The Chronicles

Volume 13- The Cheating Series, Part 3

Now that you’ve made it through the first two phases of my cheating seminar, a decision must now be made. But before you decided whether to stay or leave, you must ask yourself the following four questions…

1. What If There Was No Cheating?
If you’ve exhausted all possible avenues only to discover no cheating occurred, then you need to evaluate yourself. There’s either one of two things happening.

a.You could be suffering from O.J. Syndrome. That’s where you’re the one that actually did it, but you’re trying to blame someone else for your transgressions (which is a common sign of a cheater, check Fly Guy Volume 11.) Alas, the glove did not fit, so you have to quit accusing them of cheating.
b. You may just like the drama. I know your favorite show is Days Of Our Lives, but you have to stop trying to create your own daytime soap opera, before your loved one taps into their inner Tom Hanks, and makes you a Castaway.

2. Can You Trust Them Again?
There’s no need to even discuss a possible reconciliation if you’re never going to trust them again. That would be more pointless than House Party 4 (a definite low point in Marques Houston’s career.)

a. If Your Answer is No… Then you need to stop reading this because there’s no further discussion. Don’t let them back in your life like those flies on your grandmother’s porch. Just keep the screen door closed, and move on to another relationship.
b. If Your Answer is Yes… You have to let them know up front that you’re hurt, but you’re willing to give it another try. You also have to convince yourself that one day you can trust them again. That may be harder than Sylvester Stallone’s botox-laced face, but at some point it has to happen.

3. Why Did They Do It?
It’s virtually impossible to fully forgive someone for cheating until you know why they did it. Once you ask the question, you must prepare yourself for these two scenarios.

a. If you don’t get a straight answer. If they sidestep your questions, avoiding them like R. Kelly’s trial (is that man ever going to court), then you seriously have to wonder if forgiving them is even an option. If they can’t speak on the problem, then they aren’t truly sorry.
b. If the relationship was the problem. They may tell you that there was something wrong in your relationship, and that’s what caused them to cheat. When you hear that, you can’t pout like you didn’t make the final 10 on American Idol. When the time is right, make a serious effort to work with them on the stated problems.

4. Is the Relationship Worth Saving?
The last question will also double as this week’s Fly Guy Moral. Ask yourself that very question. “Is this relationship worth saving?” Despite the cheating, is this still the person that I want to be with? At the end of the day, people make mistakes (including you.) That doesn’t excuse them from cheating, but it does give you grounds to one day forgive and forget (but that’s if and only if they exhibit true remorse for what they did….and it’s not the 5th time you’ve caught them.)

The Fly Guy Moral: What I’ve grown to learn is that sometimes being cheated on is the best thing that can ever happen to you (I know it doesn’t feel that way when you’re going through it, but it’s true.) It can either open your eyes to a person’s true colors, and allow you to move on to something better. Or it can make the relationship stronger, as the person realizes they almost lost the best thing they ever had. Either way you come out stronger in the process.