Fly Features

Here’s Why He’s Disappeared (Guest Feature)

By Rich Santos

How annoying is it when someone you thought was into you suddenly disappears off the face of the earth? Even more annoying is the fact that nine times out of ten, we are not given a reason for the sudden change in behavior. I’ve listed every reason I have seen in my own life for why a guy might inexplicably stop responding:

1. He’s Chasing Someone Else(The White Whale Theory)
If you’ve just met him, who knows who else is in his life? I have definitely let a lot of girls go by while I’ve been fixated on “the ultimate girl”. It’s a fact: guys enjoy the chase. Some guys even enjoy just the chase. So that uninterested or elusive girl that he’s chasing becomes his “white whale”. If you have gone out with him a few times and things just don’t seem right, he may be chasing a girl or two on the side—and if he ever catches her that will really complicate matters.

2. He’s Very Focused…on everything but love
The years beyond college get very complicated. Suddenly responsibility falls into your lap. You’re paying rent, paying for fun, and paying for the food you eat. Plenty of guys love to go out and meet girls but, depending on the stage of their lives, they may only want to meet and date lightly. Sometimes things at work are going really well—you’re close to a promotion, or they are going really badly—you have a horrible boss, or you’re afraid you’re going to be let go. Who knows what’s going on in people’s lives when we meet them? While a meeting or date may seem amazing at one moment, it might just be a temporary thing to keep that person away from what they must focus on at that time in their lives. You might say: well, if they are going through a hard time, maybe I came along at the right time to help them out. Be careful of this—because while you may help them out of their tough times, that might be all you are to them and they will move on without you when they are in better shape.

3. You’re a friend
Girls, beware: sometimes we can’t tell when you’re interested in us. When I was in college, my best girlfriend told all my roommates that she liked me, and made them swear not to tell me. They actually kept the secret pretty well for a while. But when I finally found out, I was completely blind-sided—and I only thought of her as a friend from day one. One of my best buddies from college is notorious for ignoring the fact that a girl might like him. He’s met a lot of girls that he immediately puts into the “friend” group, and goes out with them frequently, while (at least to me) it’s fairly obvious that she’s interested in more. I have a history of losing touch with every girlfriend or girl I’ve been intimate with. It has made me very nervous to escalate things beyond friendship because past intimacy has caused girls that I could have been friends with forever to be out of my life. Guys value friendship just like girls do—and they can get nervous to take the next step.

The rest will be revealed in tomorrow’s post…

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