The Wrong Kind Of Break Up

I have both been broken up with via text message and the dissapearing act. I have pulled the dissapearing act myself as well. But that wasn’t really a relationship to me, it was a FWB thing that he was trying to take further so I pulled out.

Cowardly yes, on my part too. But at the time I was focusing on my life and me me me. Selfish.

Wow, I haven’t broken up with anyone in that manner but it has happened to me. I have been a victim. I think the worse that happened to me was the disappearing act by my bf at the time. He stood me up on Thanksgiving Day. I later found out that he got some chick pregnant. I couldn’t bring myself to do that to someone else.

I am most definitely guilty of this one. I’ve broken up with people in text messages before and I’ve pulled the not answering phone calls/IMs/texts/dropping off Planet Earth thing on more than a few occasions. Why? Not wanting to deal with questions, hurt and anger from the other person. I can be a lil bit non-confrontational when it comes to certain things.

But karma came back and bit me in the ass when my SO dropped out of my life completely…two days before my birthday and less than a year before our wedding date. But hey…I know how it feels on both sides now. Won’t EVER do that again…

damn, that is harsh…..

Yep….I’m guilty. I broke up with my long time boyfriend (3 years) with a brief email on Valentine’s Day. No I would not do it again.

Fuc a text message, what about a break up when someone flashes they’re new engagement ring in your face and you didn’t see it coming? I was straight stunned silent!

damn blaze fa real……

wow blaze…I don’t usually condone violence against women…but I woulda had to straight up smack ol girl…talk about dirty….damn!

To break-up with someone over an email or text message or even during a chat is DISGUSTING. There have been times when I may have been seeing someone that I did not want to see anymore and I told them over the phone but that was not a relationship and I don’t think the same rules apply. I understand not wanting to see someone hurt. It’s hard to tell someone that you don’t want to see them anymore but my approach is the “bandaid” approach – rip it off!. Just spit it out already. It will sting but then it’s over and you can move on without any misunderstandings. You won’t have to duck phone calls or avoid certain places. It’s over.

@Chrissy Snow
How are you today?

Yes even it happened to me…I can’t even front. Imagine trying to tell that one to the fellas from around the way? Felt like a scene in a movie. Then I had to walk away down a dark street back to my car while she stool there with her new “fiance”. Dont trip though….I shook it off…..after a yr or so.

@Squarebzz
Easier said than done…always have to worry about how the other person may react.

@ blaze, my day was kinda going crappy, but i came throo here and read ya comments and realized my day is cool, lol compared to that lil tid bit of info u just dropped

i don’t get it tho, were yall serious blaze, if so how she just gon do you like that?

Wow, this has never happened to me but I do express some strong feelings thru text messages. I guess its easier to get it all out with being interupted or having to deal with an arguement.

@Chrissy
Well I’m glad to give your day a boost. We were together for three years and then she pulled the disappearing act for like a month or so, I chilled, then I had to pop up and to see what was up and was like Damnnnnn. And he was standing right behind her when she did it..and her daughter.

@ blaze, idda knocked her ass down, well never mind if her kid was there but that is just too cold did the other dude know bout you and her……

@Chrissy snow
I dont know if he did but I did let me know I was just over there very recently handling business tho.

I think the moral to this story is people usually have them another person already up and running before they officially break up with somoeone. Its like not leaving a job before you already have one lined up, right?

@blaze

i agree with you totally. I think whenever someone breaks up with their SO its because they already have someone waiting in the wings to fill that space. I don’t know not one person (myself included) who broke up with someone in a shady way just to be alone…not a one.

I’ve had breakups happen over the phone, disappearing act, in person, and through IM. I really dont think anything of it. I think the whole “cowardly” aspect is bogus empty rhetoric. As if a breakup is better in person…please. You’re breaking up. Having it done to your face doesnt somehow make it feel better for either party.

@Blaze
Sounds like you should of been singing that Jazmine Sullivan joint – I broke the windows out your car!

As you get older you hold on longer before you give up that “title” of calling someone your SO. You have to strecth out the dating process and really get to know that person in different situations..i.e..how they handle conflict and arguments, how they act around each others freinds, etc. You dont wont to committ too soon so you dont have to go through these various breaking up scenarios. A lot of people are so needy of having a woman or a man.
Thats back to the pro’s and con’s of being single.

I’ve been broken up with via I.M. but that was high school..long time ago so I’m not taken back by the childish behavior. And last night I was dumped over dinner at at Friday’s restaurant. Can’t say I’ll be eating there anytime soon. But I respect the person for having the balls to do it in person.

I laughed while reading this post. The timestamps should have been a hint.

Personally, I haven’t been broken up with or broken up with someone in written form. I came close once to ending it via text but I actually called him. I appreciate instantaneous back-and-forth communication when it comes to making any decision. I’m an adult, and I expect adult behaviour.

I will admit to pulling a few disappearing acts in my time, though. This is regarding dating, not relationships. Some men just can’t understand ‘not interested.’

The last time someone broke up with me, I didn’t even get the courtesy of an official ending. She just starting blowing me off. I had just gotten out of the military, and I wasn’t prepared for the civilian world. Money got tight, and she bailed. She went from telling me she was genuinely falling in love with me in Feb., to trying to pawn me off on other women in March. So much for genuine love. LOL

@ Luvingirl

Are you okay? How are you?

I don’t usually step in, but I wanted to address the “bogus empty rhetoric” statement. Does breaking up in person, or even over the phone make either party feel any better? No it doesn’t, as it’s going to hurt regardless.

But what it represents is a clear level of respect that you have both for that person and for yourself. It’s take a big man or woman to address the tough issues of life, love and relationships head on, instead of taking the easy way out. Email, text, IM, and ever other device aimed at minimizing human interaction is taking the easy way out.

