabbed something to eat…then we called it night. We didn’t see a point in going to Jin..being we didn’t know who we were looking for anyway.
@Fab
**whispers** is Moe cute in person?
@ songbird:
I’m working on the creams too! But, I’ve been ripping and running, so my diet (as in what I eat, not the trying to lose weight thing) has gotten pretty bad. Everyone I know with that glow sans knocking boots eat pretty good.
@ Moe:
Shoot, I don’t get offers when I’m in a relationship. I get offers when I’m pissed off and debating swearing off dating. I happen to think I look better when I’m smiling and happy as opposed to when I look like I will bite a dude’s head off.
@ Nisha:
Me too. But the biggest clue to when I’ve had enough is I stop talking about the future. I don’t have a lot of free time, and have to schedule time for every outing. If I’m not trying to make plans to be with you more than a day in advance, then it is so heading for splitsville.
@ chelz:
I always thought that was a pic of him, but I could be wrong. You know how people front online
@Jat
it is…but cameras lie. I just wanted to know if the real thing was anything like the virtual..hehehe
@JAT
I do. And it’s always the ones who fit my “type”. I make it a point to avoid situations where I can be tempted.
For the fellas who want to know…Fab is a cutie…with nice lips.
@Chelsea
you made a very good point:
its a known fact that ppl want what they cant have. Also, i think once ppl get into a relationship, they naturally exude confidence, content-ness (?) and just overall sexuality because now you have someone to direct it to and you aren’t on the prowl anymore. That type of attitude is sexy as attractive. You DID have that facelift because now all of a sudden you look better than you did when you were single.
@song
Yessss I saw that Oprah!! it was so nice.
@ Moe:
Ha! I’m glad you’re proactive on protecting yourself. The only time that I’ve been seriously tempted with another offer, I was EXTRA bummy, hung over, buying car parts for an oil change. I thought I was on Punk’d, or dude had a challenge he had to fulfill while pledging.
@LL
thanks
@Moe
of course she’s cute! She’s an EC girl!
@moe
I did not flake, I had a fam emergency, had to make a mad dash to nyc,
@JAT
I thought I was on Punk’d, or dude had a challenge he had to fulfill while pledging.
**dead**
Girl you just hilarious!
@chelsea
Some people say you attract more people while your in a relationship versus while single
@JAT
I actually had a video vixen (numerous music videos, numerous men’s magazines) give me her contact info. telling me to holla at her. I ain’t even go lie…I thought about it…HARD. But karma kept me from going the wrong route.
@ Chelz:
Homie, it was that bad. Hair barely combed, sweats, the whole nine. It took me three minutes to figure out he was serious about getting my number. And homeboy was FINE! Why can’t that type of dude be interested while I’m on my A-game and single?
well, thanks Moe *blushing*
chelz,
he is cute with dimples!! N a true gentleman (no need to bring out the mace lol)
@Nisha
I’m sorry to hear that..I hope everything is okay. You get a pass…..this time. lol
@ Lyrical:
If you’re happy, then you do. Happy people just look better. It’s like that novel the portrait of Dorian Gray – the inside dictate the outside. And while you can be content while single, happy coupledom just adds that extra umph that make you just look better.
@ Moe:
Stay away from video vixens. All that glitters…
But big ups for doing the right thing. I knew there was a reason why I liked you.
@moe
thank you lol
@JAT
you took me back with dorian gray. loved that book
@Fab
Thanks…I’m glad to hear I’m not mace-worthy! lol
WAIT WAIT WAIT!
FLAG ON THE PLAY!!!!!
MOE HAS DIMPLES!?!?!? (never saw that one coming!)
Get the hell outta here! Wow…the dirty old man might actually be a real catch huh? I’m floored!
**gives Moe standing ovation**
Even though she’s a foreigner, I trust Fabie’s judgement. So kudos to you Moeski!
