I'm Not Ready To Be A Dad

Now let me start off by saying this,I’m one of those men who believe a male should have equal say in whether he wants to be a father or not. Now I know you all will say he shouldve thought about that before they laid down,however thats something they chose to do. Secondly, i believe if the two believe that the father doesnt want to keep the baby and the woman does,the male shouldnt be obligated to pay just bc the woman has full autonomy on the situation.I dont believe one person should have full and complete control of a situation in which two persons were needed to complete the transaction.And last,its normal for males to feel a sense of disconnection from that child at first. Hell he didnt carry he/she for 9months so that natural connection is not there. Its a time period between the baby and the father that they get to know and love one another. The stuff just doesnt come like it does with a woman,its a growing process.

-My first relationship my daughter was planned,and I’ll admit it took me a while to fall head over heels for my daughter,bc that connection wasnt their first off. Like i said its normal

-boy i know im gonna get tore up for this one.lol

This is a really tough one. I have to say that the decision should be mutual. It is the WORST thing for a parent to resent his/her own child in any way, shape or form. When you take the decision away from one person, it really affects how that person will relate to the child. If the child doesnt get to see the dad because he was not ready, he/she will grow up feeling not wanted. That, in turn, will affect his/her relationship with the opposite sex.
Of course, in the ideal world, both parties would come to a satisfying decision but we all know better.

@And1
I partly disagree, a man should own up and at the least pay chid support regardless if he was or was in support of having the baby or not. The child still needs that support. Lastly a man should feel that connection from the first moment the lady is impregnated.

I partly disagree…because while yes both parties should have say in this matter, the woman ultimately has to go through this ordeal. I think the guy has his say when he goes “balls deep” and decides not to use protection. If you dont use protection then you have given up your right.

I mean no man is really truly ready to be a dad. No woman is truly ready to be a mother…no one is prepared in my book at least from the friends I have known.

My opinion,If I was to become pregnant tonight I would be a woman and not hold it over the fathers head because men can come and go but mommy is forever,he kick rocks if he wants or he can be a willing participant in the upbringing of our child.When you laid down with people you are taking a huge gamble nothing is 110% and people can change their minds about taking on such a huge responsibility .

@ lyrical

you are right ppl and their feelings are so fickle.

@blaze
its natural not to have a connection with any human being from the start.its nothing wrong with it.
and if it wasnt a joint decision to HAVE the baby then why should one be made to pay for the child?
how does one person have complete autonomy to make any and all decisions.basically what we’ve done is made one person the sole decision maker

This is an extremely difficult topic for me. As many of you already know I am a single mother. When I got pregnant at 19 I had already decided to keep my baby but in presenting it to my then boyfriend he told me ‘whatever decision you make I’m okay with’ so I told him my plan to have our child. Through the weeks following we had an argument and he told me he had been back together with his ex girlfriend and that she was 6 months pregnant. Needless to say he treated me like shit my entire pregnancy. I had one request, be there for the birth of our daughter. He declined. He didn’t show up at the hospital until the third day. He made me get a paternity test. He was barely seeing his daughter as it was and when I filed for child support he stopped seeing her. Matter of fact my daughter has seen her daughter 3 times this year and he only lives 20 minutes away. Every knock she hears at her door she tells me ‘It’s my Daddy’ and it never is.

If you have a child. You make yourself known to that child. Period. Don’t think that just because you are not ready that you can take a break and then years later come back into that child’s life because you are ready and expect to be welcomed with open arms. There is no understanding. That is absurd that you think a child will be better off not knowing you because you were scared of being a parent. This goes for mothers AND fathers. I can’t deal with this today. See you guys next topic.

see i knew this would be a one-sided conversatioin.@nisha,both decided to go unprotected,now whether they talked about having children etc. was their decision.but ultimately without that male you are not able to have a child period. and im trying to be as sensitive as possible here but i just think it shouldnt be ONE PERSONS CHOICE

@lyrical(hey luv)
thas what im saying,like when i had my first child and me and her mom split. ultimately folks thought my daughter should be with her…my question was why? im just as fit to raise the child so she stays with me end of discussion. we as a society have given males to much power in certain areas,and females the same

Being from a single parent home and only seeing (never even had a conversation) my bioligical once, I could never leave a child out on his/her own.

@miss
see you later hun,i think im bowing out of this one too bc ive seen the other side of the coin in this situation,and im one who you would probably argue with on this one

This is a hard subject to talk about because we all know and some of us have single mothers or know single mothers.At the end of the day its all about the children and what they deserve BOTH PARENTS, it should have to court appointed , it shoould just be the moral thing to do. I have some many friends say they will not have any kids because they fear that the father can choose to not be around at any time he wants, you can force him to pay child support but you can’t force him to spend time and love their kids.

@blaze
we have to stick to the question posed tho,and it was whould that male have a say so in whether he wants to be apart of the childs life if it wasnt something they chose to seek out.listen i had a dad for 7yrs,and an extra 5 drunken/argumentative/rage-filled years and threw him out along with my brother afterwards.havent talked to him n years and he stays around the block from me so i understand you. However as a father now who loves his two girls both girls took me a while(mainly my first daughter) to really find OUR niche together

@ black

I do not think it is onesided. If the woman is not on birth control and YOU decided to go unprotected then that is your choice…you know the outcome. Homegirl can say no put one on but if she does not metion using protection or decides the pull out method is okay…you MAN up and say nah…I am not ready to be no ones dad. I do not think you can dictate what someone does with their body.

I can’t even type this morning, forgive me, I’m working at the same time.

I agree with Nisha that no one is truly ready to have a child until that child is born.
My problem is with any guy that doesnt CHOOSE to become a part of their child’s life. How can you not? It’s your blood! The child is always the innocent party in this.
Furthermore, if you know you’re not going to be consistent in the child’s life, please dont play games. Dont call/visit one week and then he/she doesnt hear from you next week. That is just uncaring and insensitive.

@lyrical
you can have both parents but it takes a villge,always has and always will take that village to raise a child.yes a father should be in the childs life but not FORCED.if the two didnt plan the child and she ultimately says screw you its my choice/my body(typical response) than your in a lose lose situation

I mean if the guy does not want the child and the woman does…you still have to take responsibility. Take care of the child…if you dont want to be apart of the child’s life (you suck lol) but then support that child because the child did not ask to be here…and just because mommy and DADDY were careless is not the childs fault

I agree black. It is a one sided issue and always will be. Until a woman has the option to abandon a child because she isn’t ready without being viewed as horrible & heartless then it will be an even playing field.

@ black…

we live and die by the choices we make…

Homeboy wrap it up and then you are still childless. Thats how I see it. Both parites know what the outcoem will be…one of you should be bold enough to say

STOP! Condom time.

I’m just saying

nisha simply what rights do males have then? if they BOTH chose to not use contraceptives then both should have a say in the matter,im sorry and i want change my response to that. so what people are telling me is if they both choose not to use condoms and she becomes pregnant than she should have the say so to keep the child?

Men always think it is about “trapping” them or whatever…I know for a lot of my friends abortion is not an option because of their christian values and adoption is too much on a woman who carried a child for 9 months…

I think both should use protection no matter what.

@fab
if the child was not planned and the woman ultimately TELLS the male im going to keep the child it seems to me that one person ultimately holds the cards.

@nisha
why should he HAVE TO. she made the decision solely by herself.she wants kids,he doesnt,they didnt talk about it before sex,she gets pregnant,she says im keeping the child,he says he doesnt want the child,he pays support for 18yrs,forced to love someone he doesnt want.

@miss

which is fine by me,however its a choice issue which shouldnt be determined by anyone else except the people in which it affects. however we as a society cant do that bc we believe we should be able to govern our fellow man/woman at all times which to me is bs

@nisha
come on..like miss said we all know its a one sided affair

@black (hi there)
I meant it shouldn’t have to be forced it was a typo.Because its not fair for neither one , the child, the mother,the father.A man would resent his child if he is forced and a child would eventually figure that out when it gets older.I was raised by a single mother and my mother figured it out my dad was just not father material and I learned that much later in life and I don’t have any animosity towards him NOW because some men who do not know how to be fathers can end up damaging or hurting kids emotionally.

I think I agree with blackfu. The fact of the matter is, you chose to, AS A COUPLE, lay down unprotected. Women dont get a pass for that. A lot of women are pro-choice, correct? If thats the case, by definition, you should give the potential father that same choice. If the guy tells you he’s not ready, then the decision you’re making by keeping the baby, is also a decision to raise him/her alone.

@ black
You are right that one person does hold the cards but it is what it is. harsh but its reality. It may not be fair to a guy that wasnt ready but what about the mother? She is prolly not ready either but she is stepping up to take care of her responsibility! That is all we can ask from a guy: STEP UP financially and emotionally! It may not be the best situation but you have the power to make it better for EVERYBODY involved.

@ black…

Where is the responsibility? If in your mind you already know…I dont want to be a father then brotha use a condom or abstain from sex…because when that day comes and she tells you she is pregnant she is going to do what she feels is right…sucks but it is true. Yeah a female will say it is her body. I have a friend who went through this…her and they guy worked together and slept together for months without protection…He is wrong and she is wrong but someone has to be responsible is all I am saying.

**I know for me I am not ready…so I take responsibility.

I kind of think that if you both choose to not use protection, then you both choose to accept a baby should one come.

If you’re not ready to be parents, protect yourself.

I agree though that a joint decision should be made on whether or not to keep the baby though on they’re on the way.

Tricky once again though if adoption is the route you choose to go. The mother will risk her life to have the child while the father is just like, “peace out.” If that is the route, I feel the father should foot the medical bills since she’s risking her life.

Abortion…I’m on the fence about. Black babies especially only have a 50% chance of being born according to statistics…

Keeping it…both parents need to be there every step of the way. -8 months, 1 year, 5 years, 20 years….

Such situations make it IMPERATIVE to know and trust the people you go to bed with in the first place.

@ Ms.Miss “Every knock she hears at her door she tells me ‘It’s my Daddy’ and it never is.” OMG, you just made me cry!!!!

@lyrical
thas all im saying luv
my child was planned yet it took me damn near a year to learn how to love her.it wasnt until she was sick and in the hospital for a yr that i found out she looked to me to protect her,so basically thas my role to both children.im their protector,and as a male you dont have that defined role like women are handed.when the childs born as a mother they know right off the bat theyre the caregiver of the child

fabie I would prefer emotionally before financially.

@Miss

I commend you for still voicing your opinion on this one , I know its hard for you.
Keep your head up mami. Big hugs !!!

@and1 (peace fam)
thas alll im saying fam
EVERYONE should be given a choice,however this isnt the accepted practice in society so males are on the short end of the stick to make a f-ed up decision n the end

@Black
I’m glad that you came around and figured things out for your daughters sake.It takes a real man to do that (BETTER LATE THAN NEVER)

@ Miss

You are doing a hell of a job! Just wanted you to know that

@fab
thas bullshit,point blank bullshit.
thas like my wife marrying me knowing i had a student loan thas kickin my ass.she either had a choice to accept me with that loan or say get rid of the loan then marry me

If you dont want to be a single parent, and you know that having/keeping the baby will make you one, are you being “responsible?”

all I am saying is both should that responsibility.

Thats all.

If that means both use protection or mama gets on bc…then so be it so there does not come a time when this happens.

@what

it makes me cry. having to explain to a two year old that her Dad isn’t at the door and having her cry is heart breaking.

@lyrical

i never wasnt around.was just that i didnt know where my place was

I just say overall…

Protection, protection ladies and gentlemen.

@ nisha and lyrical

Thank you. That means a lot.

@miss
trust me the child will come to understand,accept,deal with it,and move on.my daughters mom hasnt been around since she was 6months.when she is she treats her like a new coat that she just bought and drags her along just to show her off(as does her family on family get togethers,mothers day,etc.) my daughter is now 6 and is no dummy. she calls her by her first name(her choice,not mine) tells me herself she respect her however my wife is her mom/disciplinarian/etc.
trust me we dont give kids enough credit for their intelligence,tell them the truth do not lie

@ Ms
Definitely! To get personal, in my culture, dads are not expected to be in their child’s life that much. They work and provide but that is about it. Emotionally, they are not available (at least mine wasnt). First 4 years of my life, he was there physically then he came to the US. It’s like any potential relationship was severed. To this day, i have issues with men because of that. I cant even have a convo with the man cuz i dont even know who he is! I cannot relate to him!
All this to say that a dad’s role in a child’s life is really important. Just because you cannot contribute financially doesnt mean that you have to abandon your child.

Bottom line its too many things in our disposal for men/women if you truly not ready for kids you would take every necessary precautions to make sure you will not produce one.

and for the record, I got pregnant on bc

basically@lyrical

@black I know you were there physically but not completely (emotionally) from what you stated.But now you are thats all that matters

@Blac
Where were u yesterday bruh..? The fellas needed you u up in this joint.

@lyrical

yea,was hard hun.you have all these people telling you what you should do and what not to do.your confused hell just cant find your own way between you and the child

@Miss I have known women to get pregnant while on BC, nothing is 110%, I know one woman whose body simply rejected the hormone BC they didn’t figure that out until she had 4 kids and she went on got her tubes tied, but thats not effective either my mom had hers tied and ended up pregnant with my baby sis.

@miss
my ex missed her bc the day before,took it that day,we had sex the next day found out she was preg 5months later.lol
@blaze,
working hard trying to fight this recession.getting things in order for the long run

@ And1
You asked a good question. IMO, in most cases, it’s not because you already know that the person is NOT going to do right by the child (not all the time) but you know somehow. The responsible thing in those cases would be to accept that you are going to raise your child alone. You have to accept that and let the child know as soon as possible why the father is not in the picture.
Of course, im speaking as someone who doesnt have a child yet.

@Black where in the heck did you get that pic !!!! Lol looks like a black marshmallow man

@lyrical

thas my boyy.lol

@ BLACK OMG !!!!!! I SHOULD HAVE KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT , I BASICALLY PUT MY FOOT IN IT.

Nah Lyric, blacks pic looks like a bald headed “Perm” from the movie Friday

having a child with high probability of being a single parent is irresponsible so that makes abortion responsible?

lo@lyrical

nooo

thas the miller high life dude.u know the guy n the commercials.lol

@BLAZE ok I don’t feel bad anymore since you co-signed it, lol

@Black
SHAME ON YOU !!!!! that was cold , thought you were my Chi-town homie ???

@fabie
Lets work under the scenario that the man has made clear that he is NOT ready to be a father. My question that follows the last one is, if the woman does still have the child, should she expect/demand child support (from someone who says he doesnt want to be involved)?

I’m personally torn on this issue b/c even tho I believe a father should have some financial responsibility for a child, I cant say I agree with it being forced if the man had made clear that he didnt want to be a father, before she had the baby.