@T-Moe
Tryna tell you these women already have other cats line up. They have a squad ranked 1-3..back up cats ready to move into the starting lineup at any moment. Everyone has a back up ready to get called up…

@ Reina. I’m ok, first thing I did when I got home was delete his number, emails, and facebook connection. He wanted to stay friends, which I don’t do after the fact! But today is a brand new day, and I got my shades for whenever a tear tries to slip out. I’m also signing up for some classes to keep myself busy.

Thanks for asking

@Blaze
And her backup was a doctor. Karma is a b*tch though. This happened over 10 years ago, and she came back about a year or so ago trying to get back in. I didn’t even want to hit it. This caught her off guard because she’s a dime, and she’s used to getting her way.

@ Luvingirl

I have chocolate cake if you want some. It’s really good. Keeping yourself busy is the best thing after a breakup. And chocolate. Chocolate is very important. He did pay for the dinner, though, didn’t he?

I concur with what FG said. It’s all about respect to me. I want the decency and the respect of being told and why. Plus, I need you to be close when I deck you.

@T Moe
I’m glad you played her. Some women think they can just reappear as if nothing happened. That Doctor was probably making that good paper and she got caught up.

He was straight cakin’ her. Paying rent…the whole nine. And he was married with 3 kids.

@T Moe
See thats the problem with the game today. These cats be lacing up these women no matter if they are backups to the main lady or just a jumpoff. If you’re trying to get with a woman and you ask to take her out for chicken and the next dude is talking shrimp…its over…plain and simple.

He sure did pay for dinner! I wasn’t paying for that lol. I would go for chocolate but I’m not messing with my weight. I might try a kick boxing or boxing class though lol

@Blaze
That’s why it goes back to what you said earlier about really getting to know the person. I was so caught up in her looks and the sex that I didn’t realize what I was really getting. Plus I was only 22 when I met her, so I didn’t know what the hell was going on. LOL

I’ve told a dude that I couldn’t be bothered anymore over the phone. And that was only b/c he was really annoying the hell out of me and I couldn’t take it anymore!! So I’d had enough and said “I’m done”… For about a week after that I got flowers everyday.. After he got tired of calling me 20 times a day and not getting an answer, he FINALLY got the point.

@ blaze

Then offer shrimp! Duh.

@ Luvingirl

If you’re going to take those class, you can have chocolate. But definitely maintain your sexy so when he comes crawling back and HE WILL, you’ll be at your flyest when you deny his ass.

@Reina
See….there you go. My point is that you never know what other dudes are coming with and that SOME women can be superficial, break up with a good dude because they’re caught up on dinners and trips. But now that I lknow you’ll settle for schrimp, I got you and not offer the lobster I do to other women…

@FG
lol…I was wondering if that would pull you out of lurk status. I dont disagree with the fact that its taking the easy way out. But breaking up with someone in person doesnt make you a bigger person. It doesnt make you a better person. It doesnt make you more of an adult. It DOES show that you have more respect for that person’s feelings (assuming having done it in-person was an option and in a case or two of mine, it was not). I call it empty rhetoric b/c I think its just something people tell themselves to make them feel better about having ripped someone’s heart out. Like I’ve said, I’ve done or been a part of every breakup you mentioned, minus the texting, and its been terrible every time. One never felt better than the other.

@ Blaze

What’s wrong with a female being superficial? You stated yesterday that you wouldn’t date a chick with stretch marks, only as a jumpoff AND that you analyze a female’s ability to handle a few extra pounds prior to getting serious with them. So tell me, sir, if you can have such lofty, shallow expectations, why can’t women?

Just for clarification purposes, to reiterate what I said yesterday, material possessions do not impress me. I can buy my own lobster.

btw, FG, whats wrong with stepping in?

@Reina
Having a certain preference doesn’t make you superficial. I did break down my overall criteria if I had my choice and none of them were based on material possessions as I recall.

But superficial is when your the only one so far not to describe a time how you’ve been thorough a break up and how you handled it. Guess you never been through one of those yet huh? Glad you can buy your own lobster…lol

@Reina
You have a memory like a tape recorder huh? LOL

@T Moe
Like I was saying bruh, you were just whipped like all of us have been a time or two. The main thing is that you have stay indifferent with women, kind of a take or leave it type attitude. You always have to appear as if you have othere choices at hand so if she wants to bounce….cool..holla. Its unfortunate that we have to play it like that.

@ T-moe

LOL Why does everyone say that?

@ Blaze

Let’s define preferences and pre-requisites. Preferences are not shallow because it’s what one prefers, not what one has to have for allowance. That would make it a prerequisite.

“Stretch marks is definitely a deal breaker…”

and

“On the real when I prospect my future wife I really do have to look at her frame and consider if she can handle a few more pounds after having a baby or two”

Those are pre-requisites, sir, and they are shallow. But hey, everyone is entitled.

As for your definition of superficiality, the only bad breakup I’ve had was when I caught the guy cheating, and I’ve shared that. There were hurt feelings in my other endings but nothing the caliber of what anyone has shared.

(taking a break from her bomb-ass chocolate chip cookies)

Is there anything so wrong with wanting the guy you’re dating to have the capabilities of taking care of you should you require it?

Men like women with banging bodies…women like men with fat pockets. I may settle for shrimp, but I’d like the dude I’m with to know that I DESERVE lobster and that he has the means to provide it.

(resumes chowing down on cookies)

@Chelsea
So does that mean we can stop feeding you lobster when the body stops banging?

@Reina
lol..so we’re pulling quotes from past post…ok…thats cool

@Reina
This actually is shallow as it gets:

“However, if when he goes home, he turns on BET and his channel never goes to CNN or his coffee table has XXL mags dating back to 2006 but not one TIME or Newsweek, well, then I’m out your league.”

Whats wrong with XXL Magazines and BET? Sports, music,…etc…WTF? That takes a man out of your league?….ok, nuff said. We need to get back to the topic at hand

@T-Moe

when I stop being what you want (after a warning of course…can a sister get a “damn, Chelsea…them jeans USED to fit nice, but lately…) then by all means find someone who is what you want. If the body aint doing it for you then I’m not upholding my end of the deal(goes along with yesterday’s post of keeping it tight), therefore I get no more lobster.

