Who Deserves The Blame?
Sep 23rd, 2008 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Perspectives
Comments (49)
There seems to be an ongoing debate as to who deserves the majority of the blame for the many relationship problems that seem to plague all people: white, black, red, yellow, man, woman, gay, and straight. And while you may possess a very passionate position on the subject, it’s important to listen to the perspectives of others in order to form an educated stance. With that being said, today’s opinion poll finds us asking the all important question: Who’s to blame?
Cast your vote below, and then explain why you feel that way. I’m looking forward to the discussion as this promises to be more spirited than the time I helped Aretha Franklin try on a pair of skinny jeans.
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I voted both sides.. . A relationship requires communication and full participation from both sides and if one side is not giving in any area then its up to the other side to communicate that to them. And decide what and how much of something they are willing to deal with. Because a person will only do what you allow and ignore.
I’ve made my feelings on this topic VERY clear on twitter. You will NEVER have a healthy relationship between two damaged people. And the reality is a completely healthy individual would not seek out or be in a relationship with a damaged person to begin with. So what does that tell you?
wow…yeah this one is one for the masses.
Both parties are responsible for the path of the relationship. If one is not putting in their 110% then the relationship is one-sided and it’s up to the other party to express this and then it’s the job of both to get it back on track. No one person is responsible for anything in a relationship. You gave that up when you decided to be committed to each other. It’s a “partnership” now, and you both are at fault if it doesn’t go right.
I voted both sides. You can’t just point the finger at any one person.It’s the doing of the the two people in the relationship.. And in most cases the problems could have been avoided if someone spoke up or said how they really felt.
But most times it’s the man’s fault, LMAO!! Kidding Kidding..
I think the woman deserves more blame. The reason I say that is because most women hate admitting their faults. They are much more comfortable blaming everything on me, which is a big problem in itself.
@B.C.
I agree with you. A side that can’t admit their own faults leads to the downfall of any relationship. Shame on you women.
I’ve only dated men, and I’m not going to blame myself so…Men are to blame.
LOL No, I have to agree that it’s both sides. Compromise comes easy to no one, and jealousy comes too easy to every one. And most times, people do not say what they really feel because of fears of rejection, belittlement, etc, therefore leading to a breakdown in communication.
Seems like a bunch politically correct answers to me. If women thought that both sides were really to blame, then there wouldn’t be as many “Waiting To Exhale” movies out. I honestly think you ladies look at us like we’re the enemy. It’s like that movie Sleeping With The Enemy..LMAO.
hmmm…i dont think its fair to say women can’t admit their faults when men can’t take responsibility for their wrong doings and infidelities. Men lie until Jesus comes and flip every situation so that the woman is left feeling guilty for daring to call her man on his BULLSH*T!
@Chelsea
I think women do have a problem admitting their faults. So I agree with Tubbs about the movies. And let’s not forget about the books, blogs, and everything else that women come together on to bash men. I never hear them talking about what they need to improve on.
Men. It’s always the men. LOL
@Davey Boy, B.C., and Tubbs
I aint gonna say nothing about it, but who’s bashing who now?
@ Tubbs:
Don’t project. If you’re feeling like the suspect, it’s probably because you’re guilty. Don’t blame your conscience on us.
Like I said, if women thought men were the enemy, we wouldn’t still bother with you.
And if we’re going to bring entertainment into this debate, there are plenty more songs denigrating women than there are of women attacking men.
And why should we admit to faults that aren’t there?
@Davey Boy
I would never sit around and say that I’m a perfect woman. and woman in general HAVE a lot of faults that play out heavily in relationships. But to say the failing of a relationship is solely the womans’ fault is ridiculous. Men have blogs about us too…give me the url to one man-based blog, give me the title of one book, one movie, whatever you can come up with that aspires to bring men together in order to say “lets commit and love ONE woman…let’s say forget about the free, fast sex we can get without any work…let’s make stable homes for our children and families”…just one!
And you just proved my point…men will flip a situation on that ass in a HEARTBEAT! lol…
@Reina,
You can’t compare songs denigrating women to the male bashing outlets and support groups that men have. Calling someone a whore because she has whorish tendancies or calling someone a bitch because they are being bitchy is totally different from painting all men as dog, and blaming us for all of the problems in a relationship. Your last statement “why should we admit to faults that aren’t there” proves my point exactly.
In an ideal world both parties will put in 100% but that’s just not reality. Someone is always going to put in 65% while the other puts in 35%. So with this question in mind, who’s to blame now? The person who doesn’t give the relationship their all or the person who allows that type of behavior? Personally, I believe men are at fault, but that’s just my personal opinion…
@Fresh
Why do you feel that way?
