Fly Features

More of Why He Disappeared (Guest Feature)

By Rich Santos

Here are the rest of the reasons guys will disappear, continued from the previous post:

4. He Thinks You’re Too Serious…Which Means You Probably Are
It’s imperative that, as a relationship grows, that the feeling is mutual. Every serious relationship comes to that point where we look at ourselves, our lives, and consider taking that next step into exclusivity and beyond. If he’s not ready to do it then it’s not going to work, and he might literally be frightened off if he perceives that you’re too serious. And, you may say: “I am not serious at all about this, I don’t intend to be serious.” When I think of this, I’m reminded of the HR Sexual Harassment online class I took for work. “Even if he didn’t intend for it to be offensive, if someone is offended, then it’s sexual harassment”. So, while you may not intend to come off as “serious”, what he perceives will be fact to him. And, if you’re “too serious” for him, then you’re better off without him: it wasn’t clicking at the right time.

5. His Damned Sidekick
Guys love to have partners in crime. As long as his best buddy is still going out and getting wasted and hitting on girls, it will be very difficult for him to give this life up. In fact, they will feed off each other until finally they grow up enough to date. It’s no surprise that you will find that a lot of guys that start out as packs dissipate pretty quickly once they start dating. The crazy life gets a little old, and—hey—his buddies aren’t around as much to feed off of.

6. He’s Into One of Your Friends
People are not inclined to use other people. However, if a guy that you like happens to like one of your friends, naturally he’s going to try to get to be around her by spending time with you. This can be very misleading for you, but usually it works itself out pretty quickly. I happen to hang out with a lot of attractive males who are a lot tamer than me when first meeting girls, so it happens to me a lot. But, when in doubt, good friends always should trump possible romantic targets. Keep your friendships strong and live to fight another day.

At the end of all this, it boils down to the importance of timing. If attraction is a flammable agent, then timing is a spark that can really set it ablaze. And when you think of it this way, you can see how difficult it is for things to work out.

So, I need to find someone I’m attracted to, and then the timing needs to be right between two converging lives. And, of course, the person who wasn’t ready sometimes becomes ready later and sometimes later is too late.

My advice to you is: if you find that a once responsive guy is not responding, he most likely is doing so for one of the above reasons. It is usually fruitless to push and push and try to figure stuff out. And, anyway, if you move on with your life and find a guy who is ready for you—then you may turn out to be the one that got away for that first guy…or maybe even his new “white whale”.

Do you have a lot of experiences where a guy just disappeared after things seemed to be going well? Any other reasons you can think of that might make a guy disappear—I’m sure some of you have heard or been through some bizarre ones when they explain?

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