After reading a letter I don’t see where the father is NOW trying to get back with the mother. He was when their daughter was a baby, and that was wrong, but without a letter from him, I can’t say that he didn’t grow up and didn’t realize the error he made.

This letter is from the mother’s point of view, and I say all of this as a single mother myself. I know women once scorn do vengeful things in the name of “protecting our children” when subconciously we’re taking out our last bit of anger on the man who hurt us.

If this woman is not careful, she’ll only end up hurting her daughter and herself. She says her new husband is a father to this girl, do we have any proof the 4-year-old would see it this way? Can we be sure that she isn’t afraid her husband is upset by the return of her ex? I’m not calling this woman a bad mother, because heaven knows I can’t stand men who walk out on their children.Yet, I’m also a woman who has seen enough to know women and mothers aren’t always as selfless and protective of our children as we believe ourselves to be.

Lastly, if all the facts in her letter are true, I still support this letter girl being allowed to know her dad. For better or worse, he is her father, she’ll have questions about him and she’ll need to see him in onl a way he can provide. She seems blessed to have a mother and step-father who can counteract whatever negativity he biological father might bring in, but lets remember we don’t know this man and he might not bring any negativity.

When its decided that children should be placed with their mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, fathers whomever, you never know what they’re going to get. We expect that each one will provide the child with the possitivity and structure they need to become productive adults, but their isn’t a law or golden rule that declares women or mothers only know best!

I’m 32 and I love my daughters, (ages 5 and 2), their father and I are not together, we “deal” with each other maturely and purely for the sae of our daughters. We are painstakingly careful they do not pick up on our personal history and the feelings that result from that. He is not perfect, nor am I, but when I look at my girls, listen to their little conversations, and watch them grow, I know thanks to the both of us, they will be better than him or me, and as a parent that’s all I can pray for. I want them to look at their parents with love and admiration but also with understanding and motivation.

I’m a believer that in order not to make the same mistakes twice or generationally, you have to see the mistakes for what they’re worth. Not sugarcoat them, life isn’t how we’d like it or sugarcoated.

For “Decisions to Make” however, the situation is different. I’m concerned about the mental and emotional abuse. If he may truly bring her harm, then he should not be allowed into her life at this time. When she is old enough you can explain this to her, and then she can make her own decision about pursuing a relationship with him.

In time when that child becomes mature he/she will be able to make that decision

I hear what you’re saying bruh, but I do have to respectfully disagree with you in this scenario. Mainly because this guy keeps trying to use the child as a way to get the woman back. That’s not someone who wants an honest relationship with his child…that’s someone using the child for personal gain. When you add his pattern of behavior on top of the fact that she doesn’t even know him, I think that she can be spared the drama at this point.

Not saying that she shouldn’t be given the right to know him when she’s older, but at age four it’s not necessary to introduce this new person. As a parent, you don’t necessarily lie to your kids about certain things, but at times you do make choices about things that they don’t need to hear or know about. I think that this is one of those cases where that rule applies. If the daughter already knew the father, then my answer might be different. But she doesn’t, so I stick by my answer.