I think 1,3 and 5 has me wary of relationships. Currently trying to make some changes in my life…but it’s definitely taking a lot of work.

Another great post.

#1-3 have definitely been applicable to me in various chapters of my life. Whenever I would meet a guy, I would first think there was probably something wrong with him and be on the lookout for another guy. And once I realized that he was a great guy, I started to question why he’d be interested in me.

@V
What changes are you trying to make to be more accepting of a relationship?

The only one I can relate to is the ‘grass is greener’ syndrome. I don’t have this problem now, but there was a time when I was always in search of the BBD (bigger better deal). What I learned was in most cases, the grass wasn’t greener…..it was artificial turf.

Too bad in my case I’m not the one holding back. The men I encounter have a case of 1,2, 4 AND 5.

Ooh, I’ve had problems with 1 and 3. While I am an approval addict sometimes (dang that’s embarrassing), it has never carried over into my romantic affairs. If that was the case, my mother would have me married off to my prom date, my best bud from college would have me with a rebound guy that was strictly a Mr. Good Bar, and my friends now would have me with my best male bud, who is just not an option.

#1 + 3, I really thought i had worked on not letting the past affect my present (and future) but I think that it did come into play in my last dating experience. It is so easy to say that you’ve gotten over something. It’s much harder applying that if/when a situation arises.
Self-esteem is really fragile and it takes a lot of work within to get it back once lost. I am still working on feeling and believing that i’m the cat’s meow (as one of my friends put it) lol

@ Fabie
like that phrase ” the cat’s meow”
similiar to my phrase “my sh*t is special” lol

@ Luvingirl85
lol I like yours too, I also like “I’m the sh*t”. Im adding them to my vocabulary.
Isnt it funny how ppl can tell you “you’re the sh*t” or you can pretend that you’re confident all you want but if you dont truly believe in yourself, it doesnt matter. It’s really cliche but its true. Just like Reina said, you question why somebody would take interest in lil ol’ you.

great post.

@ Fabie

Yea I know what you mean. I admit I second guess when will the guy get tired of picking me up. Buying a car is not in my budget, but yet a female having a car is requirement for most if not all men. And the ones that say “No its fine, I understand” are singing a different tune after some time.

So long story short, I don’t date as much until I have everything for my own because I want to avoid thinking well how long is really going to put up with my ish.

@ blaze

For one thing being more trusting of the person I am with. Before I gave trust because they asked for it and he betrayed that trust. Now I’m not sure when they can stop proving to me that they can be trustworthy. Then I wonder if they are just waiting for me to offer them my trust to take advantage of it. I have a lot to work on :-)

Hi all! I’ve been reading the site, but an just now actually posting a comment. ;-)

#1 has been my downfall…. it wasn’t so much of the pain but that I didn’t want to repeat the vicious situations that occurred within the relationship. Plus I felt like I needed to live my life and enjoy my twenties so that when I finally was ready to be in a relationship I wouldn’t feel any regrets or wonder if “the grass is greener” on the other side. It also allowed me time to heal.

@V
I thought Nisha asked a good question about how to rebuild trust and i thought that was very profound. I think thats the most difficult thing to do in a relationship (and I’ve been there as well). I feel its a one chance opportunity to keep that trust. That would be and has been my biggest challenge in past realtionship that eventually led to more problems that could never be rectified.

I have a question.

Why do so many women suffer from low self esteem? I’ve met a lot of women who have it for different reasons. Most of it stems from relationships…with their families as well as members of the opposite sex. Why is it so easy for a man to tear a woman down? Why is it so hard for some women to look that man in the eye and say “f*ck you…I know what I’m worth.” I’m not trying to be insensitive with these questions…I just can’t wrap my mind around it sometimes.

@Moe
Good question bruh.

@ T-Moe
think the answer your looking for is in # 5. Women can get caught up seeking approval from others. Maybe for some they didnt hear You’re the shit too often (or at all) growing up. Then you have society adding its extra pressure defining beauty, and when it doesn’t resemble you, some feel inadequate.

@Luving
I can understand that. But what about the Halle Berry types who resemble society’s standards for beauty? There are lot of women in this category with self esteem issues.

