Fly Letters
I Can’t Believe She Did This
Dear Fly Guy,
I asked my girlfriend of six years to marry me, and she said no. When I asked why, she simply said that she wasn’t ready. I’m so confused by this. How much time does she really needs to fully commit to me??? What are your thoughts Fly Guy? Do I need to start thinking about Plan B?
Thanks,
Dazed and Confused
Dear Dazed and Confused,
First of all, let me say that I’m sorry you had to endure the experience of your proposal being turned down. Asking someone to marry you takes a lot of courage, so I can only imagine the wide range of emotions that you are currently experiencing. However, her answer may be just what you needed to finally turn the page, and start a new chapter in your life. By saying no, she sent a clear cut signal that even after six years, she still isn’t convinced that you are the one for her. Before I offer my perspective, I’d like for you to answer the following questions:
Did it take six years to discover the truth about Milli Vanilli? No.
Did it take six years to uncover Ben Affleck’s lack of true acting talent? No.
Did it take six years to determine that George Bush was a really bad president? Hell No.
What I’m trying to say is this: Six years is more than enough time to size a person up, and make your determinations about them. So stop allowing her to string you along in a relationship that is obviously not going to progress past this point. If you do, then you’ll probably be writing me five years from now, telling me how she still won’t marry you after ELEVEN years. If marriage is what you want, then she may not be the one for you. It may be time to make a change. I hope this helps.
The Fly Guy
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Jeez
LEAVE!!!! She aint tryna marry you.
chrissy snow
piece of advice, i was with my husband for 8 yrs before we decided to get married, and i am STILL learning stuff bout him on a daily so to me, the amount of time it takes for a couple to make that step, makes no difference, you have all the time in the world to learn about each other, and if you do get married, trust me, lol you gon learn new stuff sbout em everyday, prolly till yall die…. good luck tho….
The Fly Guy
So Chrissy, I have a question for you. Was there any particular reason why you and your husband waited that long to get married? Were there extended periods apart?
chrissy snow
no clue why we waited, we were on and off in the beginning of our relationship but from the time our oldest was about 3, (she is now 10) till now we have been together, we just never really felt the need to be married like everyone else told us we should, we both knew the other was satisifed and going nowhere, so what was the big deal. One of his friends said one time why won’t you marry her already, that is just crazy for her to put up with you not making her a legit woman, i was like okay so us living together, paying bills together, raising our children together, buying a house together isn’t legit comapred to you just screwing a random female and having several baby mommas????
we were comfortable, we knew we love eash other so it was no bigge to us, i would be lying tho if i were to say i never thought or asked him what the hell are we waiting on….and one day he just woek up and said i need you to be my wife now, i was like need????? he was like i need you now, and imma need you later, imma need you w hen i am sick, broke, and you have shown me that you will be there so please lets just get married, i was like man shut up, and maybe a week after that he came picked me up from work, and the kids were like mommy daddy got a git for you, and my oldest handed me a box, and i opened it and cried…..and laughed @ the same time……anyway i know you ain’t need to hear the whole story in detail but there you have it….lol
Juice Mag
I guess there are no time line to tell when she will be ready, but when she will you’ll know :)
kaliente
IMO that’s fukked up i feel like in 6 years she should know or not! straight up…she didn’t say i’ll think about it, she obviously didn’t give a reason so yea it will be hard because proposing is not something you just did, just to do! As much as it hurts, she doesn’t want to marry you, but i’m sure you’ll make someone else just as happy! Good luck!
jenee
i feel like it’s one thing for both people to not be ready after six years, and be totally comfortable with their relationship as is. it’s a very different animal when one person has very different relationship goals than the other after six years. in chrissy’s situation, they were a strong team with honesty and security (that rocks chrissy!!!). For D&D, it sounds like two individuals trying to drive the same car in different directions.
Just a Thought
I dunno, I want to know more about this story. While I do believe that most people know before six years if they can marry someone, there has to be a reason that she doesn’t want to marry you. It could be that she just doesn’t want you, or it could be that you’ve burned your bridges with her for far too long, and she needs more time/proof before she commits to you til death do ya part.
zillz
yo i just read your drop about you proposing to the main squeeze and she said no.
vacate.i’ma tell you why.
i just got out of a long term relationship. we dated 10.5 years!!! real talk.
and we always talked about marriage.
she really wanted it. but there were things in the relationship that prevented me from jumping the broom…when I finally said “okay i’ma do this, let’s make this happen,” she found reasons to breakup.
fam, take it from a person who had it in his heart to not marry the only woman he’s ever loved with his entire soul. If there’s a feeling that you or her are not ready to marry after an extended period of time…don’t do it. Save yourself the heartache.
be easy. find a new main squeeze.