I don’t eat seafood anyway…lol

@ blaze

Why not? I’ll own up to my own superficiality.

Where is Ms. Miss? Anyway, I’m eating actual food today for lunch.

@and1grad,

Nothing’s wrong with stepping in. By the time I sit down to see what you guys have been talking about, the conversation has taken 7 different turns though, so I just stay out of it…lol.

@T-Moe

just don’t pull a disappearing act on me tho. i have a lot of pent up aggression from my deadbeat ass ex-fiancee, so you might get the Jazmine Sullivan treatment if you tick me off real bad…lol

@Reina
Ok cool, we’ll agree to disgree…we all have some superficial ways or certain preferences.

*ATTENTION ALL LADIES*

Read post #50

Chelsea said it’s okay to kick you to the curb if you let yourself get 2 Twinkies over the limit and refuse to throw away the box!

Cool…that’s what’s up! LOL

@Chelsea
U nust have a lot of favorite break up songs

@ Blaze

LOL What are we disagreeing about? Everyone has their own superficial desires. I got upset with a guy I’m seeing the other day because he didn’t watch the debate. We’re not in a relationship but I wanted to break up with him.

@Chelsea
I have some experience breaking up with an aggressive woman…I know how send you packing without having to park my car in the garage every night! LOL

@T-Moe

I’d much rather you leave me for being fat, then keep me around and cheat on me with a skinny bitch

@blaze

Actually I have only damaged one vehicle and one reputation in my dating history. I don’t usually exact revenge on exes cuz then I look bad. No one wants to date the sexy ass crazy chick.

@Reina
U wanted to break up with a guy because he didnt watch the debate?

We’re not in a relationship but I wanted to break up with him.

^^^^^^hilarious! I’ve wished I was married to certain guys just so I could divorce they ass for being dumb. It was that serious!

@Chelsea
lol…one damaged vehicle is enough to get a reputation. I hope you live in a big city..

@ blaze

I was thinking about it. LOL Like I said, the guy and I are not in a relationship. I could’ve stopped seeing him, but that would’ve been superficial.

@T-Moe

How exactly do you get away with breaking a heart without getting a broken window, taillight or something? I’m very interested in this. I even put my beloved cookies down.

@Reina
Yeah, just the fact you thought about it was superficial but I’m not one to judge. I’m missing the debate tonight due to other committments…does that make me less than a man?

@ the guys

Isn’t it like a badge of honor when a girl f*cks up your car? It must mean that you were doing something right for her to take that breakup so hard. That being said, be proud of your busted windows and the “hoe” keyed into you car. It’s like a purple heart. LOL

@ blaze

You want to argue with me even when I’m conceding. You don’t have to judge me when I’m admitting it’s superficial. And obviously it wouldn’t make you less of a man when I gave the guy no grief for his missing it.

@Reina
lol…I’m not even going to entertain that statement. I could it threw it right back at you but I won’t.

@blaze

Spray painting, egging and bashing the windows of his Spongebob yellow Monte Carlo has NOT come back to haunt me yet…everyone knows I did it tho. But no guy has ever mentioned it after the fact and my Man Revenue has not suffered due to that incident either. Reputation intact, boo.

Which statement?

@Chelsea
People normally don’t ‘clock out’ and go crazy on your azz until you cut off all communication. When they can’t be heard…when you won’t answer the phone, emails, etc., they become angry and desperate. That’s when they pop up at your crib acting a azz. Or damage your vehicle (like some people). As much as I wanted to avoid her calls, I knew I had a choice. I can avoid her and have her pop up at my crib acting a fool…or I can answer the phone…let her ramble on and on and on about how sorry she is and her desire for one more chance. It’s much easier to hold the phone (or put her on speakerphone) and let her rant, than it is to get her out of your driveway! After a while…she got the message and gave up.

@Reina
That’s a medal I can do without! One of my boys had a chic slash his tires and steal the center piece off one of his rims. The cops showed up at her crib, and the dumb broad had the center piece sitting on her kitchen table.

@ T-Moe

LOL You’re supposed to sell it!

@T-Moe

wow..interesting. A man with reasoning and logic! I’m impressed at your intellect.

But the reason I messed his car up was not cuz he was ignoring me (in fact he was constantly calling me with threats, vulgarity, etc) but because his NEW B*TCH called me and bragged how the two of them were having sex all over the beach and spending the weekend in this nice ass hotel he had been promising to take me too for the longest. Since I knew he would be..ahem…indisposed for a while, I made it my business to inconvenience him. Me and my girls went on a man-hating expedition that night. It was a great nite…awww…memories.

@Reina

You’re supposed to write ‘hoe’? Damn…does spray painting “B*tch Ni**a” count?

@Chelsea
Thanks for the compliment. As for your exploits…that’s the reason why (along with women with memories like Reina) I stopped lying to women at age 21. My short term memory sucks. That was the last time I got caught in a lie by a woman. I can make up a good one…say it with a straight face…but I can’t remember the details of what I said for sh*t!

@Reina
I see you have criminal tendencies like your BFF Chelsea!

@T-Moe

I was only 17 at the time so I have since grown past that stage…but I wouldn’t take it back.

Glad you don’t lie to women…I know how you former-military types are (I’m a proud dischargee of the military so I can say that)

@Chelsea
Let me ask you this, why do women most of the time get mad at the lady that the guy was cheating on rather then the man. She had nothing to do with the situation(your situation was different).
Its the old saying “dont check the pimp, check the hoe”…

@ Chelsea

That’s even better. Keying hurts so you have to be moderate, but spray painting allows for more thoroughness.

@ T-Moe

LOL Felicidades! You’ve learned what it took a couple of my exes months to learn. Lying to me isn’t worth it because I’m going to remember everything you’ve said.

