Letters To The Fly Guy
Aug 25th, 2008 | Author: admin | Category: Fly Letters
Comments (22)
(Note: I finally touched back down in Atlanta after some time in Los Angeles, and figured there was no time like the present to answer some letters from my mailbag.)
Dear Fly Guy,
I am a new reader to your site and I must say I absolutely love it. I need some advice and I know that you can help me. I had been dating this guy for a month. Everything was going smooth. We spent almost every day together. He was very caring and compassionate; we talked about marriage and kids—no subject was off limits. And then all of a sudden, out of the blue he stopped calling. I would call him and if he did answer, he would say “I’ll call you back.” But he never did. Today I called because I wanted to know what was going on with him, and this man tells me that he feels crowded. I am really boggled right now. My issue is that I am not one to crowd a man. So either he has another lady that he has taken a liking to, or he is just a sorry ass liar. So my question to you is how do you go from 60 to 0 in a matter of seconds? What is it with guys? Why do they play these stupid games?
Tired Of Games
Dear Tired of Games,
First, let me start by saying that I’m sorry. Why? Well for starters, I’m sorry that you found yourself involved with a coward. At the end of the day that’s all he is. There’s no other way to describe someone who’s afraid to admit that he’s met someone else. To me, that’s the only logical explanation for his sudden change in behavior. You’re obviously better off without him, as he wasn’t as invested in the relationship as you initially thought.
On another note, I’m also sorry that he has seemingly tainted your perception of men. We don’t all play games, and there actually are some good men still out here like myself, Morgan Freeman, and that one black dude from Color Me Badd. Oftentimes, it’s just hard to spot the good ones, as the bad ones have a tendency to impair your vision and cloud your eyes with cynicism. In time, it’s my hope that you can clear your mind of his cowardly act, and move forward with the full confidence of knowing that a good man is on the way. Good luck.
The Fly Guy
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Dear Fly Guy
I have come to realize that I have several issues that tend to hinder my relationships, but I do not know how to change them. I’ve tried for many years to make improvements and have even sought professional help. And yet I have not seen or felt much progress. I feel like I stand in the way of my own happiness. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the men I have chosen to deal with. Can you provide any insight on this, from a male perspective?
Losing Hope
Dear Losing Hope,
I pray this doesn’t come off the wrong way, but it sounds to me like you could use a boost in the self esteem department. My reasoning behind such an assertion was the tone of your letter. You seem to be unhappy with yourself, and as a result, you blame yourself for your current dating situation. While I’m sure there are areas in your life that you can improve upon, having such a negative outlook will never breed positive results. So before you do anything else, you need to work to rediscover what makes you special, and use that to begin the process of falling in love with you all over again. Over time, you’ll find that men will want to love you in the same way that you love yourself.
You see, self doubt (which is what you exhibited in your letter) is something that can be easily read and preyed upon. A lesser man can spot that you’re having doubts about yourself, and use that to his advantage. So don’t continue to torture yourself about everything that’s not right with you. At the end of the day, we’re all flawed and fall very short of perfection’s mark. So keep pushing forward, continue to love yourself, and remember that you are unique and beautiful in your own way. The rest will eventually fall into place. But you have to believe that first. Stay in touch.
The Fly Guy
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Dear Fly Guy
I am the type of girl who enjoys having casual sex without having to worry about the emotions that are normally involved in deep relationships. But recently I meet this guy and we have been hooking up for about a month now. The sex is AWESOME. I have never had anyone do me like he does. Besides that, we click on another level, because when we talk it’s like I am speaking with someone who has known me forever. He even tells me things that go on in his personal life that I don’t even ask him to share. I am so unsure if he wants more or if it’s just game to keep getting some. Oh yeah and we talk like every day. I am so afraid that he wants more, because I do not know how to be anyone’s girlfriend. It has been such a long time since I have been committed to one person sexually and emotionally. I just have to know if he want this to go further, or does he just want what I want, which is just a casual relationship.
So Confused,
Casual Girl
Dear Casual Girl,
Upon reading your letter, I began to hum the old Negro spiritual, “Slow down … I just want to get to know you.” You see, while the other slaves were singing for their freedom, Bobby Valentino instead longed for the everlasting bond of love—a concept that’s obviously far from your mind at this point in time. Fortunately or unfortunately for you (depending upon how you look at it,) it’s easy to find men that are willing to concede to your “sex and nothing else” demands.
However, this current guy that you’re dealing with is not one of them. He wants a relationship with you. Period. Your behavior with him suggests that you want a relationship too … whether you’re ready to admit it or not. My advice for you in the interim is simple enough: Be careful what you wish for. Your desire for strictly sexual relationships will eventually catch up with you. If you continue at this torrid sexual pace, I can’t promise that any man will ever take you seriously when you are ready to settle down. That’s just how we’re built. So if you continue to live your life as is, be aware of the dangers that may lie ahead. Be safe, and please use protection.
The Fly Guy
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