What a wonderful song! If a man told me that he could change my life, I would be soooo skeptical. I guess I shouldn’t be so pessimistic, but life has forced me to be this way.

@Tagan

I hear what you’re saying. But you shouldn’t cheat yourself because of the past. Learn to treat yourself :)

Okay I love the song and I’m not a Lloyd fan like that but needless to say I appreciate the sentiment of the song.

Now if a guy told me he could change my life I would be so intrigued as to where he was going with that I probably would be snowed for like 5 minutes and then rational and cautious would kick in and I would go through all the stages blah blah blah, and eventually I would put a period to that whole discussion by saying, “it sounds nice, but my tried and true motto is SHOW AND PROVE.” Now if he is really about changing my life in any way shape or form those words would not deter him but make him determined and he wouldn’t mince words but show me through his actions!

There have been several times when I thought I wwas the man of a woman’s dreams. But I only expressed my feelings once, because I know how cynical today’s woman is. Needless to say, that woman and I have been happily married for the past 5 years. We both changed each other’s lives, and I thank God for her every day.

Meesage to women: Sometimes you have to let go and let God. He did not create you with a spirit of fear, so stop allowing that fear to cripple you, and hinder you from experiencing true love.

Amen Taylor_Made. Amen.

It would turn me off because that is a bunch of crap-p-ola. I would prefer him not to tell me and just do it, like Nike said and also like Ms.J said. he would have to show me he was serious before I would even think of letting my guard down.

@Bahama LOL!!

You shouldn’t have to say it. Saying it just brings in too many other questions that sabotage the intent.
“Well, what’s wrong with me that you have to change my life?”
“How many other people did you tell that to?”
“If you told your last woman that, then what happened to her life?”

When I was in the game I felt like this: If I “got” to change her I probably don’t need her.”
I was more sold on the concept of “she’s good all by herself, but we are force when we’re together.” When I got with my wife and we both became better.

Just my take.

I think it’s a beautiful sentiment. If I was really feeling the dude it would turn me on, if I wasn’t it would be the latter. If you’re really feeling someone, you may believe it and not think it’s game. I don’t take someone wanting to be important in my life an “elevate me”, so to speak, as weakness or making me appear as if I don’t have my shit together. I would hope the man in my life would feel as though I elevate him as well. I don’t believe people come in your life and make you happy. They can however make you happier and they should. I do agree that it doesn’t have to be verbally expressed, but if it is, in the right moment it could be okay.

Open me up, teach me something, show me something. Add something to my life. Otherwise, I’m on to the next. I want to grow with you, and you should want to grow with me.

chrissy the cynic in the house…..lol a dude can’t TELL me shit, scuse my french, i don’t wanna hear what you can do, SHOW me….

a man can say all day long, imma love you better, imma make ya life easier, i got you whatever the deal is, been there done that, and i don’t wanna hear it…..walk the walk…..then maybe i will take notice

@ Chrissy and the rest of the women on here.

I find it interesting that women always want the man to do all of the proving, and expect us to just believe that you are a good woman. Doesn’t work like that. Just like you want us men to jump through hoops just so you can consider giving us a chance, you women need to get to jumping too. In fact, since there are supposedly more good women than men (highly debatable) I think that men should really start putting these women through the exact same tests that they put us through. That only seems fair in my opinion.

@Taylor_Made: I co-sign that.

Matter of fact, I feel like I’m in a similar situation with a guy right now, who tells me I’m amazing, and the kind of girl he could see himself marrying, but he won’t give me a chance because he says he isn’t ready for another relationship and wants to just date around for now… sucks.