@Chelsea
The military is not a game! Everybody is screwing everybody. I refused to get married while I was in for that very reason.

@Reina
No sh*t! LOL

@blaze

Women hate other women. Women get delusional about the men they’re dating. Like this chick seduced your man and MADE him cheat on you. Gurl, please. In all the times I’ve been cheated on, I have never been angry with the other woman. But they’ve ALWAYS been angry at me, and in turn they do dumb shit like call me and question me, threaten me, blah blah blah. When that happens, I deal with them accordingly. Otherwise, I don’t have anything to do with them. Especially if they’re not better looking them me.

nothing irks me more than a guy cheating on me with a chick who’s not as good looking as me. Superficial? Hell yes, but that’s how I feel.

@ T-Moe

Honestly, I’ve never damaged a car for revenge. I’m terrified of jail. But I’ve also never had QUITE the situations Chelsea has. Who knows what I would’ve done?

I have broken into an apartment and waited for someone to come home, though.

@Reina
Mental note…set the alarm before I leave the house!

@T-Moe

I know…when I first got outta basic training I was SHOCKED at the hoe activities that were going down and it just got even worse as my active duty time went on. I’m FAR from being prude, but damn! I was disgusted after every liberty call…but I did fall in love with a military guy…we see how that shit turned out…

Break ups are nasty period whether done in person,text,email,IM, fax ,messager bird whatever. I hate having to break up with someone, some people can be a bit too confrontational to the put thats the only option you have sometimes is to do it that way.You can do it by phone and the other person would say I want to talk about it person FOR WHAT !!! To add more tense in a stressful situation or try to beg and plead their case.Just hard to say on this one

‘I have broken into an apartment and waited for someone to come home, though.’

Further evidence as to why Reina is my main b*tch…and I say that with pure sista-girl love!

@Chelsea
I could write a book on the sh*t that went on while I was in. Wife swapping…porno rings…drug distribution. Infidelity was actually kind of normal. LOL

@Chelsea
Why did you switch your pic up?

@ T-Moe

LOL You made a mental note about me yesterday. You’re going to be able to write an essay soon.

@ Chelsea

Of course chica! If you’re going to f*ck over me, you’re going to face me. One way or another.

*adding military to the list of occupations she will not date*

@T-Moe

lol..who you telling? I was in the Navy…i think that’s even worse, because you have an opportunity to be out to sea for 6-8 mos at a time while visitng at least 15-30 different ports within that time. Sh*t got NASTY! And I had a bunch of really close guy friends that detailed every excursion. I want to vomit just thinkin bout some of the crap they told me. Then they would pick up the phone and call their pregnant wives. Disgusting.

@blaze

you dont like this one?

@Reina
It’s always good to know up front what you might be getting yourself into! LOL

@Chelsea & Reina
That’s why avoiding a pissed off woman doesn’t pay off. If he had of put Reina on speakerphone and let her cuss him out, he could’ve avoided the psycho moment.

@Reina

I know u live in NY…were you scaling fire escapes? Or did you charm some doormen with some serious cleavage and get VIP access to homeboy’s penthouse? Details please…I’m writing a book over here ppl.

@ T-Moe

I was not psycho. I was very rational. I wore boots, not stilettos.

@ Chelsea

LOL It was a floor level apartment. I tried jimmying the door with a credit card, but it was working out. So I just started to kick around the lock until it gave, and then I sat my behind on the couch in the dark and waited for him to come home. He almost had a heart attack.

*was not working*

@Reina
My bad…I stand corrected. LOL

@Reina
I have to go back and look at yesterday’s post…I can’t remember my mental note.

“So I just started to kick around the lock until it gave…”

and that works huh? (scribbles in notebook)

Just in case a muthaf**** feels froggy one day.

@T-Moe

don’t make any more mental notes

@Chelsea
I know..just write the sh*t down.

LOL You two are silly

so do the guys of the post mean to tell me they haven’t done anything to get back at a chick after a b**ch a** break-up?

I refuse to believe women are the only ones who do things like this. I’ve come home to a muthaf**** waiting outside my apartment on more than one occasion after I left the club.

@ Lyrical

I do understand your point, but for me, I want to be told face-to-face unless it’s like a LDR or something. Then I would understand.

@ Chelsea

I got distracted, but I meant to agree with your post about “women hating women.”

@Chelsea
I can’t say that I have. I’ve thought about it…but then I have to get dressed…put on shoes…walk to the car. It’s not worth the hassle. LOL For what? I was hurt when the chic left me for the doc back in the day, but I didn’t get mad…I up’d my game. Degrees, certifications, salary increases. As they say…don’t hate the playa. And instead of hating the game, I stepped it up.

@T-Moe

sounds good…the best revenge I think (now that I’m a wise grown-up…lol) is to look and do as good as possible so whenever you run into an ex you leave em feling stupid and inadequate.

@Reina

yes ma’am..women hate other women. And instead of admitting that their MAN is the one screwing around, they focus on the other woman and get angry at her. Its so stupid. Whenever chicks jump bad on me, they WISH they hadn’t. I cut them down to size everytime and tell them they can have the sorry ass man they tryna fight me over cuz he ain’t worth sh*t anyway. Lo and behold, I hear thru the grapevine they get done the same way. Now they look so stupid while I’m effin fabulous and worry free.

@Reina Its just hard to say especially hearing stories about men hurting women because they can’t handle rejection. I had a cousin was killed because she broke up with her boyfriend and we never suspected he would even harm a fly. People emotions get a little unstable when you try to break up ad go seperate ways.

@ T-Moe

I definitely agree. This was in my early 20s, and I definitely know better now. Ok, well maybe not. I just hate being lied to and then avoided. I wasn’t out for revenge. I just wanted the truth. And once I got it, I left his a*s alone.

@ Chelsea

You’re my sister from another mister. I cannot understand why women get angry at the other woman. I understand your not wanting to share tea with her, but she never owed you any loyalty. It was the man you’re forgiving that betrayed you.

