Can A Man Be Faithful?

Getting in on the ground floor. Let me kick this thing off right. There’s NO WAY that EVERY man will step out on his woman. Thats just something you’d say to a woman that you’re either NOT really interested in…or one you’re setting up as a “jumpoff.”

And if all your friends cheat, you hang around a very low caliber of person.

I have to agree that I do not subscribe to such a belief. Out of all my relationships, I’ve only been cheated once, and that was in college. And I am as certain about that as one can be about another’s actions.

I think that guy is a lame! He couldn’t just come out and say I’m not willing to commit and I am not looking for a commitment. All men are not the same. That lady needs to end all communication with that guy and open herself for all the great possibilities the next faithful guy can bring!

Stay positive

I personally don’t believe that al men cheat.

the saying seems to be an excuse that a lot of men use, varying form generation to culture & even the media helps to portray this.

it’s a believe system & if he believes he is genetically predisposed to cheating, that’s his believe, his perception & his reality, at least you’ve been warned.

he’s basically telling you, look I will probably cheat in the future. so dont act surprised if it happens.

Lord,

Thank you for giving us a few sensible comments ladies. I’m quite sure that more than a few of your cohorts on here would agree that all men are the devil. I’m just waiting for those comments to come rolling through. And when they do, I’ll be ready to beat them back with their own words. “Women cheat much better than men”

Bomchell haven’t seen you post in a while. And Luvingirl85, cute pic. Welcome to the party.

FG, you need to tell the girl who wrote this to come on here, so we can talk to her personally about this.

Me personally I don’t think every man cheats, This topic goes back to does a good man that cheat make him any less of a good man.I have known for some men to fall weak for the opposite sex and lose sense of rationality and reasoning. For the record I don’t go into things automatically thinking a guy will cheat every man is different,has different morals/values and different level will power. But I’m not blind to not think it can never happen to me at the same time.

@Tubbs,
That dude probably cheated on Reina b/c all of her whining.

J/K Reina!!

@ and1

Haha.

Sounds like dude is just trying to tell you that he’s a cheater and not to expect anything more from him.

Like and1grad said, he must hang with some pretty scummy dudes too, if they’re all like him like he claims. (or maybe his friends are a bunch of punk-ass shit-talkers, who he’s taking seriously LOL)

Yes, men cheat. And yes, women cheat too. Are we all cheaters? No. Some of us have morals, standards, willpower. Sometimes you have to dig to find ‘em, but the faithful do exist.

@Tubbs
Bruh, you know I got your back when it really jumps off.

We are missing someone
BLACK where are you ???? lmao

@Blaze,

Yeah, I’m not trying to beef with the ladies. But they have to be called on the illogical logic sometimes…yeah I said it. LOL.

@Tubbs
This is a tough one for the fellas

@Tubbs
Hmmm…….illogical logic.You were almost close to getting a rebuttal.lol

@ Lyricalluv,

You can tell I was trying to get one. Where is Chelsea at? She’s always up for a good sparring…lol. I’m feeling feisty this Friday.

I can see Chelsea putting on her boxing gloves right now….

@Tubbs lmao,I see you are asking for it.Too bad I have the ability to see both sides of situations and always on constant mediator mode.

@LL

I’ll bring the fight out of you one day…lol. What’s everyone getting into this weekend?

On the real, and I can’t speak for every guy, but I do think its easier for women to cheat because guys are always trying to holla. Women constantly have men in their faces trying to ge the ass, even more so when they know you have a man. As men we always have to put in some work to get the sex so its harder to be discreet about it.

@Tubbs we shall see…when you do PREPARE TO BATTLE !!!! I fight to win, lmao. I’m having a get together at the house and rounding up people for friends and family day for my church so I can win a big azz flat screen tv and 500.00 LMAO

@blaze

I’m not going to comment at all on this one. i’m just going to lurk…

except for this comment of course…its all love, boo. trust me

@Chelsea
Whats up with you? I hope all is well… Its all love…but what is a post without your thoughts?

@Blaze
Some of that is true they say women cheat better than men.Also that can go both ways as well.Some men thats all in our face can have a woman too and well tell you flat out.Men here in my state are BOLD, and I boldly out them on blast for that.Married men mingle among the single and are becoming more available and live their lives as if they are single

@Chelsea
Word? Nothing? I’m disappointed.

@ Tubbs:

The point is it’s still logic. It’s only illogical to you, and that’s your discrepancy. You should get more estrogen in your life.

I’ve only dated men so I can only speak to that experience. And well, men are just greedy.

@Reina
Is it that men are greedy or women aren’t simply holdng our attention or simply not satisfying us mentally and/or physically?

@ all guys

I mean its pretty clear how i feel about men, faithfulness in relationships, cheating, etc etc so why put me on the chopping block for the ladies again? please go back and refer to yesterday’s ‘sparring’ session…im still trying to recover…

and you mofo’s got me so far behind on my billing here at work it aint even funny.

@ blaze

In some cases, that may be the issue. For me, the one time I was cheated on, I wasn’t giving head, and when I caught him, he was getting head. That doesn’t excuse his disrespect toward me, and I’d rather he would’ve just told me so. But I get it. I don’t agree with his actions, but I get it.

@Reina
There’s never a reason at all to cheat but was he your man in a fully committed relationship?

No, there is no reason to cheat. And he was. However, before you lead me on, let me state that he knew my hangup about head before we committed to each other.

@chelsea I FEEL YA!!! I’m in billing too

@Reina
Ok, now I see. That gets back to my point about satisfing your man completely. My pespective is if I dont put it down sexually, mentally, ORALLY, etc..I’m not completely satisfying my lady and I’m leaving room for her to venture to get everything she needs from another cat. Same goes for a man. If a woman holds out giving head….that might be problem. To each is on but I’m just sayin….

I do not believe this. I have dated guys that have cheated and I have dated guys that seemed absolutely appalled by the thought of that type of deception. For me finding a good man by my standards is like playing the lottery. You can’t win if you don’t play. Sometimes you win, other times you lose, and sometimes you get an okay prize. One thing that has worked for me is a positive outlook. I believe that I will find a good man because I strive to be a better person. Just stay positive don’t let the negatives in others deter you from finding a good loyal partner.

@Blaze thats not totally true SOME men just like their egos stroked and stroked and stroked (HINT) They can be satisfied at home,have a good woman that can do no wrong but they still have the urge to venture off just for the excitement of it or the thrill of pushing limits and not being caught (FROM A MALES MOUTH)

@LL

my coworker gave me the side eye of DEATH yesterday when I packed my grip and had a whole box of folders just WAITING to be processed tucked under my desk…lol…not a good look!

@ blaze:

I recognize that and am in complete occurrence. The relationship occurred when I was college (19, 20) and just lost my virginity. At the time, I didn’t want the lights on during the act. Nowadays, we could do at 12 noon with the shades open. I am much more open-minded and willing now.

I get blaze’s point. Sexual needs are a main concern to many people. I had a boyfriend that was anti-oral and after tons of conversations about it I was like whatever you won’t do it someone else will. It wasn’t about my ego. It was because that is what I wanted. Inconsiderate yes, but the only reason I cheated on him. I was happy in every other aspect in our relationship.

@Reina & Ms Miss
We as men can be greedy and the the one thing you may hear some men say is….The best piece of ass is a new piece of ass. As much as we try to be faithful, the pursuit of something new, untouched is what drives some of us and I’m just as guilty.

What it all boils down to is sex is the devil.

@Ms Miss
Temptation is a mutherfucker….