@lyrical
u know i wubb you guhlllll
@miss
me and you are on the same wavelengths here. what you just posted is a question thas has to be answered “having a child with high probability of being a single parent is irresponsible so that makes abortion responsible?”

and1
I believe in giving men a chance to turnaround but after 6 months and I haven’t recieved any help financially or helping me with the child after it is born, then you have to do what is necessary.

@ms
Maybe for some abortion/adoption WOULD be responsible. But if you’ve taken it upon yourself to have the “responsibility” of a child, isnt the welfare of that child then solely your responsibility?

forgot to say wassup ladies my bad

Look, everybody. It’s not fair. Life’s not fair. But the reality is, it’s a woman’s body – she’s the one who has to bear the grunt of the pregnancy, and of raising the child (yes a woman can leave, but the rate of that happening is very low) whether the man is around or not. Legally, you father a child, it’s your responsibility.

Fair or not, it’s not changing. It is what it is. It may suck, but that should make people think twice about who they’re laying down with, and what precautions you take to protect yourself from mistakes. And we all know no birth control, aside from abstinence, tubal ligation and vasectomies are 100% (and even the surgical routes can fail on occasion). Which takes you back to being responsible to the best of your abilities and thinking about who you’re sleeping with. If it’s some chickenhead you brought home from the club because you got drunk and horny, well, just realize the chance you’re taking. That’s all. We’ve all seen that movie Knocked Up, right?

I for one do not condone the use of abortion as an medthod of BC.Thats all I’m saying on that note

@songbird
who says we have to face it,i dont.ive never ever paid child support,never will. thing is right now my daughters mom can try to ask for support for my daughter just bc shes the mom. we need to stop giving women complete autonomy over the children,it takes two thas it.just bc you birth the child doesnt make you the babys master,bc thas exactly what your saying to us right now at 11:35am central time. that males dont have a say so,so shutup n be the bastards child even tho you told the woman you dont want children.

@lyrical
i can give 2 shits about abortion. it aint lowering gas prices,nor stopping them from throwing my neighbors out on the street bc cost of living has outgrown our incomes

I had a slew of personal reasons as to why I opted to keep my child. When I made that decision for myself I did decide to get some input from the father before letting him know my decision. He said he would be there. I believed him for who he had proven himself to be prior to my pregnancy. But being that I had no father and my childhood and experiences with men I knew that I would be doing it alone and was prepared to because prior to me finding out I was pregnant I told him I wanted to stop seeing him.

He gave me his word he would be there for his child and take financial responsibility as well and I held him to it. For me having this child was the responsible thing to do. For me to finally follow through with something and be responsible for my actions. Though people pity me and feel sorry for me for unknown reasons my daughter and I do fantastic. I have a job that pays well, I do receive child support, we manage fairly well compared to other single mothers.

Like I’ve said before, this will always be one-sided. The woman carries the child and doesn’t have the option to say ‘I don’t want to do this anymore I’m not ready’ without people saying she is a heartless abandoner and deserves to have her uterus pulled up through her nostrils. If you are not married and get knocked up know that there is a high probability of being a single parent and you may be stuck with a kid without a father. If you are a man that doesn’t want a child and doesn’t want to pay child support you need to take precautions when having sex and know that raw dogging it may change your future drastically.

@miss
your situation is different imo bc you conversed had dialogue and came up with the fact that he wanted to be there.what about the guy that says nah im not gonna be there and im not paying support. my question is why should i have to when i told you im not gonna be a father,and im not going to help. throw out the moral mumbo jumbo bc this is the question that needs to be answered

@ And1
Sincerely, if i was in this case, I would not expect/demand any money because I made the choice to have the child knowing how the father feels about it. I dont believe in expecting anything from anybody else, i work and achieve what i want. I would do the best that i can for my child and thats what matters.
I’m really torn about answering this question in general though.

“The woman carries the child and doesn’t have the option to say ‘I don’t want to do this anymore I’m not ready’ without people saying she is a heartless abandoner and deserves to have her uterus pulled up through her nostrils.”

As opposed to men who, after expressing that same sentiment, are lifted up on the shoulders of other men and exalted in song?

i dont think anyone can objectively answer that question without throwing morality in it. if a person tells you straight up im not gonna help you,and im not paying for it. as a human being the natural reaction is to take care of it yourself. i have two dogs,i conversed with my wife and she said she hates dogs doesnt want them and wont take care of them. so what do i do,i take care of the dogs and i pay for them

@and1
like i said not one woman n here can answer this question without morality playing a huge role.lol

@fabie
True indeed. They’re hard questions.

@ black
i answered, didnt i? (well, kinda) lol

Ooh, ooh! I want in! But I have to read. I’ll be back.

Black I can’t throw out the moral mumbo jumbo. You can’t undo a pregnancy. This isn’t a vacation you didn’t want to take but I purchased the tickets already. I can’t just refund your sperm. For some women termination of a pregnancy can bear extremely hard on the emotions causing depression, guilt, eating disorders, some cases suicide. It is an extremely difficult decision one usually governed by one’s faith. And usually even when a couple decides together to terminate a pregnancy who has to go through all of that pain? The female. So you have to take that into consideration too. And it is a horrible feeling knowing that a .25 contraceptive could have saved you all this grief.

@fab
yea you did answer luv,but like u just told and1 its hard to throw out morality,and look at it objectively bc in essence having a life inside you is life changing(i suspect).

@blackfu
Word. And I’m kinda past the morality of it b/c a person’s morals, on these types of situations, can be so diverse and based on so many different things, its hard to sit back and say that you’re being more moral than the next person. I mean, if I were in the situation, would I want the mother to have the child? Yes. Would I be financially responsible? Yes. But I’m not gonna sit here and say that they makes me more morally sound than someone who absolutely wanted no part of any of that and made that known (SOMEHOW) ahead of time.

And1:

People are accepting of fathers not being there. It is considered the norm. Think of how many women date men with children scattered about KNOWING that they do not visit with them and do not contribute financially. True no one is hanging banners in the mall saying ‘We Welcome Deadbeat Dads with a 20% off coupon” but we hear all over the news a woman that left a newborn at a church or a woman that left her kids at the hospital. There is definitely an extreme bias that women are required to do it when men have an option. That is what will continue to make this decision extremely one sided.

@miss
thats how males look at it,for women its a totally different experience. therefore what we think or say isnt taken to heart bc ultimately the woman is going to take it upon herself to come up with the final answer. so therefore as a male where does our choices come from? when do we get a say? or is this something we just “have to deal with?”
bc if a male were to tell a female she’d have to make significantly less than a male in the workplace “bc it is what it is,and its something she’d just have to deal with bc we dominate the field” than women would have an uproar

@ And1
sidebar: what the heck r u looking for up there in your pic? LOL

@and1

EXACTLY.different strokes for different folks

@miss

since when is it accepted to be a deadbeat dad? last time i checked its folks n jail over that shit.lol

@blackfu, Well, legally, yeah. If you don’t want children, you need to do what you need to do to make absolutely sure it doesn’t happen.

I don’t ever want to kill someone with my car. But if I get behind the wheel, it’s a chance I take. If someone runs out into the street just as I’m approaching and it’s impossible to avoid the hit and I kill them, I can’t say “oops. I never wanted that to happen. So because I never wanted it I’m not paying for a cot-damm thing.”

That’s my point.

Most women don’t want unexpected pregnancies either. Especially if they’ve been practicing safe sex and this was a mistake. The choice to have the baby is just as traumatic to her as it is to you men (well moreso, actually). But see, you think that just because you’re not *physically* connected in any way shape or form to this child (other than DNA) that you can just walk away if you so choose to. Women want to walk away too. But they can’t. They’re f**cked — they have to endure a gruesomely traumatic, life changing event no matter which avenue they choose. They’re forced into this. Abortion is not easy. Having a child is definitely not easy. They both take a toll on a woman’s body, mind and soul (albeit in different ways). So it is damn selfish of men to say they want the ability to just dust off their hands and walk away like its nothing. You didn’t just throw a baseball into somebody’s window. You created a child. Whether you wanted it no longer matters. A respectful, moral, responsible man would own up to his obligation. If that child is born, be a father. To think that someone has it in their heart to abandon a child is disgusting. We all know, if not directly, the pain of having an absent parent. Whether the child is wanted or not doesn’t make the child go away. It’s not a ‘if I don’t see him, he doesn’t exist’. Doesn’t work like that.

black you cannot use that as a comparable example because no one is losing a life or comprimising their morals.

@songbird
woman can give the child up for adoption if they dont feel connected,and u missed my point when i said males arent connected with a child right off the bat due to the male and the child not having something “to call their own”. like i said,males can take morality out of it and women cant due to the womans connection ultimately with that life inside her

@black
it can be broken down that simple,its what i call “choice” either you do or you dont.its a gray area that has been given an array of colors by too many parties

Wow, this is really getting interesting…Black I didn’t know that men could feel that way about their children…I guess I thought all that came naturally too

Black: I don’t hear about deadbeat dads getting locked up. I know it happens but it is never on the news. If a woman leaves a newborn at a church or hospital you better believe I hear about it for weeks. Even if those places she left that baby fall under the safe haven law they have police looking for her in full force. If I call the police do you think they will go to my daughters dad’s home to talk to him? Doubt it.

@what

no,not at all.it takes time,and this is coming from two generations of mothers bc folks on my daughters moms side thought i wasnt being more of a father too her. hell i didnt know what the f* i was doing, i didnt know what my daughter wanted of me. as a mom you know your child wants u to nurse her n love her,but as a male u dont know whats expected of you accept the woman wants a check

@miss
lol.they broadcast that ish allll the time here n chicago,warrants our out for your arrest and you get hauled in for some time.

@ black
i dont think it’s accepted but it’s more common.
I really understand where you guys are coming from, i do but my moral values wont allow me to agree . If i was to have a child right now and im def not married, I’d be looking at my income, my family situation (who would be babysitting, etc.) and how i want to raise MY baby. If there was a husband in the picture, of course, im sure i’d feel/plan differently.
@ Ms
I’m really sorry about what you have been through. That BOY doesnt deserve to be called a man. It’s one thing to say you are going to be there including emotionally and then to take it all away. COWARD!

@fabie
ha…I call that one my “daydreamer.”

@songbird
Here’s my problem with your example. Are we both driving your car? Because if there were 2 steering wheels and we were both trying to maneuver and then got in that accident, then your story makes sense. Otherwise, if I’m just a passenger on YOUR ride, umm…YOU’RE responsible for hitting old boy…not me.

exactly@and1

@reina

get ya booty n here chica

black they never mention it up here…

@miss

they dont f around

they got me for support for 2yrs even tho my daughter was with me.lol,and they didnt give a shit either.the system is tailor made for women

@black
And dont even get me STARTED on the system!!!

@Reina YOUR LATE CHICA !!! I was wondering where you were

I’m not sure of what my reaction is to this. I’m both incredulous and amused. LOL We’re all adults, and we’ve been told our entire lives that a byproduct of sex is pregnancy. We’ve also been told that outside of abstinence and invasive surgical procedures, nothing is 100% baby proof. So with this information, you enter into sex willingly nonetheless. And when that consequence, which you knew the probability of, comes to fruition, you should be allowed to back out? Why? Because you’re not ready? THEN DON’T HAVE SEX. You can say no. It’s not illegal. And if you said that you can’t NOT have sex because it feels too good, what separates you from monkeys who derive pleasure from slinging their shit? You had sex willingly. Now deal with the consequences.

I have no children, but I’ve been pregnant. I also have the opposite situation of what everyone has mentioned. My MOM was not ready to have a child so my father raised me. If he hadn’t made the choice, I would’ve probably been aborted. I had no contact with my mom for the beginning years of my life. Down the road, she decided that she wanted in. My dad didn’t deny me to her, but I resented her for a long time.

So as a child of what you guys are speaking of, if you’re not ready, then don’t have sex. Though your lives will be inconvenienced by a child’s arrival, the child doesn’t deserve to be in need of therapy as of her 3rd trimester.

@ Ms.

I applaud you, admire you, and pray for you. You are my shining beacon.

black that is unfair. I know a woman i used to work with her ex husband had custody of the kids and she had to pay child support. and that is the way it should be. i guess maybe it is just washington state but whoever DOESN’T have primary custody of the children is who pays support. regardless of sex.

see heres what men dont know.that women do not,i repeat, do not automatically get sole custody of that child. if they willingly acknowledge the child is his or whatever that its two seperate types of custody physical and custodial and custodial can only be proved in a court of law.and physical is something that is established between the two persons

@ black
“as a mom you know your child wants u to nurse her n love her,but as a male u dont know whats expected of you accept the woman wants a check”
I VEHEMENTLTY disagree with that, sir!! Do yall really not know that you are expected to give that child love, values, your time, the best of you??? come on!!

@and1 I wasn’t assuming 2 people in the car. Point is, you are responsible for you. If you get a woman pregnant, you have to face those consequences, no matter how unfair the situation may be. You know them going in, so it’s not like you don’t know what happens when sperm and egg meet. Woman is responsible too; however, because the process of carrying a child to term cannot be shared, it’s inherently a 1-sided issue and there’s no getting around that. Unless evolution changes things moving forward, we’re stuck with things as-is.

Bottom line – you don’t want babies, you don’t let your seed end up where it don’t belong. If you take that chance, well then, know what might happen and don’t be surprised or punk out if something happens.

You know, people take chances sexing up everyone and their mother, but pregnancy isn’t the only thing. If you get AIDS, you can’t say, Oh, I didn’t want that. Take it back. It’s a chance everyone takes when laying down with someone. So you need to protect yourself and know if you do the do, there’s a chance something might happen and you’ll need to own up to it. It’s the harsh reality of being grown.

Hey Reina – we’re eye to eye girl! That’s what I’m trying to say.

@fab…
i cant explain something to someone whose never experienced it.its not that you dont know that its expected of you,however YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

” If you get AIDS, you can’t say, Oh, I didn’t want that. Take it back. It’s a chance everyone takes when laying down with someone.”

*STANDING OVATION*

bottomline,its a choice,she has a choice to say i want to keep the baby,i have a choice to say i dont.therefore if you want the child and i dont i can keep it moving and you can enjoy parenthood,and if you dont believe it than thas your morals/ religious beliefs /etc talkin

were not talking about stds were talking about having children so keep it there

what is wrong with having morals?

funny how mostly all the women are saying one thing and all the males are saying the same thing.lol
fact of the matter is its a choice that has nothing to do with society and women believe they’ll be shunned if they dont want the child

@ black
and you’re assuming that a new mom automatically knows how to nurse a child, soothe a child when she doesnt know what might be wrong? Come on now, do men really have to be taught how to be love a child? how to play with a child? how to spend time with a child? really?

we can make immoral choices when it comes to talking about another person,we can make immoral decisions when it comes to keeping the extra change that a store clerk gives us,yet when it comes to women and bearing children all of a sudden folks get holier than thou..puhlease.set your morals aside and think logically and objectively. you know this guy does not want to have kids with you,yet you say im gonna have the child and your gonna be the father.lol.stevie wonder can see thas an equation for disaster.

