The Chronicles

Volume 26- Do Men Know How To Love?

Today’s edition of the Fly Guy Chronicles asks a simple but probing question. Do men know how to love? And while that may seem a bit broad, I would still contend that there are some universal factors that do attribute to a large majority of the male population’s inability to properly love someone. Some men are able to overcome these environmental obstacles….while others aren’t as fortunate. So pay close attention as I unveil the Fly Guy’s 3 Reasons Why Men Don’t Know How To Love.

3. Heartbreak Follows Us.
While women in the past have been quick to make such bold pronouncements like “all men are dogs,” a large majority of men have experienced a broken heart due to relational infidelity by a woman (sounds to me like women cheat quite a bit too.) And whether you know it or not, a broken heart often does more damage to a man’s psyche than a marriage to Halle Berry. Though he may never fully admit the total extent of the damage, being cheated on stays with him for a very long time, thereby affecting the way that he loves.

So here’s the fundamental difference between the sexes following heartbreak. While a woman may put up a tougher fight initially, (this includes all of the “emotional walls” put up when meeting new men,) as soon as the “new guy” proves his worth, she’s more willing to give her all again. For men, you may not find as much resistance initially, but you also may never know or feel what it’s like to have all of his love. Why is this? Well, it’s a subconscious defense mechanism. Less emotional investment equals less hurt in the end.

2. Expression Is Not An Option.
For many, a major part of being raised as a “real man” included a constant reminder that showing emotion was not an option. You could rob a bank, steal an old lady’s groceries, or even beat up a midget, but you better not cry. The only time it was deemed acceptable to demonstrate any real emotion was during any competitive outing…but even that had its limits. Well that carries over into relationships, as men still struggle with when it’s okay to exhibit any real emotion…especially when it involves being vulnerable.

Public Service Announcement: In the past, I’ve made several references to Gary Coleman, some of which were in my opinion pretty funny. That last midget comment was in no way directed towards him, and shame on you for thinking that. Just because a 39-year-old man is only 4′8, does not make him a midget…he may just be a late bloomer. I just thought I’d clear that up.

1. The Rules Change Everyday
No matter how insightful a man believes that he is when it comes to loving a woman, he’ll soon realize that what works today may not work tomorrow, which is a lesson that MC Hammer never fully grasped when it came to making music. He also must realize that what worked with one woman, may in fact fail miserably with the next, a lesson that Bobby Brown is still learning (it seems that very few women enjoy that “Whitney” type of love that he gives.)

It’s this lack of adaptability that can make a man come across as being out of touch with how to properly love you. But that’s not the case at all. It’s just that the rules and your standards change so much, that it can be hard to keep up with what actually works.

The Fly Guy Moral: While I’ve detailed three of the challenges that men face when it comes to properly loving someone, by no means am I proclaiming that all is lost. There are many good men out there that are perfectly capable of loving someone. But I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t point out a few of the symptoms that do hinder the effectiveness of a man’s love. So just like we as men have to be sensitive to the plight of a woman, so too should a woman be mindful of the “male experience” in America. When both sides are able to confront their challenges, and respect their counterpart’s issues and idiosyncrasies, more progress can be made towards achieving happier and healthier relationships.