Danity Kane's "Damaged" Misleads Women

Apr 11th, 2008 | Author: admin | Category: Fly Perspectives
Comments (28)

Before I begin, let me make one thing very clear: I actually like Danity Kane (well, about as much as a guy can safely like a girl group without raising the collective eyebrows of his boys.) So this shouldn’t be viewed as me hating on them in any way, shape or form. I just happen to have a deep seated disdain for their latest single, “Damaged.” Why? Because as catchy as the tune may be, the underlying message of the song speaks to a long-standing issue that many women have when it comes to relationships. Well, I think it’s time I addressed and corrected this problem once and for all. Let’s take a look at the lyrics in question before I begin.

The Lyrics:

Do you got a first aid kit handy?
Do you know how to patch up a wound, tell me
Are you patient, understanding?
Cuz I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart

I tried every remedy and nothing seems to work for me

Baby, this situation’s driving me crazy
And I really want to be your lady
But the one before you left me

Damaged
I thought that I should let you know
That my heart is
Damaged, so damaged
And you can blame the one before

So how you gonna fix?

The Fly Guy Perspective:

Okay, so let me get this straight, because I don’t want to misquote you…

So you were in a relationship that in the end left you more jacked up than Mike Tyson’s credit score. But instead of just taking the time to work through your issues and heal your broken heart, you now want to start something new with me. To make matters worse, you’re expecting me to solve those same problems which should have been fixed before you even entertained an “us.”

Do you understand how that sounds?

That’s like me buying a plasma TV from Best Buy, getting it broken, and then taking it to Circuit City and calmly asking them, “So how are you going to fix this?”

They’d probably kick me out of the store right? My point exactly.

That same type of reasoning should be applied to your relationships. There are far too many women who expect…no demand that the new guy pay restitution for the sins of the previous one. Trust me, we have all experienced the hurt, harm and pain that comes with relationships. But if I can’t get credit for the good things that your last man did, then how dare you ask me to be responsible for all of the bad things that he did???

There needs to be some sort of compromise ladies.

So if you still insist on us fixing the damage caused by him, then here are a few of our demands that must be met. I respectfully submit these on behalf of the members of NAAFUM. (The National Association for the Advancement of Fed Up Men)

Our Demands:

1. A tax break on every dinner he ever treated you to (example…taking you to McDonald’s will now carry the same value as treating you to a five-star restaurant).
2. Once a week, we can decline participation in any conversation concerning our feelings, and it can’t be held against us.
3. We no longer have to sit at the mall and watch you try on the SAME shoe in every color. (Truth be told, beige and cream look exactly alike to us.)
4. All major championship series and games will now be considered national holidays where our focus on said games can’t and won’t be interrupted by you (this includes any NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL, NCAA, Professional Boxing, PGA, Arena League Football, or any other
sporting event that may come up.)

The Conditions:

If you cannot meet these demands, then there is another alternative:

You can stop asking us how we’re going to fix the pain of your past.

Instead, just be open and honest about the issues that you’re working through, and if we so desire, then we can work on them together. I guarantee you that more men will be willing to step up to the plate, and be there for you. But that will only happen if we’re given free will to make our own decision, instead of having that expectation unfairly placed upon us. So what do you say…do we have a deal?

Click Below To Listen To Damaged

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Fly Update-
As requested, here is the male response to “Damaged.” Listen to Musiq’s “Previous Cats,” to see where the men are coming from.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

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  • http://www.becreative-design.com Chris W.

    I couldn’t agree more. I’m not, and never have been in the habit of making up for the past “wrongs” of the last dude. Leave that to the Joe’s of the world who are happy being the rebound guy. Don’t take your issues into the next man. It’s not our fault he left you broken and battered, get over your issues on your own, because they are just that…YOUR issues.

  • http://www.flyguychronicles.com The Fly Guy

    I need to hire you as my hype man or assistant pastor…lol

  • http://april@jordenmag.com Ya Favorite Publisher April Joy

    Just for that I am going to post Damaged on the Jorden myspace… lol! :)

    Sike naw you gotta point. We gotta start working out our own ish instead of expecting someone to do it for us. But the song is still HOT!

    April Joy

  • http://www.jordenmag.com Ya Favorite Publisher April Joy JORDEN MAGAZINE

    Oh but one quick question… When are men going to take responsibility for thier part in our Damage????

