Fly Letters

Commitment Issues

By The Fly Guy ⋅ February 20, 2007

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Dear Fly Guy,

For the past year, I have given my heart and soul to my girlfriend. From the moment I saw her, I was completely convinced that she was the one for me. There was even a point where we had casual conversations about possibly tying the knot one day. It’s funny how things can change so quickly. She recently suggested to me that she may still be in love with her ex-boyfriend. I also uncovered proof that she had been cheating on me throughout our relationship. When I confronted her about it, she blamed it on her fear of commitment. Well I decided to leave because of her actions, and now she wants me back. She says that she realizes that I was the one for her all along. So what should I do Fly Guy? I will always love her, but should I take her back? And if I do, how can I know for sure that she has overcome her commitment issues. I would appreciate any advice that you could give me. Thanks.

Joel

Dear Joel,

There’s no real cut-and-dry answer to your question. A broken heart is never an easy thing to recover from…especially when it’s triggered by unfaithfulness on the other person’s behalf. But having said that, people do make mistakes, and they are capable of possibly changing. So if you really believe that she is the woman for you, then there’s nothing wrong with a possible reconciliation. You just have to approach it the way I initially did Will Smith’s film career…I didn’t take it very seriously at first, but over time he proved his worth and commitment to the craft. The same goes for your situation. There is no amount of “I’m sorry’s” that can erase the pain that she caused. She just has to take the time to show you that she really means it, and is capable of being totally committed to you.

As far as still being in love with her ex…that’s a definite no-no. I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of getting back with her while she’s still “in love” with someone else. Taking her back while those feelings are still present is like dropping Richard Simmons off at the spandex store, and expecting him not to buy anything. The temptation is just too great. So unless she gets over the past, save yourself the trouble and future heartache. I hope this helps.

The Fly Guy

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