The Chronicles

All the Good Men Aren’t Taken- Part 2

The time has come for me to complete my two-part “All The Good Men Aren’t Taken” series. In case you missed it, last week I began to dispel the widespread myth that single black women currently have no viable dating options. Now while there are certainly some valid points to such an argument, a lack of men isn’t the singular reason that prevents some women from finding Mr. Right. Now I’ve already revealed three common behavior patterns that may contribute to a single woman’s plight; it’s time for me to share the final three.

1. Ms. Captain Save-A-Man

The Symptoms:
Simply put, you have a heart of gold. Whether it’s friends, family or coworkers, no one ever questions your dependability. But such a positive trait seems to get in the way when choosing a mate. For some reason, you seem to have a bad habit of falling for needy men who don’t have it together. (Note: Needy men may include Bobby Brown, former D.C. Mayor Marion Berry, and the soon to be unemployed Rick Ross.)

Is This You? Ask Yourself:

Do you have a habit of falling for guys that “need” you either emotionally, physically, financially…or some combination of all three?

Is it hard for you to say no to your man?

Do you feel guilty if at any point you do something that makes him unhappy?

Do you always find yourself constantly making excuses for your boyfriend’s short-comings?

Do you give more in your relationship than you receive?

Here’s What You Should Do:
Stop allowing your kindness to be taken advantage of. There are some men that prey on women who allow them to be weak, lazy, and unaccountable for their actions. (I believe the medical term for such a condition is Kevin Federline Syndrome.)
This type of “man,” and I use that term loosely, has absolutely no place in your life. But you have to make certain changes to ensure you are no longer attracting his type. So practice being assertive; practice saying no; and practice demanding the respect that you deserve within your relationship.

2. Ms. High Life

The Symptoms:
Before I begin, let me just say, that I’m not necessarily calling you superficial …well not exactly. It’s just that you’ve always placed an extra emphasis on the so called “finer” things in life. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel your best, your happiness has always seemed to be dictated by how you physically look. On top of that, when it comes to dating, there have been plenty of men that are ready to emotionally give you the world … but you weren’t interested unless they were able to buy you the world as well.

Is This You? Ask Yourself:

Do you only date men who possess a considerable amount of money or power?

Do find yourself always trying to keep up with other women, because you want to be as physically attractive as they are?

Do you only feel good about yourself when you are receiving compliments from others?

Do you equate how much a man loves you by how much he buys you?

Do you think that getting old or gaining weight will make you lose your man?

Here’s What You Should Do:
No one wants to live like James and Florida Evans, struggling through temporary layoffs and easy credit rip offs. But while financial struggles are certainly not ideal, neither is basing your happiness solely on monetary wealth and physical beauty. The material things in life will eventually fade away, but true love endures through all. So your first step is to reconnect with your inner beauty; that’s the part of you that understands that no matter what you have, what you weigh, or how old you become, you’re still worthy of being loved unconditionally.

3. Ms. Forbidden Fruit Lover

The Symptoms:
Perhaps this is a defense mechanism so you won’t have to commit, but lately you’ve developed a pattern of dating men who are emotionally unavailable. They’re either married, dating someone else, or just getting over a break up. The astonishing part is that you don’t even realize what you’re doing, and continue to engage in this pattern as if it’s perfectly normal. (This all sounds eerily similar to our current president’s political philosophy… Irrational thinking + A refusal to change = Terrible results)

Is This You? Ask Yourself:

Do you have a habit of being attracted to men that are either married, seriously involved with someone else, or just getting over a breakup?

Do you get mad at yourself for constantly dealing with men who end up being unavailable?

Do you often reject the “good guys,” even when it’s obvious that they aren’t seeing anyone else?

Are you quick to believe a man when he tells you that he is over his ex?

Here’s What You Should Do:
You have to stop engaging in relationships that have no clear endgame. No matter what a man may tell you, if he’s involved with someone else, there’s only so far that your relationship can go. So stop fooling yourself into believing that something more meaningful is on the horizon between the two of you. In you continue down this path, you’ll just end up disappointed, disheartened, and embittered—which are three emotions that shouldn’t be on anyone’s wish list.

The Fly Conclusion: Now that we’ve come to the end of our series, it’s time for me to hear from you. Do any of these six types of women sound familiar? Now before the hate mail begins, this in no way absolves us men from needing to step to you correctly. But no one can win if neither side is willing to take an honest look in the mirror to see if there’s any room for personal improvement. I’m willing to work on me … are you?