A male friend of mine once likened cheating for men as when explorers opened the west. Things were good on the East Coast and in the South, but it was the unknown and the possibility that it might be better that encouraged them to go exploring.

Is that for everyone though. Don’t we all suffer from the grass is greener mentality?

I believe in satisfying all of your mates needs blaise blaise, but some people can be attention whores and just like attention from opposite sexes and sometimes it can lead to sex and they do not have a valid reason for cheating on their mates because it something in themselves that they lack like self esteema and self control.

@tubbs

no you didn’t change up the avatar…lol. hilarious

It goes back to the pros and cons of being single…the flexibility to explore can be good but the lack of stabiity can get the best of you.

I have only started to wonder about the grass on the other side when I am dissatisfied within my relationship though.

@ Tubbs:

I concede that. I’m not a cheater, though, so I don’t get it. I’m honest, and if I’m not satisfied, then I’m just going to tell you. And I’d much rather be given the same respect. Excuses, schmuses. Cowards and gluttons cheat. Just be honest and/or learn self-control.

@Chelsea,

You know I have to give you another shot…lol. True story though is that I met him last year at the Black MBA convention in Orlando, and he was walking around like “Hi, I’m Phillip MIchael Thomas.” LMAO. Ever since then, I’ve used the screenname

@tubbs

hey…whatever works homie…whatever works

But the grass is greener mentaility doesn’t have to deal with cheating. You could be “noble” and break up with someone just because you think something is better out there. I see that happening a lot, and then people regret ever leaving.

i should change my avi…i would take a photo today but my hair is in a huge afro due to the rain. i do not heart seattle.

And that’s everyone’s right, and it’s a regret that they’ll have to leave with. But it’s honest and respectful. And honesty and respect are two things I give and demand.

@Tubbs AMEN TO THAT !!!!!

i agree Reina

My people have a great weekend…be safe. I’m out

bye blaze.
yall don’t laugh at me. i’m a nerd.

@ Ms. Miss:

You are not. That sly smile refutes that.

Bye Blaze. be safe

I agree. Hey, I heard Seattle was a really nice city.

yea it’s cool yhe amount of rain is dreadful though

yeah I’ve visited Seattle, and thought the city was really nice. Didn’t care for the rain though.

I’d bet. The sun is necessary for me or else, I’d be MJ’s color.

Restaurants should distinguish b/w garlic bread and a huge crouton. I am deeply disappointed in my lunch today.

U know what ladies let’s cut the BS, stop lying and saying that “your wiman enuff” etc to just up n leave someone if youe not satisfied bc the truth is its wayy to much energy spent on relationships so to just up n leave is damn near demoralizing. So physical,emotional,and spiritual cheating does happen. Both parties are guilty of it and every Marriage goes thru it whether u want to admit it or not. Cheating doesn’t always mean I gotta run up n some chics cooch,hell she can be getting my time, or be on my mind etc. And you can’t imagine how much this goes on,pay a married woman a few compliments and watch her try to emulate that same thing the next day. But according to u ladies a grown woman will just up n leave. Gimme a damn break

lol Reina. I am starving. I have a very dissapointing salad in the fridge that i want no part of.

so black you are saying that no matter what goes on in the relationship a woman is unable to just up and leave? from what I have witnessed I would have to agree at least 70%

@ black

I don’t know what women you’ve been fooling with, but obviously, they are NOT Reina. No damn relationship, no matter how much f-ing time I’ve invested, is ever going to usurp my peace of mind. If I find out you’re cheating in any of the ways you described, then your ass is out the door. Period.

You must seriously have me twisted.

@ Ms. Miss:

Yeah, my salad was disgusting. Limp lettuce and olives, blah. I’m having candy for lunch now.

Some women, Ms. Miss. Maybe even most. But not I.

Reina in general look at women that stay in abusive relationships. Look at women that stay because of the kids. Look at women that stay because they believe in their vows. Women that stay because after ____ years vested. Women that stay because they don’t think they deserve better. It’s a damn epidemic. Reina may be very aware of who she is and happy with that person she is but speaking on a larger level there is much truth to what he is saying.

Oh, definitely, Ms. Miss.

I am very involved in domestic abuse cases as FG can attest to so I recognize the reality and the pitfalls.

However, Black made this sweeping general statement as he usually does as if no woman has the mental capacity and wherewithal to remove herself from such a situation. And that’s not true.

I have a honest question for all of the MEN in this comment section, Can u honest to God see urself being faithful to ONE woman, and i’m not talking about when u get older or if this or if that, can u or can’t you???

@Ms Miss — yeah, I agree, but that doesn’t make it right. A man shouldn’t play on a woman’s insecurities to make her stay in a shitty relationship. But at the same time, these women need to get it together and realize their worth and not put up with shit.

@blackfujones — goes both ways, hon. I’ve known MANY a man who, just flashing a smile his way, complimenting him, and just for a moment letting him think he’s important, and now he’s walking around, chest puffed out like he’s friggin Superman. Everyone needs to feel wanted/needed. I think what happens in so many relationships is people start to take each other for granted and all that lovey dovey stuff you did while dating is gone. And then some stranger brings those feelings back, albeit for a minute, and you start craving that again. But that’s what defines a person — do you go after the stranger, or do you bring that home to your honey?

@ what?

I truly see myself being faithful to one and only one woman. And I’ll patiently wait until the Lord sees fit to bless me with her.

very impressive ladies…very impressive

Wow !! black when you show up you SHOW OUT !!! Its true though, like i said earlier it can start off as attention and sometimes resulting in sex.You can either cheat physically or emotionally

@miss
im simply stating its easier said than done. just think about how much time,effort,and energy is put into a relationship,and you’d have to double that maybe even triple that when it comes to marriage.
it really isnt as simple as folks put it,and i dare to see someone just up n say fuck it after its all said in done without trying to work it out

WOW i was just here this morning & a whole conversation has already transpired.

FG u might need to change to to forum format or something, to keep track of the replies, is this on wordpress software?

@ TUBB
lol been partying. check it out on my blog lol

@reina
stop kidding yourself,get in one of those good 2yr+ relationships than talk to me.Bc obviously you do the typical 3month and done relationships

I’m normally a lurker, but I felt like commenting today.

@Black
I’m with you on that. Sometimes yuou don’t even have to compliment them. Just make them laugh on the regular and they’ll become a permanent fixture in your office space. Several years ago, I called myself being cute and asked one, “You fantasize about me when you go home at night, don’t you?” I was expecting her to laugh and blow off the question. Instead, she responded, “Yes” with a straight face. I didn’t know what to say. She then smiled and said “what’s wrong (insert name)?” She went from wearing plain jane gear and pulled out the “catch me f*ck me” collection. She was living with her boyfriend, one day he asked her if she was cheating on him because she would screw his brains out as soon as she got home from work because she would be horny as hell.

@songbird,
i understand what your saying however regardless if your doing all that and then some at home its still inevitable outside of the home. Attraction is attraction period. I cant believe some people can honestly say they will go 50+ yrs without wanting to get at someone else/maybe thinking about it/actually giving someone else your time etc in some shape or fashion. Its inevitable, can be simple conversation,doesnt have to be sex as everyone puts it that way.

@T-Moe,

Just the visual of her dude looking at her trying to figure out what had gotten into her is hilarious.

@blackfujones — true, I see your point. and I admit, I’ve been there before (I was also a lot younger and weaker back then). A lot of it comes down to what you can tolerate, and what you can’t. And the circumstances of the situation. Not that cheating is OK, but there are levels, and some things are more forgivable than others.

