Those were some good suggestions. I need to pass these on to a few people that are close to breaking up because of money. I try to make sure that money isn’t an issue in my relationships. I honestly don’t even really like a man to pay for me. That way, it never becomes an issue. Especially if he starts struggling for any reason.

@Mz. Chief

Making a big deal about a man not having to pay causes a strain too. There’s a way to do it, but a lot of women want to make a scene about it, and prove that they don’t need a man to do anything for them. This can leave us feeling some type of way about you.

amen B.C.

alot of women don’t get that

I agree with you 100% B.C. but I also feel like it depends on each relationship. In some relationships men WANT to be the sole provider, they want to be the HNIC so I feel thats as a provider you should always provide since thats the role that you want to play. I feel if you mutually decide that you want to be in a 50/50 relationship then thats fine too. I agree with FG when he says youneed to sit down without distractions are discuss long term goals. In my relationship there isnt a sole provider but its also not always 50/50. We take things a day at a time, if you have it and I dont then you take care of it and vice versa. There have been many times when he will hold the household down for months and I wont have to come out of pocket at all and he is not looking for me to do the same for the next 3 months, we just take everything a day at a time.

I’ve seen money be a big issue in many a relationship. It’s a fact of life, and it sucks that so many people are ashamed or afraid to talk about it. People are afraid of looking superficial, like a gold digger, etc. when they shouldn’t be. Especially if you’re moving into a commitment like marriage with someone, you have every right to know about their financial health, and vice versa, and talk about your financial goals and how to achieve them.

With my ex-fiance we had money troubles, but really the money problems were a reflection of emotional and other issues in our relationship. For example, he got annoyed whenever I spoke about my dreams (big house, luxury car, vacations, etc.), and said it was me being uppity to want the things I want - why do my dreams have to be so grandiose. But yet when he spoke about his dreams (which were the same, just coming out of HIS mouth), it was okay because it’s about a brother trying to raise up from poverty. And then the kicker… hiding his paycheck stubs from me so I wouldn’t see the child support payments from an illegitimate child borne while we were together! And I wondered why he couldn’t afford things all of a sudden… A hot mess, I tell ya…

@Cherish,

I agree, I think whatever works for you, works. I’ve seen couples who like FG share the responsibilities 50/50, couples who handle it like you, and others, like my parents, who pool all their money together so it’s not a “my money” “his money” deal, its “OUR money”, so who pulls out the credit card at dinner it doesn’t matter, because you’re both paying for dinner, essentially. Like FG said, open communication on the topic is key. Know where you both stand, know each other’s goals, and both make a commitment to support the plan.

@songbird, I appreciate you trying to give me credit for this, but I didn’t write it :-)

It’s from a guy named Ryan over at Smart Wealth. I’m not sure if I could have gotten through an entire article without at least one joke…lol

My financial independence has been an issue in a past relationship. I like nice things, and my bf could not always afford them. That was fine with me. It never diminished him in my eyes. I just obtained them myself, but it apparently bruised some male sensibility. Our salaries were similar. I just had less responsibilities than him. He would’ve rather I waited around for him to save up for it, which was sweet. But I didn’t need nor want him scraping up money for me. I didn’t know how to handle it. Didn’t want to damage his ego, but I wanted my shoes! Finally, I just stopped telling him when I wanted things, but our relationship was always strained when it came to finances.

@Reina,

So I take it, it wasn’t a peaceful resolution to that problem?

@Reina,

So when you were telling him that you wanted certian things, unconciously you were implying that you wanted him to get them for you right?

Nope. I’m spoiled and I like nice shoes. Once I started not telling him, I felt like I was playing poker constantly. If we were out and I saw something, I had to school my features to pretend like I didn’t want it. And then go back to get it late. I was beyond flattered and touched that he wanted to do things for me, but I’m not really good at denying myself things.

@Songbird

Dayum! You and dude had major issues! Money was the least of them. Dude had a baby, and then was secretly paying child support behind your back??? In the immortal words of Flava Flav, WOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!!

@Reina, I feel that. So I’m guessing that you made more money than him. Was he insecure about that too?

@ Davey:

No. I never asked him to buy my things. Like I stated, I was aware of his responsibilities. He wanted to do it, but couldn’t always afford to do it. If I didn’t mention and just bought it, he got upset. If I did mention it, he’d scrounge and maneuver until he could get it.

