Volume 44- Escaping the Friend Zone
Feb 8th, 2008 | Author: The Fly Guy | Category: The Chronicles
Comments (17)
This feeling is indescribable. No, I take that back…it’s borderline magical. That’s how good it feels to be around this person. You can’t stop thinking about them. They consume every part of your being. There’s just one problem though.
The other person doesn’t see it. In fact, it’s even worse than that.
They view you as “just a friend.”
That’s right. You’ve officially become trapped in the friend zone…a place more unpleasant than a Ben Affleck acting workshop. Now, there was a point in time when escaping the friend zone was considered virtually impossible…that is until today. It’s time for me to set the captives free with my “Fly Guide to Escaping the Friend Zone.”
1. Stop Acting Like A Friend
An effective way to begin your great escape is to stop acting like a friend. Now that doesn’t give you permission to blatantly ignore the things that made you friends in the first place. But it does give you the right to distance yourself from the normal “buddy activities.”
In short, you have to avoid comments like this: “You’re such a good friend. I feel like I can tell you anything.” If that anything doesn’t include the two of you laying on a beach listening to Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing,” then you don’t need to hear it.
2. Rock The Boat
Still wondering how you ever found your way into the friend zone in the first place? Well for starters, you may have been too predictable. Here’s the test. If they were sad, did you instantly give them a shoulder to cry on? Or how about this one: If they needed you, did you show up knocking on their door in 3.4 seconds? If so, then you’re actually suffering from an acute case of “predictablilititis” (I actually borrowed that word from the Jesse Jackson “Make It Up As I Go” Public Speaking Dictionary.)
Listen, I respect your undying devotion to them, but all this does is place you even deeper into the friend zone. Let’s break this down some more. When a person’s in a relationship, they reach out to their mate. When they’re single, they reach out to family and friends. Need I say more? So the next time they say they’re bored and are wondering what you’re doing, shake things up a bit by saying you have a date. More on this next…
3. Pursue Other People
You don’t have to adjust your monitor, as this is not a misprint. You need to start pursuing other people…today. By doing so, you actually gain ground in the long run by triggering their jealousy switch. Think about it. Have you ever had someone constantly running behind you, only to watch them make a sudden about face to pursue someone else? When it happened, didn’t you secretly think, “Am I missing out on something good?”
Jealousy is a natural emotion, and as soon as you’re able to use that to your advantage, the sooner you’ll have them craving you more than George Bush does higher gas prices. (Hey, you didn’t hear that from me.)
4. Get A Little Closer
The next step in escaping the friend zone is to break down the physical barriers between the two of you. Simply put, you have to develop a pattern of touching them. So any chance that presents itself, initiate some type of physical contact. This can include kisses on the cheek, hugs, and playful wrestling. The more you do this; the more comfortable they’ll be with your touch…which is probably what Michael Vick’s cellmate is banking on.
5. Peak Their Interest
Now that you’ve broken the physical barrier, it’s time to add some intrigue into the equation. The first step is to start sending mixed signals about your actual feelings for them. (If you’re unclear on how to do this, pay attention to Lindsay Lohan’s relationship with designer drugs…one day she loves them; the next day she’s over them.)
Mixing this type of mysterious behavior with your new found physicality only raises more questions in their mind. For starters, they’re trying to figure out if you’re actually interested in them. This uncertainty forces them to think about you within the context of a relationship. Mission accomplished…well almost.
6. Close The Deal
You’ve now come to the moment of truth; the juncture that ultimately separates the men from the boys and the women from Rosie O’Donnell. If you’ve followed my plan precisely, you should now be ready to close the deal. This happens by cutting through the fluff, and making your intentions abundantly clear. There’s no clear cut way to go about expressing yourself, but one constant must be in place no matter what the approach: The two of you must be alone.
Once the mood is right, grab them by the shoulders, and let them know exactly how you feel…preferably in 3-5 sentences (There’s nothing worse than killing the mood by talking too much. Wrap it up!)
The Fly Guy Moral: Before you attempt to break out of the friend zone, you need to ask yourself this final question: Am I even going to enjoy this new found freedom?
Let’s face it, many times there’s only one thing that’s actually better than being in a relationship with someone…and that’s the fantasy of it. In the end, you may find out that it’s not all that’s cracked up to be. So before you throw away your friendship, make sure you’re ready to accept the consequences, no matter what the outcome. Good luck. And remember, if you get caught during your escape: Don’t snitch on me.
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Great article! I have to agree that many times the fantasy is MUCH better than the actual relationship itself. That is one reason why I am sticking in the friend zone with many of my celebrity crushes. Not sure they exactly know we are friends, but they will figure it out one day.
lol…yeah, unfortunately some of our favorite celebrities aren’t as great as you’d probably think. At the end of the day though, we are all just people.