It is true. Women are not vocal about abortions they have had because they will be shunned. Women are not vocal many times about post partum depression because they will be shunned. It isn’t only a belief, it’s a reality

@songbird
When you use a phrase like “get a woman pregnant,” you’re assigning the responsibility to the man rather than to the couple, where it belongs. Thats a choice the couple made. IF carrying the child to term is a choice the couple did NOT agree on, that changes things. Its really NOT a one-sided issue, inherently, but if you make the decision unilaterally, its your responsibility to deal with the circumstances caused by that decision, isnt it? Not to be crass but evolution HAS changed things. It brought you abortion, for one thing.

Seriously, we ALL know the prevention speeches, the mottos, and the jingles. That isnt doing you a whole lot of good if you’re already in the situation of being pregnant.

@ Songbird

Hi Chica! And I know. We always seem to agree.

I can only speak for myself. I make moral decisions everyday. It isn’t a light switch that I flick on and off depending on my stance.

No one is arguing with me. Does that men I’m right? *does the running man*

@fab
im saying as a mother a set role is already defined for her,and thats a fact. imo every males role is different with each and every one of their children. with my first child she believes im superman,im her protector,with my 10month old daddy is her comfort,her teddy bear, someone who relaxes her. my first daughters mom did the EXACT SAME THIING as my wife,when they first had the child it was set in stone what their role was.

daps* @and1
“if you make the decision unilaterally, its your responsibility to deal with the circumstances caused by that decision”
and not one person in here besides us is saying that,and thas the jest of the argument.giving one party complete autonomy on the outcome of the decision supposedly made by the two of you.bc it is acceptable by folks that she can “audible” at any time and we have to deal with it

hey all.

Happy birthday blaze a libra like myself !!!

How much say should a man have when deciding if a baby should be kept?

I think the guy should be allowed to give his input on the situation at hand. Yes, they both created this child together and as a result the woman should respect the guy enough to let him know that there is a possiblity he is about to become a father.

After they have this discussion, and the guy mentions that he doesn’t want to be a father, the woman then needs to look at her situation and decide if she is capable of raising this child alone, financially and emotionally. She needs to come up with a plan that if worse comes to worse her child would not have to suffer needlessly. Consider all the options, but depending on this man in any way shape or form should not be one of them, because there exists men out there who is wanted for years of back child support.

I’ve been pregnant before and decided not to keep the child. However, if I was in the same situation, I cannot say I would take the same route. I will discuss it with the father…but as I am currently single I am not going to ask a men to financially or emotionally support HIS child. If he ever feels the need to take up responsibility for his child I would not stand in the way but neither will he be carelessly entering and leaving the child’s life either.

-off topic

way to use a white couple as the pic FG

couldve been wayyy to typical

lol @ black

lol @ black. I’m mad that they’re on a twin with one pillow.

@and1 Sometimes a woman doesn’t have a choice (as in rape). But even though you both decide to sleep together, you do so knowing that if pregnancy happens, you’re at the mercy of the woman’s choice. You take that chance. If you know upfront you don’t want kids, you do what you can to make sure it doesn’t happen. Point blank, plain and simple.

So Men… if you think you should have a say as to whether or not a woman to term when you don’t want the kid, do you think you should be able to force a woman to carry a baby to term if she doesn’t want it and you do?

I want all the guys to know that my stance in all of this if for the child. This seems way too much finger pointing and what you want blah blah blah do what is best for the child.

“Not only am I not ready to be a Dad, I’m not ready for a bed big enough for the 2 of us.”

@miss
if someone doesnt want you,isnt it best that they not b n the picture?

@and1 LMAO!!

@songbird

what you just posed is what women are doing to men “do you think you should be able to force a woman to carry a baby to term if she doesn’t want it and you do?”

i like the molding they have along their baseboards tho

@songbird
I’m talking about the choice of carrying the baby to term. Rape scenarios are irrelevant. If the man is at the mercy of the woman’s choice, then the woman is at the mercy of the man’s.

lol…your second question is so loaded. I dont think the point is to FORCE a woman to do anything. Its more about NOT forcing something on the man.

@black No. Totally different. You’re forcing a woman to carry a baby to term is a form of slavery. You’re controlling her body. A man isn’t forced to do anything, really. Only the law of the land forces you. A woman doesn’t have that control, the law does. And the law will only dig in your pocket. They won’t permanently physically, mentally and emotionally destruct you.

I can only speak from my situation. If he doesn’t want my daughter then he needs to stop popping in and out without any notice. What really pisses me off is he has 3 other kids of whom he is always there for. I just can’t fathom having a child out there and you choose not to be a part of their life and then expect to come back like they will welcome you with open arms and no one will be angry

@songbird
key word “force”
like and1 said ultimately its not “forcing”something upon someone in which you know u dont agree with.the question is loaded and actually whats being done to men.ie entrapment

@miss

i completely agree with you 100.however other folks arent talking about situations that replicate yours. theyre talking about males who say i dont want to be a father,i dont want to be there,yet if you want the child its ALL ON YOU. but hes not allowed to change his mind,its a one shot deal.when my daughters mom told me she didnt want my daughter anymore i made her right it on a piece of paper got it notarized and locked it in my safe. so she cant pop in and out anymore. why is that so hard for women to do?

To even be going back and forth about such a issue is so sad. The answer to the question is he is not a man. Any man not ready to have a child should know that prior to his sexual encounter and take the proper steps. Problem is people don;t discuss these issues until they happen. In my book you are just not a man period, if you can be so selfish as to walk away from the child who didn’t ask to be here either way. All the excuces in the world don’t add up to your selfish motives! You are a moraless character. ANY MAN WHO IS NOT READY WOULD NOT BE CAUGHT IN THE SITUATION REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE CHIC SAYS. Even woman who have abortions, unless you were told prior, that for health reasons you can not give birth,( which you would hopefully be on birth control for your own health) why are you preganat. Its selfish motives as to why we abort our babies as well. Any man who thinks its unfair the girl is pregnat and you not stepping up, you are a disgrace to men. A Man is one who can take control and make the best out of any situation thrown his way. Men to step up.

@black et al, it’s not entrapment. You know full well what can happen when you smack bellies with a chick. It’s not rocket science. If you had no idea that was a possible consequence, then that’s a different story. And you need a 5th grade health class. But you know. You just choose not to acknowledge it and leave the consequence to the woman (assuming you just walk away) to deal with.

@ashunti
men step up,own up to something u dont want.life throws you lemons make lemonade,even tho you dont want the damn lemons n the first place

puhleassee,save that for the next tyra show

@ashunti – *cheers*

black i’m at that step. I know this loser is going to call around thanksgiving to see her and i’m going to tell him to either take me to court for set visitation or stop playing games with my daughter’s emotions.

@songbird
so all the necessary precautions are used,and the baby still is announced then what.just say fuck it even tho u never wanted to have a child. you do know some people have sex just bc they like it and still dont want children right? even tho your morality wants to deny it,it is real

@miss
im right there with you,my daughters mom picks her up one day,shows her off to all her sorors to make her feel like a great mom to her 3 kids,(yea she has 2 others who stay with her and she loves) then she drops her back off to me so i can bathe her,feed her,comb her hair,do her homework with,love etc etc. and trust i was doing this before i had a wife since she was able to walk

FYI You guys are talking in circles.

*goes back to lurking*

this is so much of a moral issue than one that can be dealt with objectively.ive said this before i view sex differently than others.even before i was married i used protection,and folks knew barring anything would come up im not going to be your babys daddy,and im not paying ish.cold as it may seem its nothing wrong with that at all.either u roll with it or you dont,and if you roll with it than in my eyes you were cool with it,and if you get pregnant you know what im going to say

@Ashunti
Oh, please. Step off your high horse with that “man” garbage. You spit this selfish nonsense while hardly mentioning a woman’s accountability in that AT ALL? Really? Then you want to talk about how even the woman doesnt have a choice in her own future should she get pregnant? Really? Absurd.

o hush@reina
go lurk t-moe

no seriously i can tell folks this i have a friend right now who wont vote for obama bc of this conversation we’re having right now.its certain avenues where morality sometimes have to take a backseat to

I think through all of this he wants me to deny him visitation thinking it will change the child support stipulations. But it won’t. Everyone always said no matter what don’t deny him the right to see our child. But those people don’t have to answer a toddler asking why her dad isn’t around.

What happens when the two don’t agree? Since you know you can’t force the woman into not keeping the baby, sorry, it leaves you at the mercy of the woman. When two people decide to lay down without protection, there is a risk on each side. A man has to be willing to accept that if the woman gets pregnant she may keep it even without consulting him. A woman has to accept that if a man is not ready to be a father, he may not support the child unless he is forced to. The way to keep yourself out of this situation is to not have sex unless you are married or use protection all the time. But even that is not 100%. You make the decision to have unprotected sex, you are stuck with the consequences, there is no getting around it.

@miss
in time he will have to answer to her,and she’s the ultimate jury and judge. my daughter right now has already made her mom answer to her,i never pushed it on her or anything,hell i had to do the same with my dad 5yrs ago

@and1

and folks is sitting here applauding that nonsense. like i said one person,one entity has complete control over the situation

@debbie

just do like celebrities do,have a contract stating what you will and wont do and make her sign it

I agree with Debbie.

ummm and the rest of you lurkers can chime in at any time.

@black
Simply put, and this is offtopic but, I dont accept a woman trying to tell me how to be a man. Maybe a weaker man allows that bulls@*t. You dont see men telling women how to be a woman but some women sure feel like they can tell a man how to be one. Thats f@#$#in ridiculous. Save THAT for some other cat.

@and1

im saying,just bc i tell them straight up,i dont want a child,and i dont want to be a father im less of a man? But of course i screwed em so i better take it on the chin when i dont have to?

I agree with Debbie too, and I’m now gonna hang out with Reina and lurk from the sidelines. I made my point, and no one agrees with me so be it.

Funny about that is, you can be mad all you want about how you don’t like the system. But it ain’t changing. So is it worth it to be pissed and argue and bitch about it? if you can’t move the brick wall, you’re the one who has to bend. Admit that your only option is to not have sex. Or have surgery. Or own up and deal with whatever trials and tribulations may happen in your life, wanted or not. Geesh.

so ready for a new topic…

@songbird
or you can be like me and make women sign a contract or have a verbal agreement

@ Songbird

What are your plans for the weekend?

its ok miss,im going to bed,back to work again n a few hrs you know i work nonstop.lol

168 posts and you’re still discussing the original topic? That’s gotta be a FG record! LOL

@ Moe

I know! I was just thinking that. But most of it is redundant. Where’ve you been?

Moe i’m upset with you.

@Reina
My class wrapped up an hour early…grabbed lunch…and then got pulled into a telcon that never should’ve been scheduled in the first place! But it’s Friday..so what the hell.

@Ms.
What did I do?!

@ Black, I guess some men are just different. My BD had a connection with our daughter as soon as she was born, atleats thats what I saw…and he hated to be away from her…all of this and he never really had a male role model in his life…

Note to self: never have sex with blackfujones. LMAO!

Hey Reina! This weekend going to Six Flags and catching a movie. You?

lol @ songbird

@what
people are different

@ Moe

Fridays are hell. At least, for me.

@ Songbird

I want to go to Six Flags. I’m jealous. I’ll be sleeping, working, and maybe going to the movies, too. Can’t decide b/w “Secret Life of Bees” and “W.” I may do both.

Moe there are not many guys on here that have children. The only two that I know of are black and you and black was the only one to give his opinions and his situation is a very unique one so I wanted another perspective. But you waited untill everything died down to make your cameo appearance. I don’t care what telcon you claim happened either.

@Reina I want to see those too, but I think I’m gonna see Max Payne. Mark Wahlberg… yum!

@Reina
Friday is normally my chill day, but they switched it up on me today. What’s going on? I took a look at some of the posts, but it’s too much to read.

@Black
I see you’re doing your thing…gettin’ under that skin. Get ‘em dog! LOL

@Ms.
A brotha gotta make the doughnuts every once and a while! LOL

@ Song

Sheesh. I want to see that, too, but I require a man’s presence for that one.

I just realized that I didn’t answer the 2nd question of the post.

I have had a pregnancy scare. Well, it became reality, and it did affect the relationship because each time I saw the culprit, I wanted to do bodily harm.

well Moe, you’re here now. Enlighten us with your opinion now please.

@Ms.
Don’t you think this horse is dead enough?

Hey what’s up everyone. Just wanted to stop through and say what’s up. Yeah, you guys did stay on topic longer than usual. I hope everyone is well. And I hope everyone one has a safe weekend. I myself am about to hop on a plane in a sec to head out to LA for the weekend.

I’m glad to be getting away, and even more glad to be missing the BET Awards here this weekend. Be easy everyone.

@t moe
lol

gotta do something my wifes gone to some new gym that has the stripper pole aerobics and belly dancing n yoga.lol

@Black
That’s what’s up! lol

@ Ms.

I like your hair. Keep meaning to type that only to get distracted.

oh thanks reina, it’s just a front shot is all, lol.

and Moe I want your opinion. It matters to me.

FG: lol at missing the EBT awards.

Yea, good job…nobody talking non stop about sex and getting naked in the avatars!!! Good work FG!

heres the site@t-moe….and i guess the ladies

http://www.flirtygirlfitness.com/

seems pretty cool

Yoga sucks, but I’ve tried the stripper pole aerobics. They’re really good, I’ll admit.

oh hush @what

heres her schedule for today,her and her cousin are there

12:00p Abs & Booty Carla
12:30p Pole Dance Jaydin
5:00p Abs & Booty Rebecca
6:00p Pole Dance Kristen
6:30p Video Vixen Jaydin
7:00p Pole Dance* Kristen
8:00p Lap Dance* Jaydin
8:00p Pole Dance (Oct 17 only) Kristen

everytime i do yoga i end up pooting

LOL @ Black

I need music when I’m exercising. Yoga is too silent and meditative. It bores me.

@blackful & any other man who said both parties did not use protection….I had a situation where a guy and I decided to have sex, and I told him it wasn’t happening unless he used a condom. Well I watched him put it on, but when he got ready to go “balls deep”, he snatched it off.(Unbeknownst to me until later) That was foul, and yes, I became pregnant, and no, he wasn’t trying to hear it.

