Letters To The Fly Guy
Aug 25th, 2008 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: Fly Letters
Comments (22)
(Note: I finally touched back down in Atlanta after some time in Los Angeles, and figured there was no time like the present to answer some letters from my mailbag.)
Dear Fly Guy,
I am a new reader to your site and I must say I absolutely love it. I need some advice and I know that you can help me. I had been dating this guy for a month. Everything was going smooth. We spent almost every day together. He was very caring and compassionate; we talked about marriage and kids—no subject was off limits. And then all of a sudden, out of the blue he stopped calling. I would call him and if he did answer, he would say “I’ll call you back.” But he never did. Today I called because I wanted to know what was going on with him, and this man tells me that he feels crowded. I am really boggled right now. My issue is that I am not one to crowd a man. So either he has another lady that he has taken a liking to, or he is just a sorry ass liar. So my question to you is how do you go from 60 to 0 in a matter of seconds? What is it with guys? Why do they play these stupid games?
Tired Of Games
Dear Tired of Games,
First, let me start by saying that I’m sorry. Why? Well for starters, I’m sorry that you found yourself involved with a coward. At the end of the day that’s all he is. There’s no other way to describe someone who’s afraid to admit that he’s met someone else. To me, that’s the only logical explanation for his sudden change in behavior. You’re obviously better off without him, as he wasn’t as invested in the relationship as you initially thought.
On another note, I’m also sorry that he has seemingly tainted your perception of men. We don’t all play games, and there actually are some good men still out here like myself, Morgan Freeman, and that one black dude from Color Me Badd. Oftentimes, it’s just hard to spot the good ones, as the bad ones have a tendency to impair your vision and cloud your eyes with cynicism. In time, it’s my hope that you can clear your mind of his cowardly act, and move forward with the full confidence of knowing that a good man is on the way. Good luck.
The Fly Guy
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Dear Fly Guy
I have come to realize that I have several issues that tend to hinder my relationships, but I do not know how to change them. I’ve tried for many years to make improvements and have even sought professional help. And yet I have not seen or felt much progress. I feel like I stand in the way of my own happiness. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the men I have chosen to deal with. Can you provide any insight on this, from a male perspective?
Losing Hope
Dear Losing Hope,
I pray this doesn’t come off the wrong way, but it sounds to me like you could use a boost in the self esteem department. My reasoning behind such an assertion was the tone of your letter. You seem to be unhappy with yourself, and as a result, you blame yourself for your current dating situation. While I’m sure there are areas in your life that you can improve upon, having such a negative outlook will never breed positive results. So before you do anything else, you need to work to rediscover what makes you special, and use that to begin the process of falling in love with you all over again. Over time, you’ll find that men will want to love you in the same way that you love yourself.
You see, self doubt (which is what you exhibited in your letter) is something that can be easily read and preyed upon. A lesser man can spot that you’re having doubts about yourself, and use that to his advantage. So don’t continue to torture yourself about everything that’s not right with you. At the end of the day, we’re all flawed and fall very short of perfection’s mark. So keep pushing forward, continue to love yourself, and remember that you are unique and beautiful in your own way. The rest will eventually fall into place. But you have to believe that first. Stay in touch.
The Fly Guy
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Dear Fly Guy
I am the type of girl who enjoys having casual sex without having to worry about the emotions that are normally involved in deep relationships. But recently I meet this guy and we have been hooking up for about a month now. The sex is AWESOME. I have never had anyone do me like he does. Besides that, we click on another level, because when we talk it’s like I am speaking with someone who has known me forever. He even tells me things that go on in his personal life that I don’t even ask him to share. I am so unsure if he wants more or if it’s just game to keep getting some. Oh yeah and we talk like every day. I am so afraid that he wants more, because I do not know how to be anyone’s girlfriend. It has been such a long time since I have been committed to one person sexually and emotionally. I just have to know if he want this to go further, or does he just want what I want, which is just a casual relationship.
So Confused,
Casual Girl
Dear Casual Girl,
Upon reading your letter, I began to hum the old Negro spiritual, “Slow down … I just want to get to know you.” You see, while the other slaves were singing for their freedom, Bobby Valentino instead longed for the everlasting bond of love—a concept that’s obviously far from your mind at this point in time. Fortunately or unfortunately for you (depending upon how you look at it,) it’s easy to find men that are willing to concede to your “sex and nothing else” demands.
However, this current guy that you’re dealing with is not one of them. He wants a relationship with you. Period. Your behavior with him suggests that you want a relationship too … whether you’re ready to admit it or not. My advice for you in the interim is simple enough: Be careful what you wish for. Your desire for strictly sexual relationships will eventually catch up with you. If you continue at this torrid sexual pace, I can’t promise that any man will ever take you seriously when you are ready to settle down. That’s just how we’re built. So if you continue to live your life as is, be aware of the dangers that may lie ahead. Be safe, and please use protection.
