Fly Letters

Volume 36- Dating While Divorcing

Once upon a time, the phrase “Till death do us part,” was widely regarded as one of the most important declarations that one could ever make in their life. But now as the divorce rate in America continues to climb higher than R. Kelly’s pulse at a debutante ball, that once time-honored vow has now been replaced with something along the lines of, “Let’s part before one of us kills the other.” But even before the divorce becomes legal and finalized, there is an increasing number of those that wish to get a head start on all that single life has to offer. So today, I’ve decided to address some of the many concerns that our readers have been expressing when it comes to the idea of dating someone while going through a divorce.

Pay close attention…this may help you too.

Dear Fly Guy,

Desiree R.
Minneapolis, MN

Dear Desiree,

I think that decision is solely based on what you want out of the divorce proceedings. If you’re willing to cut ties, and simply walk away, then by all means go for it…date as much as you like. But if there’s something that you and your husband could potentially fight over, then I would wait until everything is final. Why? Because even if your husband has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, I can guarantee that he doesn’t want to see you with another man either…at least not now. So don’t give him any reason to become bitter, and legally or physically use your love life against you. I know you’ve heard of a woman scorned, but trust me…that pales in comparison to a jealous man. I would hate to see your husband become more violent than Lindsay Lohan after the bartender announces last call. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

The Fly Guy

Dear Fly Guy,

Jeff W.
Washington D.C.

Dear Jeff,

Now that you are legally separated from your wife, I would actually encourage you to date other people. Here’s why. During this period of legal separation, you can actually get out there and see if divorce is really what you want. Who knows what could happen. You may very well realize that leaving your wife would be a bigger mistake than electing a former president’s son to run this country (wait…can anything be worse than that?) So take this time to explore your options. In the end, if you still feel that there’s no turning back, then by all means go for it. Keep me in the loop on this one.

The Fly Guy

Dear Fly Guy,

Ron V.
Chicago, IL

Dear Ron,

Obviously it does matter to you, if you’ve taken the time to write me. So now that you’ve taken the time to write, I hope you also take the time to listen. HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. Did that come through loud and clear? Don’t make the mistake of holding back that kind of information. Any new woman that you decide to date deserves to have all of the facts. That way, she can make her own informed decision on whether she wants to date you or not. If you don’t tell her the whole truth, and she finds out later on, then you’ll more than likely end up like MC Hammer at his latest album release party…alone. So do the right thing. Tell the truth.

The Fly Guy

Dear Fly Guy,

Jackie B.
San Jose, CA

Dear Jackie,

One of the hardest things that a child has to go through is having his or her family broken apart. This can literally turn a child’s life upside down. With that already being hard enough, it makes no sense to bring in other people to further cloud up an already confusing situation. So if you absolutely must date other people before the divorce becomes finalized, then I would advise you to do it as discreetly as possible. In the end, shielding your children from seeing this may help them to avoid growing up more confused than me after a Spike Lee movie (It’s three years later, and I’m still trying to understand She Hate Me.) So please be careful with exposing your children to this. I wish you all the best.

The Fly Guy

Do you have a love-related question for the Fly Guy?

If so, then email him at flyguychronicles@gmail.com