The Chronicles

Volume 12- Handling A Cheater

I kept telling people before the release of Volume 11 that it was going to big. I really don’t think anyone was expecting this though. In the end, I touched more lives than R. Kelly at a Girl Scout Convention. So let me ask you this…has everyone been cheated on in the past? Judging from your letters, it sure seems that way. But dealing with an unfaithful lover encompasses more than just detecting the signs of a cheater. So now in part 2 of my series, it’s time to unveil the Fly Guy’s Nine Step Guide for Handling a Cheater.

Step 1: Check your source.
Before you fly off the handle making wild accusations, ask yourself this. Where are your suspicions coming from? Are they coming from your Grandma Pearl’s dream book? (Baby, I dreamed about peas and creamed corn last night, so that means you’re being cheated on.) If that’s your only source, try to find more reliable information.

Step 2: Make sure it’s not you.
Could it be that your mind is playing tricks on you? If you have a history of being an overly jealous lover, then make sure you’re not being delusional. And yes I’m talking to you. Everyone knows about you accusing her of being unfaithful after taking communion at church. (From what I hear, you said something about her disrespecting you by eating the body and drinking the blood of another man.)

Step 3: Something’s Fishy.
Your instincts are going off like a bad weave on its track (Note: if you need an example of a bad weave to visualize the Fly Guy’s tip, please tune in to VH1’s new reality series, I Love New York. That should explain it all.) When it gets that bad, trust your instincts and try to get to the bottom of things.

Step 4: Seeing is believing.
It’s one thing to have a sneaking suspicion. It’s an entirely different ballgame when you catch your lover knee-deep in someone else. There’s no denying it now as their cheating ways are more exposed than Nicole Ritchie’s rib cage.

Step 5: Time for safety precautions.
If it’s gotten to this point, where you’re pretty sure you’re being stepped out on, then you have to think about your health…both physical and mental. There’s no need to fool around with someone who’s being sexually irresponsible. After all, who really wants to go crazy worrying AND catch some new 2012 strain of sexual ebola.

Step 6: Step out of the situation.
If you can’t give yourself unbiased advice, then step out of the situation. Think about what you told Keisha, when she found out her man Andre had three kids and four baby mammas. (I know…I was shocked too.) In the end, you may find it easier to approach your situation by picturing someone else in it.

Step 7: Talk it out.
You have to approach your fears, and confront them with the cold hard facts. Discuss your feelings, and let them know that you haven’t been this hurt since they changed Aunt Viv on the “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” without telling anyone.

Step 8: Open your ears.
Even though Beyonce didn’t exactly deserve a Golden Globe nomination, you need to tap into your inner Deena and “Listen.” That’s the key to step 8. Hear them out, and get their side of the story…even if they’re shoveling more crap than a pre-election politician.

Step 9: Decision time.
This step is what separates the men from the boys and the women from Rosie O’Donnell. You have to inform them of your intentions. Will you stay? Will you go? This is the step where you make that known. But we’ll delve into that more next week.

The Fly Guy Moral: You’ve made it through the first two phases of discovering a cheating lover, and guess what? You’re still alive…which is a good thing. You’re not about to die because they cheated on you. You can live without them. So don’t go postal and kill your lover’s entire family (I mean they all knew that he/she was a liar and a cheater since birth right?) Resist that temptation, and come back next week so I can present the third and final installment of my series on cheating. If you can’t promise me that, then go to movies and watch Blood Diamonds…that should keep you in the theater and away from them until next week.