@ Moe
It’s not insensitive at all..its actually a very good question. ok, im about to get personal lol
In my case, I didnt grow up with my dad and I think that has a profound effect on me. I’ve met so many ppl before who thought because i have light skin, long hair and a big butt (their words) that I am stuck up and it’s so far fr the truth that I always laugh when i hear that. Me being reserved didnt help either. Not having a man in my life growing up, i think i looked for approval in relationships that ive had. With my first relationship, him cheating on me brought on questions like “if im the sh*t, then y did he do that?” “if i was more “sociable”/open, he wouldnt have done that”. His words really hurt more than his actions “you would be so much more beautiful if you went to the gym”. From all those things, i was getting “you’re not good enough”.
All this to say that it’s easy for a man to tear a woman down if she doesnt believe in herself. It seems like not having my dad tell me that i was beautiful f***ed me up.

oh yea, and what Lovingirl said. When I grew up, we had no scale, i didnt know what dieting was. We watched TV, of course but it was such a small part of our lives that it didnt really matter.
Coming here, ha! That was the first time i heard about how big my hips and butt were. Then i started being like “well, there must be something wrong with them then, everybody is noticing”.

@Fab
I’ve heard a lot of women mention the lack of a positive male role model in their lives growing up. I’ve also witnessed one of my relatives seek the same fatherly approval in her relationships, only to end up hurt each time. And if the father is trifling, his presence can actually make matters worse.

well even the Hally types may have not received that encouragement growing up. So they may fit societys standards but there may have inner issue of trying to please someone from their past, a mother/father (other family member), that didn’t tell them how special they really are. I think most ppl that have self-esteem issues can root that issue to something from their past. Its not only females, many men become over-achievers but really lack self esteem, which can stem from issues with a troubled childhood experience dealing with family or friends. I’ve heard stories of the athletic type pushing themselves to please a member of their family.

@Fabie
Sorry to hear that..you can also look at as those very same people very same ones who need to pull you down because they’re insecure about themselves. As a society we make too many comprisons to others i.e. what we look like, what car we drive, our hair, body. Your personality will outshine all of that and a mature man will be attracted to that aspect of you more than the others.

@Luving
There are definitely a lot of men out there with low self esteem. But most of those men won’t admit it because society as a whole views this as a sign of weakness. I have a good friend that suffers from low self esteem. He’s working on it, but it’s a huge struggle.

@The ladies
There’s nothing more sexier than a confident woman who knows who she is and challenges a man to fight/work to get her respect. It shouldn’t be easy and confident men welcome that challenge.

I want to answer before the topic changes, but work is distracting. Be right back.

I agree with Blaze. Confident men love confident women. And we respect and appreciate a woman who makes us work to get them. We might front like it bothers us, but deep down, you’re still that prize we’re striving to win.

@ blaze
aww you’re so sweet. No need to be sorry at all. I am who I am because and in spite of what ive been through. I like and have accepted who i am. I can now say “i’m the sh*t” and believe it (most of the time LOL).
You’re def right about ppl needing to pull you down. It’s easier to point out/judge others for something than to look inside. I really believe that
Men do suffer from low self esteem and i think it can be worse for them because they’re expected to be super macho about everything. Feelings are hidden and are not addressed in most cases.

@ Moe

I think I’m a little weird. I think I’m most confident about myself when I am not in a relationship. I’ve noticed once I get into a relationship I doubt myself and I’ve realized that stems from me thinking the guy would eventually cheat. It doesn’t matter if I pour my entire heart and soul into the relationship, there is always that fear. Now that I have realized that, I am working to tell the next guy f*ck you…but it’s easier said than done.

@ Moe
I kno exactly what you mean about men having low self esteem. I’m guilty of switching the roles and making a guy lose his self-esteem. Nothing I’m proud of but it was my own past insecurites that had me treating him bad. And if you think well how she do this, I think a lot of women do this actually. Every time you tell him “well why dont you this?” “How come your not like ___ (my friends boyfriend.)” Or did you see what this person did. basically taking him for granted, I affected his self-esteem, I dont think he has recovered to this day.