No, we made about the same. I just had less responsibilities. We also grew up differently. Me: gated community in the suburbs. Him: in the hood. So our financial point of view differed as well.

Money is a funny evil thing. The love of it, the desire for some to always have it. I can see why it could cause a strain on any relationship. But to answer the question, no.

@Bahama,

LOL…every time I notice a comment from you, you always answer no to the questions FG poses. And then you follow up with “love sucks”. What gives? It doesn’t seem like you’ve gone through the real bad stuff, but you always talk about how love sucks? Am I missing someting? LOL

@Reina
So was that the reason you broke up?

LOL Tubbs! LOL

i’m sure i might have answered yes once or twice. And trust me I have gone through some uh rough patches. My ex sleep with my cousin before we meet and didn’t see it fit to tell me. Needless to say i chucked deuces. And granted I’m young and haven’t really been in too many ’ships but the males in the country I’m in now aren’t the best. And i just get the feeling i am going to be single for a while. So right now for me love and relationships suck.

@ Davey:

No, we broke up for a different reason. Regarding finances, we finally agreed to let me help with his responsibilities.

His responsibilities?

scratch that last comment, that was probably too personal.

@Reina, oh ok. I understand

Money has always been an issue with the men I date. Either they make a lot, and think I’m after it; or they don’t, and think I’m judging them because of it.

@ Bahama
Lmao at the males in that whole country arent the best.

lol Cherish..they aren’t though..and it’s sad. depressing actually

man oh man FG you opened up a can of worms with this one, hubby and i stay into it bout money, cause i give more than i get, i have no clue why he is like this, but he a snake in the grass when it come to money, it could be cause he just come from that kinda background and he had to get over in order to survive, iono, but we been together for 11 yrs now and he still don’t get that he ain’t gotta lie, trick, manipulate, none of that to get me to give, if i got a dollar, it’s his, simple as that, he don’t have that same attitude, i really can’t ask him for shit when it come to money it’s gon be some mess, so i just say screw it and never ask….it took me yrs to learn that for whatever reason, he will never change, so i had to tell myself look girl he love you he just got issues with money, so either get wise, or leave, i got wise, what’s mine is mine and what’s his is his, he pay certain bills, i pay certain bills, it shouldn’t have to be that way but he makes it like that i was never a money hungry gold digger, and matter fact yestreday i gave him a freaking 100.00 bill just for GP he ain’t have to ask, i did a hustle, gave him some money, now if he did a hustle, he wouldn’t give me shit……i know yall prolly like WHAT??? but that is just the way it is, i used to be hurt, frustrated by it, but i learned and however backwards it sounds that is the reality in my life…..i never really had a man to just say baby i wanna look out for you, i got you whatever it is you don’t have to ask, imma spoil you, i have no clue what that is like, lmao damn that sounds sad when you think bout it ain’t it….

@Tubbs, Yeah. Issues. I could write a hit movie script on this drama. It’d be a blockbuster, that’s for sure. That’s why he’s an EX and I’m single again…

@FG: sorry ’bout that assumption, there. I obviously wasn’t paying attention - wasn’t your writing style at all! And an Aussie? I don’t know how I missed that one…

@ Chrissy
I feel what u sayin girl and from the outside lookin it one would be like damn thats f-ed up but we would never know what goes on inside of that relationship, like yall may have some type of agreement that thats the way yall gon work out the relationship. Rules in every relationship varies…

@ songbird
I was thinking the same thing but you know nowadays, stuff like that happens everyday, men are just as scandalous as women

Yeah songbird. You were trying to marry a brotha off I see…lol

Ok this is def a point that hits home with me. I had a career my ex had a job if he even kept that! It got even worse when I switched companies and made more money it was like he thought he no longer had to work. The new job made it easier on me to handle the bills but he never pulled his weight. I was paying all the stuff I had before I met him plus all the stuff accumulated with him being there. Even down to the car insurance, cell phone, mortgage, health insurance, cable, phone, you name it I paid it. How did it end - DIVORCE, I am not taking care of a grown man!

I mean Damn, these are age old relationship issues. It’s about as old as paying for sex. Somebody needs to start gettin’ it right. Each relationship is different, pay as you go…lol