Fly Perspectives
If I Promised You The World…Would You Give Me A Chance?
The scenario:
I want to be with you. That much I do know. Your grace, your style; the way you walk and talk … hell, I even like the way you chew on those cheddar biscuits from Red Lobster. As far as I’m concerned, you’re precisely what I want in my life. There’s just one thing that’s holding me back from wholeheartedly pursuing you though…
I’m afraid the feeling won’t be mutual.
I know it sounds crazy, but it’s a legitimate concern of mine. I mean, let’s think about it for a second … What if I put myself out there, and you decide that I’m not the man for you? That’s not something I’m willing to chance. So instead of solely pursuing you on my merits alone, I’ve decided to engage in the age-old art of bragging in hopes that it may convince you to actually give me a shot. I’ve even compiled a list of possible strategies.
**I can tell you about the promotion I got at work, and how they doubled my salary.
**I can mention a cruise I want to go on, and how I just happen to be looking for a travel partner.
**I can bring up the condo I recently bought.
**I can even reveal my desire to take care of your every want and need.
Wait a minute … Why are you shaking your head at me disapprovingly? Isn’t this the way things are done nowadays? Don’t all men make extravagant boasts to women because they’re secretly afraid of rejection? Case in point, listen to T-Pain’s new song “Can’t Believe It” with Lil Wayne. Within the first two minutes of the song, he makes four materialistic promises to the girl just to distract her from looking for any substantive reason to be with him. It went a little something like this…
Promise #1
“I can put you in a log cabin, somewhere in Aspen. Girl [it] ain’t nothing to the Pain, it ain’t trickin’ if you got it, what you asking for?”
Promise #2
“I can put you in a mansion, somewhere in Wisconsin. Like I said, ain’t nothing to Pain, we can change our last names, what’s happenin’?”
Promise #3
“I can put you in a condo, all the way up in Toronto. Baby put you in a fur coat, ridin’ in a Murciélago
Promise # 4
“I’ll put you in a beach house, right on the edge of Costa Rica. Put one of them lil’ flowers in your hair; have you lookin’ like a fly mamacita.”
A Frustrated Man’s Perspective
If it works for T-Pain, then why can’t it work for me? At no point during his song did he promise to be faithful, provide a shoulder to lean on, or even be encouraging towards her career pursuits. That was my old approach to relationships, but look where it got me. Part of me wants to blame women for this current dating climate. After all, they’re the ones that allow men to lure them with this boastful, materialistic approach. Sure, they say they want a noble, chivalrous man; but then they turn around and tell that very man that they aren’t ready to settle down. Then they run off with the guy that was all flash with no substance, who in six months will probably grow tired of her, and move on to the next girl who’s younger, prettier, and more efficient (Don’t ask.) Then they find themselves back at square one complaining about the lack of good men. (Hello … I’m over here.)
So that’s why I’ve decided to employ this new strategy. We’ll see how this approach works. Well ladies, if this is what you really want, then this is what you’re going to get.
The Fly Guy’s Analysis:
Sadly enough, this type of inner dialogue happens with more men than you probably realize. When they constantly see women (even the good ones) being blinded by the flash, or even the promise of flash, it becomes a bit disconcerting to the men who actually want to stand for something. So what should they do? Should they continue along the noble path that appears to be leading nowhere? Or should they join the in-crowd, lose the substance and become like their flashy counterparts who seem to be getting all of the women? Ultimately ladies, it’s up to you.
Now if there is anyone, man or woman that wishes to voice their opinion on this matter; speak now or forever hold your piece. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what a man is supposed to do when faced with such a dilemma. The floor is now yours.
Click Below To Listen To “Can’t Believe It”
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yes
keep tryin is all I can say
I’m in the same boat lookin for the guy who actually has something worth talkin about because all that materialistic stuff does not impress me
its tough on all of us who are lookin for substance
Mr. Right Now
FG, good post. I think more women need to realize that they are dictating how we come at them. I had to flip up the game because I kept hearing women say they want a man with swagger. I’m a confident dude, but I’m not boastful. Soon as I changed the game, now all the women want to be down. It’s a shame I had to lower myself in order to start getting women to pay attention. But as a man, you gotta do what you gotta do.
blackfujones
FG first off love the spot fam. Here’s my 2 pennies. I found that women ultimately dictate how we as men try to lure them in. Like u said if women want to hear a man who boasts about themselves then every cat out there is going to do just that. Before I found my wife I fell right into that. It was like I was interviewing for a job bc all and I do mean all of the women “both goldiggers,and some genuinely great women” wanted to hear as my wife would say “what I’m on”lol. Women say its hard for them to find a genuine male,well imen find it doubly hard bc we don’t know real women from make-believe women. Luckily I found my wife when I was dead broke n drivin my mama car. Lol
Bahama
I am not even going to front, I like a confident dude (not overly confident though) and the bragging is not nescessary. And that is flaw i need to work on, but there are females out there that don’t like that. I don’t know all I can say is, be you. That’s the most important thing. Cause ain’t no bigger turn-off than trying to be someone your not, at least to me anyway.