**books flight to DC**
I GOT to see you losers for myself…maybe DC is where I need to be afterall…hehehe
@ Nisha:
Yes, I’m buried in a bunch of lit right now for school. But I can’t really enjoy the books because I have to analyze and critique them. When I’m done with this degree, I’m going to go back and reread a lot of them just cuz.
@JAT
lol…he saw your ‘potential’…we had a whole discussion about that a while back. Lol…so did u give him the digits and talk to him? There’s a lot of sexy guys in Tally…football players and such
@JAT
I know. She was REAL nice to look at…but no substance. That’s the type that when the sex is over, I want to say “Can you please leave now? I’m kinda sleepy.”
@Chelz
Thanks….I think. lol
@ moe
lmao.
LOL @ chelz
Yes, come, come!
gee, thanks for your vote of confidence LOL
Yes, he actually MIGHT be a catch…might
@Fab/Chelz
You’re killing me with the backhanded compliments. LOL
OMG, why did i just think Moe was referring to me when i started reading this “I know. She was REAL nice to look at…but no substance”
…then i woke up!
@ Chelz:
Nope. I’m faithful and was in a relationship at the time. If I would have given dude my number, I definitely would’ve gotten myself in trouble.
And I don’t eff w/ football players. Most of them are a dumb as bricks (not to mention a-holes) so I can’t deal with that foolishness. Plus, I’m way too grown to mess with those babies.
@ Moe:
LOL, yeah, you have to get them out of the house real quick. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Don’t even use my shower, just get out.
@Fab
LMAO No, I wasn’t referrring to you!
@ fabie:
Ha! Maybe you need to eat? it is lunch time…
moe
we gotta keep you on your toes :)
Are you gonna tell about how you tried to pimp me out??
@JAT
…and please take your panties with you. lol
@Moe
yes, I did flake.
Just,
You are so right! I am mighty hungry lol
@ Moe:
LOL, harsh but true.
@ Moe/Fabie:
What is the story on the attempted pimping?
@Fab
he tried to pimp you? Do tell…thought he was gentleman (side eye to Moeski-nator)
@JAT
oh I thought you were single then…and yeah I know the footballers aint all that smart (I date PP that goes to FSU…I’m sure you can figure who I mean…DUMB AS HELL!) but they are nice to look at!
@eshe
why you flaked?
@chelz
I just didn’t make it back into D.C. after work…I had all intentions of going home for a few and then coming back in—but that never works for me.
@JAt
no shower, no sandwiches, no meaningful talks about ANYTHING and no sleeping. Collect your belongings…QUIETLY…and exit stage left. And please turn your music down until you reach the light at the other end of the street…I dont want my neighbors woken up and asking nosy a** questions. Thank you!
lol!
Good information. I’ve seen LDR work, but they are not for me. Well I should say, I haven’t met anyone worth that extended effort.
Glad I found your blog.
@Moe
maybe if you guys didn’t fling our panties all over the place we would be able to find and retrieve them sometimes.
I KNOW i’m not the only one thats gone on a panty hunt in a dark azz room while i’m trying to make a swift exit out of dude’s house in order to go home and shower and watch Cheaters…without alerting him to my disappearing act.
Give me a sec…my cool (yet talkative) coworker is standing here.
@ Chelz
I will hunt them down if they are expensive or go to a matching set (ha!) if they are some cheapies then they may be left behind.
Well, Moeski here said this woman looked me up and down (my back was turned to the street and i couldnt see her) and seems to appreciate what she saw. He asked me if he should run after her to introduce us.
Right, Moe?
@Miss
I am NOT leaving my unmentionables behind! Who knows what guys do to crap like that. I dont want some other chick he may be banging to find them and cast some sort of spell on them. I might wake up with a beak or something!
No…I used to have a flashlight on my keys that came in oh so handy. Might need to invest in another…
@Fab
so he tried to pimp you to a WOMAN!?!