A guy tellin me he could change my life would definitely turn me on, especially if he showed a conscientious effort that he was trying to do so. But if he happened to be all talk than it would be useless. I would be willing to let my guard down when I see a man meeting me halfway. I want a give and take relationship, every relationship I have been in has always been me giving and them taking. Im the one always trying to compromise and make things work. I need somebody to show me that they can meet me halfway

@ B.C., IF the man opens his mouth 1st and says what it is he can do, that is on him, don’t say it if you can’t do it, now me, i NEVER tell my husband that imma do this, and do that, if he asks me to please change this or that, i will tell him that i will TRY, i can’t make promises, that way if i don’t give him the results he wants, his ass ain’t shocked or dissapointed…lol

People wonder why chivalry is dead. It’s because women killed it. It’s obvious that the statement was chivalrous, but leave it to the pessimist in most women to stomp on a man’s effort to express his desire to be there for her. I guessed you’d rather have a man that never expressed himself and beat you.

I’ll never understand women.

@Davey Boy
I agree with you. I’ll never understand women either.

@Chrissy
Point taken, but I still believe that there is a double standard as far as who needs to prove what in a relationship. Even without the man saying anything, you still try to make him jump through hoops just to prove that he is worthy of your time. To me that’s bogus if you aren’t willing to undergo the same test.

Too many women act like their shii don’t stink. Obviously you are married, and have been able to find happiness, but for the large majority of women, they don’t find a man because they walk around with this odorless shit mentality. LOL

@ Davey Boy
Women have not killed chivalry but we have just been taught to guard our hearts. Its called you live and you learn. Its nice to hear things like that but actions speak way louder than words. You should not have to tell a woman what you want to, or are doing. A woman should be able to sit down one day and say to herself this man is giving me the world because if its really being done then it wont have to be pointed out.

@Cherish

I hear you, but I don’t really agree with you. It’s very true that actions speak louder than words, but at some point it also has to be expressed. If your man never told you that he loved you because he felt like he showed you every day, or if he never complimented you, or said that you were beautiful because he treated you like a queen, you would feel like something was missing.

Words without actions are bad, but on the flipside actions without any words aren’t all that you’re trying to make it out to be. The two have to go hand in hand.

It’s good to be reassured every now and then. it’s good to hear that every thing is going to be ok. It’s good to hear that the other person has your back. It’s good to hear that the other person will never leave you nor forsake you. Those things are good to hear, and I think it’s unhealthy to desire a relationship that is devoid of any verbal expression.

@ B.C
I dont think its a double standard because its not too often that a woman is bragging on what she can do for a man. If a man wants to tell you what they can do why is it wrong for u to want them to show you? Its not like the woman walked up to the man and said “I want you to give me the world now show me you can make that happen” it was the man who is usually the one who is boasting on what he can do

@Cherish

That’s why I said in my statement “even without him saying anything.”

I don’t brag or boast, but what I have still found is that women tend to sit back and make you prove yourself when getting to know them. Now I don’t have any problem with that, but it irritates me and others when the woman doesn’t feel like she should be placed under the same scrutiny.

It’s almost like we are supposed to just assume that she is a good woman, and hope that she chooses us. To me that’s so backwards and hypocritical.

@ Davey Boy
and I agree with you yes actions are sometimes nothing without the words but if you are told the words all the time and never see the actions after awhile dont you change your way of thinking?

the llyod joint is sick. if i tell a woman that she betta be ready to ride cuz i dont waste my words and dont feel like having to explain myself. either join in or join out and let me change your life like the song say. if not then i know that someone else will be willing to ride with ya boy

I dig the song, and the conversation that everyone is having is definitely compelling. I can see where both sides are coming from. To me, the bottom line is, you will never experience the magic of love if you’re never willing to take a chance. And on the other side of the coin, men can’t just throw words out there without being ready willing and able to stand behind them. Well that’s just my take on things. Great post.

@Cherish,

I feel you. I guess I feel like that Musiq Soulchild song, Previous Cats.

“I’m not to blame for the pain that was caused by previous cats.”

Too many times, we get blamed for what the last dude did.