@Ms.
My situation was different. First of all, I take full responsibility for my actions. I didn’t use a condom, and I had a child as a result. Now with that being said…my daugher’s mom lied about being on birth control, and later admitted she got pregnant on purpose. And when she told me she was pregnant, she didn’t come to me asking for my help. She brought one of her girls with her to have an audience, and started talking sh*t about how she was going to put me on child support and take everything from me. I was only 17 at the time (18 when she was born), so I didn’t have anything take. That’s the closest I’ve ever come to hitting a woman. If my Grandmother wasn’t home at the time, I would probably just be getting out of prison. The only reason I didn’t snap was because I had way too much respect for my Grandmother to have her come outside to see me whooping that chic’s azz. I did say something that made her face crack and start crying…so I felt much better after that. (don’t ask) LOL She shut up and went home after that one. Regardless of how it happened, I had to man up. I joined the Air Force right after she was born, and I’ve been taking care of my daughter ever since.

@Black
Thanks…I’ll check it out when I get home. I’m on a government computer right now…I don’t want any surprises. lol

Blackfujones, you are disgusting. ( and your married?)ALL I am saying is that we have to take responsibility for our actions. Don’t blog me to death about why is it a women’s decision,( its been that way since the beginning of time)Would you rather bare the child? Sorry you were not chosen to! God blessed us to have our children. If he blessed you to have them he will do what. Bless you to take care of them. He takes care of children and fools! Yes MY OPINION IS that if you are a sexual being, having sex, then you should protect yourself prior to being hit with “I am pregnant” You should know that you are not ready so make sure she is on the pill or better yet put on a rubber, you want to play with fire and act like you can’t get burned. Then you surprised, you mad, when you weren’t man enough to protect your own future! Condoms are 98% effective. And for those that did protect themselves, and it still happened. “Be a man and make lemonade out of the lemons” While you trying to evade your responsibility for your actions. It only comes back to bite you anyway! ( karma) While you walking away from that child. Trust your walking into a world of other issues, you might not of had, had you did the right thing. The right thing is not always what you want, but it is still right! And women have the rights to do as they choose. That does no make them right! Men do not have the same right. Thats really the bottom line. So be a man and do what men do. Protect yourself. Don’t cry now. Sounds like blackfujones has a beautiful child, yet you still complaining about your choice. or lack there of! ( get over it)If you having sex, and knowing you are not in a situation to take care of your kids, or don’t want kids why not use protection? Abortion is not birth control. This is just my opinion. I have a deeper understand and meaning of life, so I don’t take things like abortion or walking away for my child as an option. Its a cop-out! I am woman enough to handle! I have had an abortion, so by no means am I demeaning any women of her right to choose. I am just saying most of the time we choose that path due to selfish motives like, I this, and I that, I want, I don’t want, I can’t. We never say anything but “I” when you make either decision! To each his own. We all weep what we sow! This was just MY OPINION!

Wow Moe. I don’t understand getting pregnant on purpose. That is just…insane. But I commend you for doing the right thing.

@Ms.
Thank You. I’m cool with her mom now, but it took several years to get to that point. The situation forced me to grow up…fast. I had to start making adult decisions. But I probably wouldn’t be where I am now if it had not happened.

I agree with that Moe. Having my daughter made me grow up and become a more responsible functional person.

I do feel men have rights; they just don’t exercise them properly. Like always wear a condom, trust your condom not what the girl said! Get a vasectomy, practice abstinence. No means is entrapment is right. Yet how was it possible?

@ Ashunti

I debated responding to you. While I agree with a lot of what you and the other ladies are saying, especially as a single mother, I am going to have to defend your stance on blackfujones and your disgust with him. I could only imagine being a man in a situation like this and not feeling as if I had a say in whether the child stays or the child goes. But what is even harder to imagine is making the decision to stay or go depending on which one happens. While of course it is the responsibility of both parties, especially the person who is not ready for a child, to take every single precaution available it is still a very scary situation. But blackfujones has gone through a lot in regards to his daughter’s mother and has raised his daughter and was lucky enough to find a woman that loves BOTH of them and that is a beautiful thing I hope to find the same in a man one day.

I think the author of the post is right. At least he’s coming out and saying how he feels instead of holding it in and doing horrible things while in a relationship he doesn’t really want to be in, in the first place. Granted he should be their for his kid, but some men aren’t capable of that. Hell i rather you tell me than make think it’s all kool, then one night you go out for milk and never come back.

damn i have alot of typo’s….my bad

@Ashunti, I agree with some of what you said, but callign Black disgusting was a lil uncalled for…he’s taking care of his lil girl without her mom in the picture…thats far from disgusting in my eyes…we should all be able to express our opinions without being degraded. Thank you, that is all

I am disgusted at his opinion, I command him for taking responsibly. I am disgusted at the way men even think, they have a choice. So I am women enough to say I do not know Black, so I can not judge him. Did not mean to get too personal, just giving my opinion.

sooooo….

did I miss anything?

@Chelsea
I got here late too. Black pissed a lot of women off…per usual. LOL

@moe
Dont blame black. Reina be starting stuff. pffftt..troublemaker.

@and1
I didn’t have time to read all the posts, but at a glance, it looked like all the women were going at Black. lol

See Post #202 – based on this..I would say Black was in rare form. lol

@Moe

yeah I read his first response at the top and skimmed the answers from the ladies and guys…

looks like ya’ll had a full on debate in this mug!

I’m so proud that u guys went a whole 100+ posts on the TOPIC AT HAND! (tears up) You guys have come so, so far!

And yeah…I’m not touching the issue cuz I dont have kids therefore I can’t relate.

Chelsea I know you’ve been lurking.
Black and I actually agreed a lot which was kinda unusual.

and Reina I forgot to answer your question last post about why I was asking so many questions about marriage. Curiousity is all. It scares me a lot that I would destroy my marriage if I ever get married honestly.

@Miss

no I was actually working today! Surprise of all surprises huh? Didnt have time to lurk. I’s was slavin!

@ and1

I did not!

@Chelsea
I was working too..and Ms. Miss got mad at me for not being here when things got heated.

@Moe

well…actually I was half working/half firing off incredibly nasty emails/texts at a bunch of people in my personal life…which is really close to working right?

(Moe nods in agreement)

Yeah, that’s what I thought!

@Chelsea
LOL..Freaky-nasty or pissed off-nasty?

any other Friday Moe is here from start to finish but we get into something deep and he aint no where to be found untill AFTER me and black call it quits. Interesting…

and Moe based on comment #202 I defended him, see comment #207 and what? defended him too.

and Chelsea I don’t believe you. You can still comment if you have a functioning uterus.

@Moe

definitley pissed off nasty…I’m cleibate remember? My freakiness is keep between me and my…never you mind.

‘functioning uterus’

wow….lady you have a WAY with words…lol

@Miss

and I’m very upset that you have ur camera right in the MIDDLE of ur damn face like that. Hair is cute but I would have liked to see the whole shebang. Fix it. Thanks

@Ms.
You stepped up for him…I give you your props! lol

Trust me, I would rather debate with ya’ll than spend damn near 3 hrs. trying to stay awake AND look interested in some boring BS. And the telecon was a complete waste of everyone’s time. Who was the rocket scientist that set that thing up anyway?

Chels: I haven’t gotten my brows waxed in months. Not happening, lol. Maybe I will show yall my mug this weekend perhaps after I see the asian lady bout my brows. Not that I have a unibrow, I have great brows. Just not as perfect as usual.

Moe: I had to. No matter how many times he and I disagree I respect him a lot and we do see eye to eye on a lot of issues. And I am sorry about that telecon, I had to have a few convos today that should have never taken place so I can relate.

@Reina

ur the worst lurker ever BFF

@Ms.
I think the ones who got upset are the ones who don’t know anything about him.

Moe I agree. Because on the post about my letter I hated him and wanted his finger to cramp really bad and leave FG, lol. But in getting to know him and finding out where he has been in regards to relationships with women I like Black.

@ Chelsea

I know. *hangs head*

and Chelsea i’m pretty sure your ovaries work too so i’m still waiting on your response…

@ Ms.

Why or how would you destroy your marriage?

(pats Reina on back) Its ok

@Miss

damn you…ugh…ok. I have to kinda take the guys side on this one. Yes, he may have slept with me sans condom and any othe b/c and yes we may have conceived a child together. He has every right to say “naw…I’m not gonna be there for this child cuz I’m not ready”…I’d be pissed and upset but that’s his decision. Any child I get pregnant with either today or 20 years from now is my child and I am going to keep it regardless of financial situation or anything else. If that child’s father does not want that child to come into the world, then he is free to pretend as if it didn’t. I’m not gonna chase him, sic the law on him, harass him or bring drama into his life. He just won’t be gettin to see my beautiful child. I would make sure all is documented properly and that will be that. It is ‘our’ child, but it is ‘my’ body that has to house and nourish that child therefore I have to make that call.

But he will have to live with that decision forever. That means no graduations, no birthday parties, no ballet recitals, no football games, no bad report card talks…nothing! A child is not a maybe or maybe not situation. I’ll gladly take care of my baby without a biological father present. That was his choice cuz he wasn’t ready to be a dad. HIS choice. I never said I wasn’t ready to be a mom.

I think I would lose interest over time. Forever is well, forever and I don’t know how I would know for sure if I will love a person forever or if it will be for 6 years and then I wake up realizing I am trapped. It just scares me. And though you and Moe said you would stay during addiction I honestly don’t think I could. And I think that scares me a little bit more than infidelity. The day I became a mother my worse fear was that my baby would be an addict.

@ Ms.

Forever is terrifying, isn’t it? I’ve had (still do) have the same fears. I mentioned on Preston’s site recently that marriage contracts should be renewable every few years. You don’t how you’ll feel or how circumstances in the future.

It’s just for me, if and when I enter into that institution, I will do as much as I can tolerate to make it work.

@Ms.
I can relate to your fears. I have friends who have been married, divorced, and married again. The biggest thing I’ve learned from them is the importance of paying close attention to who you’re dating, to accept what you see, and not make excuses for what I don’t like. It’s all about choices. I’m fortunate to have one solid role model when it comes to marriage. Seeing them together lets me know it’s possible to find someone I could spend the rest of my life with. It’s not always roses and rainbows with them, but at the end of the day, they love each other unconditionally.

@ms
It helps to have an example that is a peer. I have some friends that I knew were gonna be together forever before they ever got married. They just fit. A friend of mine that just got married a little over the month is the same way. When you find a partner, it just doesnt wear off. Its like having a part of you that you didnt know you were missing.

-i guess i started with the first comment and i’ll end todays topic with the last
first things first…@what/miss/reina/chelsea/t-oe/and1/blaze and all the regulars, i appreciate you all having an understanding of my position not only as a black male,but as a human being. It only furthers our dialogue as persons when you have an understanding of where and why a person acts a certain way
secondly @ashunti,i never called you names,nor belittled you as a woman,and as a man, “since you want to say your woman enough every other sentence”, I find your negative darts that you threw at me uncalled for and offensive. However, I wont go there with you because I want to stay on topic. I asked that you look at the topic objectively and to discard morality in which everyone in here at one point tried to do and admitted that it was a tough task. Yet, you were the only person who skipped that question and decided to attack me as a person,as a father,and my marriage. Why is it when a person wants to put an exclamation on a point that they point towards their manhood/womanhood when I knew we were already adults in here so I wasnt going to question it. But anywho I wont lecture you I only ask you this. To join the rest of the folks on FG’s site enjoy yourself and get to know some folks before you start spewing venom. Because if you notice (which i know u dont because u decided not to read) not one of us degrades each other nor belittles another.

anywho peace yall

well said, black! I was lurking for a while and notice that you are always honest…brutally honest lol and some people cannot accept that. Im glad we have this site to discuss views n most importantly keep it real. U r who u are and we love u for it!!

@fab
Thanx hun,nice pic hun. I see I’m going to have to step my pic game up yall shining on me

@Ms. Miss: I totally and completely understand exactly where you come from on this issue. I was 18 when I first got pregnant by a guy I met and befriended in college. Needless to say, he gave me this whole song and dance that he wasn’t ready to be a father at 19 (like I was any more ready to be a mother at the same age). Anyway, I just want to say that if dudes are gonna go in the hootie box so get some pleasure and satisfaction, they need to USE A CONDOM! Men shouldn’t expect the female to always be on birth control. And speaking on that, BIRTH CONTROL IS THE DEVIL! IT DOES A WOMAN’S INTERNAL SYSTEM NO GOOD. Ok, moving along. So yes it does take two people to make a baby. But it should also take those same two people to be responsible for their actions, and either be protected or abstain. Trust and believe the situation could have been far worse (i.e. Gonorrhea, Syphillis, AIDS)… you get the picture.
Men, if you don’t want to have babies, don’t put yourselves in compromising positions (like hitting the hootie raw)to end up with one. And as far as being attached or unattached is concerned, I will say this: the child I gave birth to is 9 years old, and not one time I have told him about his father. My son already gets the idea that his father is not around, and has sat down and told me that he never wants to see him. So as far as fathers leaving their children, it is crucial. Children need their fathers, just like they need their mothers. When you leave a child, you scar them for life. And when you are not around, it hurts them. So-called men need to grow the hell up and be MEN. Let me just throw this fact out there for those of you that think that leaving your child is the thing to do: In 2008, more than 70% of children are being raised in single-parent households. Now, just think out of that 70%, how many more children are being raised by same sex couples? That alone should make any man cringe. THINK ABOUT IT.

Lol@moe

They came @ my neck didn’t they.lol
I’m a disgusting man beast now. Lol

@suttle
Men men men men,guess women said to hell with carrying condoms right. Anywho thas neither here nor there. Were not talking about the single parent rate,stds’s etc were talking about having the right to have a say so as males not to have the child. If you unilaterally choose to have the child then that’s on you bc we did not agree before nor after to have the child. Take morals out of the equation and think objectively people. And I’m gonna scream if another person prances n here as if women are lame ducks and trust these men so much that they wouldn’t carry any contraceptives themselves. I guess women are so independant n some areas yet are stuck n the damn stoneage when it comes to protecting themselves

-forgets I’m the only one who works around here

@black
yes, sir, u def have to step it up. you can re-post this one when we post our younger days pic
are you always that honest? do most ppl think you’re arrogant? Just asking…lol

@fab…lol
ummm they believe i come off as cocky,but ive been told its a cute/sexy type of thing.and i have nice pics ty very much

black: you’re welcome.
aungela: I agree with a lot of what you are saying but protection is a two way street. I think women, especially black women, are way to comfortable with having unprotected sex because so many think that they can’t get something untreatable. Dangerous thinking in itself. And I don’t understand what is wrong with same sex couples raising and adopting children. That is wonderful that they are with two loving parents. If I could afford to take care of another child I would adopt.