@V
What if the guy poured his entire heart and soul into the relationship? Would that make it easier to open up, or would you still have lingering doubts?

@ Moe

I’m in agreement with both Luving and Fab. I work with women on both ends of spectrums: models & abused women, and they’re more alike than one would imagine. I had an amazing father and a great family who reinforced daily, still do, that I was phenomenal. And it works…until you’re on your own in the world. And then the magazines and the relationships and society begin to tell you a different story.

I am a very confident woman, and I know what I deserve. My periods of low self-esteem are due to rejection. I’ve been ridiculed and ripped apart, but I pick myself up each time. One has to learn how to define themselves, and that takes work.

@Luving
Did that make you feel like you had that upper hand when you were tearing those guys down?

In my relationships, most of the time I try to be indifferent and hope for the best but expect the worst so I’m not caught off guard.

As you all know….men handle rejection better than women, right?

@ Moe

I would try my hardest to remove the doubt because it would not be fair to him. And I try to be a fair person. It is hard to remove lingering doubts however but I would definitely try my best.

@ V
I couldnt have expressed it better (you see all i wrote to try!! LOL). get outta my head :)

@Luving
I can see how that would effect someone who wasn’t as strong as they should be mentally. My boy’s issues stem from being overweight and having minimal success with women. But until recently, he refused to change. In his little fantasy world, he believed he was going to meet this drop dead gorgeous woman who would love him and accept all his flaws (and there’s a truck load).

@ Blaze

Actually no, the reverse thought came to mind. What is wrong with me that my man wont give me “out of the blue” flowers. What was she doing that I wasnt doing? I felt like a beginner that didn’t know what was the correct protocal in relationships.

Agree with “In my relationships, most of the time I try to be indifferent and hope for the best but expect the worst so I’m not caught off guard.” I, too, am this way, until I get caught up in feelings, just when I do thats when things go sour.

Yea, men probably do. Wish I were a guy sometimes lol

I’ve actually learned from the situation, and try to compliment a man now. I’ve learned men are as sensitive as women.

@ Luving
that is exactly why i try not to tear a man down or anyone, for that matter. I know how it feels. Like Reina said “it takes work to define” who you are. Having somebody criticizing you in any way while you’re trying to do that cannot work.
Also, we have to keep in mind that the person who is torn down is (probably) gonna take it on somebody else. The cycle continues….

@Luving
U make a lot of sense, especially about the part of being indifferent. You dont want to be that way but its so necassary. I think love is so fickle. It can change at any given point, over any superficial reason, or thinking the grass is greener on the other side. But being a man brings on a entire different set of issues. As a woman, you will always get apporached from other men; in essence we’re getting challenged each time someone appraoches you whether we know it or not. If another man catches you in a vulnerable state, you might entertain what he’s saying. co

@ fabie

yea, I learned that the hard way. I learned it from my parents. I grew up watching my dad do that to everyone. I had no idea what I was doing until after I was able to analyze myself after the break-up and figure out what the hell just happened.

@Reina
Rejection can definitely take its toll. It will make you ask “what’s wrong with me”…”why wasn’t I good enough”

My mentality now is that God has something wonderful in store for me, so when a situation doesn’t work out the way I hoped, my belief is He’s removing that person from my life to prepare me for His blessing. He has saved me from myself too many times to believe otherwise.

@ Moe

And oh, regarding the Halle Berry thing, looks have nothing to do with self-esteem.

@Reina
I totally disagree, looks has a lot to do with good number of womens self-esteem. If they go by the so called socities standards by thinking their too dark, hair isnt long enough, ass isn’t big enough, lips too full, etc….they’ll have low esteem. Shouldn’t be that way but it is…same applies for men..height, salary, nice gear, etc.

@Reina
I was responding to Luving’s comment about not meeting society’s standards for beauty playing a role. Women like Halle have issues too.

@ Moe
I’m really working on adapting that mentality. Jerk reaction is to question something about myself but i’m really trying to look at things from another angle, mainly “God has something else in store for me”.