Holy Moley…
@ Chelz
i’ve had a guy steal my panties on more than one occassion. I don’t know if he wore them or sniffed them. Didn’t bother me much.
and if he has a girlfriend that he obviously didn’t tell me about prior to removal of said panties if she finds them then I say fantastic. glad his cheating ass got caught.
@Miss
he might have gotten caught…but I could STILL wake up with an only one breast!
I HAVE to find them and secure them.
Hey Ms!
hahaha @ guys stealing your panties. I wanna know what he did with them!
@ Chelz
I don’t believe in voodoo so i’m safe.
Hey Everybody,
LDR suck! Only works if both people put in the same (or close) amount of effort into it.
@ dmv ppl,
I went but came late. 9 45 ish. Walked around Busboy didnt recognize anyone, went inside Jin (which around that time only had like 10 ppl in there) and then gave up. Maybe the red shirt thing would of been good. I wore a wine colored top (just in case)
@Chelz
Those things are a barrier to the prize, and must be discarded pronto. But once the act is over..finding them is your problem. lol I kid. I help her find them…I don’t need that evidence stuck behind my headboard!
@Fab/Chelz/JAT
The chic looked Fab up and down like she was a steak dinner and she hadn’t eaten in years. I figured I could make some money out of it!
@Miss
I aint completely convinced either…but I’d rather not find out by leaving my panties behind
I have had a guy or two ASK if they can keep my panties (and bra)…weird. i didn’t ask why…I was afraid
@ chelz:
Your caribbean is showing with all that mess. I don’t believe in voodoo/witchcraft, so I don’t worry about what some chick would find. My ex SO, during the whole return of personal belongings stage, did give me another girl’s panties one time. Kinda blew a whole through that “I wasn’t cheating, we just grew apart” bull he was trying to run. This same fool stole a nightgown of mine and a bunch of cds.
I haven’t had to do the great panty search very often. I’m usually in a relationship so I better not have to leave before morning.
@ Chelz
keep the bra?! do you know how much a bra costs? Do you know we are in a recession? geez…
@ Moe:
I know the economy is bad, but save the pimpology at least until the second or third outing!
JAT I would have killed him. How are you going to give me someone else’s panties!!!!
@JAT
You have to strike while the iron is hot! I had a potential customer…and I didn’t even have to solicit any business. She was already sold!
Moe
HAHAHAHAHA Imma need you to stop it! lol
@ Miss:
It was only the good Lord that kept me from doing it. I had my deposit on a 9 ready to go because negro had clearly lost his mind (there was some other fuckery he pulled). But, I laugh now because how could I have ever thought I could be with someone who I lived with for a year and he didn’t even know what size I wore?
@ Moe:
I guess so. If I’m ever in DC, don’t pull that crap with me or you’ll have to pull a 4in stiletto outta ya behind.
@ Just
wow! How long were you guys together?
Ladies
What is the furthest distance you would deal with in a ldr…
Moe said 5hrs is the cut off for him
@JAT
Purchasing a 9? Threatening sexual assault with a stiletto?
Chelsea….meet your twin! LOL
Great and bad characteristic about LDRs: When he pisses you off, he’s too far away for you to damage his possessions or person. Good for him, bad for me.
…but I don’t forget.
Where is blaze, preston, and 1, and tubbs (who has been m.i.a for a minute) where the brothers at?
@reina…
I knew you would come in with a bang lol. How was your wknd?
You women are violent are hell! LOL And ya’ll say men have issues.
Hi everyone! Fab & Nisha, thanks for thinking of me and sympathizing.
@ Nisha
It was cold. Really, really cold. Yours? Sorry to hear about your grandfather.
reina,
woosa…woosa lol
@ nisha
Ideal would be less than 3 hours…max, 5 hours. I wanna be able to drive there (wherever) and not be tired. Me tired doesnt mean good things.
Hey Reina!
@ Moe:
Whatever! LOL. It was my first love, so to say I didn’t take the breakup well is an understatement. That, and the dude owed me money.