chrissy snow
FG, have you SEEN t-pain, his ass gotta make them kinda promises, cause you can trust and beleive if he was n’t t-pain, he would have a hell of a time getting the females to go for him….lmao
confident is cool, i agree with bammy, but don’t tell me what you can do, i beleive i have said this before, you gotta SHOW me, i don’t wanna hear all that i got this, i can do that, let me treat you to this and that, i am a simple girl, with simple tastes, and if you can make me laugh, we good……
Reina
I honestly hate this song, but I must agree your and blackfujones’ assessment. There are women who respond to such boasting and demand such materialistic things, so I understand a man’s frustration. I, however, despise such exaggerations and I get annoyed when a man approaches me similarly. I want to slap him and the previous woman who fell for it. Still, though, I like sweet, genuine guys, and I beg that if a guy possesses those characteristics that he maintains them.
songbird
I’m going to be honest for a minute, and I know it’s going to be misinterpreted, but I’ll try my best…
There are many women who aren’t “gold-diggers” in the true sense of the word, but who have been hurt by the men they gave their lives to time & time again, and have been jaded (I’m speaking for my friends and I). I admit I’ve gone through phases where I say, “F**k love. It only gets me heartbroken, 20lbs heavier, in debt and alone.” So I start thinking, “If I’m going to end up hurt and alone, I might as well have *some* fun along the way (vacations, etc.), and if I get some nice gifts too, it’s a bonus. At least I’ll have something to show for all my battle wounds.”
It’s not the right attitude to have, and I realize this after one date with some poser trying to show off his toys. I take back those thoughts and go back to looking for love… but it’s hard. And I can understand why guys would be facing a dilemma with this as well. But in all reality, deep down all we want is that good guy who will love us and promise to never break our hearts. Money or no money, it doesn’t matter a damn.
Just a Thought
I’ll admit, I’ve taken a liking to a man with “swagger.” But that’s not what will keep me. Just like a lot of men, especially young ones, go for the girls with the Coke bottle shape and tight skirts and a hole in their head. When people decide to go for substance, that’s what they look for, and ultimately that is what they will attract.
quietone
@chrissy snow…have you SEEN t-pain, his ass gotta make them kinda promises…lmao. On the real tho, I can imagine that situation would be frustrating for a man but not all women are that way. If a man should find himself faced with this dilemma, he should continue to remain strong and true to himself. He should not allow himself to be swayed by experiences with the superficial. He should try to be patient because the woman he truly seeks he will find.
lyricalluv
You have a point there FG,but not many women want materialistic things,Common on now T-PAIN you could have done better than that.Myself personally I’m a woman that needs substance and stability to keep me with a man.Those items can all be seized and auctioned by the IRS at the end of the day.
ATLCutie
Ok so what about the women who don’t want to be rejected who do the same thing. Women, at least I do, are afraid that the feelings won’t be mutual as well. And I’ll admit that I have bragged a little bit, but I chalked it up to me to stepping my game up, and putting myself out there more. Well see how it goes.
BTW T-Pain is married.
esheblue
@Mr. Right Now…maybe I have a different definition of swagger but being boastful is not within it. Swagger to me is confidence it isn’t what you say…it is how you carry yourself at all times.
I am a big fan of just telling people that you like them without overwhelming them. Don’t tell them right off the bat that you are in love with them and want to make ten babies with them. Start slow…tell them you are interested in possibly transitioning the relationship–even if you are already at the altar. You have to remember to allow the other person time to let the feelings develop if they aren’t initially at your level.
blackfujones
I so hate the word “swagger”. Anywho I love your honesty reina wish more would admit that as well. Women really have to admit that in a lot of cases they love to hear the accomplishments and accolades of men.
kriscole83
It is a turn off for me when a man brags. I had that happen to me yesterday and I don’t plan on calling him again. I could care less what you can do for me, that isn’t going to keep me.
Ray
Attraction.
ms mac
@ songbird, you put that quite well and I totally understand where you’re coming from.
For me, it’s about balance. Maybe I’m just spoiled and want it all but why can’t you whisk me off to St Tropez AND treat me like you want an emotuonal connection. Are the two mutually exclusive? You mean I can’t be your true boo and have it good too? Do you mean to tell me there’s no happy median? Do we really have to either be broke down together and happy or thriving but ready for the break up any day now cause you’re ready for something more “efficient?” Are you saying that a man who has lots to give materialistically cannot also possess a loving, tender heart. Oh please. Sounds to me like you’re making a case that the good brothers don’t have enough means to fulfill a woman’s desire for adventure and fun. If that’ the case, that’s certainly not the woman’s fault.
Heard It All B4
Songbird, I totally agree. Its not that we want the flashy guys that can do stuff for us but if I have to choose between the guy who don’t act right and can’t afford to do anything nice for me and the guy who don’t act right but can afford to show me a nice time - SORRY the flashy guy will when. And that is typically what women are faced with in my opinion! I used to only date drug dealers - gave that up years ago and I am telling its hard to this day not to go back because at least while I was dealing with the BS I had nice things to go with it! At times I am so tempted to go back to my old ways and its all because if the guy flashy or not they all the same! The brokest man living in his mama basement catching the bus will try to play you! If I am going to get played please give me the trips and shopping with it! No I haven’t went back to the drug dealers but I am still tempted!!!!
blackfujones
Thas messed up when women actually consider dating “n-words” instead of men. Never thought I’d hear it come out but I guess I was avoiding the obvious fact. Women are truly materialistic and they create/encourage males to be this way so they can have an opportunity to b with them. Sad times