@lyrical,
lol
Im just stating the truth,god knows i try my hardest to be faithfull,but has another woman had a pinch of my time and i had to step back,yes its happened. Like i said it can be a routine lunch break u guys take together,and u mess around and realize that you plan for this lunch break EVERYDAY (just an example) to me thas damn near cheating in itself. Bc you are giving time/affection/and attention out of your day to that one person. And where all guilty of it

@what?

Yes, I can see myself in monogomous relationship. I don’t have a problem being faithful to woman. I realize that no one is perfect, and there is no such thing as the perfect relationship. So if I’m not happy, I will let the woman know, and let her know why. At that point, the clock starts. If she chooses to ignore what I’m telling her, her days are officially numbered. My memory is too bad to be cheating! If you think I’m lying…ask me the same question the next day…I’ll f*ck it up! LOL

wats good everybody?! thanks @ tubbs (bout the pic )

Anyway, I agree wit/ jones. I think
relationships and marriages are like a game plan. when you get into it your partner and you have a idea of what getting into. Infidelity of any kind changes that game plan, and its now up to the partners to decide what the next best possible move is. I don’t think there is a clear cut answer if you cheat on me i will leave you. If you were married to someone for 15 years, and they slipped up, could you easily walk away from 15 years of marriage, kids, mortgage yada yada. If you were coupled up for 2 to 3 years, and he/ she slipped and made out with someone could you easily walk away from that? I think it depends on the situation and how the situation has and will continue to affect the one who was cheated on. And it has to be something that is well thought out, because once you call it quits it should be done. I dont believe in going back and forth.

@T-Moe
its that little connection man that a person can consider cheating. Like literally I had to pull myself back bc a co-worker “who I’d known for yrs as did my wife” we’d go to her spot for cards n dinner after work. And sometimes when i was out hanging if i didnt wanna drive drunk or whatever i’d crash at her spot. But it seemed like it became too much of a habit,and both of us looked forward to hanging etc. And i deaded the situation.

@songbird
most definately luv most definately. in my case im 27 yrs old,great career,great family, etc. and my ex female friend really got sick of looking at my wife having it good(her words not mine) so me coming to hang after work,or crash if i needed to crash was time she needed from me. so shit can happen so fast that u dont know what hit u

Black I agree and this is the reason why marriage scares me so much. Yes I do hope to get married one day but knowing that if things do get really bad that I can’t just chunk up the deuce and leave is scary. The fact that I am obligated due to vows and time vested and parties involved to try to patch things up with a person that may have broken my heart or deceived me is insane at times. There are few things I deem worthy of walking out of marriage with no chance of working things out: Addiction with no point of return, and abuse.

@black — i agree, doesn’t have to be sex. But again, there’s levels. You’re not human if you don’t look/think/fantasize about other people. That doesn’t mean you don’t love & cherish the one you’re with. It’s when trust and honesty become compromised when its a problem. Cuz when you think about it, deep down it’s not necessarily the act itself that’s the problem (not that it’s not *A* problem, but not *THE* problem) its the lying, dishonesty, leading on the person you “love” and deceiving them, making them feel a fool for being cheated out of an honest relationship. So whether it’s chatting up some honey @ work, or taking some skank from the club to the motel, if you’re lying and deceiving your mate, it’s a problem. As Reina says, just be honest. At least you can deal with honesty.

@Black
Smart man. I learned in my early 20s that just because you can…doesn’t mean you should. Like Chris Rock said, we can’t run that fast when a woman is chasing us, so the best way to not cheat is to not put yourself in a position where you can. i.e. car, hotel, cubical (maybe that’s just me). LOL

We are all humans and humans are sexual beings and I’am sure all of us on here have been guilty of doing all or any of these things.I’m not going to sit here and sugarcoat or fake the funk because I’am female but things happen whether you intend too or not, it can start off innocent but someone will get a mixed message and will try you.You just have to be strong enough not to persue anything with the person. I have had plenty of innocent male lunch buddies and I had to start eating lunch at my desk because I’m just a very approachable down to earth female and I didn’t want to start any confusion or mislead anyone

@luvingirl

luv thas EXACTLY what im trying to make Reina understand. From her statements alone I can tell she hasnt been in a LOOOOONNNNNNGGG FULL BLOWN RELATIONSHIP. Me however I’ve been in one for 7yrs and with my now wife for 8 yrs. Trust me, my ex cheated all while i was in school (long distance relationship) and i found out about all her infidelities in one day and still didnt leave bc of our history,our home,our child,our finances,our education,our surrounding family,community etc. Thas a big step to just say screw it

@miss
you have to go in with the idea that this is what it is point blank. You have to know you have a great person with u. Hell i know i suck ass sometimes, but my sig. other has my back and we’ll go thru the proper channels to get back up to par. And i’ll do the same for her. If she cheats,i’ll suck it up,do whatever we have to do to go forward. Only after we’ve exhausted every possible thing will we both come to a decision to call it quits

@songbird,
o most definately the deceit is hurtful. However after 2 kids, a mortgage,kids football games etc. you’ll leave your mate right then n there.
gimme a break

Black and then I always wonder if people are more compelled to cheat knowing that you will work it out. Then the cycle could repeat itself and almost like permission for infidelity in some way. No matter what you do I am never going to give up on our marriage. Seriously? I know this goes against my whole ‘stay positive’ motto and the fact that I have never been in that place to consider having a person as a life partner but it is scary to me.

@T-Moe
man these days I go where women arent at.lol
I’m a very sociable person as u can see,and folks (women) take my socialite butt a lil too seriously.lol
So im either at the cigar lounge, or on my riding lawnmower with one of my daughters

Thanks Tubbs and T-moe those were good answers!!!

This is why I say no to marriage. It’s an institution that was developed back in the day when you NEEDED to partner up in order to survive. Women couldn’t work, they had to take care of home and children, so the Men had to take on the responsibility of providing for the family. But these days, we no longer NEED each other. Do I WANT someone to share my life with? Of course. But I don’t need a piece of paper to bond us. Nor do I need this person to be THE ONLY person for the rest of my life. We all grow and change and evolve throughout life, and I think it’s naive to believe your mate will grow and evolve at the same pace and in the same direction as you. We’re all individuals. We don’t come together as one – that’s a farce. I think as long as you love and respect each other, take care of responsibilities (i.e., kids), and be honest with each other (i.e., communicate wants/needs/feelings) then all will be OK. Do all that and if the relationship has run its course then you both can be adult and move on to find what you deserve at this period in your life, and not have to suffer living a life with a stranger you’ve known for 20+ years (as I’ve seen MANY people do).

@lyrical
exactly,we’re all guilty of it.Like songbird said its levels that it escalates to at times

@ black:

You base your bullsh*t on assumptions. For one, that I’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than 2 years. For two, that there’s a man that exists with an aura, with a d*ck that will make me love him more than I love myself.

I respect myself. I value myself. (Mind you, I’m only referring to relationships, not marriage because I can’t speak on what sacrifices have to made to make one work. And before you assume something else, yes, I’ve been proposed to.) As a woman who sees women with their eyes busted shut on a daily basis, as a woman who sees beautiful women denigrated to the point that they no longer view themselves as such, the thought that I’d allow ANY man to continually disrespect knowingly is laughable.

Have I been sprung on a guy? F*ck yes. Has a compliment from a stranger made me smile all day? Yes. Would I ever do anything to disrespect a relationship I’m engaged in? No, and I expect my significant other not to as well. Each situation is different, I’ll concede that. Thinking about the girl that passed you with the fat ass earlier that day, that’s fine. My mind wanders as well, but I remember what I have. So should he.

Make sure when you make such a blanket statement again that you reference “girls” with low self-esteem or insecurity issues or fear of being alone. Transgressions happen, but fidelity is not a myth.