@Reina

the black one right? lmao…

LOL Yes. LOL That’s why I said Mister, not mother.

has anyone ever tried the “make them hate me” method to break up with someone? like do things that you know will irk them in hopes that they’ll do the dirty work for you and just leave ur a**? I’ve been guilty of that one more than a time or two…lol

@ Lyrical

I understand what you’re saying and in a situation like that, then no, you shouldn’t meet with him. And I’m sorry about your cousin.

Yet emotions are unstable before abreakup. The breakup just pushes him or her over the edge. There are always signs.

I have wanted someone to break up with me so I wouldn’t have to do it, but I didn’t try your method.

@FG, “I don’t usually step in…”, yea right, lol!!! I agree with you 100% it is cowardly to break up with a person over in other way than in person, that is of course unless you are in a long distance relationship.

@T-Moe

i dont suggest you try it cuz it sucks when it doesn’t work and the person DOESN’T break up with you. They just keep trying to fix things…frustrating. (Thinks) Damn…I’ve done a lot of immature BS in past relationships…glad I’m past that now. Dating is ridiculous.

@Chelsea
Isn’t it ironic how when you want someone to leave, they hang like a child hanging on to a parent’s leg. But when you want them to act right…

as far as relationships go, no I havent done anything drastic due partly to the fact that ive only had two relationships. But I have had troubles making certain people go away. Ive always been told that I have qualities that make folks stick around. So i’ve disappeared before,been in asshole,said i was gay just so they’d dislike me and never want to get back with me. I do that partly bc I dont want people to hate me for not actually wanting them anymore,so I do off the wall things so they’ll really dislike me and never think of me again. I really just hate to hurt people.

“said i was gay just so they’d dislike me and never want to get back with me.”

really Black? tell me how that worked for you, cuz if you told ME some ish like that, I wouldn’t believe you.

@ T

That’s ego. No one wants to lose.

@Black
I don’t like hurting people either. I have a standard line I use whenever a woman wants to get with me that I like as a person, but I’m not attracted to. It’s a simple line, but they walk away respecting me, and their egos are intact.

I know what i said sounds crazy but I truly hate for people to have peoples feelings caught up in me, so I’ll do drastic stuff so they’ll completely forget about me. For instance, I was with a pretty nice woman however it was strictly friendship. However we hung out for her bday with a group of friends and like Jamie Foxx song said “I HAD ONE TOO MANY DRINKS/AND ENDED UP AT THE EMBASSY” LOL. And me+liquor+a willing and able woman= XXX Rated material. And the next day we sat and talked and agreed it was fun yet could never happen again,bc I dont like to overstep that boundary. She stalked me for the next 4yrs,even when i lied and said i was homosexual.But out of all that I still am mad i hurt her bc i overstepped my boundaries

@Chelsea Now i have done that !!! worked like a charm too.I was unavailable all the time, stay too busy,always out.I did the mirror trick I act the way he acted towards me , apparently he didn’t like it and he chunked me the dueces. GO FIGURE

@chelsea,
she literally said this
“it’s cool, i got a friend whose gay too. he can join us”

I sware on my life she said this. My play sisters mouth dropped right as she was taking a bite of her salad

@Black

drunken hookups are just that. Liquor makes people horny…but it also lets you do things you have wanted to do with less (read: none) inhibitions or hang ups. I dont think you should feel bad, especially if you were cordial and honest with her

@Reina
I know. It’s a constant power struggle.

@t-moe

see i never dated the women that i felt i hurt or had the potential to hurt. i’ve only dated two women in my lifetime ya know. So these other people were either FB’S,friends, or just folks i thought were cool n hung with from time to time sorta like associates

@ T

What’s this standard line? I want to know.

LOL @ Black

@LL

oh yes…I’ve done that. You’re phone stays locked? Well, now mine does to…you disappear for hours with no phone call? Sheeetttt….me too! You come home at 3am…surprise! I’m not there and i’m not pickin up the phone either. Drove him crazy…but then he tried to hang on and make things work…but he forgot that he was still cheating. psssh…boy please

how bout he puts up on his away message he is going to make a decision by his birthday and he writes her initials and puts his last name which he is basically tellin me hes going to marry her. So he does this because he believes he should work it out wit his bm so they can be a family…mind u she left him b4 for another guy…

@Black
I haven’t been in a lot of relationships either. I spent most of my 20s trying to get my life in order. I didn’t want to be the broke brotha with the bad credit. And I didn’t want to be taking women out with my light bill money either! So I’ve managed to avoid a lot of relationship drama as well.

@chelsea,
see the thing is I already knew she wanted to get at me,hell she had made that crystal clear the first time we hung out(tried to rape my butt). Plus my major turnoffs on a woman are women who brag and women who talk down to people. Yea she was a chemist,yea her dad was a surgeon,mom was an urban planner,step-dad a commercial real estate developer in Fl, hell so the F what. I was dealing with older women so basically I was still getting on my feet (was 20 or so) so she (and a lot of older women do this) believe you arent an equal to them in regards to knowledge/and education. So it really ticked me off when she spoke to me at times. So friendzone was what she got

@Reina
Why do you want to know? I won’t be using it on you…unless I find you sittin on my couch when I get home! LOL

This is getting interesting. I’m just going to lurk for a bit.

@t-moe

man i was drinking and screwing,to hell with finding a wife at that time.lol
even tho every damn woman i met wanted a relationship after about 3months of screwing..so i would change women every quarter

@ T

That was one time! And just don’t lie to me.

@reina
lurker face woman

@ Black

Well, I have no stories! I’ve lived such a sheltered existence.

VIA FACEBOOK!