@ blaze
“As a woman, you will always get apporached from other men; in essence we’re getting challenged each time someone appraoches you whether we know it or not. If another man catches you in a vulnerable state, you might entertain what he’s saying. ”

Its hard on females because what happens when one doesnt get approached. Or when you do its by this 40 or worse 50 year old man.
Which is my case, but I’m so in love with myself (not cocky) that I try to block that fact that I dont and once in the blue do the approaching.

@fabie
Also consider timing as well as reasons why things dont work out. Some people may still need to grow experience before they see things the way you see them. Women are far more mature than men..especially in your 20’s (not all, but a good number).

@ Blaze

That’s not how I meant it. I’m saying that just because society views a woman as meeting its standard of beauty, that does prevent that same lady from having self-esteem issues. Women can get ass implants now, toxic injected into their faces to erase years of living. However, after doing all of that, the same thing that made her unhappy will continue to make her that way.

@ Moe

That’s a great outlook, same as mine.

@ blaze
i agree with what you said for the most part but not with “If another man catches you in a vulnerable state, you might entertain what he’s saying. ” You make us sound so fickle. I dont know about everybody else but once a man has my attention/affection/whatever he wants, its damn near impossible for me to entertain what another man is saying- even in a vulnerable state (mad at SO or going through a rough patch).

@Fabie
People are fickle, not just women. The way you approach is a rarity. But if me and my lady got into an argument, she goes out and men are kickin new energy to her…there’s a possibility she may entertain it. Even if things are going well…some people are greedy and they see what they can get away with. Have you ever been cheated on when you were doing what you were supposed to do for your man?

@ blaze
yes, sir indeed I have. Well, yes you’re right then but i think it’s because that person is not feeling you like they say they are…maybe
(be back in about 35 min..heading home)

@Blaze
I think that’s probably my biggest fear. To do everything I’m supposed to do in a relationship…only to have her cheat on me anyway.

@Luving
There;s not a problem with approaching men. I never understand why women dont do that more often. I always ask my homegirls….do you choose your man or does your man choose you?

Meaning..do you only deal with the men that approach you? Why limit your pool of men..and thats not even in your control. A real man would appreciate a confident women who lets it be known that they have interest in them. We welcome that opportunity! Please come holla at me…lol

@ Moe

I’m not sure if this has been asked of you, but have you cheated?

well i dont want to see all that brave lol. that last time i “approached” someone was on a dating site. I prefer those over outside because I dont seem to find anything I want where I go. Or im too occupied in my own thoughts to notice if a guy sees me.

@ tmoe
i think we all have that fear. I fear that I’m playing it cool not on a guys sh*t during that datin period, giving him space, hanging out but we’re both available, never making myself too available but the guy still wont commit. Pretty much my fear is never making it to the relationship point.

@Reina
Yes. I was 19 & 21 respectively. At 19, I really didn’t want to be in the relationship. And every time I tried to end it, she would have these emotional outbursts and I wasn’t man enough to stand my ground. So I cheated. I’m not sure if this counts, but at 21, I was in Korea for a year and she was in the US. We called ourselves trying to make it work, but we grew apart because of the distance. So we both started cheating, and officially ended things a few months after I got back to the states.

seem*

@Luving
People do have a habit of posturing during the dating game. If you act too interested…most people seem to label you as “pressed” and “needy”

@ T Moe

I kno that why I go out my way to be laidback.

@ Moe

Ok. You were young then. I don’t really think those count.

I agree Moe, its a fine line to walk while dating. Thats why you have to have quality time, good conversations up front to get a feel for that other person.

I should of said..

I fear that even though I’m playing it cool, not on a guys sh*t during that datin period, giving him space, hanging out but only we’re both available, never making myself too available.. that even if I do all these things the guy still wont commit. Pretty much my fear is never making it to the relationship point. Instead I get accused of being too much like a guy. THinking and acting like ya’ll

@Reina
Good! *wipes sweat from forehead*

@Blaze
You have to practice self control. And sometimes that’s easier said than done. How cool could you really play it if the honey from the wedding walked up on you this weekend unexpectedly? lol

@Luving
IMO Too many women make the mistake of trying to think like a guy..thats the beauty of a relationship is bringing together our differences. Women spend too much time trying to figure us out rather than being themselves or calculating our next move. We want to see who you are, how we can compliment each other and still keep our individuality.