@songbird

I really like the way you articulated that girly…very straightforward and well thought out (i sound like an english teacher)…but im being honest

@miss
its definately hard

@black – that’s so commendable, and I hope your girl recognizes that.

@miss – yup, some people definitely do, because they know they’ll be forgiven. I was in an 8yr relationship where my man cheated on my left & right. I found out about it all around the 5yr mark, and now that its over found out he was doing it since day 1. I, like blackfujones, held on for the greater good of the relationship, but he took it as “f**k it, she keeps taking me back, so I can have my cake and eat it too!”. Once I realized that he wasn’t putting 100% into making US work like I was, was when I bounced. But I can’t say everyone is like that – like me, or like him.

@songbird
thas fine,just be like a majority of women and be engaged to some dude for like 12yrs like a lot of women do.

dont act like yall dont know someone whose been engaged since the 80′s

@reina

noone said anything about you not respecting and losing value of yourself. Fact is you’ll leave at a drop of a dime and your mindset will leave you bitter and alone as you are now

@What?
You’re welcome!

@Black
I understand! LOL The sad part is that there are some women who would get turned on with the visual of you cutting the grass with your daughter in your lap. And you’re only moving at about 3 mph…not like she can’t walk you down! LOL

Thanks Chelsea. Just speaking my opinion there.

@songbird,
relationships arent a fight with mike tyson back in the 80′s as Reina makes everyone believes it is. It’s long and drawn out and should go 12 rounds,and hopefully it will be a tie so you can lace up n do it again.

Time is too valuable to me to just let something go so easily after investing so much time,patience,attention,effort and putting your heart into a relationship.Many people do talk the talk but they rarely walk the walk , when your tired of the b/s you don’t talk about it or make idol threats of leaving you just do it when you get to that breaking point.I’m going to share something I was n a relationship for 6 years , he messed up and got a another female pregnant,it broke my heart but at the same time I felt as if I invested all this time and energy and we were engaged, he didn’t show any interest in being with the female she was just easy and made it easy for him and he got caught up.I eventually left him alone on MY terms, because I out grew the relationship.Its easier said than done to up and leave someone you have build something with and had history ITS TAKES TIME.So I agree with Black

@T-Moe
and u combine that with an alarming death rate of guys around my age, along with imprisonment skyrocketing women around my area dont give a damn. They see a ring,they see less hassle

@black – LMAO!

@Reina – U go girl

@T-Moe
and u combine that with an alarming death rate of guys around my age, along with imprisonment skyrocketing women around my area dont give a damn. They see a ring,they see less hassle

@ black

I’m not replying to you anymore because you do not debate or discuss. You judge and assume. I’m not bitter. I have a low tolerance, and that doesn’t come from experience because as I have stated, I’ve been cheated on once. I’m “alone” by choice, darling, not circumstance. Furthermore, being single does not mean alone. It just means I’m not committed to anyone, not that there’s a shortage of men wanting to commit to me.

“I’m “alone” by choice, darling, not circumstance. Furthermore, being single does not mean alone. It just means I’m not committed to anyone, not that there’s a shortage of men wanting to commit to me.”

Preach…lol

@songbird

ur welcome! Thank YOU for putting it so well

@ FG

I think I’ve cursed more than usual on your site today, and I sorry. I don’t want to get your site blocked at anyone’s jobs.

@lyrical
thas all im saying,hell my ex had a GIRLFRIEND since hs and she didnt tell me(even tho i had suspicions), screwed my boy that stayed down the street when i was gone to school,then she goes away and has a relationship. Out of all that i kept everything on and popping simply bc she was all i knew,and I had put ALL my energy into US

@Reina,
thas fine

merry xmas

ugh…im bout to explode over here

so if someone cheats…and you find out…

are you staying because you LOVE them…

or because you don’t want to feel you’ve wasted your investment?

And don’t say both because one HAS to outweigh the other. Humans dont feel any emotion equally…

love isnt an investment?

I realized something a long time ago, and I want to hear some opinions. Why is it easier to start a relationship with a woman you’re already sleeping with than it is to approach the woman with the relationship mindset in the beginning? It seems that as soon as some women know you want a relationship, she puts on the breaks, plays the good girl role, and holds out on sex and everything else. Some just flat out run! LOL

@T-Moe
think that was a discussion awhile ago.lol
Never minded me any,if someone thought holding sex out would make me respect them more were surely mistaken.Could care if u screwed me within the first 5 mins,to 5 yrs. If i dig u i dig u if i dont i dont. Simple as that

@Chelsea to put it simple it was because of time invested and knowing his heart,and the time I felt like It would have been time that I have wasted if I just up and left without trying.So … I tried,it didn’t workout I moved on

@ black – I don’t think that’s what Reina is saying. She’s just saying that she expects to receive what she gives into a relationship. And that should be everyone’s expectation. but as I said before, there are levels to what people will and won’t tolerate in a relationship. And there’s no room to judge anyone on their choices, because every person and every relationship is different. What I would accept from Joe is different from what I would accept from Dan is different from what Reina will accept from Bob is different from what Chelsea will accept from Bill and so on. And although Reina’s words may be interpereted as she’s a hard-ass, black&white no gray allowed kinda person, I really doubt that’s how she approaches relationships. She’s human. No one does. However, when single (and I am as well), you do start with the bar pretty high… I’m not going into a relationship where right off the bat I need to make more concessions than there are benefits to this union. And like I said before, as time goes on, you build a foundation, and then as life happens you make decisions on how to move forward taking into consideration your past, and what the future could hold. But if you have any self respect, as Reina says, you will recognize there are just some things are instant deal breakers, no matter how much time and effort is invested in the past. Beat me and put me in the hospital and I can’t forgive that. Sleep with my friends and family, I’d rather take a step backwards in life in order to take 2 steps forward in the direction of my health and well-being.

@black

love is definitely an investment.

but most people directly think of things like “we been together 6 years…we have 2 kids…we just signed a new lease…i lost my virginity to her…my mom/dad/aunt love him…” etc

make sense?

@Black

Didn’t mean to be redundant…I’m still new. lol I agree, I don’t put a time limit on attraction. Society has a double standard where women are concerned, but they get caught up just like we do.

@Reina,
even tho you despise me my words were not meant to offend my apologies

@songbird,
I understand what your saying, but I personally am cut from a different clothe b/c I’m a diehard loyalist always have been. So you guys “instand deal breakers” to me dont exist in my world. But then again I pick and choose EVERYTHING close to me wisely/carefully/meticulously/etc. so that I wont be put in a situation to have that instant deal breaker. Bc I know myself and I would be pressed to handle it accordingly. Maybe thas why I’ve only had 2 gf’s ever, I only have 3 5 friends,all of which ive known for 15+ yrs etc. Im a pure loyal person

i aint tryna step on nobody’s toes here…

but to answer a question with a question @t-moe…

what happened to sex being something that COUPLES used in order to take themselves to the next level of commitment and so forth?

It used to be that you met, dated, bonded and then had sex…now u meet, have sex and then sit around and figure out if you want to keep each other around after the sweat drives and hte urge to smoke a cigarette wears off…

@T-Moe: I have no idea. Many guys say it doesn’t matter if a girl holds out on sex or not but I think with most men if you have sex too soon they are sometimes like ‘Mission Accomplished’ and you are left looking dizzy wondering what the hell happened. It is way too confusing. Wait too long and I’m being paranoid about it. Do it too soon and it makes me a whore. All these damn rules! Can’t handle it. Legs closed. Chastity belt in place. Locked twice. Combination unknown.