Was told he’d just gotten engaged. Essay about how highly he regarded me, how had had feelings for me that were strong, but did not take away from his fiancee…was told highly and how I’d make someone a lovely wife…

After three months of talking every day.

after that ordeal i really became even more brutally honest in how I categorized the women i dealt with. I had women that i could watch a football game etc. with, women i could screw, women i could take to the strip club, women who i could take to the swingers club,women i could go to reggae/steppers/salsa/hip hop clubs with/women that loved poetry etc etc etc.

and every one of them I was specific with but the ones i was intimate with were the hardest to stop talking to bc they all felt more was there bc we were screwing for so long. hell i was screwing someone for 2 1/2 yrs and she out of all of them didnt really care bc her like myself was always on the go. It was the women who were complacent always wanted more

@reina
i have more stories than anyone on this spot.lol

@KaNisa

ehh,i wouldnt fret. more than likely he was (well obviously) was in her pudding the whole time you to were talking. take the L and move on

@Black
I had to keep it moving as well. At one point, I was traveling all over the country for work. I had a ball! I spent most of my free time studying for certification exams, so I wasn’t interested in a relationship. Almost every woman I dealt with wanted something serious. One lady (another Psychologist) sent me this long email one morning because she was upset with the fact she couldn’t have me. She said I was the equivalent to walking by a store, seeing an outfit in the window that she really wanted, only to go inside and find out its not for sale. After my rebuttal to her email, she stopped speaking to me. “Understandings” never worked for me…they always wanted more.

@ Kanisa

Yeesh. Did you guys know each other outside of Facebook? Not that it matters.

I’m a horrible lurker. LOL

@Reina
I won’t…I’ll get caught anyway.

You are correct, T-Moe. LOL

And let’s be fair. Men get hooked as easily as women.

@Reina
No doubt. But if you tell me that we’re just FBs, then that’s the category where I’ll put you. I have 2…long term potential & FB. You tell me you don’t want anything serious…I put you in the latter. I’ll make sure I leave my heart at home.

@T Moe
Its a catch 22….hard to win, even when you’re trying to be honest

@ Reina

Yep. We dated in person for a year. He’d moved and three months later was engaged. I’d found out he was in constant contact with her while we dated.

Also curious that the entire year he was engaged, we still “talked” the same way he was talking to his fiancee while I was dating him. Silly immature me found it interesting that he couldn’t seem to be faithful to one person…ever.

He still tries to pull my strings now two years later…talking about how he misses me and isht… Luckily he’s pulling on loose stings…

@Blaze
Very true

i think its hard for people to be ok with the fact they are your FB. I had a woman tell me i’m just like all men,and my reply was you knew the rules of the game when we first hit Start. So dont get mad when i say no to you being my woman

@ Moe

That’s fair so you can’t be faulted when the FBs get attached. I’ll be honest. I can’t have sex without emotions. Well, I guess I can because I have, but I won’t now.

As for men getting attached, I’ve been stalked, harassed, flowers sent to my friend’s place because that’s where he thought I lived, etc. This has occurred from just smiling at a guy.

On the real though some of my best female freinds are the ones that are cool with just hooking up time to time, they do their thing and never sweat me about anything else.

@ Kanisa

So did the engagement turn into marriage? And he’s still hitting on you?

@Reina
Damn. If it’s like that, then give me the ice grill if we ever meet!

nosey self
@reina

@ Moe

Shush.

when atached i believe women are worse.hose hormones are a mutha i tell ya

@ Black

I’m not being nosy. I just like knowing things. You shush, too.

@Reina
I’m just saying. If a simple smile can make a dude act like that.

Well, the girl is hotter than capsaicin. LOL

Seriously, I don’t understand it. Never have. I’ve never had an issue with getting a guy to commit. It’s always been my trying to get him to slow down. The smile thing, though, occurred while I was in a two-piece so that was understandable.

@ T Moe
Thats true, the dude start imagining hitting that ass can get those thoughts out of his mind until it comes true

@Reina
So it wasn’t your smile after all!

@Blaze
True dat

oh brother @reina

put some clothes on

@Black
Reina’s really feeling herself right?

Where’s Chelsea…?

@ T-Moe

Yes, it was, and I’m sticking to it.

*sticks tongue out at Black*

@Reina
If you say it’s so…then it must be true. Riiiiggghht.

@ Moe

LOL Why are you giving me grief? I didn’t take the time to ask him why he was following me. I try to stay away from mentally unstable gentlemen.

@Reina
LOL I know.

i’m here…been chatting up this cutie at work

there are 45 men that work here. do you think that a single one is handsome?

@Ms Miss & Chelsea

Have you ever dated a guy u worked with? Has it ever created any problems?

Twice. The first time wasn’t that bad. The second time, just drama. But we were in a call center environment and that is just like high school. I was kinda talking to a guy that used to work here but it didn’t work out. The general rule for me is to not mix business and personal life.

@Reina Yes & yes

yeah I dated this guy that I used to work with a few years ago…he was a good guy too. Really nice, smart, hilarious and he sang to me…but he was my supervisor (of sorts) and he was a huge flirt. Things just kinda trickled off between us after a couple of dates because I was stuck on someone else…lost touch with him and that was that. (also stopped working there)

@blaze

you missed me? and you never answered my question about liking my new pic or not either

what are we talking about? the cutie had me mesmorized for a hot minute…

@Chlesea
Of course I was missing you. U definitely keep it gully for some afternoon reading. I like your new pic..the other was nice also, I was just messing with you.

has FG ever done a post on Office Romance?

@blaze

mmmhmmm….

@guys

and why is it you losers get so mesmorized by a chick in a two-piece? (excuse my lateness)

chelsea because you were the most naked that they will ever see you, lol.

@Ms Miss

is that your lil precious? or a throwback of u?

@Ms Miss

most definitely…so look closely cuz that’s about as much of the goodies as some of you unlucky bastards will ever see…lmao

@Chelsea
You said “some” of you unlucky bastards…not all…does this mean you’ve been creeping with some of the Fly Guys?

lol yea that is her at about a month old. she is a grown ass toddler now.

and girl did you have to call them unlucky AND bastards? HARSH!!!! lmao.

