Fly Letters

The Workaholic Husband

Dear Fly Guy,

Yolanda

Dear Yolanda,

Thanks for keeping up with my series on cheating. While you’re situation isn’t the typical Jennifer Anniston/Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie love triangle, there can be cause for concern. While I applaud your husband efforts to stack money taller than Gary Coleman, he needs to realize that it takes more than a vast financial portfolio to keep the marriage strong and the embers burning.

I think you should implement my secret weapon…The Fly Guy’s “Johnny Gill, Make You Say My My My” Persuasion Technique. Simply play the song and listen to the first few lines to get your instructions. “Put on your red dress. And slip on those high heels. And some of that sweet perfume. It sure smells good on you.” That’s step number one.

After you have yourself appearing more desirable than that camp counselor position Michael Jackson applied for, then the waiting game begins. Once he gets home, don’t do a thing. In fact, read a book. He’ll no doubt be turned on, but you must resist his advances. Let him go to sleep more frustrated than a Bush speech writer.

(”Ummm…excuse Mr. President, but can we start using more than just two syllable words?…oh and Saddam is dead now, so can you please stop requesting us to put ‘Saddam is an evil, bad, bad, bad man’ in every single one of your speeches???)

Your husband will be thinking about you in that dress well into the next day. As the day rolls on, he should be glancing at his watch, ready to push those papers aside and come home to you. Of course you could always just talk to him about your concerns (which is the safest and smartest approach) But I figured you wanted a spectacular answer, and I didn’t want to disappoint you like the time you found out Milli Vanilli was lip-synching. I hope this helps. If it doesn’t, blame it on the rain…

The Fly Guy