The Chronicles

Volume 5- The Definition

I got a call the other day from Webster. No it wasn’t Emmanuel Lewis asking me to join his rec league basketball team, but it was the dictionary company. Crazy right? Well I was busy at the dentist getting my teeth whitened(trying to preserve my sexy) when the phone rang. As I answered, this is what I heard…”Excuse me, but is this the Fly Guy?”I sat staring at the phone for a brief moment before I responded, “Of course, and who is this?”

The voice on the other end became extremely animated. “This is an honor sir. I represent the Merriam-Webster Dictionary Company, and we are interested in giving you, the Fly Guy an official listing in our dictionary….that is under one condition.”

Now normally I don’t allow people to put stipulations on my life, but the appeal of having my own listing in the dictionary was just too much to pass up on. So I asked….“And what would that condition be?”

“We need you to explain to us exactly why you are so fly. What makes you the expert on love and relationships? Why do all of the women want to be with you after meeting you? Why do all of the men look up to you? My son even has an “Fly Guy 4 Life” t-shirt. What makes you so special?”

(I let out a laugh. I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone to ask me this. Dictionary here I come…)

“Well that’s easy enough. To be honest with you, it took years of me messing up in relationships to get to this point. I consider myself to be the man when it comes to relationships because I always get up after I fall. I refuse to quit trying. Like Diddy said back in the day when his name was a little longer, “I thought I told you that we won’t stop.” Do I know it all? Of course not. But that doesn’t stop me from trying and having the utmost confidence in myself. Women find confidence in a man to be sexy (I hope you’re taking notes). I get stopped all the time by men in the street who wish they could be as smooth around the ladies as I am. They can. But they have to believe it first like I do. It’s all about how you perceive yourself. If more people viewed themselves to be that fly, then half of the drama that they put up with would never happen. Once I get more people to abide by the Fly Guy’s way of life, then the world will be a better place. Or at least a funnier place. Now don’t get me wrong, while everyone can be fly, there is and will always be only one Fly Guy. Just thought I’d clear that up. Oh, and if you want to mention in the definition about how handsome I am, and how a picture of me with my shirt off got Martha Stewart through her lonely nights when she was locked up, that would be cool as well. And can you shout out my parents Wayne and Juliann. I get my smile from my mom, and my charm from my dad.”

The phone went dead…you think I went too far? If I don’t make it in the book, this will end up being the second biggest disappointment in my life…right behind Eddie Murphy in Pluto Nash. Was that movie supposed to be funny? Anyway, be on the lookout for the latest edition of the Merriam-Webster dictionary to see the official Fly Guy listing. It’s history in the making baby!!!