Good stuff. The friend zone is the perfect place to truly get to know your possible future mate. Knowing your mate and I mean more than just “biblically” leads to greater FITness or FIT- Fun, Intimacy, and Trust. I married my friend. Now we are licensed friends with great benefits and kids. Yes, marriage.
We met in seventh grade and started dating after high school. Dated for almost 4 years, now married for 7 years with no itches -praise God.
The friend zone is a great place to lay down a strong foundation built on the rock to support a fabulous relationship that will build each of you up and stand up against anything. When you are in the “friend zone”, it’s a no “game zone”- You two are real and don’t have to lie to kick it. You are there for one another and you listen to one another. If you are really in it to win it, leave sex out of it till marriage. (Yes, you can do it, don’t play with fire and don’t give the cow away nor the milk.) If this were the stock market you might be playing with jail time like Martha Stewart with your insider information, but it is not. It’s the love market and insider information will set you free to enjoy greater FITness, you will know when to buy and when to sell. Enjoy the “friend zone” for what it is and let things progress naturally using the tips up above written by the Fly Guy, mixed with some prayer and you might just get a relationship that will stand the test of time.
Keep it Movin’,
Jamez
I totally agree with you my friend we sometimes see the friends zone as something horrible but as time goes on you really can see how the other person behaves escaping the friends zone is not easy but is not impossible
dope azz article. I need to get up out the friend zone with a few chicks…lol
A few chicks huh?? You are a nutt. :) Simply funny.
Deez Daddy,
I think you may need to leave those friends right where they are…You are just looking for trouble.
Good stuff here… I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine… who cant figure out why I am single because I am so laid back and chill, love football, not high maintenance, you would think I would be a black man’s dream, but because of that I end up being in the friend zone a lot, and even have my boys tell me they wish their girls were more like me… aint that a blip. But I did recently flirt with a friend of mine and he goes “Eb get outta here you like my sister” I wasn’t even flirting with him because I wanted an advance on our relationship… it was all in good fun, but that kinda stroked my ego a little bit that he didn’t engage…
Anyway, in your suggestions 1 and 2 are extremely hard. The rest I can see though
i tried all this and know he acting really funny
he acting real distant and quiet
around me he must best friend i dont want to fuck are friendship what should i do
great article … and good advice
Wassap bro,
Great material!
The friend zone is definitely not where you want to be and yet so many of us guyz find ourselves there.
David DeAngelo once said the:
“Take everything your mom ever told you on how to get a gurl to like you then do the EXACT OPPOSITE!”
You get what I mean, we grow up trying to get her attention by being prince charming but that DOESN’T work… EVER!
Feel free to check out some of my material on guy-gurl relationships on my blog:
http:www.positivelivingblog.com
I have been that guy who is nothing more than a friend but now I only enter the friend zone when I want to enter the friend zone.
Anyway, I digress:)
Great material bro!
Wassap bro,
Great material!
The friend zone is definitely not where you want to be and yet so many of us guyz find ourselves there.
David DeAngelo once said the:
“Take everything your mom ever told you on how to get a gurl to like you then do the EXACT OPPOSITE!”
You get what I mean, we grow up trying to get her attention by being prince charming but that DOESN’T work… EVER!
Feel free to check out some of my material on guy-gurl relationships on my blog:
http:/www.positivelivingblog.com
I have been that guy who is nothing more than a friend but now I only enter the friend zone when I want to enter the friend zone.
Anyway, I digress:)
Great material bro!
Actually people with OCD have a lack of the chemical Seretonin, and love produces that and other chemicals that can be addictive =D
Great article, but step 5 should be “grab her and kiss her” not “tell her how you feel”.
No matter how wonderful and strong your friendship is, you must be willing to sacrafice it upon the altar of love, and do it with a sharp blade, a steady hand and no hesitation, at the precise moment the stars align, without judgement, fear or malice.
What, did you think this was going to be easy??
@flygly
i agree will all but one point and that would be:
1. Stop Acting Like A Friend:
It is a misguided approach to offer to the masses. i understand on the surface how you may have come to the conclusion that it will help in the desired transition.keep your mind alert to this truth: by plugging out of the friendship, the object of your desire will feel-and rightly so- that you dont care about them. in fact it might be taken as “you are in it for yourself”. the man who is excused is the one who is too overwhelmed with romantical emotions to prohit friendship in the place of relations of a romantical nature. eeven then they dont altogether relinquish the title of friend.
every woman worth her weight in gold will agree that the deepest desire of any and every man is born from pleasing a woman. IMHO, the lesson should be to enable the man who is taken by this certain beauty to harmonize the laws of nature that would cause the cactus to shed its thorns and become edible food.
yo dis is gud stuff I hope it works though if I don’t get to be with this girl quick im going to go crazy