@ B.C.
I understand that way of thinking completely. But I feel that the reason many women dont feel as if they should be placed under the same scrutiny is because men have a totally different way of thinking and analyzing women. So how are we as women supposed to be able to figure out if men want a real meaningful relationship with us or if they just want to hit it and quit it? In one night a woman can get several different men that express some kind of interest in her, is it wrong for her to try and weed out the bad ones to get to the good ones? Me personally I prefer that a man keeps me on the other side of the long stick until he really knows me so that way neither one of us get too caught up or waste too much time if its not meant to work out.

@ Davey Boy
what u just said now thats really what the bottom line is. but as a woman its so much easier for us to get caught up as a young girl and then be crushed so as we grow older we learn not to put our hearts out there so easily. Do we mean to take our anger out on you for what the last guy did? No but we try to learn from our mistakes, see where we went wrong and try to avoid making them again. So if that causes us to keep our guard up longer its not about scrutinizing you, its more about protecting ourselves.

dang what i miss, lol

@ B.C. women in general i have no clue what they making men do, i don’t make any man jump throo any hoops for me i am a realist, and i expect a man to do whatever he feel he is capable of doing, don’t put it on me if you don’t get it done cause i ain’t aksed in the 1st place ‘…i never expect my husband to bend over backwards for me if he do that, then it’s cause he wants to, i don’t put these unrealistic expectations on him, i expect HIM to do what HE gon do…

now if he wanna open his mouth and say he gon move mountains for me, imma be like yeah boo whatever, i don’t need you to do that, matter fact all i expect you to do is throw a rock, but move a mountain iono, but you more than welcome to try, and i NEVER asked you to, you offered to do it so….lmao @ my analogy

Just when I thought it was safe for me to jump into the conversation, Chrissy starts using Usher “Moving Mountains” analogies. I’ll be back when this storm has passed…lol

Lol @ FG. Yeah she unleashed ursher to bring her point home. But I hear what she’s saying. Just watching how this conversation is progressing it’s amazing to me how adversarial men and women are. Why can’t we play on the same team, instead of always trying to make the other side out to be the bad guy/girl.

Can’t we all just get along? Lol

It would depend on how far into the relationship we are. If we’ve been dating for a bit and he’s had the change to experience my life, his claim MAY be a turn on. I don’t want a man to change my life, though. I’m good with mine. I’d rather he enhance it, and hopefully, I can enhance his. Show me new things. Let me experience him. I’m an admitted cynic and not the type to make far-fetched claims like “I’m the woman of your dreams” so when a guy makes such a declaration, I’m skeptical. “Change my life” makes it seem as if there is something wrong with my life. Aid me, augment me, make me better, but I don’t need you to change me or my life. And hopefully, I’ll be doing the same for him.

I do like the song, though.

I dont think we are making the other person seem like the bad guy, just merely saying what it takes to prove our own point of view

@ Reina
good point on enhancing instead of changing.

(Side note) Reina you’re hot.

Now let me stop drooling so I can make my point. Haha.

But Reina’s statement just cosigns what every other woman on here has said, which continues to make me believe that all women are cynics.

Geesh…lighten up ladies.

@TY-son,

Don’t lose your point trying to hit on Reina…lol.

I think we all can walk away gaining some added insight from this topic. It’s always refreshing to hear the other side’s perspective to see where they are coming from. Who knows, it may even help to mature your perspective on the opposite sex.

I love hearing about the things that women go through, as it helps me to better relate to them. And to the women, I hope you listen to our experiences as men, and open yourselves up to taking in what we have to say, instead of instantly dismissing it.

@FG…why did I know that you were going to show up as soon as I started flirting…lol. C’mon man, let a playa play. (I kid I kid)

@ Ty-son:

Thanks for the compliment. We women were less cynical once upon a time. You have yourselves to blame for the change. ;-)

@Reina,

Not you too?!?!? Is there one woman out here that is not cynical??? If so, please step forward, so I don’t lose complete faith in the process.

“Idealism is what precedes experience, cynicism is what follows.”

Being a cynic does not mean I am unwilling to believe or that I’ve lost faith. I still date men so I do have hope. I just don’t have a “Disney fairytale” mindset nor do I require overly ambitious declarations.

