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The Relationship Con Artist
I don’t dig into my own personal journal as much as I probably should, but today will be a much needed exception. I hope you guys can relate.
For a long time, I was a con artist. But it had nothing to do with me deceiving my loved ones or even preying on unsuspecting strangers. Instead, it was a classic case of me pulling the wool over my own eyes. That’s right, I was conning myself. The nature of the con was brilliant too. I had effectively convinced myself that when it came to relationships, I could do no wrong. So anytime there was trouble in paradise, it was automatically her fault.
If we were arguing, then it must have been her doing.
If the spark was gone, then she must have let herself go.
If one of us was contemplating cheating or leaving, then she obviously needed to get her act together.
And on and on it went. As for my own role, well I starred as the blameless boyfriend. And I played it to perfection. But one day, I experienced a life altering occurrence (another story for another day), which forced me to take a long, hard look in the mirror. I didn’t like what I saw. That blameless boyfriend was completely covered in scars and other unsightly blemishes.
So you mean it wasn’t ALWAYS her fault?
And are you trying to tell me that I contributed to some of the relationship problems that I had experienced in the past?
Believe me, it was a hard pill to swallow. But once I grasped the idea that we are all imperfect beings striving to coexist with another imperfect being, then the spell of the con artist (myself) was finally lifted, leaving me better equipped to navigate the choppy relationship waters of life. You see, it’s not always about who is right or wrong. Instead, it’s about who is humble enough to stand tall and admit where their own faults lie. It’s also about who is willing to meet the other person halfway, and work through the minor issues that are brought about when two DIFFERENT people try to live life as one. I learned that lesson. And I’m a better man today because of it.
My point for sharing this is that I know I’m not alone. In fact, there maybe someone reading this right now that is still allowing the con artist within to feed them this false sense of perfection. It’s time to break the spell … right here, and right now. Once you’re able to face your own shortcomings, it will allow you to not only improve yourself, but to also improve the overall health and wellness of your present and future relationships.
Are you with me?
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songbird
I thought for a quick minute you were my ex-fiance. Until I saw the part about your life-altering occurrence. Then I knew it was someone else.
The Fly Guy
lol…yeah, I’m not your ex-fiance. But from the sound of your response, it doesn’t seem like he ever learned that lesson.
chrissy snow
lmao ummm FG i can’t swallow that pill right now, give it to me in liquid form……seriously tho if this ain’t me i STAY blaming everything on hubby when stuff go wrong, he is a better man than most cause he just take that shit and keep going…..you know what, i BET he know i am wrong he just be taking the blame to make me stfu, see what you done started FG, lol
songbird
LOL, nope, not at all. Lesson not learned on his part. I definitely take blame for my part (albeit small) in the demise of the relationship; however, 4 years later and he’s still saying that he doesn’t understand why bad things keep happening to HIM - because it’s everyone else who is doing him wrong, nothing’s his fault. Some people never learn. Glad you were able to grow from your experience. Life’s a work in progress…
songbird
@chrissy snow: he may be taking it because he feels he has to. Or, he’s been taking it from you and everyone else in his life for so long that he’s starting to believe it’s all his fault even when it’s not logical to think so. Think about it…
The Fly Guy
@ chrissy,
Speaking on behalf of all men, we do have a habit of letting women have certain things, just so the issue can be dead and you can be quiet about it…lol. Hey, it happens.
chrissy snow
lmao so i called hubby and asked him i said baby do you just agree with me when we argue so i will just stfu about it???? his answer yeah, then i asked him do you feel like alot of our issues is YOUR fault, he said nope, cause you take shit to a whole nother level and escalate little stuff, so i was like you think the shit i feel passionate about is little, he said yup, and i gotta go cause i feel an argument coming on…..lmao
songbird
@chrissy; HAHAHAHAHA! Cool, you cleared shit up! LOL
The Fly Guy
I rest my case your honor….lol
Mr. B.A.D.
You were on point with this one FG. I think I’ve been guilty of this. It’s just crazy hearing it from an outside source.
Krystle
When i read this I immediatley wanted to forward it on to my ex(that i still mess with) because he never sees himself as doing wrong and personally i feel he never listen when i express the things he he is doing are hurting me. It’s crazy because while some are con artist, some of us are aware but still play into the game.
Lady
This is so my husband,and every time he does this I want a divorce.This crap is not cute ,and it’s getting on my nerves.
mahoganydymond
WOW… I like to say I am glad that you looked in the mirror. I have dated men like that time and time again. They always put the blame on me, cause I am a emotional person. They after I leave or they left, they realized that it was their fault I was emotional.
meech
I agree completely. As for myself, I know there are things I need to work on and fix. especially now that i am my late twenties and i’m with a women in her early thirties. I want it work out, I dont want her to go, so, I am working on the things that could ruin our relationship.
Men and women need to start appreciating each other more in relationships. There will be fights and disagreements, but, someone should be adult enough to admit wrong and MOVE ON.
Never make the same mistake twice…
The grass is never greener.
Cocoa Chanel
OMG I think I’m going to feature this on my blog. Not to mention forward this to my black man. All of us need to step back sometimes and recognize that we can contribute to the issues in a relationship. Immaturity and Pride often get in the way of that. great entry…
yes
you oughta take this on the road cuz the fellas need to hear this one
chrissy snow
I rest my case your honor….lol
^^^^^^ lol you ain’t gotta rub it in FG sheesh…..
Reina
I do agree with this and I completely guilty. In the past, men have allowed to me have my way so I never had to take any blame. It wasn’t until my last relationship that I accepted my BS. I’m still working through the 12 steps, but hey! I’ve admitted it.
Good post!
The Fly Guy
@ Reina,
Hey, the first step is always the hardest one ;-) I can see where it was easy for you to think that way since past men were letting you get away with whatever. But now that you are self-aware, your next relationships should be more fruitful.
Reina
@ Fly:
Fruitful makes me think of “bearing fruit”. You know like children. Let’s just say, my next relationship will hopefully be more successful.
The Fly Guy
@ Reina
HAHA..I certainly didn’t mean fruit. So we’ll go with your suggestion, and change that to successful ;-)
I’ve read some of your past comments, and you seem to have a pretty good perspective on relationships, so I’m sure it will be great.