Call me what you want but you will never just call me a baby momma. It is so important especially in the African American community which has the highest rate of unwed single parent mother homes to know exactly what you are doing before you jump in the bed with anyone. There are consequences to sexual actions always! I don’t know why that escapes the mental grasp of individuals. Stop having sex and then having accidents, every time you lay down with a person and share DNA there is always the real possibility of procreation. Some females are in it for a check or they just want a kid period, and then the dude who has no real say in it once he releases that seed gets pissed off because he was thinking with the little head instead of the one on top of his shoulders. Now you stuck financially and emotionally with a child you may not even want. As a grown ass man you should be more responsible then skeeting in any and every chick that lets you.

Black men and women need to do better because its the children that suffer from the selfish actions of those that don’t take the proper precautions when having sex. Children should be planned, wanted, loved and cared for. Not to fill a void, a selfish need, or because it’s the hottest accessory in hollyweird.

@ Blackfuljones
Ok sweetie I get your point i honestly do. But what I wanna know is why are you so willing to comment like you’ve been the victim??? You said your first child was planned so yeah!!! DiD this topic happen to you or you’ve really just hate the hate that Society has pretty much made the woman the person to make the final decision????

Honestly I feel as though this Situation is messed up. Beacuse I understand how some males feel that they arent ready and etc. But I als feel how the woman feels too. What I will say is this and this is what I tell all my friends MALE AND FEMALE. If your not ready to have kids then DONT HAVE SEX…. because condoms are not 100% effective. I agree with lyric Nobody is really ready or know how to be a Father or a Mother. The mature people just step up the the plate and take it as a blessing. Because the saying goes
“GOD WILL NOT GIVE YOU MORE THAN HE/SHE CAN HANDLE”

I’ve never been pregnant and im 21 but If i were to get pregnant im sorry BUT IM KEEPING THE BABY. i just dont believe in getting an abortion because i was having sex and now that i got pregnant i want to kill the fetus or embryo because IM NOT READY!!! I think that sooo cruel.

And I do not agree with not being there for the child and your baby mother just becasue you arent ready. Shyt one has 9 MONTHS to at least get make money and do the things they need to do before the baby comes. I just feel that Not WHAT A REAL MAN WOULD DO!!!!!

All and ALL we take responsibilities for our ACTION, and I just feel people need to Grow up about this situation.
Thats like a Man or a Female saying :yeah it all god to have sex unprotected until the deadly syptoms come and say we are pregnant. now all of a sudden your not ready and blah

Urghhhh this topic as gotten me so not feeling good

sorry for the missed typo’s
smetimes im thinking way faster than im typing
so i apolgize

ok Now i finished readingt everybody’s comment and i Have this one question for Blackfujones and And1grad…

WHAT IF THERE WAS NO ABORTION OPTION.THEN HOW WOULD YOU RESPOND???

@ And1great and Blackfujones: To say that men can willing have sex unprotected or they did happen to have a condom but the female got pregnant anyways but then say you dont want to have a child because yall didnt plan it COMPLETE BULLSHIT!!!

Thats like saying
I got enough money and has a good paying job to live on my own but SINCE IM not ready IMA JUST LIVE WITH MY PARENTS UNTIL I AM.. and for some people that might be til they are 25-30. No one is ever ready to move out…. and people who are are still scared but As People we know we eventually have to make that move.

I mean Blackfujones come one Its’s women Everyday who get raped but still Keep the baby even though they may not be ready. Yes it is a possibility that she may resent the baby because she never planned it but i dont care what no one say…. eventually you’ll learn to love that baby!!!!

Prime example, you’ve stated several times that you PLANNED for a BABY but still didnt have a instant connection with our daughter til later.

I REST MY CASE!!!!

your daughter i mean

@ black
lol do you now? I have yet to see those pics
And who lied to you about cocky being cute/sexy? ha!

@fab
Trust,its the truth
@modelmami
As we said earlier take out morality(which not one woman could) and think about it objectively. If you have dialogue before u had sex n said I don’t want children,and she agrees then fine. However if every measure was used to protect and it didn’t work than he should have the right to say no I don’t want the child due to our conversation.

“And1grad…

WHAT IF THERE WAS NO ABORTION OPTION.THEN HOW WOULD YOU RESPOND???”
How would I respond to what?

“@ And1great and Blackfujones: To say that men can willing have sex unprotected or they did happen to have a condom but the female got pregnant anyways but then say you dont want to have a child because yall didnt plan it COMPLETE BULLSHIT!!!”
This is absurd. There isnt anything about someone having protected sex, there being an unexpected pregnancy, and then having someone say that they dont want to be a parent, that even RESEMBLES bullshit. In fact, that actually follows a consistent, logical pattern, dont you think? Oh, and what is it with the “men can willingly have sex” junk? You wanna talk bullshit…did that man have sex by himself? B/c if so, then I guess its a moot point, right?

“Thats like saying I got enough money and has a good paying job to live on my own but SINCE IM not ready IMA JUST LIVE WITH MY PARENTS UNTIL I AM.. and for some people that might be til they are 25-30. No one is ever ready to move out…. and people who are are still scared but As People we know we eventually have to make that move.”
This is a TERRIBLE analogy. It stumbles all over itself. THIS is what you’d rest your case on? You’d lose.

@ And1
Well, you got started early…Good Morning

@Black
What’s up disgusting man beast? LOL I think they would’ve went at more than your neck if they could have. Castration would have been the order for the day. lol

@ T-Moe
Man, y do you have to get black started this early? Let it go!! lol

@Fab
My bad! lol

@ T-Moe
Sure it is! Yall just love drama. N yall say women wont let go! ha!*trying to start something* LOL
How was your weekend?

@Fab
Overall, it wasn’t too bad. I went out Sat. night, but never made it to the spot. While walking to the venue, my boy started having trouble breathing, and felt a tightness in his chest. I had to take him to the ER. They ran a bunch of tests, and couldn’t find anything wrong with his heart. I think it was a respiratory problem.

On a sidenote: You can see some funny sh*t in the ER at 3am! LOL

@Fab
Morning…that was from yesterday.

@moe
Is he ok now? Sounds like asthma.

Whoa, glad you were there to take him to the ER! I think someone here said u’re in the DMV. Where did you take him? I went to the ER once..ONCE and i sure hope i dont have to do it again! Wasted a WHOLE night with 50 interns (or whatever they call them *no offense to anyone*) trying to drain the blood outta my body.
3am? spill it! lol. I was not in the mood to laugh when i was there so please share LOL

@and1
He’s good now. They released him around 5pm yesterday. It may have been asthma. He was exposed to a lot of dust earlier in the day, and that’s when it started.

@Fab
I took him to GW Hospital.

There was too much to type…but I’ll give you a couple. As I was sitting there, these 2 guys were sitting next to each other, and one was rubbing the other’s back. The other guy was leaning to the side…sitting on one butt cheek…in TEARS! (you know why) The look on his face was priceless! LOL He got up and tried to walk around, and dude could barely move. Then this homeless man came in and used the bathroom. Dude stunk up damn near the entire ER. They had to call Environmental Services to clean the bathroom because he left more on the seat than he did in the toilet. The guy who had to clean it was pissed!

There was more…but that’s just an example of how entertaining it was.

seems like folks cant stand my comments.lol

@and1.lol

i didnt even jump all over modelmami,her name was too cute.lol
no seriously even fab agreed to think of this topic without a clear and open mind to both sides is hard,bc its so obviously jaded. it wreaks of a morality tone all over the place so its hard for women to side with the men

@t-moe
man im the disgusting man-beast who wreaks of bullshit,is a shitty father and has no idea who n their right mind would marry my worthless argumentative typical black male.i mean geesh,i might as well marry a white woman and call it a day.lol

@Black
Then you’d be a sellout! lol

@tmoe

one butt cheek

ouch aint the word

@fab

misc. women keep coming in and chiming in on it.lol
i gotta respond hell.lol

and im sorry but the staying with your parents and still having money,aint nothing wrong with that hell. i wish i could,hell other groups do it

@t-moe

i cant win for losing.
chelsea would hate me for dating a white woman,
than all the women would hate me for being a man beast.
o the hell with it

@Black
You can’t please everyone anyway…so do you.

@ T-Moe
You did NOT just say one butt cheek, oh my! So ppl do really go to the ER for butt…ailments?? HAHAHAHA I cant. Awww poor baby! LOL
@ black
ahhh, there you are! thats what you call a good pic?? were you thinking? lol

Buenas Dias, people!

@t-moe
as we speak im thinking up new and inventive ways to piss off the womanfolk of FG’s spot.

hey hey hey

english people

ENGLISH

-sighs…i was horrible n spanish
can read latin tho.lol

@fab…nah thas actually me at work,was sleeping waiting for us to get permission to start moving.
and i dont wanna post my other pics,u missed alladat like a week ago.almost got us banned,thanks to chelsea and miss and reina

*sighs* Good Morning, Black. Better?

@Fab
The brotha working at the admissions desk said he was actually at work one night when someone came in with a gerbil up their butt. They put it in a sock, but the sock got stuck, and the gerbil died.

@ Reina
Hola chica! que sorprisa? usted? hmmm
Beautiful pic, btw! Love the bangs (thats because im rocking them, of course) lol. Even though they’re starting to get on my nerves LOL

@reina…much better luv
my daughter had her christening this sunday, i almost got n trouble for watching the bears game during service

@ fab

Sí, soy su sorpresa bonita. No estoy enamorada. Poquita tal vez.

Thanks, lady. I don’t have the bangs anymore. They started irking me, too. LOL

@ black
What? what i missed?? damn damn damn! maybe you can re-post?
@ Moe
wow do i even wanna know what a gerbil is? Sounds disturbing indeed!

@Fab
You don’t wanna know.

@ Black

Almost? *shakes head*

And for the record, you and Chelsea almost got us banned. I was an innocent bystander.

@ reina
poquita? si? awww! Habla mas de eso, por favor! No tengo una vida romantica…nada…no prospecto..NADA *tear*

@ Moe
LOL I cant believe this…freaks! ewwww nasty!
You didnt partake in HU activities?

@Fab
I’m a old head…I’ve experienced enough HU weekends. The last time I went out HU weekend, my car got broken into. I took that as a sign. lol

hol on

did she call me sweetie…grr i hate that,like someone being sarcastic or about to say some sarcastic ish

@reina

hey u had some boobage out there too.
@t-moe
my college kickin it days are through,think ive been to every major university,hung in the grimiest of places with little to no money n still had fun.
my fam wants me to come out to hang on halloween at some college im like dude,i’d rather go to some ADULT COSTUME PARTY *wink,wink*

What’s up Reina?! Miss me over the weekend? LOL

@Black
My college kickin it days are over too. I can’t relate anymore. I understand…but it’s not my thing. Getting sloppy drunk in public is not a good look. I’m more into the grown folks functions as well.

@ Moe
ouch, i definitely understand that. Ive lived in this area for about 8 years and havent done HU homecoming or any others for that matter.
ugh i HATE parking in DC. About a year ago, my mirror got smashed…ive been traumatized since lol

@Fab
You haven’t missed anything. Just a bunch of people pretending to be more than what they really are.

That’s one of my concerns. That some idiot is going to take out the side of my car.

ummmm….

i come in and u fools are already talking bout me!

And for the record…it was Black’s pubes that almost got us banned….I’m sure FG enjoyed my boyshorts and Reina’s…uh…everything…oh and Miss’ ample boobage. Blame Black…

Morning folks!

@ fab

Es nuevo, pero Él es asombroso. Vuelvo tímida y nerviosa con él. Tengo un ataque de risa tonta. LOL I should seek help.

@ Moe

Good morning, you.

oh and Black I wouldnt hate u for dating a white woman…I would hate u if u dated her only cuz she’s white!

Hi Chelsea! How was your weekend?

@ Black

I have no idea what you’re talking about. *bats eyes*

@Chelsea
Good Morning!

@Reina & Fab
I feel like a 1st grader trying to decipher your convo. lol My Spanish sucks now.

my weekend was…shitty but I noticed I kinda complain a lot lately so Im gonna just say that

and I can barely speak english guys…dont make my head throb this morning with ur bilingual-ness

and Fabie…are u mixed with Dominican by any chance?

@ Moe

LOL Stop trying, then.

@ Chelsea

What happened if it’s not too personal? We come here to complain.

@ Reina
ahhhh todo esto? Estas muy afortunada. Estoy muy celosa! lol @risa tonta; No eres sola con eso. I get the same way!
@ Moe
lol not a 1st grader! You should be practicing your Spanish!!
Morning, Chelsea!!

Morning all!

@Reina & Fab
I figured it out! lol You’re right Fab…I do need practice…BADLY. LOL

@Reina

ugh…got suspended from the job friday for a bs ass reason and I’m sooo upset…

but i went on a trip to Disney and ran smack into my ex at the girls house I was staying at…

got confronted by my best friends no good ass boyfriend who threatened to send a bunch of girls to the house to fight me…

had a horrible time at the theme park (waste of money)…

and had a blow up with the friends I was with…

plus the guy i was CONSIDERING possibly dating/seeing kept standing me up…

every guy I had fired of those nasty emails/texts to on Friday contacted me and argued with me about them and left me stressed…

and I got an email from the ex-fiancees new lady…

God is just goes on and on…ugh!

And i didnt even get to DRINK to numb the pain…

@ chelsea…sorry mamas

but on the GREAT side…the condo I’m about to move into is GORGEOUS…

got accepted to my new school…

got my first pair of Jordans…and I didnt even pay for them…

I got to sleep in this am since I didnt have to go to work…

Where is blaze!!!??

Have to tell him about HU’s parties lol

morning Nisha!

@ Chelsea
I actually dont even know. i wouldnt be surprised. Ancestors are prolly both French and Spanish, Indian and African mixed in. Just a little of everything LOL. Hours and hours of studying Spanish have come in handy. In haiti, you start studying English in 1st grade, Latin and Spanish about 2 years later. They dont play!
I’m with Reina on the complaining so spill it, chels!!
@ Nisha
Morning! How was your weekend?

@ Fab

We have to stop speaking Spanish. Guess it’s rude though with Latinos taking over the country, you’d think these arrogant Americans would learn the language. LOL I am trying to contain my optimism b/c disappointment sucks. I just can’t stop smiling. LOL

@ Chelsea

Aww! E-hug. Yes, your weekend was shitty, but your good news is GREAT. Why the hell did the new lady email you?

@Fabie

ok…i was asking becuz I live in Fl and the haitian population here is HUGE and I know a lot of them speak Spanish pretty fluently…it makes sense now that u explained haitian schools teach spanish early…got it!

@chelsea
u know i dont have pubes

wth

@Reina

quote of email ‘Bitch stop lying! Always trying to be more. Take your dumb ass down to earth. No one wants you for shit but sex! That’s why you have your body posted cause you know that’s all you’re worth. HOE HOE HOE. Amazing. YOUR ass was crying and hating for months still are dummy.
hope he does be with you so you can stop begging for friends ‘

um….ok

@ Moe

Felicidades! Quieres una galleta? LOL I’m joking. When was the last time you actually spoke Spanish?