  • http://www.flyguychronicles.com The Fly Guy

    You’re right, and I couldn’t agree with you more. Men do need to step up and take responsibility for the damage they caused…but it has to be the right man. It’s time out for us doing the time for someone else’s crime.

  • Mona Maguire “jus n tha nicc of time”

    actually i have experienced this with a guy before. As much as I have been hurt my Libra ass will always dust it off not carry it with me… love continues to rule my world and the next man gets me fresh… He had been damaged plus he was a gemini so we talked out every which way he felt before and after me and he often used that past hurt to refer to our relationship as to glorify ours because it wasnt like the last bad relationship he had… if you follow me… if not then im saying that guys hold grudges and baggage too believe it or not and they could be holding that grudge all the way from the 6th grade too and oh yeah when told how men cheat he says women be sneaky wit it tho….
    DANITY CANE prob was looking for their next hit i dunno….guess that aint it…whooooo my comments long like a good di** in da morning…. and im out dis piece

  • http://www.myspace.com/jordenmag Ya Favorite Publisher April Joy JORDEN MAGAZINE

    I feel mona… I have been in relationship where men have had baggage, insecurites, whateva and in turn they tried to play the reverse game and make it seem like it was ME with the issues… dating/relationships is a weird thing because it is definately a give and take… the only problem is when you start giving more and recieving less. this doesn’t neccessarily mean money… it could mean energy… some “damaged” men can be so draining that after dealing with them you have to go into a personal rehabilitation. Bottom line every woman should take time to “do her”. Also we can cut out alot of uneccessary damage by learning from our past mistakes. Between all of our girl friends sisters and friends stories we have seen damage. The key to stoping it from filtering into a new relationship is to start IDENTIFYING the traits of a bullsh^t. When you see it SHUT IT DOWN. okay my bad… i just felt like sharing some more… nite nite

  • http://www.therezidue.com Maurice Garland

    fellas can start fixing damage and taking responsibility by recording an appropriate response to this song…do you have any idea of how many women are in LA Fitness hitting the treadmill to this shit? The damage already been done…the only way to reverse it is to get JT Money and Too Short on a song together to combat these chicks…and why the fugg is Puffy on here sounding like DMX after a Malibu and Pineapple?

    But nah seriously…best way to deal with the bag ladies is to just be upfront with them…let them know you didnt have nothing to do with what ever happened…be considerate the first to maybe 3rd time they try to lash out…but after that, you gotta be blunt and just tell them to handle it or kick rocks…

  • http://www.flyguychronicles.com The Fly Guy

    “Puffy on here sounding like DMX after a Malibu and Pineapple”…..now that’s funny

  • Reggie Boy

    Fly Guy, you need to post the Musiz Soulchild, “Previous Cats” joint. He addresses the problem adequately.

  • http://www.flyguychronicles.com The Fly Guy

    I Gotcha. Previous Cats is now in the main post.

  • http://www.ourdailyblast.blogspot.com British Bombshell

    Yeah, this song is pretty stupid, but hey, what are these girls, 12? What “relationships” have they really had? They really don’t know what they hell they are talking about….

    But on a more important note, I think that all of us at this age (late 20′s, early 30′s) have baggage/damage. If someone says they don’t they are lying their arse off!

    The key is how to fix/work on the damage of the past relationship so it does not pop up into the present. Hard to do, but necessary. I don’t think the new person should have to shoulder the burden of doing that, that’s on you! However, all these men that claim they don’t want to date any woman with drama/baggage/issues need to fall back. Unless you are willing to date a FETUS or a CORPSE then you are going to have to cut the females some slack. Same thing goes for women too.

    HOWEVER….if the foolishness is just too much, then cut everyone loose. Sometimes, some folks just need to get their *ish together before they get back on the scene!

  • http://www.becreative-design.com Chris W.