@ Moe

LOL What’s the sweat for? I was just going to ask why you did it, but you were young.

@Luving
If a woman acts indifferent towards me..then I will treat her accordingly. Maybe you need to smile a little bit more when you’re with him..and laugh a little harder at his corny jokes. lol j/k..sorta

@Reina
I think my stock on FG is pretty high now…losing value in a recession is never a good thing. LOL

@Moe
LOL..Man, you know you hit me in a soft spot. You’re exactly right and that was a perfect example..Thanks for keeping me in check.

@Reina
I’ll end it now before I cheat.

@ blaze and others:

To jump in the middle of multiple conversations, a lot of pretty women don’t get told that they are pretty when they are young. That, and the most time that they get that kind of affirmation, it’s a sexual advance of some kind. Plus, a lot of dudes are just wrong wrong WRONG, but unfortunately are the ones who will be bold, approach a women, fill her head full of lies, then proceed to drag her through the mud.

For me, self esteem is a big struggle because, going back to family, everyone that I have loved and depended on has been critical and unsupportive. I can talk a good game, but I’m still under construction.

@ Moe

What?

@Reina
What are you saying “what?” to? Which statement?

@ Moe

About the cheating. You’re ending what now?

@ J Thought
I think men have those same type issues as well. In order to superficially build their self esteem, they feel as is they need multiple women at one time. They need women calling them at all times, asking to see them, giving them the feeling that they are needed. Thats when I knew I was growing as a man because that became less important. If it wasnt a woman I saw myself long term with or even as a cool home girl, the attention didnt matter.

@Reina
I was saying I would end the relationship before I crossed that line.

@ Moe

Oh. I’ve never had the urge to cheat. Well, I hate saying never, but I really can’t remember ever wanting to.

@ Blaze

I was thinking about what you said, and my response about well we have too to avoid getting strung along, played, etc. Then I thought that it goes back to FG’s #1. Our bad past experiences have lead us to this. So I’m guilty of #1 too.

IMO Too many women make the mistake of trying to think like a guy..thats the beauty of a relationship is bringing together our differences. Women spend too much time trying to figure us out rather than being themselves or calculating our next move. We want to see who you are, how we can compliment each other and still keep our individuality.

@ Tmoe

Its not that im indifferent. I’m nice and pleasant. But men have been suprised that I’m never stressing a relationship like other women, that I’m the one saying Lets chill and see how this goes (guys line). If I remember any other examples of when i been accused of acting like a guy (which most times just come naturally from hanging out with a lot of dudes) I’ll mention.

@Luving
If a woman acts indifferent towards me..then I will treat her accordingly. Maybe you need to smile a little bit more when you’re with him..and laugh a little harder at his corny jokes. lol j/k..sorta

“They need women calling them at all times, asking to see them, giving them the feeling that they are needed. ”

Examples of how don’t behave like most women, which leads them to believe i act like a dude lol

@Reina
I wasn’t all that happy in my last relationship, but I don’t remember having the urge to cheat. I ran across a couple of women that made me wish I was single, but looking back, it turned out for the best.

@Luvin
lol…good point. Men are prone to chase..a woman has to realize she has the leverage. Initially let them know you have options, even if you don’t and dont always be available. Dating is a game but you have to know how to play it. When he earns your trust and respect..let the guards down. Some women keep the guards up too long and thats when they lose…

@ blaze: You’re right. I think it’s a shame though that the behavior you described is how a lot of people define manhood. I tried to steer my little brothers clear of that behavior, but only one is listening… ah well, there is only so much a woman can teach a man.

@ Moe

Being cheated on doesn’t have an effect on my self-esteem. And I don’t take it personally. It’s not something I stress about. I believe that there’s nothing I can do or something I won’t do that will prevent a guy from cheating on me. You can’t control another person. I’m not saying it won’t make me angry and that I won’t end a relationship. Just that it won’t shake my confidence.