@B.C.

*silence* Guess that means she shut you up. HAHAHA!

Go head Reina…lol

Why you gotta be an instigator Justus? It didn’t need to be said that Reina shut B.C. down. We could have all just silently been thinking it…LOL

@ FG and B.C. s’long as yall get what i am tryna to say, it’s all good, lol…

^^^^
I figured my name needed to be written in lower case for a while…

I wasn’t expeting the dictionary and wise-sayings.com to be unleashed on me. I surrender…lmao.

@Chrissy,

I totally understand where you are coming from, so the following are my “Confessions.” Of course I get what you are saying. And more people would probably understand you too, if they weren’t so busy trying to make “Love In This Club.” Perhaps that’s why so many women are cynical, because they had to let it “Burn” messing with a dude that they should have told “You Don’t Have To Call” a long time ago. But instead, they continue to say “Yeah” to him, and it leads them down a road that they later regret.

Question: Are there any other Usher songs that you want me to add to make sure that your point is properly made? LOL (I know you’re going to kill me now.)

LOL at FG. Thats was a great way put things in to “usher” perspective

@Reina(#37)
you go girl, co-sign on that.

@FG (#42)
LOL!

damn i missed this? Chrissy you couldn’t tell me you needed back up, lmao..

and hell i’m a cynic, wasn’t always this way.. and i belive men and relationships suck :-)

The end!

@ FG, i swear i can’t even come back @ you, you had me laughing out loud offa that one…..and B.C. imma always put ya name in caps so there….lol

bammy, i thought i had this, i guess not, next time i know to call you sooner to help me handle these men…..

i can’t stop laughing @ FG’s response….lmmfao talking bout his confessions my gawd imma be dying offa this for the rest o’ the week

I really want you to make a Fly Guy Cd!!! I love your picks.
As far as a guy coming to change my life, it would be nice. I know as women we are supposed to scream independent. Not saying there anything wrong with that. I’ll be the first one to shout it. But…IT WOULD BE NICE…if a man came in and be a man…

@Chrissy,
You speechless? You? Wait a minute…you? Chrissy Snow? Say it ain’t so. I will remember this moment forever…lol.

@Nikki P,

Glad you like the picks, and I appreciate your perspective. I really do…

@Chrissy,
You speechless? You? Wait a minute…you? Chrissy Snow? Say it ain’t so. I will remember this moment forever…lol.
^^^^^LMAO STOP FG YOU NEED TO QUIT….

I am so digging this post. My parents are a prime example of what came be if you just let it. My mom had broken up with her boyfried because he cheated. She met my dad in church a few weeks later and he asked her out and she said yes. She didn’t close her heart off. On their first date he told her “Stick with me and I will take you places”. 10 months later they were engaged. This August makes 35 years of a beautiful marriage. That is what I pray is in store for me, but the Bible says that “he that findeth a wife findeth a GOOD thing.” So I am not looking, I am just making myself ready for when he comes knocking.

This is another great post, FG. Although I’m not cynical, I’d still be a bit skeptical to believe a guy who would tell me that he can change my life. Don’t get me wrong: there are great guys out there who are well-intentioned, but I haven’t met many of them so far. It would be better if the guy demonstrated daily how his own philosophy on life can broaden my own views on love, trust and relationships. I understand that the purpose of a guy saying something like that to a woman is really to express to her how he sees that the both of them can blossom together to become better people. Still, saying flat out “I can change your life” sounds a bit odd, but the meaning behind it is very touching.

the statement sounds too cocky, it just needs to be worded better

its like a dude finds a piece of trash, says “i can change your life” and turns it into gold

if he doesnt want to get the side-eye he should incorporate both of us as “upgrading each other” or however u want to put it

but anyway there were a lot of good points made, especially the last line cherish made in 25 and reina’s 37

Yes I would be skeptical but also believe him. At first I didn’t believe my current boyfriend but something told me to give him a chance. I did and he proved that he is a man of his word.