Fly Lyrics
I Told You Not To Fall In Love
Let’s eavesdrop in on an all too familiar conversation.
The passionate plea: “How could you do this to me? I love you, and I was so sure that you loved me too.”
The calculated response:“I don’t know what you want me to do. I’m sorry that your feelings are hurt right now, but I told you not to fall in love with me. I thought it was very clear that we were just having fun. You told me that you understood, and were cool with us just hanging out. But now you’re singing a completely different tune. You have no reason to be upset with me, because I’ve been up front with you since day one.”
Fly Guy Question of the Day:
Have you ever been on either side of this scenario? And if so, what happened? How did you handle the situation?
To the person who fell in love: When you initially said you were cool with the arrangement, what changed? And who were you really upset with? The other person or yourself for letting it happen?
To the one who just wanted to be friends: Did you lead them on in any way to make them think that things had changed? How is your relationship with that person today?
I’m patiently awaiting your responses. In the meantime, check out a new cut from Ne-Yo, appropriately titled, “Don’t Fall In Love.”
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Cinna Bunz
Man, that sure sounds familiar… I believe I’ve had that exact conversation with a guy, with me being the one to say “I told you not to fall in love with me”…
I was involved with him, never thought of him as my bf (and I told him that), for about 2 years. I guess in sort of a “friends with benefits and perks” situation. But I told him I wasn’t feeling him in a long term relationship kind of way and that he could always just back away from me. When I finally did end the “with benefits and perks” part, he was upset, but we were still able to be friends. I think he still carries a torch for me, though.
In hindsight, I feel bad that he developed those feelings for me, even though I did warn him. I wouldn’t go through that again, because it’s not a great feeling for either person. Just my 2 cents…
CB
The Fly Guy
@CB
Even though you told him how you felt, 2 years is still a long time to have that type of relationship with someone. So I can’t be as mad at him for catching feelings for you over that period of time. But the fact remains that you were upfront and honest. He probably thought he was going to wear you down…which obviously didn’t happen.
Cinna Bunz
Fly Guy…
I couldn’t be mad at him either. He really did believe he would wear me down.. well at least that’s what he told me. I’m more mad at myself for putting him through that because he was genuinely a nice guy, and still is. I’d never do it again, because I know I was wrong. However, I think I have a good friend in him and I’m glad we were able to remain friends after all that.
CB
Bahama
er? sorry can’t say that i’ve been on either side of that problem..
EJ
@bahama,
I’m with you. I’ve never experienced this before, but I know a lot my boys who deal with this. They start kicking it with women who act like they are cool with just chilling, but then they start catching feelings. It happens ALL the time
tyra
I’m almost ashamed to admit that it happened to me before. I don’t know why I started lying to myself, thinking he was going to eventually come around. But then I ended up with egg on my face.
bmore baybee
I don’t have a problem with people whobe honest up front. My issue is with those assholes who act like they want to be in a relationship, but then when you fall for them they want to act stupid. I know I probably sound a little bitter
mandii
I have a male cousin that I kick it tough with & one of his closest homeboys has had a major liking for me since back in our younger days - I often hung out with the 2 of them - (I’m always goin all “back in the day” like I’m old or something, lol). I didn’t see him in that light & gently let him know I didn’t feel it would work out. Fast forward a few years and…well, I made him my bussit baby. Even tho I liked our newfound sexual relationship, I still had no interest in locking in with him and told him so. He told me he was fine with our thing and I foolishly believed him. He’d tell my cousin how he really felt and my cuz would pass that info along to me (I maintain that he knew my cuz would spill the beans & thats the only reason he told him). After a while, I began to see things from his perspective & I ended it. I felt that I was wrong for offering scraps knowing he craved a full course. I rarely see him or talk to him these days, but as far as I know there are no ill feelings.
I’ve been on the other side too. But my heart was spared b/c he was feeling the same way =] The relationship with the guy I’m seeing now began as a simple friendship. Both of us claimed to not want anything more. Then we moved on to friends with benefits…and after that, evolved into something that I now can’t see myself without.
songbird
@bmore baybee: I feel ya. It’s a sticky issue all the way around, but at least be up front about it. If he/she agrees to go into it knowing full well your intentions and ends up catching feelings, well, at least you know you were honest. And honest doesn’t mean saying, “I don’t want a relationship, we’re just kickin’ it” but then doing everything a boy/girlfriend does… mixed signals aren’t cool either.
Anyone hear the new N.E.R.D. album? There’s a song on there about this same issue.
Ms. Miss
Wow. I have been on both sides of this familiar fence.
I fell in love: It was clear cut that we were just friends with perks until he started to tell me he missed me. He couldn’t wait to see me. Wanted to actually hang out without any of those perks involved. Holding hands, kissing me, things like that. Then I started to think: he really likes me. He wants to be with me. So I ended up falling in love and getting hurt.
He fell in love with me: I made it sure that I didn’t want a relationship or date or anything. I just moved to a new state with a lot on my plate and I knew he wasn’t the one for me but still wanted to spend time with someone while trying to find that right guy. He fell in love, told me, I immediately broke things off. I felt it was best so that there was no more confusion that I could have possibly caused. We have been friends ever since.
collegekid
Conversations like these make my insides turn. I’ve been on the side where I thought what was going on might turn into something greater, but it didn’t. He just wanted to be friends. I think I was more upset with myself for feeling like a fool than I was at him. I’ve always thought of myself as a person who has her emotions in check, but that moment proved to me that even the most in ‘check’ person can have a moment of weakness.
yes
^true
songbird ur right too, if u dont want a relationship then u dont need to go on dates and u certainly dont need to have sex because that will definitely cause problems
yes
oh and sometimes ppl do want to be in relationships but somewhere along the way they decide its not gonna be with you but they keep messin around wit u until they find someone else and thats not right either
tsagrednerp
If it is that you have a jumpoff and they want to make it into something more at the first sign of them wanting more and you know for a fact it’s not happening I think you should just let them know or let it ride just leave ‘em because you would be stringing them along and we don’t want that. The reverse is true too if you have a jumpoff and your feeling something more for them let ‘em know so that you can either move on with the relationship or just move on with your life.
Badazznell
I think if ur gonna just have sexual encounters let be just that. Telling him/her u miss them and goin out, pet names can cause signals to be mixed.