The Chronicles

Volume 2- I Want To Smoke

I don’t smoke.

But after the day I just had, it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. You should have seen me. I had the latest installment of the Fly Guy Chronicles all ready to be sent out ahead of schedule. Life couldn’t have been better. And then the phone rang. (I’m still kicking myself for answering it.)

On the other end was my ex-girlfriend. A few days before, she sent me this cryptic text message thanking me for being the sweetest guy she had ever been with. I figured this call was just another helping of the steady diet of compliments she’d been throwing my way lately, so I decided to indulge myself a bit. I now see why greed is one of the seven deadly sins.

Hello.

“Hey Fly Guy. I was just calling to tell you that the entire time that we were together I cheated on you.”

Okay, why did you feel the need to call me and tell me this almost two years later?

“I read your column, and it makes me sick to know that you are happy and in love with someone else. I know how personal you take things, so I decided to ruin your day with this confession. When I broke up with you, I thought I could go out and find something better, but I was wrong. The guy I’m with now, doesn’t love me or respect me as much as you did, and I’m miserable because of it. I guess you don’t realize how good something is until it’s gone. Good men like you make me sick, because now I have to compare everyone else to how good you treated me. I can’t stand you, and I hope you go to sleep tonight dreaming about all the guys I slept with while we were together.

@*!& You Fly Guy!!!!!!!!!”

[Note: That was the condensed PG version of a XXX confession. I think she was actually making up new curse words.]

I hung up on her. (I’ve never contemplated hitting a woman before, but if she was in my face spitting that foolishness, I probably would have shook her a time or ten.)

Question. Why do nice guys get treated like this? Since the call, a range of emotions have been swirling around my head.

How could I have been so blind?
What did I do to deserve this?
Is this karma coming back around from my loose college days?
Will my current love do the same thing and betray my trust one day?

She really screwed up my head with this one. I think I hate her. Lord, please don’t let me have feelings like this. Okay, enough of that. I’m beginning to feel that tension knot above my temple returning. She won’t steal my joy today.