Oh my, goodness, the last part was a joke. I’ve already admitted that both sides are to blame. I am not going to state that men are to blame, but I’m not going to allow you to just say that women are at fault.
Numerically, there are more women than men in this world. Therefore, if a relationship isn’t working out, you guys could bounce without worries that you’ll find another chick. Whereas, us women, we are more willing to work at a relationship and tolerate BS because we know how dry it is out there.
@Fresh
You’re sooo right. Whoever aint puttin in that 100% is the one to blame. Usually its men…they’re neglecting us, playing Madden all day, staring at other women, leaving us to wake up at 2am, 4am, and 6am every day to feed the babies, finding every excuse in the world to go play ball with the guys, complain when it’s OUR nite to go out, never take the time to get interested in an activity that WE like but bitch and whine cuz I don’t give a damn about why you need an entire party to watch the stupid DRAFT, and complain cuz we ask for a date nite every now and then.
But let me nag for you to help with the housework, ask you to just tolerate my friends and parents for a few hours every week on Sunday (ur homeboys come over damn near every nite to watch football on our big screen..its called a sacrifice!), cuddle with me tonite instead of having sex and remind me of how sexy I am to you even when I’m not trying to be and all of a sudden I have FAULTS?
GTFOH!
*sits back and eats popcorn*
*rock eyebrow @ Fresh* a man saying men are to blame?? hmm
whoops a daisy….mybad Fresh…lol
@Bahama…only you…lol
I know!!! i’m over here killing myself laughing…
I find it interesting that she would say, whoever is putting in less is to blame, but then she slips in “Personally, I believe men are at fault, but that’s just my personal opinion…”
That seems to contradict the first notion. I know plenty of men, including myself, who have to put in and give way more than the woman. And the reason that we have to is because 99.9999 percent of all women think that men are shady, and we have to go above and beyond to prove that we aren’t. That right there makes women more at fault than men, because most of us aint gonna sit around and wait for you to give us this series of test like we at the NFL draft combine. After a few instances of being put to the test while you just sit there all angelic, most men bounce, or get with someone who aint stressing them or being all high and mighty like that.
when men start doing the things that women do for love, then I’ll say that they aren’t too blame. I was trying to be fair and diplomatic with my original answer, but now it’s time to take it there. Women will fight for a love, even a tiny sliver of it, until she can’t fight anymore. Men will trade you out for a chick that sneezes better than you.
A woman (not all of us, but enough of us to inspire the damn Lifetime Movie Network) will tolerate lying, cheating, domestic abuse, outside children, a WIFE, habitual cheapness, low bank accounts, no oral sex, a crappy car, horrible clothes, loser homeboys and stupid karate flicks (oh I could keep going, but really..do I need to?) for her man.
Let a woman even consider something her man wouldn’t like and she’s kicked to the curb or treated like she comitted a crime against humanity until HE feels that she has redeemed herself accordingly…lol
Damn, Chelsea, I was trying to be as PC as possible. You know we have to approach the fragile male egos in an non-intimidating way, but you took it there. And well, I just…I must agree with everything you just said.
Not all women think men are shady…Most but not all.. And I think you fella’s are getting it wrong. You guys are coming at it like your the victim or something, when in reality it’s females who get messed on. Not saying that there aren’t males also but for the most part it us.. you do a survey of 100 women 95% of women will have a a man did me worng story..You do the same survey for men the numbers will be lower.
I’m not a man hater and I don’t want to come off as such, but men have soooooo many faults that they refuse to acknowledge, so sometimes it takes being brash and attacking that ego to shrink them down to size. I have been at fault (cheating, etc) in a few relationships that failed…but oh have I been done wrong by more than a few humans with penises in my time. I’m just saying…don’t call the kettle black, boys…
Chelsea brought up some really good points. I think women are more likely to fight to save a relationship and put more effort into it than men are. Men are quick to drop a chick for no good reason at all. I blame it on men always wondering if the grass is greener on the other side and then acting on it. True, sometimes women allow men to get away with negative behaviour but strong women won’t allow it. Both sides should know what they will and wont tolerate in a relationship and just be honest with each other. It’ll save a lot of unnecessary drama at the end of the day.
My Man@Tubbs
You hit the nail right on the head,however I’m reluctant to just blame one side. I can’t say its solely women,bc were the ones picking these crazy mofos so basically were to blame as well. I think everyone knows my feelings on relationships. I believe women have a wayyyy differentapproach to dating/relationships as opposed to men.
