Fly Features

Weekend Dating Tip: Don’t Stare

I recently wrote a letter to my local weatherman that went a little something like this:
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Dear Local Weather Guy,

The Fly Guy
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Now some of you may be a bit confused by the harsh tone that was directed towards him in my letter. Well allow me to explain. I’m not sure how it feels in your city, but where I live, it’s been summertime for quite a while now. Yet, there he is on my television every day telling me that summer is right around the corner. Well I say, bulls*%#@ Mr. Weatherman … it’s already here.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten past my issue with him, it’s time for me to share my Fly Guy dating tip for this weekend. Since the weather has warmed up, you should also see a dramatic increase in your city’s nightlife activity –which means more opportunities to meet potential mates. So as you prepare to make this a night to remember, never forget the following tip:

Don’t stare.

I mean sure, it’s cool to occasionally catch eyes with someone from across a crowded club. But at some point you have to do one of two things: Either make a move, and approach her; or realize that you may be a coward. If you settle on the latter, then you need to immediately leave the club, and log onto either craigslist or ebay. Now I’m not entirely sure, but you may be able to find a heart or some courage on one of those sites. Either way, you should never …and I mean never (this is the part where I REALLY stress my point) … ever ever ever, continue to stare at a woman without ever speaking. For one, it’s just creepy. Women have to worry about enough when they go out, and strange dudes staring at them from across the room shouldn’t be added to their list. Besides, if you do finally gain the courage to walk up and introduce yourself, she would have already labeled as crazy, since she could feel you staring at her as intently as that time Christina Milian was staring at the record contract I left sitting on my coffee table. (I think she really wants one of those.)

So fellas, I want you to enjoy yourself this weekend. But remember: Don’t Stare. You’ll thank me later.

The doors of the church are now open.