Fly Letters

She’s A Cheater

By The Fly Guy ⋅ January 8, 2007

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Dear Fly Guy,

I really enjoyed last week’s column on cheating. It really hit home, so I’m hoping you can help me too. I’ve been with my girlfriend for quite some time, but discovered that she was cheating on me a few months back. It really hurt, but I decided to forgive her and work on us moving past it.

The problem that I’m having is I know that she’s still talking to the same guys frequently and has seen at least one of them recently. I also have indisputable evidence that she was having a secret love affair with a guy that she claims was just a friend, even after I confronted her with my suspicions. Sometimes I wonder if she’s completely incapable of being faithful. I love her so much though, and keep praying that better days are ahead for us. That’s why I’m coming to you. Should I call her out on her past lies or should I just try to push it out of my mind? Can I ask that she stop talking to these people or will my request bring about more conflict between us? I’m at my wit’s end and really need to hear another man’s perspective. Any help would really be appreciated.

Malcolm

Dear Malcolm,

It’s sounds to me like you secretly have desires to become Axel Foley. But whether you know it or not, real life is not Beverly Hills Cop, so stop playing detective, trying to uncover dirt on your girlfriend. You can’t be mad about the past and bring it up anymore. Once you forgave her, you officially gave up that right. Should you ask her to stop talking to these men from the past? Perhaps. And if she truly cares about you she will.

As far as your other problem, you remind me of my mother. She lives and dies by one brand of cereal. Frosted Flakes. And there is nothing that anyone can say or do to convince her that Tony isn’t great. You seem to be guilty of the same problem, only your relationship sounds more like sugarless Rice Krispies (technically it could be good, but there’s obviously something missing). So since there’s no persuading you to leave her, I’ll just say this. If you really forgave her, then at some point you’ve got to let go of your past pain. Just keep working to do your part in the relationship, and maybe you’ll wake up one day and her cheating ways will be long gone (kind of like the little sister on Family Matters…(you know they really could have explained that one.) Anyway, I hope that helps (even though in my heart, I think you should drop her like a Terrell Owens’ pass.)

The Fly Guy

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