The Chronicles

Volume 18- The Fear of Commitment, Part 1

The Fear of Commitment. Like that omnipresent two-ton pink elephant, it’s something that’s always around, but few people choose to seriously address it. The reason? Maybe it’s just easier for people to believe that their single status is solely attributed to the faults of others.Or perhaps, they’re wandering through life unaware that such a fear even exists within them. Whatever the case may be, I’m determined to uncover the true source of commitment anxiety faster than Tim Hardaway can destroy his public image. So in this two-part special, allow me to first unveil five indicators that someone is suffering from a fear of commitment.

1. You often choose your career over developing a meaningful relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with working hard to develop a successful career…in fact I encourage it. I do however strongly discourage a lack of balance in one’s life…that would be like Chris Tucker only acting in Rush Hour movies, which we all know would never happen.

Your career can’t win out every time. If you find yourself choosing to quiz yourself on the employee handbook over having a nice conversation with a potentially special someone, then you may indeed suffer from a fear of commitment.

2. You often cancel your date plans at the last minute.
I consider this behavior to be a form of self-sabotage. You enjoy spending time with this person, and they’re obviously into you. But for some reason, you’re always making some last-minute excuse as to why you need to cancel the date. It could be anything from you having to work late to your Aunt Loretta getting food poisoning at the Waffle House. In the end, all you’re really doing is scattering, smothering, and covering any real shot at developing a meaningful relationship. You could have been out having a nice time, and now you’re at home alone watching a “Who’s the Boss” marathon on TV Land.

3. You tend to date people that are off limits.
The obvious explanation for this sign is that you only date people that are either married or seriously involved with someone else…I call this the “Angelina Jolie Principle.” And while she eventually did land Brad, I would strongly advise against using her method as a dating blueprint.

You also have those who habitually date the emotionally scarred. I call this the “Dennis Rodman Method,” as they tend to only date people on the rebound. By consistently dating those who are emotionally incapable of seriously investing themselves in you, you’re subconsciously eliminating the need to commit.

4. You never fully close the door on past relationships.
For many of us, the fear of the unknown can be absolutely terrifying. It’s like going into a crowded shoe store, and forgetting if this was the one day that you put on that ratty pair of socks. It’s because of that fear of being exposed, that we often hold on to past flames. After all, who knows if this new person is actually going to work out. So you keep fielding the calls of former lovers, even though they slept with your best friend and messed up your credit with that crazy midget porn addiction. You still refuse to let go of them though, which makes it difficult to fully give yourself to someone new.

5. Your mate requirements are extremely complex.
A telling sign that you subconsciously have a fear of settling down, is your list of dating preferences. Your list has more plot twists than an episode of “24“. I actually ran into this one young lady who explained how she wanted to settle down with a guy that was at least 6′4, a Cancer (they are so loving and sensitive she said), between the ages of 35-37, had good credit, great teeth, a great sense of humor, makes over 90k a year, loves his mamma, loves the Lord, has strong ties to the community, eats a well-balanced breakfast, works out a least 3 to 5 times a week, reads at least two books a month, and treats her like a queen. I told her that she had a better chance at winning a gold medal for doubles figure-skating by herself, than to find a soulmate with a complicated list like that. Her automatic exclusion of so many good men that don’t fit that description is a classic sign of someone who unknowingly suffers from a fear of commitment.

The Fly Cliffhanger: Now that we’ve unearthed a few of the commitment anxiety indicators, make sure you come back next week as I delve into the psychology behind it all. I’ll give you my word that the conclusion to this Fly Guy Commitment Series will benefit society in a profound manner…that’s the least I can do considering how bad I feel about the time I let Ray-J borrow my camcorder.