@ Ms. Miss

How adorable. She does NOT look happy.

lol Reina she wasn’t. she did NOT like the photographer and she just broke down…lol all the other photos I had to have him photoshop out her tears.

@Moe

ummm…no. I said some meaning men of the world cuz I’m sure there are plenty of lurkers here on FG (FG is pretty much a lurker of his own site cuz we have taken this mug OVER)…unless you know any that wanna creep (bad Chelsea…bad)

@Ms Miss

friggin ADORABLE! lmao at “grown ass toddler”…and yes. I most certainly did have to call them that.

@Chelsea
LOL

Chelsea, you’re a mess. I think the guys should return the favor. Half-naked pics will be welcomed. Bare chest will be fine.

@ Ms. Miss

That’s so cute! What’s her name?

@ Reina

Her name is Zaria. It means ‘blooming flower’ in Arabic

I think all the Fly Guys (including FG) should post bare chest photos as their avatars. Effective immediately.

Black has to post barechested to the waistline tho cuz I remember what he said about an 8pack and like -3% bodyfat…my interest was piqued (was that blasphemy? Bad Chelsea…bad) But I’m serious tho…get on that fellas

oh yea we call each other Bear though.

He did say that. Where is he? Black!

@ Ms. Miss

She’s adorable, chica. Name fits.

he most certainly did….and Moe is a military man and he’s rockin a Nike atlectic tee in his avatar now, so im sure there’s some chocolately goodness up under there too…

and1grad…the name says it all. Need him topless asap. I’m calling him out.

where the hell is Tubbs, Preston… and the rest of the Get Along Gang (Tubb’s term not mine)

The forum has been missing a LOT of members today(Songbird, Mz. Cheif…) Is everyone pretending to work or something? (ya’ll know ya’ll aint got no jobs)

@ Chelsea

I just heard Trey Songz’ version of “Bust Your Windows” now titled “Bust My Windows”. Check it.

Yes! Shirts off, gentlemen!

I actually broke up with my last boyfriend over instant messenger! In my defense, he was avoiding my calls for about 2 weeks so that was the only way I could communicate with him.

@Life
Did he eventually call you or text back?

@Ladies
Ya’ll ain’t ready!!

@Reina

i got wind of Trey’s version about a week ago…downloaded and on heavy rotation in the IPOD already chica…trust that!

@Moe

try us

@ T-Moe

Prove that we’re not. If it’s too much, we’ll let you know.

@ Chelsea

Why didn’t you hip me?

@Chelsea
I’m shy…LOL

@blaze

I know u a corporate brother…with that being said I KNOW you have a cell phone with a camera apparatus on it and a bathroom located somewhere close to your office. Get in there…take that shirt and tie off and hit us with the pic we want.

I think everyone should keep their clothes on, lol.

@Reina

my fault…selfish, selfish me. Wanted Trey’s sexy butt to myself. Apologies BFF!!

@Moe

BOY PLEASE! TAKE IT OFF!!!

@Ladies
I’ll go topless if you will!

@Chelsea
Then what you going to do? Whats in it for the fellas?

@Ms

Hush! The pressure is gettin to them! lol…

my boobs are too big. wouldn’t fit in that little box.

@guys

the site might get banned if we go topless…and then what would we have to do all day at work if that happens?

Stop trying to seek rewards and do as we tell you…unless, of course…you guys are a lil too soft in the middle…or suffering from a case of B**cha**ness….

@ Moe

Chelsea’s already been topless. We’re one-up on y’all. (And topless means no shirt. No other definitions will be accepted.)

@ Ms.

Shh!

@blaze

Yea he text me back a few days later like nothing happened. I never replied lol

@Ms

ROTFLMAO!!!! CYBER HIGH FIVE FOR THE TIG OL BITTIE COMMITTEE!!! (yes Reina, you need to be high-fiving too my sister in bustiness!)

@Chelsea
That psychology bullsh*t don’t work here! LOL

@Chelsea
I think you got us confused with them cats you deal with on the regular

@Ms Miss
Um….ok

@Moe

grrr…u wearing a Nike shirt. JUST DO IT…lol

@Reina
Well I didn’t see it, so as far as I’m concerned…it didn’t happen!

@blaze

naw…trying out a lil of my college psychology…but was shot down, so I’ll now resort to other lows to get you to do what I want you to do…

i’m telling you blaze, yall aint read. and chels has a good point. we can’t bare our boobies.

yall have till friday to get the new avi pics up.

@ Moe

What? She just took it down yesterday. LOL Just take it off. It’s not that hard. From the outline, it looks pretty damn nice. It’s just a chest!

@Reina
So you’re packin’ up top too huh? Let’s see!!

Friday? In this camera phone ear, tomorrow!

there…half-nakedness at it’s best…

your turn guys…lol

era, not ear

@ Moe

You first.

@Reina
If it’s just a chest…I’ll give you my email address and you can send me a few candids…since it is just a chest!

Ms Miss
I thought I saw a lil somethin somethin from your last pic..just didnt want to jump out there

@Chelsea
Again, whats in it for the fellas?

@ Moe

No. It’s for this site.

lol giving them an adequate window of time so that they will not have any logical excuses as to why they dont have theirs.

and dont go on myspace either fishing for pictures. i want from the top of your head to your navel.

lol blaze that was just the tip of the iceberg, but enough about that. i’m saved now, lol.

@guys

booooooo to all of u…u guys play basketball without shirts…swim without them…work out in the gym without them…i know u have chest out pics…just grace us with them. We’ll be forever appreciative

‘ blaze that was just the tip of the iceberg, but enough about that. i’m saved now, lol’

ms miss is a damn trip

chelsea be patient. one of em will do it soon.

@ T Moe
Man they must not be getting theirs on the regular to be pressing us for some damn chest pics. They want to sit at their compuers and rub on their nipples out of excitement..lol

@Ladies
We have to leave something to the imagination. If you want to see more, inquire within!

blaze!!!!!!lol. it’s for…research.