@black

well…ur pubic area then mr. picky!

@ fab

It was great. Like I said this was my firt HU homecoming. I had a great time. Hung out with a few celebs and had a good time. Sunday Morning I was up running for the Susan G. Komen race for the cure…5K run it was great

@ Chels
Sorry to hear about ur weekend but congrats on the condo! Thats always exciting!!
@ Reina
Disappoitment does suck but those feelings are the best. Frankly, isnt that what it’s all about? I also have a hard time being optimistic about some things but we do have to live for the moment so keep enjoying it, chica…you so deserve it!

@ Chelsea

Oh my. She’s so mature. Sounds like jealousy to me. I hope you laughed. Hard.

@stop your whining chelsea

my azz keeps getting warrants put out on my bc of some bs my ex did 8yrs ago.so ive shelled out 5grand to rectify it.
next stop..judge mathis.lol

@ Black

That little girl is adorable.

@ Nisha

5K? Nice. How are your abs feeling?

@ Chelz

That whorebag is in Direct violation with those comments.

@ Chels
Thats what her email said? HA! she shouldnt have wasted those 2 min outta ur life! I say u email her back and ask for a refund!! UGH, just laugh it off, chels. She wants to feel validated and wants you to be the person to enforce that…dummy!

@ Reina

I am feeling it a little today. I have not run like that in a long time. I was running and clearing my head! I loved seeing all those ppl out there to support this cause. Really moved me.

@chelsea
lol@the chics comments
sounds like my ex’s husband and i quote “dude she dont want you no more…cant u get it out of your head”

my reply “hope she flossed before she kissed you,cuz she sholl wasnt kissin my lips dawg” gawd i feel horrible bout saying that.

i didnt really get to enjoy my time at howard,was there on frat business.actually i find parties to be one n the same once you’ve done so many of em

@Reina
I’ll take your galleta! (not j/k) lol It’s been so long I can’t even remember. I took it for a couple of years in high school, and actually competed in the Academic Olympics for Spanish. I had to repeat 2 poems and write a paragraph on whatever topic they gave us. We won the Spanish part of the competition, but they combined our score with the French team and ended up with the silver.

@ fab

Thanks, chica, and so do you. Now what do I have to do to get you set up?

@ black
ouch, ouch, ouch! 5k? well damn. No other way to take care of it? anybody you can write and harass about this issue?
@ Nisha
Did you say 5k? WOW! I wanna be you. I cant even try that!

im gearing up to run the chicago marathon next year,gonna do it with my grandmother…dont ask,dont ask.lol

@reina,
thanks both girls look like me,shes my chocolate wonder,and my little one is my lightskin terror.lol

@ Moe

My school never allowed me to compete in spanish section of the academic rallies. Said it was unfair. And I consider it discrimination. If that’s the case, shouldn’t immigrants from non-spanish speaking countries only be allowed to compete in English?

@fab,
nah my name was on it,and i had paid my portion,and the ex lied n lied about it.had it taken off my credit a while ago,and the company (some smalltown hick company) put out warrants for my butt,and said the hell with her go for the lil black boy.so im mad as hell

grr,im gonna stop eating red meat again yall,(even tho i rarely eat it anywho)
only chicken fish turkey(if that)

@ Nisha

I bet you are. Did you train for it? I run in one each March/April for Women’s Day, and it’s my plan to do a triathlon in June next year. I’m not nearly prepared for that.

@Reina
I agree. My teammate was a sister who just moved from NY, and she was pretty fluent. But that didn’t stop my teacher from letting her compete.

@ Moe + Reina
I actually won 2 medals (or something like that) for French by slipping under the radar hehe. I still have the shirts
@ Reina
Set up? * shudders* oh no, chica! I tried that last time and lets just say it didnt work out. The initial set up worked just fine. It’s 6 months later that i was regretting!!
@ black
LOL isnt that discrimination??!!

@ black

Yeah I dont think it is something I would do every year but it was noce for my first time.

What frat are you in?

@black

becuz ur daughter is probably the cutest thing I’ve seen in awhile, im going to give u a pass…

dont push it

@ black
ahhh i def understand why you’re mad…not fair!
Everybody doing trialons except for me!

@ Moe

My school was racist. However, I did kick ass in English & History, though. I only did it once, though. After they gave me that bs about Spanish, I refused to represent them in any others.

@ fab

LOL I wouldn’t set you up. I’ve been on the receiving end a time or ten so I definitely know the feeling. But what happened 6 months later?

@fab
nah,it isnt.its about to be WWIII around here.See this what i was talking about that stinks being a male. Ive been settled in my home,were in a great school district,affluent area,family surrounding us,i have a great career just like my wife. Now i present this to the judge so they can give me full physical and custodial custody of my child and make her mom pay support
@reina,
i sprained my toe recently,and Im going to have to have my knee scoped so my chances of running this year are slim

@ Reina.

Somewhat…I just tried to get my endurance back up. I get lazy from time to time so I had to really focus. I was so proud of myself. Girl I would need a couple prayers for a triathlon. I may try to do one though. I am in okay shape…not as good as I used to be! However, I guess all those yrs of track and dance helped a bit lol.

@ reina
let’s just say I was dumped!! n witout knowing it. Obviously this negro was sending out smoke signals, pigeons or wuteva to try and hint that he didnt wanna do “this” anymore but I obviously missed all that. I wanted to tell him that just cuz i got an accent dont make me Ms. Cleo but didnt even get to say that!

@ Black

Sorry about that. Hope it goes well. What’s the distance you usually run?

@ Nisha

You should be. I’m proud of you! I think I’m in pretty good shape, but I’m definitely not for a triathlon.

Track and Dance, huh? That explains why you’re showing your legs off. j/k

@nisha
OMEGA PSI PHI FRATERNITY INC.
@chelsea
o hush…you love me to u sweet chocolate thang you

what are we talking about now?

awww look at that little princess! she is so cute!

@ fab

Jackass. So you didn’t get to bust his windows or nothing?

@fab
Dont feel bad. I dont even take the stairs at work.

lol@black

yes…its true…i love ya! (looks around for mrs. blackfujones nervously) i meant that in the friendliest FG message board way possible

@reina
on my own when i had the free time i’d try to run 25-30 a week(runnings a stress reliever,that and working out)
but 5-10k is ok with me. i usually do it with friends or my gram.
shes 80 and has done way more runs than me.chic still plays ball/soccer/volleyball n everything.my hero

@ fab

He def. is a DB (douchebag) lol.

@ Reina

Yeah dance and track gave these legs a boost lol. Reina you are in great shape…I have to get back to that.

@ Black

It def. is a stress reliever. I want to be like grams when i grow up. I saw one older lady out yesterday and she was no joke.

no one is talking to me.

lol@chelsea
I went to her job the other day to dropped off her lunch on my way to work bc she forgot it. She said the woman she was training commented to her that i was fine as hell.lol
she said she told the woman to get up and go to the other side of the room to get trained by the old boring woman.lol…i dunno but the women here in chicago are crazzzzyyy. i remember once she had to tell a waitress that my jokes werent that funny,and to take our order,i was too through.lol

@ Black

I want to be your grandmother. Goodness! I bow to her.

25-30? Impressive. That explains why your abs were ALMOST as good as mine.

Your little girl looks so sassy in that pic. They both look like handfuls.

@ Nisha

Thanks, lady, but a triathlon now would put me in the hospital.

Hi Ms. Miss. How was your weekend?

Hey Miss!!!!

o trust miss..you definately get talked to with them scud missile u packin
@nisha,
my grams is wildstyle fa real.only lady on king drive who rocks her signature chanel bucket hat with jordans while tending to her rose garden.lol
and shes ornery,she went and bought the parking lot of some old project building they were tearing down. so the rich folks who kicked all the poor folks out have to pay her to park there.lol.she gives all the money she earns from it to st.dorothys soup kitchen

@ And1
HAHAHAHA thanks! *whispering* neither do i!
@ Reina
lol nah *sad face* of course he didnt bother calling/txt/nothing when i came back fr being out of the country for 2 whole weeks!! its not the fact that i was dumped that pisses me off..he was just a coward about it. i mean, we cant be adults and communicate? really? My thing is just like you said “i want you”, you should be man up n say “this isnt working out for me” if/when that applies.

mmhmm black…i know ur wife aint jokin…lol

HEY MISS!!!

See acting like a baby works! Lol. It was good. I didn’t go to the gym like planned but had fun with the kid. Talked to an old friend I have been avoiding. Ate some great food. Got some sleep.

o hush reina
im starting to resume my regimine for the winter.thas when i hit it hard. i wanna get my body fat down to 13 while gaining a little more mass. 175-178 is a good fit for me. i dig the lean tight look. i dont wanna be some overgrown dude that cant fit a suit right.

@ Black

Ask her can I be her adopted granchild? lol I know folks dont like to share grandparents. I know I would not share my nana or my Boo(grandma) lol, or my grandpas lol.

@ Black

Winter is usually when I slack up. I’m too lazy and comfortable to do anything. I gained about *mumbles* pounds last winter, and did not want to know the percentage of body fat I had.

@Ms.
What’s up?!

Yall make me feel guilty. I can’t go to the gym tonight because I am taking my daughter to a b-day party. Can’t go tomorrow because I meet with my young single moms groups, Wednesday ANTM and the rerun of 90210 comes on. I always go Thursday anyways but that means I have to go Friday to catch up and then Saturday too. I’m going to be one sore lady…

@chelsea
its weird bc im not jealous,but im WAY OVERPROTECTIVE. im the type that dont talk just act.lol.i walk in and my woman friends/wife/hell any woman say somethin happened i act first n talk later.lol

but she says shes not jealous just gets annoyed by blatant disrespect.which is true,bc some of it just aint right. like someone will try n holla at me,and bc i say no they’ll try to hate on her.and that’ll piss me off even further bc to me your just trying to save face bc you were dismissed.but any decent woman wouldve kept it moving

@ black
Is ur grandma looking to adopt?? hehe.

@ Ms.

What great food?

@ fab

I think we’ve talked about most people are cowards when it comes to breaking up. As you know, you’re much better off w/o that ass.

@nisha

no no no no no.you think im protective of my wife n kids and my mom. my bird(gram) is on a wholeeeee otha stratosphere with me. i worship her,everything she’s ever told me was right in my eyes. i go to her for EVERYTHING.

Hey Moe! Trying to get into the groove like Madonna. Haven’t had my coffee, it is raining cats, dogs, and frogs out here today. I don’t even think the sun is up yet and it is nearly 9am.

@black

true true

@ Ms.

I thought you did some kind of exercises at home as well?

@reina
im the opposite
i slack n the summer
and work like crazy n the winter,bc thas when we store more fat,summer you actually lose more.and i thought well if i get right n the winter and keep up that same diet i can slack a bit n the summer and still keep it right.i can tell i lost some mass do to work but its gravy

@fab,
no…even tho i have a weakness for foreign women…..well used to

@miss
young single mom group?
sounds like a place a single guy does not want to be at..mess around n get shot.j/k

well not really

Ummmm Pork Chops? Lol. I was going to smother them but I was like a damn vulture and couldn’t even wait. That salty fried pork, mmmmmm. My mouth is watering all over again. I am going to go no pork soon so I had to get everything out of my fridge that was pork related. Last night we finished off some bacon, lol.

Please dont talk about pork chops…I’m hungry now lol.

@ Reina
yea but that man took cowardice to another level! UGH * woosa woosa* To me, its about respect. Dont wait until im out of the country to say we need to talk but then when i come back, you dont have ish to say. Im tired of men who want to remain “the good guy” when things end. Keep it real please.

pork

yuckkkkkkkkk

havent had that in about 11yrs

@ Black

I prefer the summer b/c I can get outside and be active. I hate the gym so that’s why I gain weight during the winter. It’s too cold to run so I have to take a dance or spinning class or something. And most days, I’m too lazy to go b/c NYC winters are abusive.

Why is everyone giving up food? Black’s quitting red meat? Ms. Miss, pork? How do you give up pork before the Christmas ham?

@ fab

How old was this guy?

@reina
pfft you havent had a winter till you had the hawk bite ya ass here n chicago
and hte fall is the best time to run,i have a track right by my house,or i go n the backyard to run.And im gonna have my whole fam eat healthier n general,even tho we eat generally healthy,i wanna introduce a few more meals in our repertoire

@ Ms.
Did you say pork chops?? *drooling* Food is truly my weakness hmmm
@ black
used to? come on, you cant bring it back n put in a good work for me? * flirty smile

@ Reina: I was so lazy this weekend. I did chase my daughter around a bit, does that count? Oh well. Drank some weight loss concoction so I will be okay. Ate half a bag of baby carrots. That has to count for something.

@black: Ummmm well it is with my church so it isn’t THAT bad. Don’t really focus much on the past just the future.

I’m starving again thinking about those chops. I think I have one left in the fridge. Pork chop sandwich when I get home!

@fab
lol
my vices when i was single were
rum/foreign women/sex

had to give up one of the 3…

sighs

I am ready for nana’s sweet potatoe pie lol…ok let me calm down.

@ Black

I’ve felt the Chicago wind, and I shall try my hardest never to again. I was about as pale as Michael Jackson after that weekend.

I want to eat healthier, but first, I have to start remembering to eat. I do eat lots of fruit, though.

@ Ms. Miss

It counts about as much as my putting a corn dog in the oven counts for cooking.

@miss
i dig it,theyre having something similar at my wifes church..(thas a whole other convo that I would LOVE to engage in with you ladies)

@ Ms
Did you say weight loss concoction? Are you against sharing that? Cuz i need it badly. I need to start..ok, re-start my “getting to eat and feeling healthier” goal and need a serious boost.
@ Reina
He just turned 28…i know, i know. I was expecting him to be more mature too. silly me!

ok i have a burning question/situation but i really dont know how to ask it without giving a drawn out background to the situation…so i guess it’ll just be general…

@guys

If a woman u were previously casually intimate with expressed a desire to be in a committed relationship with you, and you declined and she said that the sex between you must subsequently stop and that the two of you could only be friends, how would you react?

@reina,
mom taught me 3 things to survive,how to sew/how to cook/how to clean. We’re gonna teach you how to clean bc im puddy in a womans hands who can cook mmm mmmm.
@nisha
i make a helluva sweet potato pie with graham cracker crust. my daughter loves for me to make yam fries n french toast for breakfast with honey all over the both of em.

now im hungry

@Chelsea
That’s easy. I would say okay.

@ black
darn! come on…what can i tempt you with? I come with haitian rum hehe
You live in Chicago, black? Used to live in Evanston before i moved. actually attended UIC. ahhh, the good times. Imagine going from sunny/hot ass days in Haiti to frosty, sub-zero weather in Chicago/Illinois…yea, that bad!!

