The Financial Lies We Tell

Funny this should be the topic of discussion. I feel like I always have some type of story to tell. Anyway, my bf has 3 other children separate from mine 2 of whom he has to pay child support for(they live out of state). Well he recently received a letter informing him that he needed to make a payment, I asked him how much the balance was he kept beating around the bush so I took it upon myself to call the automated line and use the pin that I created(that he knows nothing about) to access the cases well i checked the balance and the last five payments and it turns out that there have been no payments made since feb. so it was only right that I confront him on the issue because i have been lenient on him because i thought he was sending the money off. well my question was where did all the money go and his swears that he really did send it in. that right there was grounds for termination. As for B,C, and D I would be upset about that but I would get over it because those are things that I actually could see myself doing. As for E, that would be a mojor problem but thats something that I would stay on top of myself, even if my significant other told me he was paying the bills I will still check to verify for myself.

money is the root of all evil, i really truly believe that now…..

A & B are something I’d possibly do so I could forgive those.

C & D: I believe in full disclosure. Why keep those things secret? Marriage is a partnership. And if it affects my credit score, I need to know about it.

E: This would be serious, serious trouble. Why is he missing payments? Where is the money going?

@ Cherish … so how have you resolved that first issue with him?

@ Chrissy… why do you say that?

@ Reina and Cherish … instead of having things separate behind his back, why wouldn’t you just tell him that’s what you were doing? Why the need to keep it a secret?

@F.G
Well it isnt fully resolved yet I am in the process of moving on. I feel if you have to lie to me about money that is used to help take care of OUR child I dont need you in my or my sons life. The only money I ever ask for is to provide things for my son so if you cant do the little shit like that than its nothing you can do for me.

I’m not keeping it a “secret.” I’m just avoiding upsetting him. See? I’m doing a good thing. It’s all for his benefit.

@ Reina… wow…you know for a second, you almost had me convinced.

But that second has passed…lol

In my relationship my partner felt like if I had it then he had it. Its not really about me trying to keep things secretly but if you drive me to that point where your selfishness towards me and my situation doesnt matter than thats what I have to do. My “partner” knows of one of my accts where I keep my money to pay bills and everything out of. About 2 wks ago he got paid $225 for a job and he gave me $20 from that job and gave his grandmother the other $200 (thats a whole nother story in itself), my rent is $550 he told me if you have more than $600 in your acct then Im gonna need some of that money. He checked my acct and I had a balance of $696. He wanted half of what I had left. I wouldnt be getting paid for another week and a half. I had to use that 140 to buy groceries, gas, pull-ups for my son and whatever else I may need until I get paid again. He did not take that into consideration at all, all he knew was that he wanted that money cuz he didnt have any. So you damn right I have 3 other bank accounts hold the excess of my cash.

@ Cherish … yeah, that seems to be a problem that will continue to rear its head within your relationship. Some folks, both men and women, have a tough time learning how to step up and handle the real responsibilities of being both in an adult relationship and being a parent. It appears that he hasn’t figured out either one yet.

A. Lied to a spouse about how much was spent on a major purchase..a minor violation of trust?

B. Made a major purchase for himself or herself and hid it from their spouse. depending on what the purchase was this would be my answer… major violation of trust between spouses but not grounds for divorce

C. Had a bank account that was kept secret from the spouse…a minor violation of trust

D. Had a credit card that was kept secret from the spouse…a minor violation of trust?

E. Failed to pay bills on time and didn’t tell their spouse about it…a minor violation of trust?

Cherish if yo’ story ain’t me and my husband, lol and you right i would never be that way if he hadn’t drove me to it, i just look @ it like i gotta look out for me when it come to money cause all he look out for is him, he will do the same shit get a lil side money like say 300 bucks, come give me 50 and think he doing some shit, but let me have 300 he automatically think half is his, we went back and forth last year bout school clothes for the kids, not some other dudes kids Cherish, his, mine and his, but i gotta beg him to help me buy em????? it’s crazy man but hey it’s life ain’t it….

I guess that’s why I am single. The thought of having a man be responsible for paying household bills scares me. Plus I don’t want to have to ask someone about making a purchase for myself, major or minor. I work hard, if I want something, I should be able to get it without having to hear anyone’s mouth.

kay, thats y u get a joint account for bills and then u have ur own accounts for frivolous spending

i think A was minor and the rest major

for it to come to divorce it would have to be an ongoing problem that the person in question has not tried to resolve as well as other things

@Chrissy
Its funny because they think that if you can handle it on your own than u should handle it on your own and Im like its not that i dont need help Im just not gon let my child go without nothin

@ cherish you right, i KNOW i can handle it on my own, it’s just not fair that i am expected to give when i got, but you can’t do the same, i have learned tho to put my foot down, and tell him know, like if he ask for 20.00 bucks, i am like nope, cause when i asked you for 2, you went off so i can’t so it……lol pathetic i know

nope but the way they act causes women to be petty and spiteful

Okay if we are struggling money wise then all them things i’d have a problem with, but grounds for divorce? iono, marriage is thru thick AND thin..so we’d just have to discuss and work thru our issues. But E is something i would get HIGHLY upset about, that is just wrong! lol

Okay…
I’m new at this (commenting – not the site becuz it’s too cool to ignore)!

A&B – MAJOR violation but not enough for divorce (til death do we part, right? lol)

C&D – pissed the fuck off, only times you have secret those is if you are spending money on some other hoe. You can have it separate if you want (I respect that), but not a damn secret.

E – he would get his ass hit, messing up our credit for no reason! and where is that money at? if he honestly forgot, and the money is in the bank then it could be forgiven and forgotten.

Persoanlly I dont understand why People Lie??? If you lie one has to keep lying to cover up the little lie you told in the first place.
And eventually that lie will get you caught up.

A Husband and his Wife should not lie about MONEY!!!!

why lie???? If you tell the truth the worst thing that can happen is Your significant other would be mad or upset…..right????

This is how I feel about Divorce and Money and Marriage and Money.

First If I ever get married im Sorry Im having my man sign a Pre-Nup. At first I thought it was bad until I’ve seen plenty of people getting screwed when it came to a divorce. Mind you Once I do find that right man Ima make sure I want to be with him for the rest of my life… but things happen and if we ended up getting a divorce I REFUSE TO HAVE TO PAY MY EX-HUSBAND ALL THIS MONEY BECAUSE OF THE LIFESTYLE WE HAD WHEN HE WAS WITH ME.

Thats pretty much saying “Yeah she made alot of money and we had the life… Im so bitter towards her ima take all I can for whatever she is worth. YAll readers might think im crazy but it Happens and I know it does.

Now these are my views on marriage and money.
I dont think there is nothing wrong with A Husband or a Wife having a saving account that their Sigificant other doesnt know about.
Why yall readers might ask….

this is why…. Prime example my mom and dad got married whe nthey were young and fresh out of boot-camp for the military. She was 18 and he was 21…. My dads credit was bad but not the worst so she helped him build his cerdit back up and etc only for him to mess it up again. it was like once she got his credit in a good status he started getting credit card offers and he opened up a few of them and just blew the money.

They even had a joint account they said theywould only use for emgergencies and that they had to let each other know if they used it. My father was always using the money and never telling her… so when they finally needed the money…. the account had less money than it should of had.

So even though that he highschool sweet heart she knows that my dad and money is a bad mix!!! He is getting better at it but she knew that she needed money on the side. becasuse her thinking was ” If both of us have bad credit how can we ge tthe things we want. At first he was upset but the nhe got over it cause he knew she was a better money manager when it came to her and their money.