This Is What She Wants

I don’t know…

My first thought was that it seems kind of selfish.

I mean all that is really nice, I don’t deny it, but that sounds more like infatuation than anything else…

i think it honest and i dont think she should settle until she finds the one who makes her feel that way and keeps makingher feel that way i wish u much luck

this just sounds like puppy love to me..i remeber that is how i felt when i dated my boy in highschool..it sounds good to want all those things but reality is it will only happen in her dreams unless she goes back in time to puppy love days…

I have always felt the same exact way.I want to also love unconditionaly , that is the tricky part.

why i think this is going to inspire me to write what i want out of realtionship/love?

But like someone said above it’s kind of selfish ( not that there is anything wrong with that) but I always thought love was a 50/50 kind of thing. Would she be doing all that back?

I think love is a selfish thing. You don’t want that person to share his/her love. You just want it for you.
If I found a love like that, I would be selfish as hell too.

ummmmmm love stinks lol

I agree with Kanisa it does sound like and infactuation.Love is not all about butterflies in the gut and all that other stuff, yes it starts of that way but real love goes through test,love can alter,and disipate.You have to caution the way you give your heart out , just can’t be giving away freely.You get hurt those butterflies will be replaced with nausea,sweaty palms will be replaced with tears from wiping your eyes.Not to sound like I don’t believe in the type of love anymore, its just you have to realistic.

I’m just wondering if that is possible in this day and age. It all sounds foreign to me

I agree that this is infatuation, but why can’t it start this way? We know true love blossoms into something else & these feelings fade, but what’s wrong with wanting to get excited when you first start dating someone? And let me say, my parents still to this day talk about how each other still gives them goosebumps… granted not to level of when they were 20, but there’s still a spark. I think there’s nothing wrong for wanting this, as long as you understand that it’s just a phase.

But honestly, if you never feel giddy around the person in the beginning, can it really turn into anything special down the line? All my experiences and friends I’ve seen who didn’t quite get that schoolgirl infatuation off the bat with their man ended up in a loveless relationship out of convenience (cuz on paper he’s a good man, but there’s no passion or spark btwn them). Is that supposed to be better? Sounds to me like a prescription for some cheatin’ goin’ on.

@ Brenda- I do think it’s possible. It’s easy to get jaded by the past to believe it’s not possible.

BTW…what’s up everybody. Hope your mornings are going well.

As far as it being selfish, I think you have to put what she wrote in the proper context. Her list was “what I want” from love. Not “what I’ll give to love”

So of course, it’s only going to be about what she wants to receive. I would only hope that someone would give that in return if they asked for all of that.

And about love being selfish? Peep this exerpt from Leonard Peikoff’s “Objectivism: The Philosophy of Ayn Rand”:

“We are often told that love (like the pursuit of truth) is selfless. A “selfless love” would be one unrelated to the lover’s own life, judgment, or happiness; such a thing defies the very nature of love. “A ‘selfless,’ ‘disinterested’ love,” writes Ayn Rand, “is a contradiction in terms: it means that one is indifferent to that which one values.” Here again the truth is the opposite of the conventional idea. The egoist is not a man incapable of love; he is the only man capable of it. “To say ‘I love you,’ “as Howard Roark observes, “one must know first how to say the ‘I.’ ”

And anyway, the question posed to this girl was “what do YOU want from a relationship”, not “what do you want to give.” So of course her answer would be 1-sided.

It is possible, rare, but possible. I know, I felt all of the above for 2 years. It’s over now and we remain great friends.Will I ever love or be loved like that again? I can only hope and PREY!!!

This is definitely possible and it reminds me of what I experienced with my husband in the beginning of our relationship. He restored the innocence I lost when I got my heart broken by my first love. It does stay this way forever but have no fear, if nurtured and cared for, the bond will mature over the years so that even when the butterflies are not an everyday occurrence, you will still have those moments when you look at each other and think “that’s MY MAN!!!” I’ve been married for almost 7 years and I think the biggest thing is to continue to remind one another why you married each other and not someone else. That takes effort as you settle into life, family, career, etc. but it should always be there. I think that’s where most people get lost, they mistakenly believe that you’ll always feel like the above and that your relationship will grow without any effort or work and that’s just not realistic. You have to make time for the relationship like you do anything else worth having in your life.

You can have it. I believe it.

BE CAREFUL WHAT U WISH FOR!!! And try to protecr ur heart…thats what I’d say

I meant protect

Lol.
This sounds like me and my ex-fiance when we were 15 yrs old. Lol. It seems the majority og women want this feeling yet reality always smacks em n the face. Sometimes I believe its bc women are ill-equipped to find a decent man. But that’s another topic FG

I can’t believe how pessimistic you guys are being! This is what I want, or at least 60% of it for my next love. I believe it is possible because I have seen it for others. Great relationships don’t just happen and manifest themselves you have to build them.