@chelsea
i dig it luv. I guess what im saying is its an educated investment when u get into it. What you speak of is just the icing on the cake, and not the cake itself. You already know exactly what that cake is made of so in my eyes shouldnt be any surprises, bc if there were than its something that shouldnt have been in there and can be removed.

get it?

“It used to be that you met, dated, bonded and then had sex…now u meet, have sex and then sit around and figure out if you want to keep each other around after the sweat drives and hte urge to smoke a cigarette wears off…”

touche Chels…

@chelsea

(looks at my size 13′s)lol
was that directed towards me miss 2-piece

@black

Im fully aware that all that is the icing on the cake and that that stuff is conceived out of love (well…supposed to be)

But…those material/tangible/etc things are the things we think about first, talk about the most when the ish hits the fan and leads me to believe that we stay with ppl who do us wrong (myself included, on both sides) because of the things we’re USED to more than the feelings that we have for them.

Ppl be like “dawg…I let her move in my house, I tolerated her country ass mama and I paid all her bills and THIS is how she do me?”

Right?

@ Lyrical

Your statement just reminded me of when a pseudo-Christian lie, commit adultery, steal, etc and then says “God knows my heart.” Seriously? Actions speak louder than words. Always have, always will. And in no way I am judging your situation so please don’t take it that way.

I believe we all sell ourselves short in life in some aspects. People stay in a job because they have good retirement and the fear of being unemployed although the job is giving them ulcers. Rejection hurts. Failure hurts. Sometimes, for the betterment of whatever, it’s necessary to compromise, sacrifice. And you can do both while maintaining your pride. I tell my women (I run a domestic abuse shelter for those who don’t know) nothing is worth more than you and to apply that POV to everything.

Some people can forgive cheating. Some can’t. Some people can forgive being called by someone else’s name. Some can’t. I’m not some soothsayer nor do I play one on the internet. As Songbird says (and thank you lady), everyone has tolerance levels. I’ll admit mine is lower than most. I’m opinionated, stubborn, independent, strong-willed, and occasionally wrong. But hey, lol, I always says it takes a man with bigger balls than me to handle me. (And no, I’m not trying to be a man, date like a man, have lesbian tendencies, or any other inanity someone will take from that last statement.)

no Black…but maybe if your feet weren’t so big (13? damn) i wouldn’t step on ur toes, intentionally or otherwise. Move em out the way! lol…

@miss & chelsea

Ive talked about it before but I can speak in regards to me. In my personal experiences I used sex to heighten my relationship,not as a way to bond. Bc what if the sex isnt up to your satisfaction? Hence why a womans abilities in bed were a determining factor on how I progress with her bc in fact sex is a VERY important piece to the relationship puzzle imo.
But in terms of myself, I never ever ever thought sexing a woman was mission accomplished bc sex is something thats enjoyed overtime,and not just a one day special type of deal. But it used to make me cringe to hear folks say “im gonna make you wait etc.” thas fine. well why we’re waiting I’ll be sexin so n so,bc sex didnt mean that I thought any less of you.

@ Black

I don’t despise you. I’ve agreed with you on occasion. I just recognize that you may have not encountered someone like me. But that’s the brilliance of the internet. I don’t judge you or make assumptions about your life. Never will, and I don’t appreciate when you do it to me.

@chelsea
stuff said out of anger,and i dunno about most but after anger dies off(a little) u start thinkin of all the good ish that was there

@chelsea
man my mama n brotha say i got canoe feet.lol
my daughter love jumpin in my timbs

@Ms. Miss
When a man is really digging “you” then it doesn’t matter. When I was immature, I used to judge women for giving it up too soon. I would always asked myself, “how many times has she done that?” But now I know that things happen. I’m more concerned with how you act in between the sexcapades. Can you hold an intelligent conversation about current events…and not just what’s going on in Hollywood either. Does she have a good attitude? Is she as flexible and giving as I am? And if she can cook…sh*t I’m sold! LOL

and why you mentioning my two piece Black? A sister can’t take a pic before she hits the beach?

@reina
was no hard feelings
(another one of my flaws,i hate when others are upset with me)

@Reina I agree with you totally that is why I mentioned I left the relationship on MY terms IN MY OWN TIME,you live and learn.I became a woman after that situation, I became stronger mentally/emotionally and learned how to handle certain situations.Its a lot of things people go through to learn more about themselves and others and to get where they are suppose to be. Some situations happen for a reason I just choose to grow from it rather than become bitter.THATS LIFE love is not a easy thing and so many people do not even realize it

ok so the sex is just another way for you to judge if she’s a keeper or not? has any of you guys ever run into a truly celibate woman? Black, T-Moe…w

here the hell is Tubbs, and1 grad, Preston and the rest of those losers? Why they be leaving you guys to suffer thru my blabbermouth? lol…

-nothing wrong with it @chelsea
i just cant post my pic before i hit the newd beach tho.
FG may put me on blast like he did M.houston.lol

@Chelsea
Unfortunately, the game has changed. For years, I was the dude that did things the way you listed them, with no success. When I switched it up…it was on & poppin’. The light came on for me when I met chic who told me that she would let the respectful “husband material” type dude take her to dinner…sometimes he might even get a kiss…and after he dropped her off…she would call another dude to come tighten it up. Nice guys finish last!

@ Lyrical

The guy that cheated on me, that actually wasn’t the worse of what he did. And I probably should’ve left sooner. No, I definitely should have. But I was young and innocently optimistic. So when I did catch him, all I felt was relief actually. I guess it was my using that as an excuse to do something that should have been done months before.

@chelsea,someone who is abstaining would not be the one for me. Sex is a big part of my life and we could be friends just not on that level neither now or never.once we’ve became friends thas it.So i guess I would never mess with a woman who isnt sexually active,seems like she’s doing something for herself at that particular moment in time

T-moe, about the good girl thing…if a woman wants to be in a relationship the ultimate end to that relationship in her mind is marriage, and who is going to wife skeeze? So, yea she may slow down on the kinky stuff that she did when ya’ll were just Fbuddies.

@T-Moe
i dunno about that one seems like when your out n the field u have to play on both sides of the field in order to captivate a womans FULL attention. Yea you can be a nice guy, but not show weakness when shes around.

I did notice one thing about a particular group of women. Women who are in authority positions at work, in what i’ve seen hate to have to do it when they get home. Literally this woman i used to date was in command of 1500+ workers majority male(white males at that) but when we hung out she wanted me to be in complete and full control of everything. She believed in playing the background.

Ladies is that true to an extent?

hmmm…so if she was celibate then she wouldn’t get a chance

if she waited too long then she would lose out

and if she gave it up too quick, then she’s skanky and no one marries the skanky chick right?

wow…(insert bitter man bashing comment here)

@Reina , I understand completely when your young you just do not know any better and try to salvage things instead of letting go, when you get older you say I don’t have to deal with this b/s NEXT PLEASE !!!! lol

Some people period dont know how to keep F-buddies as just that F-buddies @what

i’m still confused by all of it. wait and he is just screwing someone else. too soon i’ll never get wifed up. abstain and we will never get pass the friend phase.

men have just as many gray areas as women. this prooves it.

@chelsea..

no luv thas not what im saying,im simply saying me and that particular person arent on the same wavelengths at that time. So we basically missed out on US. She’s being celibate which is great, but to me thas something that she’s doing,and Im this extra sexual type person and we just wouldnt mesh. We can be friends, but nothing more than that. Im not bashing her for what SHE wants to do,its just not in my forecast at the time

@Chelsea
The only celibate women I’ve known are the ones who reached age 30 without ever being married and no kids. They actually felt bitter because their lives didn’t turn out the way they planned. And they closed shop as a way of saving their bodies for their future husbands.

