Fly Letters
Once A Cheater Always A Cheater?
Dear Fly Guy,
What are your thoughts on the phrase, “once a cheater, always a cheater?” If you know a man has cheated in the past, is there any reason to believe that he can now be faithful to you? Or is he destined to eventually stray—no matter how great you are to him? What are your thoughts? Should I get out now before he breaks my heart?
LA Angel
Dear LA Angel,
I don’t particularly care for the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater.” In my opinion, that’s like saying “once fat, always fat,” or “once broke, always broke.” While there are certainly cases when those statements do ring true, there have also been more than enough instances where those same theories were discredited.
From my own personal experience, I can admit that I was once a habitual cheater. At the time, you couldn’t pay me to be faithful.
But over time, something changed within me, and I could no longer bear the thought of hurting a woman in that manner.
In your particular case, it all comes down to his actions. He can’t simply say that he’s changed, and expect that to be the end of the discussion. Words without action are about as worthless as that autographed Sisqo album I tried to pawn a couple of weeks ago. So if he’s actively exhibiting the behavior of a man that’s turned over a leaf then give him a shot, cross your fingers, and hope for the best. Keep me posted.
The Fly Guy
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quietone
FG, thanks for your insight on this subject. I have learned the hard way that actions speak so much louder than words….always.
younggirl
I always hear people say actions speak louder than words but in this particular case how do you know what the actions are saying. Just because he cheated doesn’t necessarily mean he treated you poorly so how do you see the difference?
Reina
@ younggirl:
If he cheated on her, he did treat her poorly. Or are you saying that just because he’s cheated before doesn’t mean that he’ll treat this new woman poorly?
Bahama
The saying is kinda true if you look at it literally…you once cheated therefore you are a cheater.
But your advice is good and right, as usual.
quietone
Seems like she knows he cheated on someone else and is concerned that he will cheat on her too. And there’s no way to know whether he will do the same to her. All she can do is trust until he gives her a reason not to…and hopefully he won’t give her any reasons.
quietone
adding: …or she may decide that it’s not worth the risk.
dash
In FG’s interview with Chilli, she said that the God connection really helps a man be a man. Could it help an X-Cheater?
Tang
Great advice as usual FG. I think she should really focus on his actions b4 making that determination.
Fateen
I’m cynical I guess, because once you cheat, I think it’s in your DNA forever
Ms. Miss
I can say from personal experience that the first time I cheated I was like addicted to cheating. I cannot explain why I cheated so much but I did. Constantly for about five years. The only person I was ever faithful to was my daughter’s father and he cheated on me. Now you couldn’t pay me to cheat or put anyone through that type of betrayal. There are only three relationships i’ve ever had in which I never cheated.
So I think it does definitely take some time for a hardcore cheater to change perhaps being unattached for a while like myself trying to figure out what it is you are seeking through all these multiple relationships with others. As always, I like this FG.
Badazznell
If you’ve been addicted to drugs but are now clean; you’d be a former drug addict? If they really want to stay clean they’d refrain from doing drugs.
So why couldn’t one be a former cheater? Just becuz it was done b4 doesn’t mean they’ll continueoulsy do it. Its all about choices.
dollbaby
I’ve cheated before a few times. but then i just stopped the desire went away and i never done it again, and most likely never will. because i have seen the pain it caused my bf and loved ones that been through it…. my boo i am with now has cheated before and has been cheated on, but i trust him cuz i need him to trust me….some people do mature
younggirl
Hi sorry it took me so long to respond I was away.
When I say he cheated but he never treated her poorly I mean there was no signs of him treating her poorly. He did not have any suspicious behavior he was a wonderful boyfriend until he told her he cheated of course. She never would have known if he had not told her. Now if hes told this same girl he has changed what actions would she look for?