The Fly Guy
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umm sorry but i gotta say it… with the stuff that is poppin off now ppl still havin’ casual sex????
yo FG what’s been going on with your site today man??? Glad youre back on but cotdayum!!! I thought you got locked up by the internet police or something. I was ready for my Monday morning fights with the ladies, and I log on and NOTHING. I demand a full refund for the free entertainment you deprived me of today. LMAO. Just kidding.
@ TY-son
It’s a long story. Just glad to be back up. I’m writing about it as we speak.
That first letter sounds like this dude I use to fool with. He disappeared too, and then came back 3 weeks later talking about he had alot going on with his family so he didn’t think we could work right now since his family needed him. If that was the biggest pile of bs. I could smell the shit as it left his mouth. That’s how much it stunk.
i know FG i agree with the fellas i was looking for my fix this morning and when i couldn’t pull it up i panicked, me and Bahama was afraid we were blocked cause of our jobs lmao glad you back tho….
and i am not gonna call the lady names yall, i am just saying this 2008 not 1978 casual sex ain’t cute no more, you got stalkers,lol (and yall know yall do that sometimes fellas, if she good yall steady callin’ and stuff so don’t play)HIV, and countless other INCURABLE diseases you gotta live with for life if you get em so just naw to the casual sex….
Welcome back Mr. Fly Guy.
Tired of Games: I went through the same exact thing a few months ago. I figured the same thing, he met someone else who he was feeling was a better match. At least you got half an explanation. I received nothing. Yes I was jumping the gun on some things but still at least be real with me. He actually hit me up via IM this weekend to apologize for being a jerk about it then tried to act like we were all good. No buddy. I set him straight in a very polite manner and haven’t heard from his since.
Losing Hope: I agree with FG. Positive people are attracted to other positive people. You don’t want a man that is always dreary sounding and seems hopeless do you? Of course not. Pray, smile, and tell yourself that you are worth it. I’m sure you have made progress it’s just that you are focusing your attention in only one area.
Casual Girl: If you truly feel like you are not ready for a relationship with this guy then you may want to slow things down and re-evaluate things.
FG: So my letter didn’t mean sh*t right? It’s cool.
@ Ms. Miss,
It’s not like that at all. I just sent you a personal email.
lol i was joking!!!!! but I think it would still be nice to get the advice regardless if it’s published on here or not.
lol..yeah you came hard like you were looking for me in the streets…haha
You can still have sex be it casual or in a relationship. (It’s all casual to me if you ain’t married to it) as long as you are responsible and protect yourself. I am going to assume that those that made those comments are virgins and waiting on Mr. Right…… yeah ok.
FG: Your view on the age old question can a woman have sexual relations (assuming protective) because she doesn’t want to be in a relationship okay? I often wonder that as well.I have mixed feelings about it, times has changed women or more independent and they are more single women because of different reasons who prefer not to be in relationships until you get yourself together first rather than being messed up from the start and hiding until it comes out eventually.Part of me says its okay do you,happy safe sex, then the good girl in me says HECK NO not even cool!!!!
FG:Lmao! My bad, I should have added an ‘lol’ in there someplace. I don’t want you think i’m waiting for you in the parking lot.
Tubb: Never assume what a person does and how they do it.Maybe she doesn’t want to pursue a relationship because she is aware that she need to work on herself rather than hurt someone and pretend to be a certain way.Your kind of not being fair about her situation.
You guys proably ranned that girl off this site. lol
I’ve said it b4, sex is evil…the end. :-)
But FG i was feeling incomplete w/o my daily dose of love..Glad your back up.
casual sex is actually more prevalent now than it was n the 70′s. And honestly people (actually more teens) are engaging in casual sex bc its the “in” thing to do
oh blah @lyricallluv..you are right tho women are more independant these days….independant and alone. I wonder when both males and females will stop saying they need noone when they know theyre lying to themselves.
But back to your statement, I see nothing wrong with anyone having sex as long as they are responsible and are accountable for their actions. Meaning you must know you may catch an STI,you may become or get someone pregnant,or you may get somebody like chrissy stalking ya butt
@jolie
finally someone who thinks like i do
what’s up folks. I came through today and cleaned up some of the comments on this post. I’ll never try to censure anyone’s opinion, but if someone writes in to me seeking help, I want us to discuss their issue in a positive and productive manner, and help them in the best possible way. So if you want to call anybody names you can reserve those for me. I can take it. I just don’t want to discourage anyone that really wants to talk about their issues from writing in. We good?
I had my damn comment ready and BAM! wordpress wouldnt post it >:[
anyways, the last girl need to quit lyin to herself, if she didnt like ol dude she would not be talkin to him everyday and entertainin any conversations with him other than what time is he comin over, she made sure to emphasize how great his sex was and to mention their sizzling chemistry, maybe she’s been in bad relationship and blames herself for them ending and thats y she thinks shes not a good girlfriend, but she knows she wants to be his woman!
Darn it my letter didn’t make the cut. Lol.
Casual girl u say u dont know how to be a girlfriend but it seems you’ve been doing just fine w/ this guy.