Women are not violent, we just treat our emotions how y’all treat your property. Although, if a dude got it in his mind to damage my property, I would have to unleash some thugs I know to administer a butt whooping.
@ Fabie:
Two years.
@ Nisha:
If driving, 4-5 hrs. If flying, a two hour flight (about an 8-10 hr drive). That, and we’d have to be serious before I’d even think about it.
@fab
lol.
@reina
Thanks mamas! he is doing better then he was so I am grateful. I was in the nyc and yes cold as ice.
@ Reina:
What’s up? I have hanging with some of your countrywomen on Sat. I have a headache from trying to follow their Spanish. I def. need to take a class. I’ve been resisting because I didn’t plan on being in FL this long, but now it’s becoming a necessity.
#144: was hanging
@ Fab
LOL I’ll try it, but I doubt its effectiveness.
@ JustA
That’s rude. Why were they speaking in Spanish around you?
@ Moe
Hi! I am not violent, just have a low tolerance.
@ Nisha
I’m glad to hear it lady.
@reina/moe
A low tolerence for foolishness.
@Reina
Which therefore leads to violence. lol
@ all
I just read a beautiful article about will and jada (this mths essence mag) it was beautiful.
‘Great and bad characteristic about LDRs: When he pisses you off, he’s too far away for you to damage his possessions or person. Good for him, bad for me.
…but I don’t forget.’
LOVE THIS QUOTE!
@Moeski-nator
I haven’t even assualted anyone yet! All I’ve ever done was damage a car, make a few prank phone calls, do some late nite drive-bys and show up at events i knew he’d be looking fabulous and acting flirty.
But I am CAPABLE of getting violent. And death by stiletto is a horrible way to die, I can ssure you!
@ Reina:
One girl spoke limited English, the other thinks I’ll learn faster if she approaches it like parents who throw their kids into swimming pools.
@ Moe:
If guys know that foolishness leads to violence, why not leave the foolishness alone? I’m just saying. I know alligators can eat me, ergo you won’t catch me traipsing through the everglades with sirloins strapped to my back.
I dont think we’re violent at all UNTIL we reach our threshold. Absolutely no going back then!
Reina,
You have to pull on ur ears when ure doing it ;)
@JAT
I’m fully aware of this, and I take the necessary steps to keep my property (myself included) intact.
@JAT
@ Moe:
If guys know that foolishness leads to violence, why not leave the foolishness alone? I’m just saying. I know alligators can eat me, ergo you won’t catch me traipsing through the everglades with sirloins.
…I am in tears, JAT you are nuts lmao
@ Moe:
Good deal. Just an FYI, I’ve never defaced or damaged any property.
@ Fabie:
Cosign.
LMAO @ the image created by Just! I cant LOL
@ chelz
I’ve led a boring life :( Ive only done one drive-by and 1 prank call..i think
@ Fab
LOL I’m in a glass conference room. I’ll have to try it later.
@ JustA
They may just work.
@Ladies
Why are men expected to practice self control when dealing with your foolishness…but you have free reign to lose your minds whenever you see fit when dealing with our foolishness?
@Miss
yeah he asked me for the bra…and all my bras are pretty damn expensive cuz I have to spoil the ‘girls’…they work hard so they deserve to be hugged by only the best.
Anywho…he had put in enough work financially to warrant a gift the the bra and panties, so i gave them to him. It was….strange to say the least, but whatever.
@ JustA
THAT may just work. Do you know the basics of the language?
@ Moe/Nisha/JustA/Chels
Thank you ladies.
It is not unwarranted violence. He’s been forewarned so he shouldn’t be surprised at the outcome of his unfavorable actions.
@Fab
next time a fool gets stupid, call me! I’ll have you in the swing of things in no time. Its cathartic…better than meditation and more fun than shopping. Ok, not MORE fun, but still entertaining!