@What?
I understand…but it’s false advertising….the old bait and switch.

@ Chelsea

We CAN’T win!

@ Lyrical

Exactamundo! E-hug! For me, thankfully, it only took once, and it taught me a lot. Made me mentally strong and gave me recognition of my worth.

@lyrical

but as u get older that NEXT PLEASE ends up being a lonnng ass time in between the next time u find a decent person

@miss
lol
What im saying is,the only way i put sex as a factor in my relationship(when we are actually together) is if we can both grow together sexually. As far as spiritually/our sexual explorations etc. However if you sex me thas fine, I may or may not date you,if you abstain thas fine I may or may not date you. However bc u screw me, or make me wait doesnt mean i’ll like you any more or less

sooo….are we saying continue to give up the goods and tolerate more and more bs as we get older so we dont end up being the old asexual lady with the cats and zero man options?

@Chelsea thats a good question.Nobody should tolerate b/s just to have someone and not be by themselves.Its a no win situation for self respecting women I guess

chelsea being a crazy cat lady is looking good right about now…this is too much for me. but you know what Pat Benatar said, Love is a Battlefield.

@T-Moe
people need to stop thinking that Sex will keep,or reel a person into being with them. Its all about how that other person views them as a person period. So if a woman abstains thas great,she’s already n the only friend zone bc I want to respect her wishes and not try to stress her with my horny butt.
If a woman is a sexually open person thas great,however I’ll let her know us having sex doesnt mean that we’re gonna be planning the wedding anytime soon.
And if a woman is active yet wants to wait thas great possibilities are there. However that doesnt mean we’re gonna be planning the wedding anytime soon either.
I just never put sex on a pedestal like that except when i was actually IN THE ACT

@ Chelsea -

“It used to be that you met, dated, bonded and then had sex…now u meet, have sex and then sit around and figure out if you want to keep each other around after the sweat drives and hte urge to smoke a cigarette wears off…”

You know what happened? The sexual revolution! Women found out about orgasms and said, “HEY! I want a piece too!!” LOL

I’m a very sexual person and choose to use it as a way of expressing my feelings and emotions. Though I am VERY selective of who I bring into my life (friends and lovers alike), if I choose to lay down with a man early on (don’t think it’s often, cuz its NOT) its because I truly am feeling who they are and what they’re about (and probably too cuz I’ve been holding out for so long, feeling like imma burst!). So if a dude judges me and dismisses me because of it, c’est la vie. He wasn’t worth my time. Cuz a real man would know, understand, and respect me just the same.

@ songbird

*stands on her desk applauding*

@Black
I’m not controlled by the “P” either. If I’m really digging the woman as a person, and she exudes all the qualities that I like, then I don’t mind waiting. If the woman wants to genuinely take things slow..I’m cool with that. But I’m not cool with the ones who use sex as bartering tool…coochie for a ring.

chelsea im not saying that whatsoever. and this is a woman who taught me this btw,that when u allow sex to be put on a pedestal it causes undo strife between people. Just look at it,you all already believe u cant win bc “your damned if you do and damned if u dont”,however if it wasnt on a pedestal as we’ve put it on you’d shrug your shoulders and say w.e.
Hell it was women who passed on me bc of the conversation we’re having now,did we remain friends…hell yeah. Could we have hung out later if both of our philosophies changed hell yea,however it didnt but i didnt think any less of them as people. They were just at a different junction in life than I was,and i totally respected it and still do.
But this is just me, i cant speak for every other male. This is the way i was schooled how to think,not to judge women if they are the overzealous sexual creatures,or docile in the bedroom. But to choose the person who bests fits your mold n roll with em

@songbird

DING DING DING DING DING

exactly what my big sis told me. I was fresh n college and talked out the side of my neck about her sexual exploits,and she said THE EXACT SAME THING…..changed how i view sex/life/women

well since everybody else told a story, i guess i’ll share mine.

I was engaged to my last ex for almost 8 months while planning this huge friggin wedding…then, i found out that he had been having a whole secret LIFE with another woman…they had joint accts, credit cards, etc…stuff that was way too personal. I seriously seriously considered staying with him cuz he treated me well (besides the double agent life), took care of all my financial needs and would give me attractive kids and a stable home (military guy) and let’s face it, guys don’t wanna get married nowadays so maybe no one will ever ask me again. Plus I had a $2800 ring that was beyond gorgeous.

Then i realized it would never change and I would be one of those wives that had all the titles, but not the man. So I left his ass…now, if I had the mindset that Black may like us to have, i would be married and miserable, but I’m better than that and I know I deserve a TOTAL man…not just on paper.

@T-Moe
thas the woman i’m speaking of,if its used as a tool i want no part of it. if she just takes life like that in general than we can roll.bc my wife is an animal n bed as am i,however she is just extremely meticulous how she does EVERYTHING. so i understood then,and now why everything just takes a second longer to happen

For the MEN, what makes a woman fully worthwhile of u being completely faithful to her????

“I did notice one thing about a particular group of women. Women who are in authority positions at work, in what i’ve seen hate to have to do it when they get home.”

Can’t speak for all women, but yeah, I get like that sometimes. I’m the one making decisions+running the show @ work, that when I come home I like it when my man says, “hon put on that black dress and the red pumps I like and imma take u out… i got this… ” and I can just ride shotgun for a minute. Might seem a little sexist to want to fall back, but sometimes it’s what makes me feel like a woman… if that makes any sense.

@chelsea,
if you really believe thas how i think than you totally misinterpreted what i’ve been saying. We all have to use a little common sense here. Blatant disrespect is just that, blatant disrespect. Like my case was hell she had a live in man, and a GF and her fam knew about it.lol
So i packed my then 6month old child up in my cadillac and we rolled out

@songbird

according to these women that a man coming out and saying that should be shot on sight by a firing squad. how dare he try to run her

smh

@what
when you have a woman who pushes you to be a man,not just any man but THE MAN my god you dont want to dissappoint her at all.

No Black, I KNOW you mean that there are some things that you just stick it out for, but like you mentioned earlier…I invested a Sh*tload of time, energy, and love in that relationship and he didn’t reciprocate. Some things you just can’t work out and sometimes you just have to realize that you may end up being the cat lady…but you’ll still have your self-resepct!

@What?
We all have our individual preferences, and I could give you a list, but it really would answer your question. I could meet a woman who meets every requirment on my list, but if I’m not mature enough and smart enough to appreciate her and treat her the way I’m suppsed to (Ephesians), then there’s really nothing you can do. It comes down to choices. You have to make the right choices. And stop writing off the nice guys because you claim you feel safer with the ones you’re attracted to. Don’t think a nice guy won’t empty a clip on someone who tries to hurt his family.

“Just look at it,you all already believe u cant win bc “your damned if you do and damned if u dont”,however if it wasnt on a pedestal as we’ve put it on you’d shrug your shoulders and say w.e.”

Really? If I gave into sex on all of the occasions I was really feeling a guy and had a deep sexual attraction to him, I would be titled the biggest freak around. Its not realistic to do that because that same sex you males say aint that big a deal is the same issue you judge us on. Let’s be honest!

@what?