So women are not to blame bc they tolerate more,pretty idiotic if you ask me. Either u stand for something or u fall for everything. I mean you have women who put you n the friend zone for umpteen years before she decides u should start dating then get mad @ you for saying I’m cool I found someone else. Lol
Wow women I tell ya,and I’m raising two future women as well. God help me.lol
When I read this article I didn’t think there would even be anything to argue about…
Guess I was wrong.
You get into a relationship and you become a team. If the team fails it’s both of your faults. There’s no way for the Laker’s to lose but Kobe still win. The whole team loses…
Blame men and women. Blame shaq and kobe…
@ Preston:
Well yeah but…the men started it! Go check.
I picked both. I can say that many of my relationships ended because of behaviors the man displayed that I didn’t agree with but I am to blame also because of red flags that arose and I ignored them. Many men and women love the idea of the bad boy/girl relationship and try to rough it out hoping to transform them into the perfect mate. They both usually fail.
@Preston,
That was a good analogy, and an interesting way to look at things, but when it comes to a relationship, the same doesn’t apply. Even on those teams, the high road, or the ultimate team player will equally take the blame for the loss, but we all know that it comes down to who made the mistake. On a sports team, you can’t point the finger, because you have to go back and play another day with this person. So your analogy would apply only if the two people stayed together. I could be wrong, but I don’t think that’s what we’re talking about here. When it’s time for people to part ways, there is a definitive reason, and 9 times out of 10, one person deserves more blame than the other.
I think once you start pointing the finger, you automatically become wrong. I agree with you, Preston, that one person is often more wrong (I wouldnt say 9 out of 10 but whatever) but you cant unilaterally say its ALWAYS, or even more often, the woman, or the man’s fault.
That should be Tubbs, not Preston.
@Tubbs
The issue was never that one person didn’t deserve more blame than the other. I tend to believe that one person may have started the foundation crumbling, but the other party has a responsibility to do what they can in order to save the relationship. The issue most of us had was that we (women) were being blamed for the MAJORITY of breakups that happened. Not realistic not true and not a correct statement. We need to start polling folks and then speaking on concrete results…lol.
But a good healthy discussion between adults is always welcome.
No matter how WRONG you men may be!! lol…that one was for you Blackfu…
How can one objectively say who’s to blame or how much the other person is to blame? It depends on which person you talk to and which relationship you’re talking about. Most times, the underlying reasons for a break-up involve both parties.
Chelsea u better be lucky your cute you and ya ornery buddy reina,or I’d be fussin at yall all day long.lol
No seriously this topic is hard for both sides to swallow. I believe when its broken down it is specific areas where both parties are horrible at. So both are to blame question is at what facets of the relationship do they stink
Black,
hey…if it takes being cute to help me avoid hearing a man’s “blah blah blah” in my ear all day, then I’ll be that! thanks for the compliment. Me n the bestie ‘preciate it!
I am new to the site but, I think it is on both parties.
FG: you should have waited until Friday for this one,we all would have a drink to calm down. Now you know we all will be debating about this the rest of the week.Lmao I’m going to take the safe way out and say: “I’m pleding the 5th once again” . Its too many issues that men and women BOTH have THATS ALL I’M GOING TO SAY.
FG: you should have waited until Friday for this one,we all would have had a drink to calm down. Now you know we all will be debating about this the rest of the week.Lmao I’m going to take the safe way out and say: “I’m pleding the 5th once again” . Its too many issues that men and women BOTH have THATS ALL I’M GOING TO SAY.
O hush chelsea
Well I must say I believe its on both parties. I’ve been in my share of relationships where I was the blame and like the women stated ended it thinking the grass was greener on the other side. Yet I have been in relationships where I fought and fought for it to work out, even after finding out she cheated on me and had a baby, but in the end things still didn’t work out. So I wouldn’t say all men are cowards when it comes to relationships Like My Mom told me Anything That is Good is Worth Fighting For.
Communication is key if you have a problem with me let me know. Also, if you say you’ve forgiven a person please don’t bring it up any or everytime something is wrong.
Wait, wait, wait.
I’ve been in a meeting all day. Can’t believe I missed this?
Black? You gave me a compliment? What you setting me up for?
Gracias, senor. :-)
Lol@reina
Believe it or not I dig all the women who frequent here. Very fresh,open,cool,etc.
Hear that Reina? he ‘digs’ us…there’s hope for you yet Black…lol…just kidding. its all love!