@Moeski-nator
cuz we damage MATERIAL things…you guys try to damage US! There’s a difference of about 5 or so years of prision time in the two. Thanks!
@Chelz
So that gives you the right to do as you please?
@ Reina:
Nope. Which is why she gets the side eye on the regular.
@ Moe:
I don’t get violent over regular old nonsense that happens when a relationship ends. Even if dude was cheating. But if you take it to a ridiculous level of disrespect, then you can expect me to react in kind.
@JAT
Okay.
@Moeski-nator
How can I put this nicely?
HELL YEAH!
Men have big egos and general ideas about manliness and what it means to be manly. That means that if a chick breaks your heart, you’re supposed to bash her in conversations with your boys, change your cell phone number and meet a new chick. Its nonemotional. Any other behavior will either warrant you being called a ‘punk’ by your frat brothers, or jail time.
Women on the other hand are ALLOWED and even ENCOURAGED (Lifetime Movie Network anyone?) to be as emotional and vocal about a break-up or wrongdoing as possible. Our friends wont make fun of us or call us ‘punks’ if we do so.
Its just what society allows. I dont make the rules…
@Chelz
Society allows us to do a lot of things, but we do have the ability to make decisions for ourselves. Just because it’s a societal norm doesn’t mean you have to make it a part of who you are as a person.
@Moeski
If you dont want me to break your stuff and go all Angela Basset on you then don’t cheat on me with a white woman!
Lol…naw I’m playing. For real tho, there aren’t many ways to make a man hurt when he’s hurt you, except to hurt his pockets. If he has to look at his broken windows, smashed up cell phone, torn up clothes and ripped up furniture then he’s forced to think of you and how much better off he’d be had he just not done whatever he did to hurt you. Its a loss of options for revenge (and a slight chemical imbalance maybe) that makes *SOME* of us do such things.
@Moe
I think Chelz has been watching that Jazmine Sullivan video way too often.
@Blaze
hush…like I said I only dented up one car in my life and that was quite a while before Jazmine hit the scene.
Everything else I’ve done has been merely to get under his skin. I feel that works better than vandalism on most occasions, personally.
@chelz
“I dont make the rules”
Only one car?lol….Thats one too many
@Chelz
For some reason, I can understand the twisted logic behind that. When a person doesn’t care about you emotionally, then there’s no way you can hurt them emotionally. Men are always expected to “man up” when dealing with adversity. Why is it so hard for most women to “woman up” when facing the same adversity?
@Nisha
that’s right
@Blaze
I was 17…I was angry. We’ve had this discussion.
@Moeski
‘Men are always expected to “man up” when dealing with adversity. Why is it so hard for most women to “woman up” when facing the same adversity?’
Explain
@Chelz
When a man has been hurt by a woman, we’re expected to “man up” and get over it. The only behavior that’s acceptable is his graceful departure. But because it’s a societal norm, you’re telling me that it’s okay for you to resort to violence and vandalism when you’ve been hurt in the same way. Why can’t you gracefully walk away…write him off as a punk *ss b*tch…and live life?
@xy
and have any of you actually ever listened to Jazmine in that song? I suggest you do…its a real azz message she’s given.
“You could never feel how I felt that day/I’m glad I did it cuz baby, you don’t know pain”
Yeah…raw emotion right there!
@Moe
a lot of times we do! The only thing I can tell you here is that some women can control themselves and some women cant. Just like men. Just like men are allowed to have sex with multiple women and not be labeled for it and women can’t…its a double standard one person can’t change. Sorry…better luck next time.
@Chelz
I know this already…you’re just helping my day go by faster. lol
So….the moral of this story is…don’t do dirty things and your laptop will remain intact. Got it?
@Chelz
How bout I just not let your crazy azz in my house. LOL
Ok. When I “assaulted” a guy, he hadn’t emotionally hurt me. I was just pissed. The relationship continued afterward. When I’m hurt, I don’t lash out. I say bye.
