The Chronicles

Volume 17- Deconstructing Relationship Myths

There are but three certainties in life. Death, taxes, and Eddie Murphy playing all of the characters in his movie. Those occurrences are virtually money in the bank, but what you can’t count on is fully understanding relationships. Love can be about as confusing as a Lauryn Hill post-Rohan Marley album. A main factor contributing to the confusion is the laundry list of rules we choose to abide by. But now it’s time to challenge those archaic principles as we deconstruct five common relationship myths.

1. You’ll know right away when you’ve found “the one.”

Perhaps Hollywood has glamorized the whole “love at first sight’ concept. Now I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with spotting someone from across the room, and running towards them in slow motion while MC Hammer “Have You Seen Her” plays in the background. You just can’t fool yourself into believing that’s the only way to know you’ve found true love. Sometimes love can be slow to develop, like an unnamed three-hour drama (I see you Will Smith…and no I’m not referring to The Pursuit of Happyness…or am I?) But when you finally get into it…watch out. The embers of passion will smolder, lasting longer than a Mary J. Blige Grammy acceptance speech.

2. If I’m cheated on, it means they don’t love me anymore.

There are many reasons why people cheat, and most of them have nothing to do with you. A common mistake is to believe that when someone cheats it’s strictly because they don’t love you anymore. While that could be the case, there may be something deeper going on with them, like a mid-life crisis, a fear of commitment, or some other internal strife. While that doesn’t excuse their behavior, it should allow you to sleep better at night…like the time I found out that Don King’s hair was already like that before my little Halloween prank. I finally stopped blaming myself for his problem, and so should you. They probably still love you…they just haven’t learned what loving someone really means.

3. Never go to bed angry.

I remember seeing this on an episode of the “Cosby Show.” When Cliff and Claire stayed up all night to iron out their problems, I thought, “Wow, that’s really cool.” But as I’ve gotten older, I’m beginning to realize that you don’t always say what you mean when you’re tired. As the tension mounts and the hour gets late, you’ll end up saying things that you’ll end up regretting like a Jon Benet Ramsey murder confession. You should try this method instead. Agree to get together the next day to talk after a good night’s sleep. That way you’ll wake up as fresh as R. Kelly at recess and ready to address the issue at hand…well maybe not that kind of fresh, but you get what I’m saying.

4. If they love me, they should know exactly what I want and need.

I’m beginning to equate your relationship needs to the way our President spells his name, as both change daily. But how can you possibly expect someone to fully know what you’re thinking if you’re constantly evolving as a person? Placing such an unfair expectation on the other person will leave you about as disappointed as Prince’s hairstylist during halftime.

5. If I find the perfect person, they’ll make me feel complete.

No one should ever complete you…that is unless you’re Lil Kim’s plastic surgeon. In all honesty though, only you can make your life complete. Your relationship should add a new dimension to your life…not define who you are. Once you begin to love yourself and live life to the fullest, then and only then can you begin to truly appreciate what the other person brings to the table. Until then, you’ll never be happy.

The Fly Guy Moral: This list only represents the tip of the iceberg. There are so many additional relationship rules that have been ingrained in us from birth. Some are probably right on point. But then there are a few rules that you may need to shed like parts of Diddy’s name (In 5 years, I’m not sure if he’ll have any letters left.) In the end, judge each relationship principle accordingly, and if it doesn’t fit into your belief system, then let it go. You can’t be afraid to change the way you look at life and relationships.