FYI for any DMV ppl

Entourage Thursday @ 1223
Premium Open bar 9-11
1223 Conn Ave NW Everyone free all night Text 1223 to 313131

@ J
I definitely agree with what you said earlier,esp “a lot of pretty women don’t get told that they are pretty when they are young. That, and the most time that they get that kind of affirmation, it’s a sexual advance of some kind.” SO SO true. I mistook lust for love in my 1st relationship…not a good thing.
Dating is a game that’s hard to play and I really feel like i’m always trying to play catch up). I feel like i felt in organic chemistry class: everybody is a level above me and i couldnt seem to catch up. I was like “wtf am i doing in this class?” LOL. When i act indifferent, ppl say i dont care enough. When i’m smiling/laughing more, be attentive, im being “pressed”. I cant keep up with all that so Im just gonna be me!

@ Reina

To be like you :-) It would shake mine for a while. Ask all the what ifs and what didn’t I do.

@ luvingirl
you’re also in DMV area?

@ fabie

Yea recently moved to MD, from DC, from NJ from NYC (originally from Brooklyn) lol

@Luvin
Are you hittin that joint tonight? What other spots do you hit up on the reg if you go out?

@ V

LOL It comes from listening and asking a buch of questions. I have a lot of male friends who will tell me anything, and when I ask them why they cheat, I get varying answers. “She didn’t give head” or “This girl was hotter”. Mainly though, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the women they have at home. They’re just greedy

LOL @ Luving…cool! I also live in MD. nisha (where are you?), another one of our regulars also live in MD. Lots of DMV ppl here! yay!

@Reina
I don’t think being cheated on would shake my confidence, but it would definitely piss me off. You’re right, you can’t control another human being. The only thing you can control is yourself. If I’m treating you right, and you cheat anyway, karma has a way of working things out.

Since Ive been in the area I’ve been to Layla Lounge, Ibiza, Busboy, 1223 and Mayorga.

@ Fabie n Blaze: What about you?

yes, Moe karma is a b****! The only thing im afraid of lol

@ Moe

I do believe in karma. LOL If a guy wanted to damage my self-esteemn, he cheat and say it was because she was smarter. That would SERIOUSLY screw me up.

@Luving
Been to all of those except Mayorga…I go to 201 Lounge a lot to chill and grab a nice drink or two. U go to Layla on Wed right?

Luving
Well, when I hang its usually Cafe Nema (used to go monthly), Bohemian Cavern (a couple times). I do love Busboy!!

@ Reina

Yep. I am realizing that now so hopefully if someone were to cheat on me again I won’t take it so personally.

@Fab
I don’t play around with karma either. lol

@Reina
I don’t think that’s possible. A smart azz like doesn’t come along every day. LOL

@Fabie
Cafe Nema has some good food

@ Blaze

Layla on Saturday nights. Been to 201 Lounge too (forgot about that one..nice spot)

*like you

@Luvin
Never beeen on a Sat night, might need to fall through. This Sat nite should be nice at 201…first Sat set… always a decent crowd.
We probably crossed paths a few times

@ Fabie

I was just at Bohemian Caverns recently watching the presidential debate. Great Wings loL!

@ V

Well, I do hope it doesn’t happen again. I have an associate (she’s not a friend) who everytime I start seeing a guy tells me “He’s going to cheat on you.” It’s like she’s hoping he does so I’ll stress about it. Misery loves company, I guess.

@ Moe

I don’t know if you meant it as a compliment, but that’s how I taking it.

@ blaze
They sure do. U making me hungry lol.

@Reina
It’s a compliment. lol

wooooooooooow….really profound stuff today!

dang…Im loving the way you guys think! Lemme go reread the post so I can answer (late)…

brb

There she goes…..

the one and only Chels up in this jawn (all late as we’re about to log off….)

Hi BFF!

@ Moe

I don’t intimidate you at all, do I?

@ Reina
Wow, she really says that? she needs a life!
@ Luving
havent had the wings yet but will have to try them LOL

@Reina
Not in the least bit. No one intimidates me.