@reina
i LOVE those del monte fruits n the mason jars that they sell.the grapefruit is great

@chelsea
i had that happen twice actually. and it was weird bc we started off with a dialogue that entailed both of us doing unimaginable things to each other/hanging out/ and having fun which was great. However TIME passed and she was ready to go to another level, and I thought we had an agreement in both cases. But now that I look at it she had the right to renegotiate. But,I cant say i just stopped the sex,it tailed off after awhile bc she wanted to hold her ground,and I didnt want to give her false hope.and we ended up really disliking each other which sux bc they both were great people

@Moe

and I thought that would be the answer too! but alas…the male mind confounded me again becuz it was not that easy.

He told me “I’m not ready for a relationship or to be tied down right now.” i said fine then we are strictly friends. I stopped texting him everyday, stopped coming over his house, stopped callin him pet names…stopped everything that even remotely suggested that I was interested. And he spazzed the eff out

“If a woman u were previously casually intimate with expressed a desire to be in a committed relationship with you, and you declined and she said that the sex between you must subsequently stop and that the two of you could only be friends, how would you react?”

Wouldnt be thrilled about it but I’d deal. How good of friends are we talking? Like actually plan to do stuff together sometimes type friends or we’re cool when we run into each other randomly type friends?

@fab

my buddy played ball out in evanston,said it was too far from the southside.and its nothing wrong with the chicago weather,some of the greatest pictures you can ever view is right here.

mmmm rum,dont matter what type of rum it is…haitian/bahamian/jamaican,just gimme rum with a fine cigar and im mellow luv. n stop trying to entice me with your rum n flirtacious smile woman

@and1

cool when we run into each other, speak occasionally on the phone, text ‘hey thought u would like this joke’ type regular casual platonic friend stuff…

LURKER!

@Chelsea
It sounds like he really enjoyed having his cake and eating it too. I’ve been in this situation before. I don’t want a woman to do something she really doesn’t want to do. So if she feels she needs to cut things off, I can only respect her wishes and keep it moving.

@ Black

I can clean! Who says I can’t? I have the cleanest place in my bldg. Ok, maybe not but it’s close. And I can sew, but why? It’s Manhattan. There are tailors everywhere. Cooking, eh. You people are just mean!

@ fab

You’re my Caribbean sis and erthang, but PR rum is better than Haitian. Just had to say that. It’s still love, though.

@ Reina: I think it counts. I was chasing a child which requires burning calories.
@black: well then let’s have that discussion.
@nisha: It is going to sound gross but it really works and is good for just about every other issue. Organic Apple Cider Vinegar.

@ black
yea, it’s nothing wrong with it til u have that one day where it starts out in the high 60′s (oh yea, hot day for Chi) and by noon, ure running home shivering hard as hell cuz it just dropped to the freaking 30′s!! AHA!
I do have 3 bottles of rum at home right now. gotta find a way to use them witout turning into an alky! LOL cigar too? damn, sophisticated rnt we, sir??

So…I told the guy that we could just be cool with each other and that there were no hard feelings. U dont want to be with me? Fine and dandy but you will NOT be sexin me up and playing with my emotions…

He told me ‘ur so spoiled…u want everything ur way. u dont know what can happen between us in the future, u just know that me and u aren’t going to be a couple today’

In my experience, men go after the things they want. I put out blatantly that I fell for u hook, line and sinker and u said no. So u expect me to believe that u have to what? Think about it some more? I’m givin u an opportunity n u are passing it up. Ur not interested but u expect me to keep sleeping with u when u obviously have no intention of makin me anything more than an FWB?

@ Ms.

That stuff works. My mom has been drinking it for years. I just can’t stand the smell of it.

@reina

you aint neva lied

PR rum is great/haitian rum is good too/jamaican rum is just downright an alcoholics drink.lol

@ Ms.
ACV? I knew it! I stopped back in July and life hasnt been the same . How do you take yours?
@ Reina
Are you willing to have a face off, missy?? PR rum over Haiti’s? HA!

@fab
been loving fine cigars since i was 18,that and its a great networking tool and you’d be surprised how many women smoke as well.
@chelsea
i can hear that,i just thought it was misleading that we both said we wanted one thing and then u changed your mind.but i just kept it moving after that,messed up thing was the female was teh one to call me for sex after 3months out there and no dice on a relationship

@Chelsea
*In my experience, men go after the things they want.*

Very true. It doesn’t take a man long to know whether or not he wants to keep a woman. It only takes me a conversation or two to know what category to put you in: Long term potential or FWB

@ black
u agreed about the rum?? TRAITOR! lol

hold on
beautiful women combined with TWO TYPES OF RUM

someone get the camera

@ fab

Bring it on! Get to Manhattan and we can settle this.

@ Black

I’m not sure Jamaican rum is rum. I think they’re cheating.

@ everyone

For anyone who’s ever stated that women are more emotional/needy, I disagree. My conversations with a guy become short last week, and I explained that it was due to my job. Yet he keeps pestering me. “What’s wrong?” “Is it me?” “It’s another guy, isn’t it?” *rolls eyes* Are men supposed to behave in this manner?

@ Chels
I am not a man (hahaha) but i just want to add that, once a man labels you as one thing, they’re gonna stick to that. Nothing you can do (that i know of) is going to make them change their minds unless they have a revelation or something.

@Reina
Are you sure you’re still celibate?! LOL

@ Chelsea:
I’ve been in that situation. I met this guy and we were strictly on some FWB type stuff. When I saw he was getting way too emotionally connected to me trying to take things to the next level I cut things off. Matter of fact, I did it right in the middle of sex. I told him I don’t want to do this anymore I think you are trying to take things in a direction I’m not trying to go in. I’m going to give you some time to deal with this change but hopefully in the future we can be friends. He was more hurt than upset about the whole situation but opted for my friendship. Then after like five years of completely platonic friendship we went ahead and compromised it. But that pretty much just showed that we should only be friends, forever.

@ Moe

Where’d that come from?

What up people?

@black

right…I changed it up in the middle cuz my emotions got tangled up. But I was a woman and I admitted it. I didn’t yell at him, cry, try to force him, ask him why, nothing. I just said “i wanna be with you’…he said “no” i said “ok”…and that was it. I let it go. Is that not what adults do? Discuss a situation, come to an agreement and carry it out?

Is the sex THAT important that by saying u cant have it without being committed to me is that big of a deal? I know for a FACT that there are other women who he has sexual access to, so why does it matter that I walked away?

@Reina
He sounds whipped. lol

@ Reina
uh uh, chica…we have to find a mid point! Jamaican rum is FIYAH (my best jamaican accent). That stuff is strong! I can just smell is!
@ everyone
i did see this one video on youtube where this lady was saying that men are now the females(she didnt use that word LOL). They are needier, more sensitive about ish when they shouldnt be. Is that true, FG guys??

@Nisha:

Two or three capfuls to 8-10oz of water. I’m so used to the taste and smell now. I add it to tea and juice sometimes too. It really works. I lost 5lbs last week with exercise and my ACV drinks. Plus it’s good for you. I have much more energy than before.

@ Chelsea

Pat yourself on the back. You put it on him. That’s why he can’t walk away.

@ Moe

This guy has gotten nada. NADA.

blaze! *smooches forehead* how are you?

back at you Ms Miss..how was your weekend?

@ blaze
U’re here! How was the bday weekend?!!

Chelsea I don’t know what the hell you think celibacy is but getting sexed up kicks you out of the club.
And you people wouldn’t imagine how many guys stopped talking to me period when they knew they wouldn’t be able to sample the goods when I announced my celibacy and these were guys that were still in that friend zone.

@Fab
As a whole, I would say no. But think about how most men are raised. The things that most women look for in a man…most men are not taught growing up. Most mothers would beat their son’s azz if he acted in the manner that most women are attracted to. They’re not allowed to be a challenge and stand their ground…well they can, but they have to find somewhere else to live. lol

@Fabie
Had a good B-day weekend..thx for asking. How was your trip to CT?

@Reina

i could understand that maybe the sex was too good to pass up (I am the ish in the sack, if i do say so myself) however this man is now doesnt even live in the same state as me anymore, nor will he have the availability to travel back here, so even if we married we still wouldnt be sleeping together. I just dont get it.

@ Ms.
ahem..i think you’re talking to moi lol

@Reina
He sounds insecure.

@ fab

I’ll be in DC soon. We’ll work it out then.

As for men becoming females, I consider that an insult to us. j/k But seriously, over the past few years or so, I’ve encounted many just wusses of the opposite sex.

@ Moe

But why? I’m not even sure I’d label him as a friend. I’ve known him maybe two weeks.

@Miss

no this sexual relationship ended a while ago…im still celibate. Im asking because we recently had a convo where he asked to sleep with me and I reminded him we were just friends and he started to complain and say ‘well how do u know I haven’t changed my mind about wanting to get into a relationship with u’….we havent slept together in months

@Reina
The time doesn’t matter. He’s digging you, and he wants your attention. If you’re not giving it to him…then you must be giving it to someone else.

@chelsea,
i would say dont flatter yourself but i think im that way too and dont mind saying it..but yeah its ok to sit down n talk about it and change ish up i can dig that.u basically allowed me to choose.my answer was always the following “i just want sex/and to party n hang out.”
@fab
ive had more pr rum than haitian rum.when u go back home bring me a bottle or 3.lol
@miss
i was just wondering whether women look down upon males who dont go to church. seems that the women that im cool with all say that same line that they want a “god fearing man”. I have my own relationship with god and have no denomination yet some women would consider me wicked,and unholy which really used to piss me off seeing that i was exposed to more religions than a lot of people have seen underwear.
@blaze waddup

blaze my weekend was cool. Just hung out with the kid, slept, ate some porkchops, went to church.

I guees. His number is getting blocked today.

@ Reina
oh u are? well, great *nervous laugh* We shall work it out then!
@ Moe
I agreed with most of what you said except for this! “Most mothers would beat their son’s azz if he acted in the manner that most women are attracted to”. Are most women really attracted to those kinda men? I want a man who is respectful, emotional witout being overly so, cries under certain circumstances, expresses himself well, blah blah blah. Is that too much to ask nowadays?
@ blaze
It was nice spending time with the fam but before we knew it, it was time to head back . So what did you get into this weekend? I want you have stories!! details, details LOL

@t-moe
thas what im saying.thas what pisses me off when women say they can raise a boy to be a man.well when he’s older hes not gonna have the mental did deal with yall butts.

@ black

I am going to put in my request for your pie lol

@ blaze

how was your wknd

“i did see this one video on youtube where this lady was saying that men are now the females(she didnt use that word LOL). They are needier, more sensitive about ish when they shouldnt be. Is that true, FG guys??”

@fab
For some guys, it is. I think a lot of women like that.

@fab
im a manly man.was raised under harsh conditions. crying meant someone could take advantage of me,being overly sensative meant i couldnt hold my ground when i was all alone. basically these are the conditions of a lot of young men today

@Black
What up with you..Nice Bears win on Sun.
@ Nisha and Fabie
Weekend was cool, in addition to my b-day, I was in a wedding and kick it a few sets for Howards homecoming…

@Fab
Look at the number of women who are more attracted to the “bad boys” as they’re called. I would like to think that most women are not attracted to unhealthy relationships, but your need for a challenge pushes you towards the wrong types. Most nice guys are too accommadating…they don’t know how to find that balance.

@nisha
nah nah nah.we wanna keep them legs n tact luv

-waits for miss to answer my question…woman

@Black
The things it takes to make mom happy will not make your SO happy.

@Black: I don’t look down upon people that don’t go to church. They may be fighting their own battles or whatever. I attend a non-denominational church. People look down on me because of that because my uncle has a Baptist church. Me attending that Baptist church and family dynamics almost cost me my soul. I personally would prefer a man that attends church and is saved as well because of where I am in my life and want that type of company. But me looking down on you and sneering at you because you don’t go to church isn’t going to get you into church and if they read their bible at all they would know that Jesus told us that isn’t the way to make people believers. That old saying you don’t attract bees with vinegar? Tis true for most things in life.

@blaze
man i was an asshole all the way home trying to watch the game,knowing they cuttin in on “daddys day”
@t-moe
thas all im saying,the men who can have both of those worlds,im telling you your a hawt commodity.
when i tell folks my background their mouths hit the floor. within any group of folks i can relate

ummmm black I AM at work! my co-worker stopped me to tell me a boring story.

@miss
so my question to you is what is your meaning of saved? i feel i have a wonderful relationship with the big guy upstairs,yet according to you u want a man whose saved. and what does church really mean,i have good friends who attend church just to find decent females to screw.i just take this to heart bc ive been crapped on bc of my beliefs and how i act for a while in regards to religion. But i can dig that you want someone with the same relationship you have with god,but then again i cant

@black
I literally havent looked in a bible since ’89. Its just not for everybody. I do think a lot of women look down on you for not being religious, or whatever, though.

@ Moe
I dont want a challenge…well, maybe a lil LOL. I just want a nice guy, that’s all *sad face*

o hush miss

the people i dislike are NEW CHURCH-GOERS
omg..its like they are overly excited about their faith and sometimes get radicaly about it.I try not to mix religion with my friendships/my sexlife/politics/anything. i believe it should be kept seperate

@ fab

Me too…just a ncie guy who appreciates me and all that other good stuff

I guess I should be a little more specific than saved. Being saved is accepting Christ and believing that he is the Son of God that he was crucified for our sins and was resurrected on the third day and He lives. I know I sound real preachy right now. I accepted Christ when I was 18. I felt great, it was at my uncles church but he wasn’t senior pastor yet. My problem was I didn’t know what to do next. No one told me what to do to follow on a path toward a relationship with God. I was sitting in that church being preached a bunch of stuff I didn’t understand. So I kept doing all those bad things I was doing and only difference was repenting afterwards. I stopped going all together and was gone from the church for over a year. One day I decided to go back and have been going faithfully. I made my recommitment in front of about 1,000 people and they had someone for me to talk to and guide me. My church has classes on where you are with your walk with God and they TEACH you in plain English. I never leave confused on what I learned.

I want a man that is saved AND is walking with God. A man that reads his bible everyday and doesn’t have doubts or loopholes when it comes to his faith.

“Nice” guys are boring. I dont think any guy ever wants to be described as just “nice.”

sorry had to copy n paste some idiocy for you all.
http://www.facebook.com/notes.php?id=32817096
my god our youth is pathetic at times

oh Reina & Moe

I almost forgot…I did the paystub thing to a guy last nite (it was via Facebook but i still did it!)