    That new Usher “I Can’t Win” would be a good response too…

  • http://www.ubringmejoi.blogspot.com ubringmejoi

    i like the song!!!!!!! and i think that they are a good girl group and yes, i do have the CD! and yes, i’m playing it in my IPOD, WHAT?! lol! and they aren’t 12 they are in there early 20′s and truth be told there were some of us that were damaged by that age too! i took the song as i got some sh@t with me, i like you but i want you to know ahead of time that and if you want to continue then that’s cool but i just wanted you to know in advance. (this is classic she is setting you up for the blow up. . . look i like you and i’m hurt so if i just flip out one day don’t take it personally, lol) i mean who wouldn’t want to know if you might have a few issues/baggage, mario winans (“i don’t want to know” but that’s another topic). i do think that women and men should take a little time for themselves after each relationship but just because you want to take time doesn’t mean that GOD is going to give you that time. what if in your “pursuit to happiness” you were taking the time you felt you needed and someone great walks into your life, what are you going to say “bad timing?” he/she might be just what the doctor ordered to “help fix it!” though i can understand what you mean when they say, “how ya gonna fix it?” because technically it is not his problem but i think that it was catchy and they needed something cute and sassy to say, i don’t think that they meant it literally. but i’m cool with d. woods you want me to “ask her?”

  • Eartodastreetz

    I actually like this piece because it touches on a lot of truths as to women. But trust I have “dated” a couple of guys that penalized me for their ex(s) or the women of their past. So I feel like as human beings we all need to check ourselves before we invite people into our lives.

  • http://Buppie.Blogspot.com DC Buppie

    The best buy Circuit city analogy..Hilarious.

    I like this song, I did not take it so literally that the ownest of every heartbreak is on men…
    I’m not a Fly Guy, But a Fly girl and I gotta agree. Women need to stop looking at men to fix their problems, however Men could “Fix it” by not committing those heartbreaking crimes.
    Women we damage men as well, that in turn begins the domino effect of damaging folks. Someone in sense needs to stop this process, and “FIX IT”.

    You feel me or is this a stretch??…
    ~~~Buppie.Blogspot.Com~~~~

  • Sam

    I agree with you DC Buppie. Someone needs to stop it.

  • Karen

    When did men and women become so adversarial???

  • Monica

    First, as a grown woman, I am appaled by the way some of my younger sisters (all nationalities) view relationships.

    I am constantly trying to tell women that you do not need a man to complete you. You should complete yourself. Really, that goes for males and females.

    Your mate should be there to compliment you. What you lmay ack, they make up for. Hence it being called a partnership.

    NO! the next “partner” you have should not “fix” you. You should come into ANY new relationship (love, friendship, professional, etc.) clear of any past issues.

    Don’t get it twisted. You should never forget what you went through. What you should do is take every hurt or disappointment as a lesson learned and apply it to your list of “What I don’t want to happen from this point”. Keep your eyes open but give the next situation a chance before you start judging.

    Trust until they prove not trust worthy. Don’t be DUMB, of course but be aware!

  • Janie

    1st of all I love this song.
    2nd of all I have to now admit that the words are kind of stupid.

  • http://www.ubringmejoi.blogspot.com ubringmejoi

    …Kind of stupid I think is a stretch but then again all last year we were “Superman That Ho!” and it was given best song of the year. So now a days the words don’t have to be that great it just has to sell, lol!

  • http://www.ubringmejoi.blogspot.com ubringmejoi

    o and by the way you could of gotten a better picture of them!

  • http://www.flyguychronicles.com The Fly Guy

    oh boy, you gonna fight me over the pic…lol

  • http://tbl2.wordpress.com brran1

    And most females in this predicament wonder why dudes flee from them faster than an illegal Mexican from an INS agent. I understand that we all carry things from our past. But should I be subjected to your feelings on a previous relationship that I had no part of. You’re better off taking that up with Ronreaco or George or whatever his name is b/c i’m not dude.

  • http://tbl2.wordpress.com brran1

    *that should read*
    And most females in this predicament wonder why dudes flee from them faster than an illegal Mexican from an INS agent. I understand that we all carry things from our past, but should I be subjected to your feelings on a previous relationship that I had no part of? No. You’re better off taking that up with Ronreaco or George or whatever his name is b/c I’m not him.

  • http://ubringmejoi.blogspot.com/ ubringmejoi

    Hell yeah I’m going to ride you about that picture. . . you could of done way better, actually I think that I found a great one and put in on my page instead of that whack one you got up, lol!

  • http://www.flyguychronicles.com/2008/12/7-great-fly-guy-moments-from-2008/ The Fly Guy Chronicles | 7 Great Fly Guy Moments From 2008

    [...] 2. Danity Kane’s “Damaged” Misleads Women [...]

  • http://twitter.com/questlove Amir Thompson

    Many thanks for sharing that fantastic song.