4 5 and 6 killin me lmao

but 8 and 9 are even funnier lmao

Some of the ones in the book were wild. What’s up Chrissy. Long time no hear. I know I’ve been gone for a minute.

yup FG, and you KNOW i be needing my ‘fix’ lol i am @ peace now… glad ya back…

lol…yeah, I’m back and better than ever. Needed to get out of the country for a minute and just breathe :-)

hmmmm. I don’t think men have a database of lies they are waiting to tell the women they encounter. it’s mostly improv.

“database of lies”

That’s pretty funny Ms. Miss. But according to this book, if I’m in a sticky situation, I can just pull out lie #73 and peace will be restored. You haven’t answered the question I asked though. Neither one of you. What are some of the most outrageous things that you’ve been told in the past? I need you guys to get it out of your system so you won’t feel offended when I do the woman version of this list. ;-)

so FG you needed a lil ventilation i take it lol

and Ms.Miss why i am mad you calling it improv lmao it’s soooooooo true cause my man just be saying random dumb crap and expect for me to just go with it his improv skills are great, i tend to tune all that BS out tho….

These aren’t really outrageous but:

Sorry I didn’t call back sooner, I’ve been busy…

You would make such a good wife (said by a married person)…

I’ll have to think of more…

My ex sat in my face, lied to me about some simple shit. Then went on to LIE again and say, “babe.. i wasn’t lying, i just omitted the truth.”

lmao

hi everyone! although i’ve been visiting the site for a while i’ve decided to finally get involved…so here goes: when my ex finally decided to tell me that he had cheated on me (had sex with someone else), he tried to tack on “but i started to feel really bad about what i was doing so i didn’t finish” at the end of his play by play of what happened… seriousy, tho?

oh yeah, and number 6 by far is the worst on the list,lol…and FG, now i wanna know what #73 is. =]

1.No, I really do like your mother.
2. I did not have sexual relations with that woman ~ made famous by a certain president.
3. Nah that wasn’t my ex girlfriend that was just a figment of your imagination matter fact you look a lil pale, i think your seeing things you should go lay down.
4. I figured you wouldn’t want to come with me to the party, it was a bunch of fella’s there anyway.
I could go on but i’ll be nice LOL and #9 is the funniest.

How about an all time classic: I’M SORRY (could be about anything) I’LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN BABY. Or she’s just my homegirl from way back when.

One of my exes, the biggest liar of them all said to me, I don’t think the baby is mine because she slept with all my boys (which was true) and I think she raped me (that was the lie). *blank stare*

good to see you’re back!

I got a few…

1.) I just wanna see you…i miss you. We ain’t gotta do nothin’.
2.) I couldn’t come see the baby because I was in the hospital for a week…with a cold! (real talk…lol)
3.) I’m just getting your message…
4.) I do construction work…(translation = I ain’t got no job)
5.) Man I can’t stand her. I really want to be with you though…(translation = that’s the chick i’m wit but right now i need some)

I could go on and on but I’ll give someone else a turn

0h…

6.) Sorry I didn’t call you (text or email you)…i fell asleep early. (right…right)

ok i’m gonna stop now…lol

Oh I forgot the other one; I’m a real ni99a I don’t need to lie. What I gotta lie to u for? Knowwadimsayin (oooh I hate knowwadimsayin)

Here’s one I just heard not too long ago from a guy I had just met:

I really don’t have sex that often. I haven’t had any for a long time.

I suppose this was said to get me to give him pity sex.

1. How about after they get caught they hit u with “I lied to protect you”.

2. It wasn’t me.

3. That’s Craigs _____. I let him hold my car or spend the night @ my crib.

4. She’s my ex and/or some girl that just likes me. She just hating on us, she’s jealous of what we have and wants to break us up.

5. It was just that one time.

6. I didn’t hear my phone or nah I didn’t get a voicemail or text. Towers must be down

7. I had to go away get my mind right. Ur an amazing woman and I could’ve fallen for you but at that time I wasn’t ready. That I just heard yesterday. Gave him the hand wave like shoo fly shoo.

Omg with the mess males come up with, FG you’ll have me on here for days.