These people are crazy!!! I feel like FG’s friend IS being realistic! Who’s to say she wants to much or that it’ll never happen. There is nothing wrong with infatuation and butterflies at any age. Whats the difference between loving someone at 15 and loving them at 35? Love is love. I can honestly say i have majority of these feeling about the man in my life and i’m 22! So what? Have more faith in love. I know its really hard sometimes but if you think about it…its what we all crave. We all need and want love, why else would we go through the crap we go through? I love the poem

Call me foolish if you want, but I yearn for those same things. I think it’s unfortunate that our past experiences and the society we live in today has made many of us so cynical and guarded that the possibility to have something as special as what was described can be a reality. Sure, it sounds like puppy love, but why wouldn’t it be possible to actually nurture this feeling both you and your loved one share for years? Relationships require dedication, patience and love that has to blossom daily: I don’t think that what she yearns for is that far-fetched. If you don’t feel those butterflies in the early stages of your relationship, when will you ever feel them?

why me and blackfujones gon have to fight up in here, lol what you mean we ill-equipped???? go head and explain i’ll wait….

Blackfujones, u just contradicted yourself, how can u say that woman are ill-equipped to find a decent man, and yet ur ex-fiance found u!!! Are you not a decent man, I believe u just said that you are not, so i guess i answered for you, lol

Being that this is the type of love that I give on the reg, I think this is possible.

@ B.C. SHUTUP!! lmao

I believe it’s possible. I know a couple that’s been married for over 25 years…and they still get all silly and giddy over each other like when they first met. That’s a special type of love…

LMAO @ Chrissy..always starting something..

She has every right to be selfish. It’s HER wants. I hope you find someone who fulfills those desires and settle for nothing less.

I’m with Chrissy. Blackfu, what do you mean by ill-equipped?

All of this is possible…for about the first few weeks of the relationship. Then you get use to each other. And then you begin to miss that butterfly feeling…and then you begin to look elsewhere to get it. Truthfully, many of the things listed just do not happen in a relationship that isn’t brand new. Sounds like she wants the fantasy instead of the reality. But that’s ok, she should just know that it won’t last forever.

LMAO @ Chrissy..always starting something..

^^^^^lol you know me Bammy, gotta keep some excitment going, besides B.C. is my new cyber buddy so he cool, lol and blackfujones, i gotta school him on a regular it seems like but its all in a days work…..

I think it is possible to feel that way. And in special circumstances it does not have to be in the beginning. I have only been with my man two years but I feel that way about him. When we first met I really wasn’t looking to talk to him, I was just bored. Now I absolutely love him.

@ Bahama With you asking will she be giving all these feelings back, shouldn’t be a question because she could be doing everything for him that he is doing for her but he could just not feel the same way. And it doesn’t always have to be things they do intentionally but just the way a person is can make you feel all giddy inside. It all depends on the person and their all around attraction to other person.

It reminds me of Alicia Keys’ song on her last cd. I can’t think of the correct name but she is talking to her man saying let’s go back to those days where we were first dating and getting to know each other. I think that if people remind themselves why they are with someone and remember when it was good then they can have those wonderful things (if that other person is on board also).

I’ve never really had a problem feeling that way….(particularly with the guy I’m dating now.) The problem that I’ve had is wanting the guy I’m with to feel (and show!) that he feels that way as well. Women are notorious for wearing our hearts on our sleeves and loving HARD….I just want someone who isn’t afraid to show that they’re head over heels about me too.

I can honestly say I feel that way about my Fiancé, I am 29 years old and We have been together since 2004. I can’t say that I have felt that way the entire time but relationships has it ups and downs. Like that Tamia song “still”. For a person to feel this way about another person the love has to be that agape love. Love with no conditions.

I think her wants are beautiful and realistic. I have that love in my life and was fortunate enough to marry the man who has made me feel that way since the 10th grade and fortunately he is a great guy who deserves and gets all that in return. Knowing everything I know and I’m sure knowing everything he knows, definitely means it takes a lot of trust to allow yourself to love and be loved in that way. I trust him and our love and it’s soooooooooooooooooooooooooo worth it!

TOTALLY possible!!!! True love will last forever. Look at your grandparents or great grandparents that have been married for 40 and 50 yrs….Nothing worth having comes easy but once you get it you want to keep it forever. Now a days the younger generation is lazy and they dont want to work for the love that they claim they want. This generation is quick to turn their backs on each other because it doesnt not benefit them right then and there. But know that once you grow and mature your going to wish you had that special someone to spend your days with. Find someone who you love to talk to because when sex is a thing of the past communication will be all you have left to hold onto. I HOPE SHE FINDS THAT LOVE!!!

Sorry guys I was away so I couldn’t get my daily bashing by reina and chrissy. When I say women are ill-equipped to find this type of love I mean they are ill-equipped by default due to a sort of “white picket fence “theory I have. And I brought up my ex bc it was just that puppy luv “we were together eight yrs 14-22″. The women I encountered were so caught up and mystified just like FG’s buddy that reality never seemed to have any room to exist. So basically he or she is always living n freaking la la land and never accounts for the ups n downs of relationships. Me I don’t live like that,I’m n love head over heels for my wife however I allow a helluva lot of room for reality bc I know she lives n la la land most times bc she’s a woman.

I think that her interpretation was only showing the side that she was feeling, that’s not to say that she doesn’t understand love involves more than just that. The fact that she mentioned jobs and responsibilities shows that she knows there is alot more involved. It sounds like she has been hurt or disappointed before and wants to believe that she can live and love past that.

I wonder if men feel that way. I have never heard a man say he got butterflies when a woman walked in the room. Perhaps that’s just not manspeak, but I wonder if men have the capacity to feel the same way about love as we women do…..hmnnnnn