@ chels
yay! you’re (finally) here! welcome home lol

Alright people, its been real. I’ll holla at you all in the AM. Chels…where u been? I’ll get at you tomorrow.

@Blaze
Peace Bruh!

@blaze

i know i know…forgive me for slacking!

uh…1-5 are issues for me…self esteem was ZERO after I broke up with the guy who took my virginity. Booty wasnt big enough…skin too dark…hair too short…I wasn’t like the video girls,etc…I just wasn’t right. Couple that with him having a baby with another chick in the middle of our relationship n failing to mention it….yeah. I was done. Still currently trying to bounce back wholeheartedly.

But im trying hard…I’m now not filing in holes, i’m listening to exactly what men say to me, and I’m determined to be myself and define myself. I dont let my friends come to me for man advice and I dont go to them (blind leading the blind aint never good)…I’m just getting relationship-healthy…and I’m not stressing myself to find a guy. I think that lil hint of desperation that most women feel is why we just settle and deal with lust instead of love, abuse and other incredibly damaging shortcomings in relationships.

Bye blaze!

hey guys! miss me? where’s Miss n them? our community is gettin smaller!

Hey Chelsea!

hey Moe…whats good Fab…hey bestie!

bye Blaze

We did miss you, chels? Been busy?
Yea, not a lot of people have been on the past few days. Guess they’re hard at work

@Reina
What made you ask that?

@fabie

ugh…loooong story…hopefully i’ll be gettin back on task soon…im missing some pertinent stuff over here!

@ Moe

I’m glad. I was told once, recently, that I emasculate men. Still trying to figure that out.

@ Chelsea

I’m so proud of you!

Wow, looks like FG was reading some of our comments from yesterday with this one.

@Just - “a lot of pretty women don’t get told that they are pretty when they are young” Or, some get told that all the time.. so they think that’s all they have to offer is their beauty. And when they gain 15lbs, wrinkles set in, or guys are just not impressed with her beauty alone, they don’t know what to do with themselves.

Childhood relationships totally shape how we act as adults, no question. And, what we’re exposed to - our parents relationships - what mom/dad dealt with, can become your reality as an adult.

**bows deeply**

thank you Madame Reina…’preciate that!

i’m here, really thinking hard about this post…God is trying to tell me something that I am obviously clueless to.

@Reina
I don’t get that one either. As long as I still have a bat & 2 balls…I’m think I’m okay. lol

yes, we need you here chels.
Moe and blaze r not so shabby…they really know what they’re talking about. They listen to us and share points of views/feelings. We like them :)

Thanks Fab…lol

@ Moe

That messed up my cerebrum for a bit. I began to think that maybe I should play dumber when meeting a guy.

“As long as I still have a bat & 2 balls…I’m think I’m okay. lol”

*side eye*

@ Moe
No, thank U Moe
@ Ms
What are you thinking, madame?

@Reina
Never sell yourself short. But you already know that. If you have to dumb down for a guy, then you’re dealing with the wrong guy. I love smart women. And if she’s smarter than me…even better!

@Miss
What? lol

@ Moe
WTF? uhh do i have to take my compliment back?
@ Reina
Dont even think about it, chica! You cant help being a smart azz. Men love it lol

@Fab
What?! lol

@ fabie

I’m starting to think if this ‘wait till my kid is old enough’ thing is due to me being fearful of her getting hurt or if it’s because I’m afraid of being close to someone again. Truthfully enough there are predators out there and I know I am a very good judge of character. But I wonder if I am using that as a crutch because I don’t want to get hurt. If after this 1 ½ yrs she is old enough to truly communicate with me and it’s time will I make up another reason? I’m conflicted.

Miss gave Moe the side eye…

hysterical

@Fabie

I like them too…even though Blaze hated me @ first..i think they’re all ok now (even Black and And1)

And i feel very loved…thank u

@ Moe/fab

You both know I’m not, but I won’t lie and say I didn’t begin to question myself. And then I remember my past, the one that’s buried deep inside, and remind myself of the consequences of settling.

@Reina
There’s no reason to settle. I’m single because I refuse to