1. An ex-bf told me “I had to have sex with them to see if I was in love with you” :-0

2. After hearing them going at it, I rang my fiance’s doorbell, chick ran out of the apartment, he stood in doorway sweaty, smelling like “badussy”, and said, “It’s not what you think.” (he’s an ex now)

There are oooooh so many that I could tell….

1. You’re the woman I asked God for
2. When I look at you I see my daughter in your eyes (in reference to a future child i guess he intended us to have lol)
3. I love you

A personal fav: I lost my mind and decided to check his voicemail (childish retaliation, since he’d done the same thing). Some girl called and said “hey baby, call me when you get this message.” This jackass tells me that his god sister (who’s like 12) and her friend were playing around and that was probably them…..right.

*coming thru for the 1st time*

here’s mine…

Who told you that they saw me at the club? That’s a damn lie! I was at Earl’s house!!!

LOL

@12kyle
‘ppreciate you stopping thru bruh.

@ Sequoia’s fav I’m just smdh. Now that’s some new next level bs. Males could be so foolish @ times.

im gonna have to go with bammys number 4

I only lie to you because I love you and I dont want to hurt you

You have everything Im lookin for in a woman

She living wit me but were not sleepin together

I didnt tell u I went away for 6 days to my fam reunion cuz i didnt want u to get mad

im gonna move otta moms crib as soon as i get on my feet

I’ve heard #s 3 and 5 OFTEN. As for my own offerings:

“Baby, I’ll still love you no matter how much weight you gain.”

or

As one of my exes so eloquently put it “I only cheated for you. I knew you weren’t feeling well and didn’t want to bother you.”

I have heard number 2,4,9 the most but like to hear #9 when I am with my FWB because it makes me laugh so hard I cry.

Todays Oprah: Why men cheat? As if we don’t know but hey indulge me.

-o brother FG

@Blackfujones

Yeah bruh I know. I opened up the door. But I’m going to come back with the other side soon, so we’ll see if there is the same enthusiasm.

fine I will answer!

I forgot to tell you that I was married because I don’t like talking about it.

That really is mine in the picture.

I only have one child.

and OF COURSE theyll call us right back, and we are the one for them, because we understand them, without forgetting theyve never felt this way about anyone else.

@FG
man i’ll be waiting for the flip side to this.bc i have 89709798 of em

most famous one…”i dont have a job bc im in school…which really means i stay wit my momma and im trying to see if u gone take care of me”

Oh, let me count the lies…
1. I was at my homeboy’s house 9til five in the morning) playing video games.
2. I’m not having sex with anyone (but can never answer their phone after 10 pm and they have condoms stashed in their wallet, dresser, car, etc.)
3. I’m not married (ring still on)
4. I didn’t just say (insert another woman’s name), I said (insert something ridiculous that sounds like the other woman’s name) because (insert stupid explanation)
5. I don’t know why me and my exes broke up - I looked up and we weren’t dating anymore (translation - I’m a sorry excuse for a boyfriend, and really only want to hit)

wow…avid reader…new commentor

lies men tell? I’ve had some doozies:

1. I didnt tell u bout my 3 kids n one on the way cuz I wanted you to give me a chance (after I had found pics of him n the kids n the numerous mothers on myspace n then asked him about them to which he said they were his nieces n nephews…right)

2. Ok baby…she gives me money, sends me care packages, picks me up from the airport and lets me stay at her house, but I don’t even like her! (from my ex-fiance AFTER the girl in question sent me emails, pictures, IM’s and a copy of his flight itinerary and his SS#, bank card#, account #’s etc…the next lie was…)

3. Ok, we talk but we never had sex. I love YOU!

4. It was just sex. It’s not cheating

5. I’m at the boy’s house. We just chilling (really? cuz ur car isn’t here? n the boys moved a month ago!)

6. No, I didn’t get no dances at the strip club.

7. That’s my lil godsister’s number (really? Cuz she has the same name as your ex…n ur godsister has a phone at 6 years old?)

8. I’ve been trying to call u all day but it goes straight to voicemail, boo.

9. Naw u can’t come over…I’m bout to go to sleep n my mom’s here. (by mom u mean wife right?)

10. I’m single.

@FG, can’t wait ’til you follow up with the second entry……..ooh whee, LOL!

How bout
“You’re the only one I want in my life”.
“you’re the only girl that turns me on no other girl turns me on like u do”.