@Moe
You don’t have to LET me in…haven’t Reina and I taught you anything?
LOL@Chelz
My bad…I forgot.
Moe
I’ve a question.
@Reina
Shoot
@Moe
And I resent being called crazy too, btw
@Chelz
You know I don’t know if you’re crazy for real. You could just be e-crazy (crazy on the net).
@Moe
I’m not crazy at all! lol…
@moe
e-crazy…I like that.
@and1
Thanks…you can have it
What’s your question Reina?
I’m not sure I’m framing it correctly, but have you ever treated a woman like a possession? She meets all you non-materialistic standards, but if it wasn’t for her looks, you wouldn’t be with her?
@Reina
do you have issues with men wanting to be with you soley based on your physicalities? I’m not trying to be funny or rude, but you ask questions similar to this a lot.
@ the XY coalition:
Why were you guys lurking FOREVER, except to speak out against the destruction of property? Just curious…
As for me, I have only acted a fool once (no property damaged, just some phone calls), and realized that crap didn’t make me feel better. I wholly cosign with cutting dude off 100% and drowning your sorrows in a 6′4″ stud. That, and never give 100% to a dude in the first place. My grandmother told me a long time ago to only be with men who loved me more than I loved them. I, believing in the idea of love, didn’t listen. Now, while there is still hope for me to have my very own fairy tale, I discipline myself to follow her advice.
@Reina
I think I get it. When I was in the military, there was a woman who I tolerated for about a month because of her looks, but I didn’t view her as a possession. She had a effed up attitude, so possessing her was the last thing on my mind.
@ Chelz…
Of course. It never becomes a relationship, though.
@JaT
I was actually trying to work. FG is making me behind. That said, thats interesting advice from grandma. If you knew your partner was more into you and than you were into them, wouldnt you wind up taking them for granted?
@JAT
You are now in my “sistas from another mista” soror lol. I have acted a fool by the phone call thing. I like that advice grandma gave lol.
@ Moe
Yeah, I phrased it wrong but similar to what you posted. I have too much going through my mind right now.
@ and1:
If it happens I will let you know ;-)
But on the real, I’m very giving, and I had to learn the hard way to hold back. Plus, men like what they can’t have, so I’ve definitely liked the initial results that I get from being hard to get. I’m not ready for a serious relationship now, so I just flirt, and then leave the club/lounge/whatever without any of the conversations I’ve had going any further than that.
@JAT
I don’t think I could be happy for the rest of my life with someone who I felt I had to hide a part of my heart from.
@Reina
What’s going on? (if you don’t mind me asking)
@JaT
“I’m not ready for a serious relationship now, so I just flirt, and then leave the club/lounge/whatever without any of the conversations I’ve had going any further than that.”
What a nice way of phrasing, “I’m a tease.” lol
@ nisha:
Yeah, but the funny thing is, dude would answer the phone, caller id and all. I’ve been pumping grandma for a lot more information lately as I strategize my reentry into relationship-ville. She’s a lot more helpful than my mother, who thinks I don’t know that she’s picked out the fabric for my wedding dress and has it in a chest in her basement.
@and 1 grad
I recieved the advice like this (ladies hold me down if I am off), we as women give so much of ourselves, you give a lot in return for damn near nothing,It is a great thing to give so freely but stupid to give to a person who does nto deserve it. I think the advice means just be with someone who is truly INTO YOU!!!Not someone who is doing a half done job (this is not how I wanted to word it but it will do for now lol).
@ and1:
Lol, I’m busted. Better than being a stalker, right?
@ Moe:
I don’t hide anything, just don’t open all the doors in my inner sanctum. Maybe I’ll fall in love and change my mind, but til then, no sir.
@ Reina:
Girl, go get a pedicure and a martini, let out a deep breath, and put your problems on a shelf for an hour or two.
@JAT
I am learning that now (how to hold back) I give so much of myself, trying not to become too jaded but you get slapped in the face. I am now closed and if I meet someone and they show me they are worthy, we’re “good money” as I like to say lol.