@blaze

no just curiosity. I do the same thing to every guy i know…i appreciate the male form…plus some daily internet sexy is always a plus since we’re on this damn site all 8+ hrs that we’re SUPPOSED to punching time clocks and crunching numbers.

@Reina
What did you say about privacy and all that??

@Blaze
Right, right! LOL

Oh, boo to both of you. Chelsea, change your pic back. Punks.

moe, where exactly? is there some type of application I need to complete to see your chest?

@ Blaze

I have no idea. What did I say and when?

this nig asaid “inquire within” like it was a job! lmao….

(awaits answer to Ms. question)

I doubt yall are sheilding your chest from the world as a means of being private. Now take off ya damn shirt!

@Ms. Miss
LOL

@T Moe
I believe Chelsea would jump out there on the real, Maybe Ms Miss since she let be known what she working with. Reina…she would have to work for it..she lives vicariously through Chelsea. Wait til we get her by herself one day on a post without Chelsea there to bail her out…lol

@blaze

what does that mean?

ok i’m glad you are just as confuzzled chels…

@Blaze
Chelsea does seem to be Reina’s safety blanket. Chelsea ain’t got NO shame for real! And Ms. Miss is a undercover freak! LOL

ok ladies…hold it down…im driving to the crib!

Im out…holla at you all tomorrow.

@ Blaze

Please? No disrespect to Chelsea, but she’s never bailed me out of shit. As has been noted by several people on this site, yourself included, the girl is intelligent. Never needed bailing out. Unlike you who just disappear or go out to lunch or call on Black, when your supposed superiority isn’t dismantling like you wish.

If you got an issue with me, say so but stop taking shots at me like a b*tch.

@guys

WHAT? not hardly…you have me and my BFF all kinds of **cked up!

Before I was a manhater…not I’m one nipple pastie away from a Playboy model…wtf??

@Reina
Are you still in DC?

blaze you would leave with no explaination!

moe: i’m a good girl now.

@ T Moe
Exactly my point bruh…Chelsea keeps it gully, Ms Miss threw that out there to get our attention and Reina….well…She’s Chelsea new BFF what more can I say.

@ Moe

Shut up. LOL I’m not going topless (my def.) until you do.

i’m out for now ladies…we’ll see if the convo (and toplessness) is still on the agenda when i return

@Reina
Damn..went kinda hard on that one! LOL

@ Moe

Heading to the airport in a few. Trying to make it home before the debate

don’t let Reina’s doll like face fool you. she seems like she could win in a knife fight.

Don’t wait too long to head to the airport. You know DC traffic is no joke.

oh wow one big boob comment and i’m a sex craved maniac waiting for a chest picture to climax to?

@Ms. Miss
Oh I can tell, Reina keeps a straight razor in her purse!

No, Blaze has been coming at me today for reasons I’m not understanding. I’m offended by anyone stating that I need to bailed out. Matter of fact, I need evidence of being bailed out of any debate. I bet Blaze is republican.

And there’s no reason in my purse. My weapon of choice is a Louisville Slugger.

razor, not reason

I need to go home.

@ Moe

I have to wait on my colleagues. They’re packing up.

Or a boot on a dark night! (sorry, I had to get one more in) LOL

I can picture Reina carrying around a big bat..lol

@ Moe

LOL Yes, the legs and the feet are dangerous. See, you’ve been warned in advance.

I can too…lol

@ Ms. Miss

And what’s your weapon, lady?

@Reina
Thanks for the heads-up…I’ll keep that in mind! LOL

@Reina
Lets see:
-Set my house alarm
-Memory like an elephant
-Men who date you get to experience drastic mood swings

Sounds kinda scary! LOL

I carry a knife, pens, Aquanet hairspray as mase, I wear heels so those (I actually had to use them as a weapon before. I beat that man’s head in so bad he had to be hospitalized) anything I can get my hands on.

@Ms. Miss
A violent undercover freak…who knew?!

@ Moe

But you forgot to note

-fiercely loyal
-amazing body
-great debater
-Mind-altering sex

@Reina
Okay…that balances it out!

@ Ms. Miss

I knew it. You weren’t fooling anyone. Trying to make me seem like the violent one.

@Reina
You talk a good game. Hmmmmm

I am leaving finally. When next I return, I’ll be back in Manhattan.

Noches, people.

Be Safe! You know what to do.

I’m about to head out of here as well. Have a good night!

lol Moe i’m only violent if I feel threatened or if my baby or family is in danger. other than that I am a very good girl.

lol Reina I just have about everything in my purse is all.

Damn, 287 comments!!!

I think the worst possible way of breaking up with someone is via text message. Trust me: it’s very dehumanizing to have your SO of 4 1/2 years, with whom you’ve been through thick and thin, cruelly rip your heart out of your ass by sending you a text message to end things.

Surely this is the quintessence of cowardice.

Plain and Simple….That guy is a BITCH. Man Up!

I haven’t broken up with anyone in that manner but it has happened to me. I have been a victim that happened to me was the disappearing act by my SO at the time. I didn’t even get the courtesy of an official ending.THe just starting blowing me off. He is a coward. It’s cool though. Karma is something else.

Whoo hoo…300 here we come!!!

@Tuarus Lady
You have a very interesting blog/perspective..
We need to hear more comments from you on the regular.

@Reggie Boy: thanks for your, uh, input!

@blaze: man, I’m trying to keep up with y’all, by the time I get home to check out this site, you guys have gone on to 200+ comments!!!!

My last bf broke up with me via text which IMO is the wackest of the wack… Once you get past highschool, I want you to pick up the phone and handle your business.. Not to be outdone, this same bf, followed up his “stop texting me” message with some bs letter about why we should break up!! WTH writes letters in 2K8? What a biatch!

i wrote a letter breakin up wit my bf but i was in 7th grade…

i am 11th grade i am junior yeah it’s me chelsea