@and1
they really do,ive had more than my share of women look down on me.and when i was at church sunday,it was mostly women.and you’ll hear folks blasting men for not going,and actually its more men turning to islam than the traditional church.and if i was to choose a religion it would be islam or buddhism which ive practiced with friends already and loved it

@black
Some people really make my head hurt.

@fab
you can have all the challenge you want luv,men need to start challenging women again. need to know women need to do a little chasing of their own

@black: It is very exciting but I am not going to get all aggressive and trying to make a person feel bad because they are not in the same place as me. Who am I to talk down on a person? I am as much a sinner as the next person. Just because I go to church doesn’t mean that I am a perfect person.

@Chelsea
Did it work?

@ Moe

So before I could block him, I called him on his BS, and of course, his response was to insult me. Why do men do this? You wanted me 5 mins ago, but when I wouldn’t say that I don’t want you, suddenly, I’m not “that hot.”

@ Nisha
that’s all! Y is that so hard? I’m not even asking that he be extra nice, just nice
@ everyone
RE: religion. I dont have much to say about this except that you shouldnt be asking for someone to be something that you arent. YOU define what that entails. I’m not religious at all but think i’m spiritual. I do believe in God. I dont go to church except Xmas, Lent (maybe). I was raised catholic and went to church every single sunday until i was 14-15. I was basically raised in church (aunt is a nun)…ive seen what happens behind the church doors and its not pretty!
I dont believe in imposing my beliefs (do i even have any? lol) on anyone.

black and and1: if you are talking about typical baptist ‘black’ churches then I agree with you all the way.

@Reina
You bruised his ego…that’s all.

@Moe

no it only made him think I was effin INTRIGUING!

Thanks a lot. Like I said…I’m coming for that ass!

Catholicism is really really different.

@miss
ive read the bible twice,i believe its a great peace of literature but thas all.(no disrespect intended)
However I can say bluntly,not like a lot of church-goers, that I do ‘sin’ know im going to sin and have no problems facing the consequences for it.Does that make me bad? Not in my eyes,bc i dont look for an “out” after i sinned like so many others. Because I believe excuses are tools of incompetence. Those who use these tools are masters of nothingness. I can understand you want a man of like features,but what if he’s flawed like me….than what. will your wants become jaded?

@ Moe

I know, but it’s my fault. I’m too nice. I used to be brutally mean, but I evolved. I think I should make a return to the Reina of old.

@ Chels
Intriguing? thats all he said? HAHAHAHAHA

@Chelsea
You did it on Facebook!! I told you what to do during a face-to-face convo. He can’t take you seriously without reading your body language.

@and1
man that link i just posted,shes the biggest idiot ive ever seen font a word period.lol
@miss
yeah some get excited,but use it negatively as a platform to things it has no reason being used on
and for the record my gram is protestant,mom is catholic,dad is baptist,best friend practices islam(orthodox),other best friend is a 5%,and my chic buddy practices buddhism.lol
so as a kid i was ALWAYS IN SOMEONES CHURCH/TEMPLE/ETC.LOL

New guy so don’t jump me.

I was in love with this female and she became pregnancy with our child and I didn’t want become a father. I’m not going to lie about it, I acted like “Whole Ass” and saying the usual hurtful things that you can’t take back. I became distant to her and she did the same. I feel bad about what a said. Over that period time I realize, I became someone I didn’t want to be. I tried “mend broken fences” but it was too late. She told me she didn’t trust me anymore and didn’t look at me the same. She even told me she went back worshipping at her “Hall”. Over a period of time and through my action, I was able to get her to give me another chance.

To make a long story short, we have a son but because I didn’t agree with certain teaching and didn’t want to get married we’re no long together.

^Ms. Miss, I understand what you and other people say about being ‘evenly yoked’.

@Fabie

no he said he loved my sense of humor, my ability to debate and the fact that I dont back down…besides he likes a woman that has standards and sets them high before she decides to get to know a guy. cuz he hates bimbos and blah blah blah…this is all moe’s fault

@black: I just know that what I am doing is right for me. And I don’t want to go back to the type of person I was. And I want to be with a person that is looking to go in the same direction as me. I’m not going to be swayed. And this is especially important when it comes to sex and drugs. If you are trying to share a blunt and screw me then I don’t need to be with you because that isn’t what I’m about anymore. I’m not going to act all holier than thou acting like I haven’t been there before but he will have to understand that I’m not going back to that, period. I’m happy now and I will not sacrifice my progress to have a boyfriend.

@Reina
No need for that. You gave him the #, so he probably thought you were interested and got his hopes up.

@Moe

I had to try it out first! If I did it face to face I would burst out laughing! It didnt work anyway!

@ fab

Yeah I second that…men dont realize its the little things that count.

@ Reina
That niceness comes and bites you in the butt too? UGH! Same here! That only leads to ppl thinking/acting in ways they shouldnt! Im with you on that..going back to the old me: slightly bitter, a lot jaded and not so pleasant! but oh, how men love that. All of a sudden, you’re “different”, a “challenge”, a whole bunch of BS!

@Chelsea
If a woman told me through IM or on the net that she needed my paystub, I wouldn’t take her seriously. I would play along too.

Welcome Polyestaplaya.

So how did that affect your relationship between you and your son? How old was he when you decided to become a parent to him?

lol@intriguing
@miss
a lot of church goers act this way not just baptist churches.was called the devil by a woman b4.lol

actually ill be specific dwayne wade’s wife..i went to school with,she hated my ass,would call me a devil everyday bc of my beliefs
wit her ug-mo self

@Reina & Fab
*shakes head*

@ Moe

Nope. I’m going to start giving men the “How dare you even approach me?” face.

Exactly @ fab. I’m tired of trying to be both friendly and honest and it bites me in the ass.

@Moe

i guess

@ reina and Fab

Thats true…when you are nice and honest…it bites you in the booty

@reina&fab
both of you hush n get the rum
@miss
didnt say you had to compromise,however take me for example museums n all you honestly could not take me seriously bc i was not church going and had a different belief than you. even tho i dont smoke blunts or have to force you to screw me

@Chelsea
You have to get into character to do it right. lol When you say it, flash back to how you felt 90 days ago. You won’t be laughing then.

@Black: I’m telling you though people that usually act this way come from denominational churches or have roots there. I strive to be like Jesus. Jesus would never call you devil. He would never try to guilt you. He wouldn’t yell at you and look down on you because you don’t go to church. People think that being overly religious = super awesome Christian and going to heaven but it doesn’t. I too have been harassed by those same kind of people so I know your plight. But just know that we all aint like that. Look at the things we discuss here, have I ever thrown some scripture your way to try to prove a point or shut you down?

@ Moe
what? IT IS THE WAY IT IS (one of my fav sayings lol). Some men make it waaaaaay too hard out there!
@ Chels
“my ability to debate”! Still LOL…thats y i dont do any of those sites: facebook, myspace..nada. I dont have the patience
@ polyestaplaya
WELCOME!

@Reina, Fab, & Nisha
Do you ladies..lol…do you.

pfft
only idiots like that mean nonsense ladies.
i notice body language a mile away.i see your scowl i keep it moving,even if you wanted me to approach you. i always approached folks who were warm n inviting,if i wanted someone growling id get another dog

@fabie

girl…but I realized by viewing his page that he is one of those guys who displays his supposed affluence, so i guess he wasnt offended when I asked

@Moe

will do

@ black: museums and all if you and I got to a point where a relationship would develop I would decline rather than try to convert you like so many Christian women do. I would invite you to church yea but wouldn’t nag you about it or make it a deal breaker. We could be best of friends but as far as a romantic prospect, I would ultimately have to decline. We are just going in two different directions not that you are beneath me.

@miss
i get yelled at by you ladies so much i dont even feel it anymore.lol
hell i gotta get naked every once in awhile just to stay in yall good graces

@Black
They would lose me too. I don’t have time for it. If you want to walk around looking like you ate some bad cheese..you gets no convo from me. In the words of Ced the Entertainer: I’m a grown azz man dog…a grown azz man.

but black I have NEVER yelled scripture at you!

@ Moe
gee, thanks sir! we value your permission to “do us”. Nobody else is doing me (AHA! get the joke?)…ok, ok ill stop LOL

I smile most of the time and people look at me like I’m a weirdo.

@miss
i like that your religion is so important to you,however i’d pass on it as well. I never got romantic with folks who seems like theyre still in a transitional phase or trying to find themselves

@Fab
LOL Corny…but I get it. I’m sure that’s by choice.

@ black & moe

That’s the plan. I don’t want to attract them.

So is the look mean enough?

It isn’t that Christianity is important to me. God is. It’s hard for people to understand but my life is much better. Had you met me 6 months ago you would have thought that I was a lunatic.

@t-moe
lmao
im telling you fam,thas not attractive to me,i got a rep in school for not talking to a lot of women,this is bc (1.they werent inviting ie smiling,2.they probably didnt speak to me when i spoke one day..now the balls n their court)

@miss
nah u didnt but u mentioned it before,i remembered and took a guess that you were in a fight with yourself at the time that had no time for others

@fab
we know we know
your doing yourself we know

Fighting myself? Hmmmm interesting. Not in a fight with myself just weeding out all the negative in my life right now and getting my life on track and preparing a better future for my daughter and myself. As far is the decision to stop having sex and smoking weed those were made prior to me going back to church.

@miss
and i dont think you understand how important god is to me.even tho i dont read your bible or attend your church,god means just as much to me as he/she does to you

@reina
babes we can tell by ya body language whether or not to talk to you.

@Reina
LOL..nope…not mean at all.
It actually says: “I hope you had a good lunch…because I’m about to get in yo business!”

@ Moe

No, it doesn’t! And I would never say that.

@miss
everyone has a battle going on within themselves. Noone is void of it,just the way it is. I face them everyday and no matter what it is I never ran never will.been like this my whole life

btw…museum thursday? its free….and we can go sip wine n eat chocolate at the melting pot.
we’ll bring fab’s butt along too with her non smiling self
reina cant come shes a party pooper

@Reina
LMAO Okay, how about this one?

“Dinner’s ready” LOL

@ reina
is that your mean look?

@ fab

Apparently not. I’m going to try again. Give me a min.

You told me that you have a relationship with God. I am not sitting here gauging the importance of God in your life, that isn’t for me to ponder and surely is none of my business. Why? Because it aint about me. It is about YOU and GOD. Just like my relationship is between ME and GOD. Man those church folks really messed up your perception dude that was the furthest from my mind. I want you to honestly know that I do not look down or you or anyone else that doesn’t attend church. I don’t pity you or think ill of you. That goes for everyone.

Off to a meeting. I’ll holla at ya’ll in a minute.

lol@reina
you couldnt look mean if you tried

@miss
i know you dont luv,that was the furthest from my mind.maybe bc ive had this same conversation with sooooo many people is why im asking you. i respect your opinion

did u wax them brows yet young lady?

I have yet to taste a wine I like. Too sour. But chocolate yea! We can’t just exclude Reina, and what about everyone else?

lol ummmmm no. they aint horrible but i just heart perfect brows. i know folks that would kill for my brows. all i gotta do is shape them a bit.

@ black

Yes, I can. See?

Moe left? Buster.

@miss
i dont fancy wine either,but the pres. of my cigar club hipped me to this red wine thas out of this world.unbelievable really,and it goes well with chocolate bread n chocolate period.yea yea yea reina and chels can come,long as chelsea puts some clothes on

@ black
owww thanks for the invite. what museum will we be going to? Havent been to one in ages!!

lol
@miss
someone said theyre gonna steal my eyelashes n brows.
lashes is long as hell and my brows are naturally arched…sighs

And why can’t I come to the museum? Discrimination!

am I invited?

@reina
nope,try again
@fab
i havent went to the field museum n ages
and we cant go to a museum w/o checkin out the dusable museum. can hang at the negro cafe afterwards check out some african art. hell its a lot going on this time of year,supposed to be going to the pumpkin patch to hang this weekend,i missed universoul circus dammit

pfft
you know how much attention i’d draw if I was hanging with all you womens.i’d prolly get assasinated to try to get to fab’s smile/reinas abs/miss boobs/chels butt/and nishas legs

wait weren’t most of yall clowning the museum?

wow ladies, together we make one sexy bitch…

i think its safe to say we need a chat/messenger or somethin folks

I can’t look any meaner. It’s the chubby cheeks. I give up. I’ll just laugh at them when they approach me.

I dont clown musuems…I still frequent them.

@miss
wasnt me,hell i think hanging out at the dusable museum to watch old blaxpoitation movies is ish

me+superfly+a sexy woman=one hawt ass combo

damn…I must say yea…we are sexy as hell!

I didn’t clown museum. It depends on the type. I’m not into staring at art trying to figure it out nor do I want to look at T-Rex.

Reina I love dinosaur bones!

yay! we’re sexy…we’re sexy…we’re sexy!!
I dont think there is something wrong with a museum at all. Id love to go if invited. It’ll be something different from dinner/movie combo.
@ Reina
yea, laughing def works! LOL.

told u reinas the party pooper

you were right. and I know she isn’t down for the zoo either…

I am not! I would willingly go and have been to the DuSable museum and enjoyed myself. I’ve been to the Smithsoniam Museum of the American Indian and Museum of American History.

But if we’re going to an art museum, I’ll be in the bookstore.

And I’m not going to the zoo either. *sticks tongue out*

what is wrong with the zoo? i took my daughter to feed the giraffes last year.

blah anywho..
if any of you reg’s have y! messenger
my s/n is blackfujones07.im gonna take a powernap right now.1+1=2 fingers luvs

@ black (n lurkers)
Is there an age a boy/man decides to be a man (includes being honest about what he wants, what he’s looking for especially relationships) or does that vary according the boy/man’s upbringing, environment, blah blah blah?

great! i asked my question just when you’re about to go..darn!

lol@fab
they say the avg for males is around 25-28.when theyre truly settled

and i left my messenger for yahoo womans.only yall can hit me.bc i delete folks on it so much its only me and my brother.lol

black I will try to hit you but don’t block me because my sn is ummm…suggestive.

lol…ok@miss
im opening it up on my blkberry now

lol @ your disclaimer. Thanks for answering
my yahoo thing is bellebebe81, aol fab607…only yall men can it me. HAHAHAHA joking, of course

-gotta go race to take down the “suggestive pics”you all already think im a exhibitionist

@ Ms.
Oh really, Missy? Care to share?

lol suzyscrewz

Yeah, inquiring minds would like to know

lmao

Is that from that Outkast song?

@ Ms
HAHAHAHAHAHA How did you come by that name?? LOL

yes sir it surely is from Da Art of Storytelling Pt 1

Love that song. I can never remember the name tho.

awww I need to get yahoo…

AIM: Nishadiva (of course lol)

AIM/yahoo: and1grad

Doesnt AIM have chat rooms?

lol@susyscrewz.lol

“lets hit the parking lot so i can sick your duck” gawd i love that album