“wouldn’t answer your question”

typo

i dig that chelsea, like the old sayin goes you cant pour syrup on shit and try in call it pancakes. He was a no good punk,like my ex is a no good heffer. And like no good folks they’re like pubic hairs. You can clip em/laser em/wax em and they still try to weasel their way back. just gotta keep on keepin on

chelsea,im being honest as a heart attack. Some males believe if a woman screws shes a whore, some women believes if a woman holds out she’s a saint. And i think both sides are wrong bc ive encountered some great women who wouldnt touch the majority of men with a hundred foot pole yet would screw you if they wanted a PARTICULAR person. And have met whores who’ll make you wait,just like theyve made 987087 other guys wait at the same damn time.lol
Thas societies doing,we are in a patriarch society lets not forget yall.

Ok, thats good to know. @Black, what if she pushes him so hard and he gets intimidated or discouraged cause he doesn’t want to diappoint her…maybe thats when what T-moe commented kicks in, HIS maturity right?

@black

ok…that’s all i needed. You guys are a bunch of walking, genital scratching contridictions just like women! lol..i feel so much better now that the world is right and Black has been on the same page as me!

@What and everyone else for that matter…start taking responsibility for your own actions. Stop playing the victim. It’s not always the other person’s fault. It’s easy to blame other people and say they have issues, but there are times when our own bad habits ruin our situations. Check yourself!! If you keep doing the same thing over and over…you’re going to get the same result.

And on that note…I’m about to roll out to kick off the weekend! This was fun, but I can’t make it habit. If I had any work to do…it wouldn’t have gotten done today! LOL Until next time…Peace!

It’s all yours Black!! LOL

@what
then he/she needs to step down,dont waste their time. fear alone will make folks strive for success, i know fear does that to me.

lol@chelsea
yea, who woulda thought that they’re trifling men and women out here.i’ll be damned

@T-Moe
nah no time off this week,spoiling my three women this xmas so daddy workin it out

hush black you know what she is saying! just yesterday one of you XY’s said that men are black and white with no gray areas and this debunks that theory.

@Reina

I did it! Black has proven a point of mine! Lol…you may have just restored my faith in the male species (sp?) Black…

uh…ok. No, but you were close! lol

@Ms. Miss

yes ma’am!!

He did?

I gotta go read, started to actually do work. We should probably archive this.

@miss

we’re talking about calling a spade a spade. a no good mofo is just that, a no good mofo

o brother chelsea

dont ever name your kids names damn near the same, i cant call the right one their name for the life of me

damnnn

speaking of no good, I can’t even tell you how many of my friends and family members advised me to try and make it work with my ex-fiancee…just because Black women marrying successful Black men is rare…

right. Ya’ll chickens marry him, and when he brings you home some type of incurable STD, remember how ‘great’ your life is and deal with it, cuz I ain’t got time for that mess…

I do miss my ring tho…dammit

o wow chelsea
go buy ya own hun

@black

i know it sounds bad, but he did bless me with some nice lil ice…lol…its not that serious. And it was the most sbstantial thing to come out of that relationship so excuse me if I reminisce about it every now and then.

@ Chelsea

That’s not shocking, babe, but I am SO proud you made your choice for you.

I really wasn’t expecting this topic to get over 100 posts

@ chelsea – sounds like an episode of Girlfriends I saw the other day. Joan was all mad at this friend from school that “stole” her man and was still bitter to the day, sayin what a good man he was, she was supposed to be the one now married to him with the house & kids etc… then she saw the friend again and she said that “good” man gave her AIDS. SMH.

Trust, the ring ain’t worth nothing if you don’t have what it represents. Just keep tellin yourself that when your finger starts feeling naked

songbird I cried that episode of girlfriends. damn you CW for cancelling my show!!!!

and Chelsea did you HAVE to give the ring back? It was a gift. One with resale value…

@ Reina – well, we definitely took this topic in a million different directions than was intended, LOL!

FG — yeah, you might want to look into some sort of forum format… could help keep posts together, and easier to follow. These are turning into full-on conversations, not just comments anymore!

BTW… love how through all our chatting on this post, the only thing you share is a comment about Seattle! LMAO! Still luv ya tho!

@songbird

Honestly, buddy was a pretty good guy at first (or so i thought)…he made me feel loved in a way I never had before…hence the reason I agreed to marry him (and stress myself out planning my perfect lil wedding)…

but he also was a schemer beyond belief…and everything positive he had done for me (and ahem…TO me…hehehe) just wasn’t worth it when I found out about the other woman.

Ppl were like “but he made you #1 Chelsea!”

BICTH! I want to be the ONLY one, not #1 of many, you stupid ass women! I swear, we’re in sad times wher you are coaxed to stay in relationships just becuz you need to ‘hold it down’ for others. Not me. I’d rather be lonely, broke and have my fingers butt naked for life then be in a loveless, trustless marriage just for the status.

@ songbird

I just read your blog “I know you mean well, but STFU already.” I like it. I like it a lot. It’s like I wrote it. I’ll definitely be checking your site more often.

And oh, I adore Jon Stewart, too.

@ Chelsea

See? That’s when the “Slap A Dumb Broad” movement is helpful.

@Ms. Miss

yeah you have to give it back. I saw it on Judge Mathis one day… (love the judge shows…they help me guide my legal decisions!) An engagement ring is a gift given contingent on the promise of marriage in the future. Once you decide you aren’t going to get married, the gift has to be given back to the person that purchased it. Which was his ass…

So I couldnt keep it. Ho hum…(looks at ring finger longingly…tears)

@ Reina

where the HELL is my shirt then? I can’t just go around SLAPPING broads all willy-nilly…I might get arrested by one-time! I need a shirt to declare my actions!! lol…

@ Reina – thanks! I’ve definitely been neglecting my blog… gotta show it some love… especially if I know people are lookin at it

@ Chelsea – I feel ya. Was in the exact same situation as you. What’s your ex’s name? LOL! But you’re right about giving back the ring. And honestly, I don’t miss mine anymore. Granted it’s been 5 years since I gave it back, but if I think about what if I still had it, it would stay in a box cuz I wouldn’t want to look at it and be reminded of the lie it represented. And yeah I coulda sold it, but I wouldn’t have gotten much for it anyway. Him out of my life is worth more than that. Just keep tellin yourself that… and think about the phat rock the next one will give you – that actually means what it represents (plus y’all will be older, and most likely more successful, so it’ll be much pretter, hehe

@songbird

you know the crazy part. I honestly dont miss him as much as I thought I would. not even when it first happened. And his ‘other woman’ still hits me up in various fashions to say how much he makes her feel like she doesn’t compare (newsflashs B*tch..cuz u DON’t)

but I am really really leary of romantic relationships of any kind at this point, not to mention marriage. And I’m sorry that happened to you. He wouldn’t happen to have been in the military would he (ur ex?)

lmao…

@ Chelsea – no military. Ok, phew, different people LOL!

Glad you’re doing well with it. Funny about the ‘other woman’. I hear thru the grapevine that my ex’s wife (who I last caught him with when we broke up) gets confused for me to this day. Makes me chuckle.

It’ll take time to trust again, but you will eventually. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but you’ll definitely be more aware, and tho you may be more guarded the man that’s able to get thru the wall will be one hell of a lucky man once he does… I know I find myself much more appreciative of a good man after all I’ve been thru. And I’m THAT much more selective of who I even bother to share a minute of my time with as a result. Hard lesson, but I think a good thing for me in the end. Forced me to see the need in raising the bar and demanding more respect for myself. Good luck hon!

You two are nuts.

@ Chelsea

I’m working on the shirts, chick. I gotta Obama elected first! Songbird, you are our new BFF.

Chelsea your story is very typical of many relationships with military men. I dunno why but I have had things similar to your experience happen to many female friends.

damn that just shuts the door all over me. whatever, guess i’m be homies with the XY’s.