@nisha
You can just put and1. I’ll know its me, promise. lol…anyway, I agree with what you’re saying but its different than make sure he’s more into you.
@JaT
Definitely better.
And1,
ha ha not! please explain how Just is being a tease
I think what the ladies are trying to say that it is a woman’s second nature to give so when she meets a person that she is really feeling, she doesnt hold back. After trial and error, most of us have learned to hold ourselves back (even a lil; Actually, I have not but i will try) and analyze the relationship/situation instead of giving and giving and giving without receiving.
^^receiving what we deserve
@JAT
someone gave me the same advice once a while back. I think its pretty valuable
@and1
better? my bad.
when will our pictures start showing again? wanted to show everyone my side eye…
nisha, call him Fema.
Apologize for being sporadic. Have to actually do work today.
@ Moe
Nothing’s going on. Just random musings. You know how men say they are wary of women only wanting them for their money but making it seem otherwise. Well, I have the same worries regarding my physical.
@ JustA
I do plan on doing retail therapy in about an hour.
@Reina
I gotcha.
I’m still stuck on the pedicure and martini…that sounds hella good right about now…I shoulda did that saturday when I was atually at the nail place…hmmm…next week it is!
@miss
will do. lmao
All this talk about holding back in relationships made me think back to the days when we didn’t have to do all this crap. Remember the days of young love? When it was okay to have your nose wide the hell open…and you didn’t have a care in the world. You didn’t sit around analyzing the other person’s every move. I miss those days. How did we get here? When did things change?
@ Moe
Well, back then, you hadn’t your heart broken, stumped on, grinded, reduced to a heaping bloody mess. Optimism was easy to come by.
@reina
Well, back then, you hadn’t your heart broken, stumped on, grinded, reduced to a heaping bloody mess. Optimism was easy to come by.
**reina is SOOOO ON!**
@Reina
Ignorance was definitely bliss.
That old Anita Baker song “Fairy Tales” comes to mind right now.
ummm…when exactly did this young love occur cuz I can’t recall anything remotely close to what you’re describing. Ya lost me on that one…
@Chelz
I’m sorry you didn’t get to experience it.
@ Nisha
*bows*
@ MOe
Idealism is what precedes experience, cynicism is what follows. Experience is a helluva teacher. I learned quickly that love is a brutal, unforgiving bastard.
Imma side with Reina on that one, Moeski! Cynicism comes so easily. Love is not practical and it hurts :(
@Reina
I’ve been blessed. I haven’t had to experience love’s devastating knockout blow (knock on wood). My pain was obtuse…and it extended over a period of time.
@ Moe
A LDR delivered mine and I’d be good not to ever feel that again.
@ Fab
Yes, that SOB does. One of my fav quotes: “Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.”
@Reina
I pray I never get to experience it.
I am in a long distance relationship for the past 3 years. LONG I KNOW. But we do see each other, not everyday like we wish. He is in Iraq and I am here in Houston. It can definitely work if the both of you can commit to it. Especially as long as you both plan a life together after the situation thats keeping you apart ends!
In response to Lyrical Luv’s comment… when you have an LDR and decide to keep the relationship “open”, that’s a surefire way of opening the floodgates for yourself or the s.o. to cheat. Let me give you this example: say you have an open LDR, and over a course of time, you find out that your s.o. was fooling around with someone locally, and got them pregnant. Then what can you say about that open LDR? It won’t work! Cheating is cheating, period. And making a relationship open doesn’t make it any better.
I’m a LD relationship survivor! He lived in New York, I lived/live in Baltimore. We tried to see each other twice a month, rotating who traveled. It was trying at times but we did it now he lives and works in Baltimore. We have a 1 year old son and it’s all good.
To keep things going we used to have Movie nights over the phone, we’d rent a movie or pick something that was already on and watch it together on the phone.
Snacks were always in the mix.