Miss
I don’t know what it is about the military (cuz I was a memeber too…thats how we met) that makes you want to get married. He had been in a while longer than me and he was older..nearly 30, so why he was STILL playing these games is beyond me. But you’re right…military relationships are something to be EXTREMELY careful of…those guys are something else. I don’t reccomend it to anyone, personally.

@ Reina. Yay! Do I get a shirt too? We can be like the powerpuff girls. only cooler. and smaking around dumb broads who stand in the way of good women!

@ Ms. Miss

Lo siento. I was talking to Songbird at the time, but of course you are! You were part of the Slap the Broad thing.

i see the XY’s skedaddled for this convo…(checks clock)

I guess I will be too. Got to get the weekened started!

hey this forum is full of besties. I get the impression that we’re all strong, determined career-women with plenty of opinions and emotions that we don’t hesitate to make known. We’ve all been wronged, but we’re woman enough to know when to pull out and how to keep effin trucking. That makes us all besties…

did I just sound like a Lifetime commercial? dammit…I got love for ALL you chicks…BFF’s for LIFE! (frowns at her own corniness)

Oh yea, lol. I need a shirt, button, bumpersticker, and posters Reina.

bff club?

What are you guys the Get Along Gang? (Am I the only that remembers that cartoon?)

If so, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mffBVAwsr8Q

@ Chelsea – that was great. And yes, that was a total Hallmark commercial during a Lifetime movie. LMAO! But I co-sign that sentiment.

Gotta love the guys too… they keep it entertaining

How and when did I get nominated for handling the merchandise?

@songbird

please, please don’t encourage me

I love the guys…they’re the reason I neglect(and risk) my job to come on here everyday and lay the smack down!

@Tubbs

where you been homie? You missed it…Get Along Gang? (confused look) Is that anything like the He-Man Woman Hater’s Club? lol…

You started the movement Reina, so you handle merchandising. Unless you wanna delegate?

@ Tubbs

Um, yeah… Even when I was 5 I knew when I saw extreme corniness. I was watching the Smurfs, Woody Woodpecker and Tom & Jerry instead.

It was corny, but my 2nd grade teacher always had the books on her shelves. It always stuck in my head. But that’s what the Bffs for Life Club sounds like to me.

I’m scared to cross you guys now. Afraid I might get the Care Bear Stare.

Yeah, who’s creative? Because I’m not. I can’t design smack. I can write the regs and stuff.

Tubbs what the hell is a Get Along Gang? And you XY’s have seemed to form an alliance too

I nominate songbird….if you can sing and write blogs, I BET you can create a sh*tload of stuff…I expect the prelim design on Reina’s (cluttered, no doubt) desk by Monday at 0930…

lmao…

@Ms. Miss,

I’m older than 22, but not that much older

@ Tubbs

I LOVE the Care Bears. I have two huge CARE BEARS in my condo right now that someone gave me years ago. Haven’t been able to part with them yet.

It’s not cluttered, Chelsea. It’s just being re-organized.

Tubbs lol Care Bear Stare?

@Ms. Miss

i concur…they even TAG-TEAM on us like this is the WWE or sumthin…tappin each other out and all kinds of foolishness…

“Go head and get em for me Black…a bruh need some lunch” – blaze

“Don’t worry, bruh…I’ll hold you down”-Blackfujones

hmph…sounds like an I Love Money-type alliance if there ever was one to me!

not true

lol! I’ll take a stab at it… this’ll be fun… what’s the “official” name again?

Reina
@ Nisha & Chelsea

And I want to smack those girls. HARD. There is nothing complimentary or respectful about being referred to as such. I blame such females because they’re part of the reason when a real woman asserts herself, she’s a b or thinking too highly of herself. We just start a movement. “Slap A Dumb Broad”

Reina’s post from the other day. And “SADB” was born! lol

@ Chelsea

You’re right. They DO tag-team on us.

We love ‘em regardless.

Tubbs, don’t act like you dont know what we are talking about. You know about the XY Alliance.

XY Alliance does kinda sound like a WWE tag team.

alright I gotta actually work the rest of the day. have a good weekend folks! i want stories on monday about something constructive you did this weekend

COUGH***reinamakingshirtsbuttonspostersflyers***COUGH

Alright, people. It is 6, and I’m heading home. Well, to my hotel room, I’m in DC for a few days for work.

@ Ms. Miss:

I promise to do something very constructive as in flirt with DC men. I’ve heard GOOD things.

Ciao, peeps.

I surely didn’t see this earlier…well I know not all men cheat but I’ve gotten use to the fact that I’ll prolly be single for a while so I’m looking in to getting a puppy (cats are so old school, lmao)

guess i wasn’t very positive huh? lol

@Reina
How long are u DC? Holla at me if u have time for a drink.
Blaze1717@aol.com

Guess I’m the only one who works those 14 hour + days

@blackfujones… not at all

And why are the posts showing up as “Saturday” when it’s still “Friday”?

Ok So I’ve been pondering the same damn question…. CAN A MAN BE FAITHFUL”

And I will say this…. Absolutely!!! But he has to know what he wants and be satisfied and know that the person your in a relationship with is not going to be perfect. There is no suck thing (thats why I hate the perfect 10 label or Dyme) And thats there is somebody out there that IS ALWAYS GOING to be better looking than the person your with. So once a man realizes that then he can be faithful!!!!

What I dont understand is why do men get into a relationship when they know they havent got the single life out of them yet. It makes no sence for two people to be in a relationship and they both cheating or just one person is and neither one wants to call the relationship quits!!! That’s not healthy.

Just the other day My male friend and I were discussing this very same topic and this is what he said.

He said He was wit his BM (babymother) for three years and after the first year he was Bored with her Pu$#%. So I said ok what did you do??? He replied he started cheating then i said you didnt even think of all the ways you could fix that boredem. I gave him examples like telling her he is bored and wants to try new things or etc. I was like how is somebody supposed to know how you feeling if you dont let them know.
Then he said the dumbest thing to me… he said he doesnt know if he can ever be satisfied with one girl and her vagina!!! Then I said how do you plan to be married???

Another thing that caught me off guard was this….. It was this show on VH1 called ask Lil Wheezy ( Lil Wayne) and one emailer emailed him and asked this ” Can I still be in a relationship with my woman and cheat on her and tell her me cheating on her has nothing to do with how I feel about her”

Well i went off for that damn question then this is what lil wayne had to say

“YES… this can happen…. if you love her you love her just because you may cheat on your woman by having sex with a woman… doesnt mean that you dont love her. See when your having sex with that lady (jumpoff) there is no feeling involved its just trying to bust a nut) but when you have sex with your wifey (Woman or girlfriend) there is feelings in that.

So im like ok… well i thought love wasnt supposed to hurt so how can lil wayne and dudes out here who think like him actually justify cheating like that????

You are an exception! If most women and men looked at life and their relationships like this, the world would be a much better place. We all know temptatation is out here but it is how we deal with it that matters. Treat me like you want me to treat you, period. I get alot of attention as well and I do not put myself into situations that would make me overstep any boundaries. That is how much my relationship means to me. I just with more people cared enough about their partners to carry it like this at all times.

I think thats true if a man cnt be honest from the start its no need to even think about starting a relationship with that person.Personnally I wouldnt even waste my time,I think thats whats wrong alot of females there scared to be alone! Ladies dont jump into a relationship just to be with someone you have to first love yourself, if yu cant love yourself whoelse will?

Yea I dont think every man cheats but its really hard to find a good one.I mean every guy is not perfect because he isnt god! But finding someone who meets your needs is a good one.I would say be patient good things come to those who wait!